"Threatening" Kids with No Presents

Well, I don't think I ever specifically told them SANTA WON'T COME, but I DID toss out the occasional SANTA IS WATCHING.

Not a threat exactly, more of a REMINDER!

:)

I love this time of year especially because of the Santa threat! :) All it takes is a "I'm going to have to email Santa about that" (walking over to my laptop) and boom, bad behavior stops. I don't threaten no gifts but remind the kids of how bad behavior is disappointing to Santa.

BTW, Santa is also useful for house cleaning. We got the kids to clean up everything this weekend by reminding them Santa could trip over their toys if they're not cleaned up. Worked like a charm.

I firmly believe reinforsment for behavior should be right then and now, not a month later. Thay will not remember why when Santa does not show up. How does that work. On christmas morning darling child runs out of their room and sees no presents, Mommy wheres all the gifts" "Darling you were not good, so Santa did not come" "What did I do?" "remember a month ago you..." Yeah, I see that going over well.

I handle everything in the moment not later.

No, I would never say that to my child. I agree with you.

However, a well timed threat to call Santa's hotline: 1-800-North-Pole, has produced some immediate compliance this month.

Have you tried www.portablenorthpole.com? It's a personalized video to your child from Santa and it's child-specific! And goal specific. Very effective.

God help us all on Dec 26th.

I wholeheartedly agree that empty threats should be avoided.

Unfortunately, I am guilty of saying, "Santa's watching..." which usually does get a reaction from my son...

So, empty threats of no presents? NO

The *suggestion* that you *may not get presents because Santa sees your naughty behavior,* well, I'm guilty.

***ETA***

Amen, Denise... God help us 12/26...

A parent who has to use Santa to get kids to do what they're supposed to is a parent that needs to spend more time studying up on child raising. There are a lot of better ways to have a cooperating family.

Some use to say not behaving well would get them a piece of coal instead of a present.
I do know one distant cousin who really got fed up with the 'give me, get me buy me' attitude habit his 3 almost teenage kids had.
He took one Christmas, and there was exactly one present under the tree for each person and that was it. I think it was a pretty severe shock, but they dropped that entitlement attitude pretty quick.
Addressing a behavior head on rather than making somewhat empty threats works better for me, although 3 might be right on the edge of really knowing better or just finishing up the terrible 3's.

Only make threats if you intend to follow-through... in which case it's not a threat, it's a promise also known as a consequence. Saying that Santa won't come if XYZ happens could set you up for failure if XYZ happens and there is still a pile of gifts under the tree.

We weren't threatened with Santa as kids, but were reminded that Santa knows if you're being extra good! Having said that, I vividly recall my parents forgoing a deposit on ballet camp for me one summer b/c my grades weren't where they expected them to be. I knew the consequence and didn't think they'd actually do it (they had put down $$$ afterall). Guess what... straight B's wasn't what they expected and I didn't go to camp. Only had to learn that lesson once!

My hubby uses the threat and it seems to have no effect on the kids. I, however, let them know that I will be calling Santa if they continue to misbehave or send an email. This seems to work. I also remind them when they start to misbehave that Santa is watching... Taking away Christmas, or their presents is unrealistic, and the kids will see it no matter what their ages are....

I agree that it's awful. But I've done it when I was at my wit's end with my 6 year old. It just came out of my mouth.

And then I felt bad, because no way am I taking away a 6 year old's Christmas. And you are right, empty threats are bound to backfire.

Still, it's probably not the worst parenting mistake I'll ever make.

Talk to hubby about how it upsets you. Probably his parents did it and he looks back on it as harmless and maybe even funny.

I did have an uncle who got coal one year. I think he was 17 and he was still really hurt by it.

I am in agreement with you. If he is not willing to actually take away the presents then he shouldn't say that. As a parent you have to do what you say you are going to do. I try very hard no to flipantly say things anymore. I have found myself in tough positions in the past from just saying the first thing that comes to mind instead of thinking first if that is an appropriate punishment, and if in fact, I will be able to stick with it! Good Luck!!

No, I never would have used that threat because I have always followed through on actions and consequences and no Santa doesn't seem to fit the crime.

