Help..my Son Will Not Go to Sleep Unless He Is Holding My Ear!!!

My son insisted on rubbing our hand while he fell asleep. I spent countless nights laying on the floor next to his crib with my hand in the crib for him to rub. It was very sweet, but not always practical. When he got to be about the same age as your son, I began to limit how long I would stay there. He had a music toy that hung on his bed, and listened to at bedtime. I began to tell him that I would only stay until the music stopped, and he was actually ok with that. After a week or so, I simply wound up the music toy less and less so I was in there a shorter length of time. Shortly thereafter, he was putting himself to sleep! He was totally coddled and we rocked him, walked him, laid with him etc, to put him to sleep. We created an impossible situation. We were lucky that he adapted so quickly to putting himself to sleep. The other suggestions were good, about getting him something else to rub. He is old enough now to start reasoning with him. It is definitely time to put some limitations to this form of soothing.

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Hi S.,

Well, I don't have experience, but your requset had my "mom" instinct triggered. I think if I was in that situation, I would continue to cuddle him as he goes to sleep, and gently/consistently when he moves his hand up to touch your ear - gently kiss it, maybe whisper an "I love you," then place it on his own ear. He probably likes the warmth and softness of the ear that a stuffed animal can't provide, but his own ear is just as warm and soft. If you do this until he starts to hold his own ear on his own, then you can tackle getting him into bed on his own. I would take these two items on seperateraly, get him to love the touch of his own ear first and then get him onto sleeping alone. These are tough times, but I am sure you can get what you need with love and patience. One person suggestd just saying no and making him deal with it, but I think 20 months is still pretty young and he deserves for his emotions to be validated and for his mom to show him the love he needs so that he can let go of some of those attachments while still feeling safe.

Good luck to you, to your little one, and to all of your ears!!!
D.

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Try reading the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It helps with moving a child from a parents bed to their own bed, and to just put them to sleep with various ways to change their routine. It is not an instance success, but something that over a few weeks will change. If I can do this with my son, I know you will be able to do this with yours (with a lot of effort).

Good luck!
Ali

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Hello,
I've never heard that before but I am positive you probably do not think it is as cute as I do. I don't know if any one has suggested this to you or if it will even work but have you tried giving him a little stuffed animal with floppy ears (Such as a bunny) to hold onto or a little blanky. I would try that and letting him cry it out. Good luck!!!

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Our 11 mo. old dtr has been an ear-tugger for a couple of months now. It was just her own for awhile, but she pulls and pinches and scratches it so much she's made it bleed a few times. The last week she's started holding my ear when I give her a bottle at bedtime. I've tried giving her a few stuffed animals and a couple of different blankets instead, but nothing has worked. The closest has been her binky - she'll squish it for awhile, but she eventually goes back to the ear. I wish I had some advice for you, but as it is I'm listening to her scream her lungs out - we've tried everything tonight we can think of - starting the bedtime routine over, another bottle, walking and rocking with her, laying down with her. Sometimes I think we'll never get to go to bed without drama again. Hang in there!

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My daughter had a death grip on my hair and it lasted until about 2 and a half years old. But even now at age 8 she'll snuggle in bed with me and play with my hair.

S.

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I have a "spoiled" one as well, obviously you know that this is not practical, and the transition from it might not be pleasant but hopefully it will be short. He will get sleepy enough to sleep without the ear, though. Maybe a stuffed animal to grab will help, or a another familiar lovey. If he doesn't already fall asleep with music, that might help sooth him.

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That is funny and cute. Is he in a bed or crib? Would you be able to put him to bed and just lay down with him or if he is in a crib sit on the floor next to his crib, atleast he will be laying down and when he falls asleep, you can get up and leave his room.

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I didn't have this problem,my kids as babies I liked to cosleep till they were a few months old then in their cribs.Now they are unable to fall aslep anywhere but in their own beds.I did start to give them their own cuddly blanket or paci maybe a small stuffed toy to hold onto then once fast asleep i'd remove all artilces from crib till they were older.I did this becuse they need to self soothe themselves and it needs to be taought early and when you or dad isn't alsways around it helps.Everytime you pick him up from crib he is aware of that and it'll continue till you put a stop to it.And that doesn't mean you have to use the cry it out method but to me it helps and dosn't last that long,the first nite he may cry for 20 min.and fall asleep the next a few more than the nite before and then less.I have heard and read and seen on shows don't pick them up from their beds go in to comfort them backrub etc.and then leave or not to enter the room at all.You'll recieve lots of advice but it is up to you on how to handle this he is your baby and you know his ques.I have a daughter who is 18 months old and she doesn't let me hold her at all she has been this way since she became active she is so indapentant I wish I could cuddle.

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I say go with it, unless you or your husband is missing out on sleep yourself. Just remeber that just because they are asleep (or should be) your parenting time is not over, many kids need additional parenting time at night. Give him the extra cuddle time he needs now and maybe this will be a short lived phase that he will soon grow out of with confidence he got from your extra attention!!

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I don't have advice for you but I did want to tell you that my niece is 6 1/2 and she is the same way and has been since she was a toddler. If she doesn't have someone's ear to hold now that she is older she will hold her own to go to sleep.

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talk to him , tell him you are there for him and give him a bear for the ear holding and a night lite and see if that works ,

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Sabrinia,

What a cute son you have! He is 20 mo. old, well, my son used to collect my ponytail holders and collect them above his bunk bed, he slept in the bottom bed and above him were boards with slits in them so he was able to stuff them and every night he would take the one out of my hair. Your son is just needing some security. Gradually change his bedtime routine. Step by step until he gets used to it. Set a timer and say time to brush teeth, go potty, (use his terms), Use a puppet and let the puppet talk to him and say how he wants to be his friend. Read a book to him and you are reading to puppet and your son. You have to use your imagination, what your son says, it's your cue to say the thing back that will make him think he is ok to sleep with Goober the puppet???? This will take time. Maybe find books about going to bed to read to him. What are other things you can think of that make him feel secure? Lights,soft music? Be creative and gradual, its work, but worth it in the end. Good luck. It will happen, there is hope.
Be Consistent! Which ever one of you put him in bed, has to do the same routine, dads voice is different for the puppet,but this is ok, if he says anything, just say, tonight is my low voice. Plus, you will be very surprised when he starts telling the puppet how he is feeling. You can learn a lot.
DE
DE

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Are you kidding? Just say No. You have to set limits or it will be one inconvient, sometimes ridulous "need" after another. He will get over it quickly and he will survive. Don't worry. You could try getting him interested in a toy or blankie - some other transitional object that is more reasonable for you to provide. But your own ear??...that's just crazy. If you believe he is spoiled now then there is no time like the present to teach him that he can't always get what he wants. You do NOT want a 2,3,4, or 5 year old with that sense of entitlement. If you can't bring yourself to deny him anything, just have another baby. Then you'll see how easy it is to say No. Good luck!