Tips on Easing Move of 20 Month to His Own Toddler Bed

I know exactly what you're going through except my son has a thing for my arm. Still does and he's almost 6! He's always rubbed it when he went to sleep. I used to lie down with him in his bed and finally had enough. He never liked his crib so he slept in a double bed starting at about 13 months. For his 3rd birthday we let him pick out new bunk beds and that's when I started making him go to bed by himself. Every night, he would pick out what stuffed animals he wanted in his bed and arrange his pillows just how he wanted them. He slept with a night light and some nights he would choose to look at a book in bed after I left. I would tuck him in and kneel by his bed for just a few minutes so he could rub my arm then leave. It took a few nights of him coming out and us having to put him back, but eventually got the hang of it and now sleeps perfectly. He is still attached to my arm though and when I tuck him in he tries to rub it as much as he can, but now it's only a few seconds. It's definitely not easy when it's a part of you that they are physically attached to and I made a point not to let happen with my younger son! Good luck!

I dont think cold turkey is the way to go with toddlers. Younger children yes, but toddlers really dont do well with cold turkey. I would try first incorporating other steps into the routine, like something that comes after the ear cuddles, music perhaps. When this starts ear cuddles stop!

A great book that I think would really appeal to you is The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley. She has gentle approaches to changing behaviors without a lot of crying or cold turkey. She was a co-sleeping mother herself.

We have all been where you are. And I hate to say this but I think every child will cry during this process. Don't worry he will not be scared for life. Mine isn't. Read him a book sing him a song and leave. That is all you can do.

Don't start the transition until you have a definite plan in place (and that's what you're seeking for on here, right? LOL) You've had some good suggestions. Find a plan that feels best to your own way of parenting and GO with it -- no turning back. That's the main thing -- to not start until you're determined to not stop. Maybe he'll even start using his own ear (but it's better if he doesn't, so don't encourage it). Also, the longer you let this go on, the harder it'll be to stop it. My brother (now 65) still twiddles/twirls his own hair with his forefinger when he's really tired or stressed. He was the oldest of us 4 kids, and started twirling Mom's hair. When he was 4, she had another baby and had to sleep with Dad (who had been away overseas in WWII throughout his first year or two). Brother tried 'twirling' Dad's hair and Dad would have none of it, so he started twirling his own (and then his 3 younger sister's hair). His wife would have none of it, either, so now it's just his own. (Oh, BTW, he's a retired High School math and science teacher with a Master's degree plus several hours [and one-time 'teacher of the year' for his county], so it's not about intelligence! LOL)

One idea is to let him choose his bedding, something he loves. Then emphasize that he is a big boy now and make it seem like a privilege to have his own bed. Find something to replace your ear, like a teddy bear or other affectionate toy. Also determine and establish a nightly routine. Stick to that routine. With my daughter, I read her a story or two at night, then I let her "read" it to her baby as I leave the room telling her that mommy is going to bed now. Of course, with hugs and kisses. She has a night light. At first, he may cry until it becomes a routine for him. Keep lengthing the time it takes you to respond and insist that it is bed time. Maybe wait 3 minutes the first time, 6 the second, and so on. He will learn to soothe, comfort, and put himself to sleep.

I don't have much advice, but I suspect that it may need to be cold turkey as well, or the process will just be prolonged. I'm sure it will be terrible for a few nights, but it has to be done. Tell him he's a big boy now and gets to sleep in his own big boy bed, and make it seem like a positive experience (he may not be 'fooled', but your attitude says a lot).

My first son was an ear snuggler when he sucked on his bottle. When we took the bottle away at age three, the ear snuggling stopped (he snuggled whatever ears were available - his, or ours). With our next son, he is also an ear snuggler, as he sucks his thumb, again either ours or his. We can't take his thumb away, but he doesn't have a problem sleeping on his own.

We coslept with our first son from birth, and were ready for him to be out of the bed by 11 months, and it wasn't difficult. Yours will probably be harder because he's older... Good luck!

I say you make the change cold turkey. That seemed to work the best for me when we had to make some major transitions around that same age, (in my case, it was the pacifier!) 'CT' doesn't prolong the sense of trauma. Afterall, who wants to be reminded every night that they are loosing something and who wants to be the bad guy every night???? If you do it gradual, there is a greater chance that you will give in, which will only make your child fight harder the next time.

I agree with the respondent who said to make it as pleasant as possible. Cool new stuff for his room and really sell it! Maybe there is a lovey with an defined ear that he might like. I'd make a production out of it...buy the bed together (or set it up), brag about how cool it will be and then just do it!!

Good luck with you!!

I co-slept with my 2-1/2 year old until very recently. He pulls at my earlobes to go to sleep! I opted to put a full size bed in his room. This way I can lay with him and read until he falls asleep. Then I can sneak into my own room. Most nights I end up back in his room to help him back to sleep. It has been a slow process, but he seems to be making progress. He seems to be sleeping for longer periods of time before I need to go back in. Some nights he will even go to sleep by himself. I saw someone else mentioned the No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers - very good book. I can't bear to hear him cry so this really helped me. I wish you success! Patience is the best weapon when it comes to toddlers. I figure they will get it eventually and they are only small once!

If you can stop him cold turkey, no ears, that's your best bet. Anything inbetween will just make it harder. It takes 3 days to change it.

I personally thought this sounded crazy. I was trying to get my 19 month old to sleep through the night. Although our bedtime routine seemed to be working, I figured out that however we got to sleep at bedtime, that's what he wanted any other time he woke up during the night. So, that meant he wanted his music and more importantly he wanted me there with him until he fell asleep. We tried changing just the bedtime routine and I still went in during the night...that didn't work. As soon as I removed the reinforcement (which in my case was going in and sitting with him in the middle of the night) it was 2 days and he had it down. We finally have a quick and easy bedtime ritual and he sleeps through the night.

I would suggest a clean break. It will be tough, but shouldn't last very long. I also took my pillowcase in to his bed so he could smell me near. You might try to substitute your ears with a silky cloth.

Good luck, God bless and let us know what happens.

Obviously he needs a new lovey, but getting him to switch is the key! He most likely likes the soft satin-type feel of your ears. My kids both have small personal size blankets with one side satin material. They both like to rub it between their fingers and rub it against their cheeks as they go to sleep. I introduced it to them when they were only a few months old by putting it in their hands when they were feeding. That way they associate it with a feeling of comfort. I also got three of them just a like in case one should get lost! Maybe you could try giving him the satin blankie as you are cuddling or whenever he is in a comfortable environment, and definitely have it at night as he is trying to get to sleep. Everytime he reaches for your ears give him the blankie. Weird, but maybe cover your ears with it so when he reaches for your ears he gets the blanket? My kids use thier blankets every day and they are a HUGE comfort when it comes time to leave the house and they have a babysitter, or when they are tired or upset. When my daughter (20 months) is tired, she grabs it, puts it on the floor, or my lap and puts her head on it! You can make them if you sew, or I found mine at USA BABY. Good Luck!