Tips on How to Deal with Two Different Aged Children

Maybe a little alone time might help. Just the 2 of you at a park for a little while, or whatever it was that you used to "do" together. Remember, she had you all to herself before the baby. Maybe she just needs a little of that again. Babies take alot of our focus.If you look at it from her point of view- everything you do or say right now may be all about the baby. "We can't do this because the baby needs a nap." We can't go there because I need to feed the baby." In her mind all she may be hearing is "the baby, the baby, the baby." Maybe you could also make babies nap time your alone time w/ your daughter for book reading or cuddling.-? You may have to let the dishes or laundry go for awhile. Sounds like she's just craving that alone with mommy time again.
Good luck.

Yep, don't ever say you can't do anything because of "the baby", word it in another way. This is normal I'm sure. I just had my second, but my son is 3.5 and I'm not having these problems. He does seem to want to wake her up somethimes and I tell him not to so we can spend time together. The only time I had to deal with these jealousy issues was when I was nursing my daughter. He would cling to me and want to be on top of me at the same time. I started pumping into bottles and I haven't had a problem since. There was something about the closeness of nursing that bothered him, but I can feed her a bottle no problem. It is also good because then I am not the only one who has to feed the baby. Maybe you can find certain instances that really set her off and try to tweak them? Other than that, you might just need time and a increase in age to help change things.
How has your husband been? I remember he wasn't being very helpful and dissapointed that you were haveing another girl.

A., You have two very close in age girls and your first child is jealous. Since your first is just over a year don't think she is insensitive or evil. She is acting normal. She doesn't know about smothering your newborn. She is only watching what you do and mimicking it. Do not leave them alone together. My daughters are 16 months apart & the older daughter pushes, hits, and knocks down her sister. She is 2 and her sister is 9months old. This has made her sister very vigilant and is now walking. It doesn't bother her to be pushed or shoved because that is all she has known.
Once the newborn starts to cry and really scream, your oldest can start to understand what it means to be quiet. I taught my 2 year old to sign to me when they were in the car & the baby was sleeping. She now knows & will look to see if her sister is leeping when we go into the bedroom. They both still wake each other up sometimes, but they are both getting used to each other.

Hi A.,

I only have one child and have not been in this situation but it sounds to me like your oldest is jealous of the new baby. Maybe try and spend some alone time with her to make her feel better. She needs to feel "special" again and I think that all the attention to the new baby, even asking her to help you with things for the baby just don't make her feel the same as it did when it was just her as an only child.

Hang in there! It sounds like you are doing a lot of things right. The only advice I would add is talking her through the transitions of you day. For example, you might say things like, Mommy is going to feed our baby and then she is going to read a book with you. It's important that she gets that one-on-one time with you as well as time to be a helper with her new baby. Keep it up! You'll get through this.