Children's Books About How to Play with Friends

Updated on August 12, 2013
S.B. asks from Encino, CA
7 answers

Hi folks - I'm looking for preschooler books about how to play with other kids. My four-year-old is somewhat socially immature and sometimes has difficulty making friends and playing with other kids. He tends to be shy, but his shyness exhibits itself as being rude in order to keep the other kids away (shouting at them, showing a mean face, turning his back on them). I've noticed that when we read books about a subject (like going to school), it makes him more comfortable and he behaves better. I'm looking for something about making friends, playing together, and overcoming shyness. Any suggestions?

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So What Happened?

While I appreciate most of the responses, please don't tell me that I'm worrying too much, or that books can't help teach social skills, or that he'll learn by the consequences of his actions. If that is your position, you clearly have not had a socially awkward child who does, in fact, respond well to books that address his latest concerns (as I mentioned in my original post, reading books about a topic does, in fact, help my son). Also, please do not presume that I am relying solely on a book to teach him about friendship - nothing in my post suggests that to be the case. I am merely looking for a tool to add to the toolbox.

To those of you who directly answered the question with book suggestions or with suggestions on how to find such books, thanks!

More Answers

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K.H.

answers from Detroit on

We have a board book called "How Do Dinosaurs Play With Their Friends". My three year old seems to like it and, while we didn't get it for this purpose, it was a nice was to talk about sharing with his older brother and sister.

Updated

We have a board book called "How Do Dinosaurs Play With Their Friends". My three year old seems to like it and, while we didn't get it for this purpose, it was a nice way to talk about sharing with his older brother and sister.

3 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

There are tons of books....pick one topic, sharing, do a library search and go from there. The Bernstein bears books cover all sorts of relevant topics.

I think books are useful, as is role playing with mom.

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

That's the main focus of preschool, hands on learning: how to play, share, take turns, show emapthy and get along with others.
If cost is an issue, look for a co-op, they are usually very good (lots of parent involvement) and considerably cheaper.
As far as specific books about friendship hit the library and ask the children's librarian. There are MANY. My kids especially loved the Frog and Toad series.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.M.

answers from Sacramento on

I think books can be helpful tools to introduce ideas, especially when there are characters kids can relate to. Ive read some of the Franklin books to my boys, there is at least one story in the series about being a good friend.
Best wishes!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

Books, in most cases, do not help kids understand situations - especially at age 4. They don't have the skill to transfer from the book to themselves. Books are just stories to them and have no relevance to their life.

He just needs to be in more and more social situations to help overcome the shyness. Modeling is the best way to teach. He won't get either from a book.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

.... all of this is learned hands on.
You can read about it to him, but real life situations and how you also chat to him about it, teaches a child.

Your child is young.
Don't worry.
They are not social experts at this age.

Now: I must say that "shyness" is not something bad.
BOTH my kids were shy at that age. Most are.
So what.
Meaning, shyness is either a phase... or it is a person's personality. And, at least for my kids, I did not teach them that "shyness" is bad. But that they need to KNOW themselves, their own cues, their own personality etc. and not comparing. The thing is, I concentrated on teaching my kids to be self-assured and to know themselves, and not be a copy-cat, SO that, once they hit Elementary school, they KNEW WHO they are. I never made them feel self-conscious. About being "shy."
And they are very sure of themselves.
You see, "shyness" has nothing to do with confidence or lack there of.
Shyness, is just shyness.
And extroverted or more social people/kids, are NOT better or socially more astute, than "shy" kids.
And being a gregarious extrovert kid, is not what all kids have to, be.

My daughter, although shy, was and is, an observer, She went by her own cues. She KNOWS herself. Even at that young age when she was that age. She knew, people, very well. She was very self-assured. Although she was shy. It is to me, a "strength" of hers. And she chooses friends very well, instead of just doing what others do, via peer pressure.
Teach your son, to know himself. And don't feel that "shy" is bad.

Per your son, just teach him about facial expressions.
About tones of voice.
About feelings and HOW to say it. Does he know the words for feelings? If not teach him. SO that, he can say it.
It is NOT about teaching him how not, to be shy.
It is about teaching him about expressions, how to use words to express himself. Role play with him. TELL him the words in sentences, he can use. ie: "I don't want to play now." "I want to sit here by myself." "It is too noisy..." "thank you but I'm tired now." etc.
Just teach him, the words for how he feels, and facial expressions and how to say things. I did that with my kids since they were 2 years old. And so that, once they got to preschool and Elementary, they would know how.
It is about prepping the child.
When my son was 3, he could actually tell me how he felt accurately. Once I asked him "Are you irritated?" And he said "No Mommy... I am frustrated." He knew the differences between "irritated" and "frustrated." Even at 3 years old. Because I taught him from 2 years old. And he could also tell me things like "its too noisy here, I'm going over there in that room...." and he would go. Instead of having a hissy fit about it.

Kids this age are not social experts.
That is why, there is Preschool.
They don't even have BFF's at this age.
And again, being shy is not a "bad" thing.

1 mom found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Please tell me you are joking. Kids only learn how to play with friends by playing with friends. The feedback loop is if you are rude or mean, no one wants to play with you. Once a child figures out no one wants to play with me then they think why, oh I wonder if I am doing something wrong, what is that, oh I am mean, I am not considering their feelings... They correct their behavior and then they have friends.

Four is awful young to be worrying this much.

If you want to help him out point out, kids don't like when you yell, they don't like when you make mean faces. If you don't stop doing that you will have a hard time making friends. Sugar coating it or trying to put if off on a book does your son no favors.

1 mom found this helpful
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