Three Year Olds and Shyness

She sounds very normal.
She is a little kid.
This is common.

What can you do?
1) Don't compare her to other kids.
2) Let her be herself... teach her that she is fine, and to know herself and her own cues. I taught that to my kids since they were 2 years old and up. Thereby, a child will KNOW themselves, and their own cues, and be self-assured. And it enables them, to follow their instincts. Not just being followers.
3) Both my kids were "shy" at that age too. So what. No biggie. I let them be themselves, and taught them to tell me their feelings. And I never made them feel awkward about it. And they became very self-assured individuals. Who trust themselves. That is key.
4) 3 is a very young age. Your daughter is fine. Don't worry. Nurture HER... and for who SHE is. That way, she will be her own person. And that is very important, as a child grows up. So that they know who they are and will know their own cues.

Kids this age, do not necessarily fully engage and interact with other kids. They do not socialize like adults. They don't even know the full spectrum of socialization yet. Their "emotions" are not even fully developed yet, at this age. So teach her the names for feelings and that she can tell you, anytime, grumpy or tired or happy or sad. Then she will not feel awkward about it.
All kids are clingy or needy at times. No biggie. They are young. They need us to guide them.
And not all kids are extroverts. Being extroverted does NOT make one kid better than the other. There are MANY great successful people... who are shy or more introverted. Extroversion, is not the only way to be.

Let your child, be herself.
And teach her to know herself and her own interests and cues.
That way a child will be successful and trust themselves. And be confident.

"Shyness"... does not mean a child is less confident.
So please don't confuse that.
My kids were shy and still are shy with certain things. BUT, they are very confident kids and they KNOW themselves. They have good ability to discern things.

Don't worry.

My kids still napped at 3 years old too.
My son is 5 now, and he STILL naps.
Having to nap... is not a "bad" thing.
A child needs to nap, when they need to nap.
And yes, not napping makes any kid cranky or fussy.

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Completely normal for a 3 year old.. She will get there. You may in the beginning introduce her to other children..

I sometimes asked the other child permission to allow our daughter play with them. They always said yes.. Then once she was a little older I would say, go and ask if you can play with them.. She had heard me asking all of that time before she understood how it worked.

I also would have her ask others to come and join her when she was the one already playing..

at three, she sounds totally normal. being an only child has nothing to do with it, requiring a nap has nothing to do with it, day care has nothing to do with it. three year olds go through shy phases. or maybe it's not a phase and it's her personality. either way, just love and support her. be compassionate but of course, when you have to leave her, you have to leave her. don't apologize or fawn over her, just a quick kiss and hug, and "i'll be back soon". then go. she should be more than welcome to be uncertain and take awhile to warm up - she doesn't need to put on a show and whine and cling inappropriately. i am a shy person, so is my son at times. it's a fact of life, it's part of us, it's no big deal. we deal with it and move on. she will probably get better as she gets older. just be patient with her and accept that she's uncomfortable. if you've ever been shy you know how painful it can be. just don't make it worse.

A., what do the daycare ladies say about her interaction with other children? Do they feel that she is "within the norm" with the kids she sees every day?

That's the first thing to find out. Lots of little kids play alongside each other for a long time before they ever play together. Cooperative play is learned and it takes a long time to master that.

Don't put the label "shy" on your child. You don't want her to hear you say it or other people say it either. It can cause problems for her down the road.

As far as clinging to you, that's normal for a 3 year old too. When she is 5, she should be a lot better about that.

Dawn

I started sending my son to preschool at 2 for the same reason -- I hoped being in a social situation regularly would help him come out of his shell. With him, anyway, it was a disaster. The preschool was this sweet, classic little co-op preschool, but it was much too wild and chaotic for him.

What worked, in the end, was for me to switch him to a Montessori school, where things were very calm and structured, and where there was "space" for children who were slow to socialize. My son absolutely thrived there -- formed wonderful friendships, taught himself to read -- he really emerged as this happy, confident little boy.

So that's what I recommend, a thousand times over.

With my son, we also took a careful look at his diet. It turned out he had some dietary sensitivities that were affecting his mood. You may have to consult with a naturopathic physician to get recommendations on this.

Hope this helps,

Mira