We don't tell the kids that. I used to say that to them. One year my daughter said, "Mommy, Do you remember last year you said Santa wouldn't come if we weren't good but he came and brought a bunch of presents!" I never said it again after that.

I also wonder if Santa never came for the kids who were acting up. I would love to hear someone's story if they did that with their kids.

For us, simply reminding them that Santa is watching and knows when they are misbehaving is enough to get them back on track :o).

I agree kids know and ignore empty threats. You want her to listen then follow through with the threat. I don't mean this threat, he should choose something he is planning to back up.

I don't make a threat that I am not willing to carry through with. Not all presents are from Santa so I guess you could carry through w/ Santa not coming and let her see you place the presents under the tree that way "Santa didn't come" but all that does is ruin the magic of Christmas and still gives the gifts...nothing really accomplished.

I do remind my daughter that "Santa Claus is watching". I have also said "should I call Santa and tell him not to come because you are not behaving?"

I don't threaten Santa won't come. I do remind them that our elf is watching, and Santa knows what you are doing. Same as post below, I sing them the song. Mostly I just do it when we are trying to get out the door... or if they are doing something annoying. I don't do it if they are really misbehaving because I would never want them to worry that Santa wouldn't come.

My kids know that I follow through... I haven't suffered through a month of no TV for nothing ;) I'd never not do Christmas!

My husband makes these kind of empty threats all the time!

"Clean up your toys or I'm throwing them all out!" I'm like, really? You're going to just toss 'em, eh? lol And then he wonders why they have a hard time listening to him!

I've often said something along the lines of "you know, santa knows if you're behaving or not and he only brings toys to little girls who behave". They put 2 and 2 together and stop what they're doing...but they're only 2 and 4.

I'm 100% with you on empty threats... I don't make them to kids OR adults. What I threaten I not only deliver but am willing to deliver. ((It's amazing how much a grown man will go pale and listen sharp if you threaten to wax them)).

That said... in many families, mine included, Santa Threats are a time honored tradition. Although, I never got the coal thing. Seems to me that a poor child would have been thrilled with coal to keep them warm in the winter.

i try not to threat what i wont pull through with...there was a christmas movie i saw less than a week ago (animated) dunno the name, but an elf in it did something naughty and santa "knew" he did it. and told the elf, we all go on the naughty list at some point.

i dont threaten it with my daughter, but i only make threats that i can pull through with and threats that are immediate or less than a week later (canceling a bday party, no over night with friends-not something that is 6-9 months later)

Nope, never. I try to never use threats that I am unwilling to follow through on, and I would absolutely never withold Christmas from my kids. I have a friend who has said, "If you can't behave, you won't get the firetruck (or whatever) you want for Christmas," and it's not an empty threat. She really will return that toy if her kids are really naughty. I'm not sure I would do that, either, because it seems really harsh (at least for little kids - maybe not for teenagers) but I don't really object because at least she's prepared to act on her threat.

What were you trying to accomplish by giving an empty threat? Does your 3yr old really care that much about "Santa". Christmas should be a time to celebrate birth of Christ, family, love, giving etc, what would he be teaching her by saying that. If he wants her to behave, then he should provide a different consequence, like take away her toys or something that means something to her age.

It's an idle threat but I think most parents do use it from time to time for quick behavior fixes. I doubt it would cause any long term damage.

I think I've said it a few times this year lol I don't think I tried it last year tho.

But here's an idea. Instead of saying Santa won't come at all, just tell them you will take away the new toys until they can behave! That's completely doable! :)

I am totally with you, if we say it, we mean it. I always want my kids to trust me so pretty much we try to stay away from the empty threats. Now if he is being playful or something that is different. But if he is actually telling them they might not get gifts, unless he means it, I think it is counterproductive. I think just going back to a time out or spanking or toy taken away etc at the moment of the bad behavior is better and leaves a better association with the child about what they can and cannot do. Just my opinion, but I wouldn't do the threat either bc I know regardless of how rotten they may act, they are getting Christmas gifts! :D

I rather remind my DD that Santa is watching and can see that you're acting up... Is that REALLY what you want? And then if I need it, time out.

Why does it have to be an empty threat? I have known plenty of people who have followed through because their childrens behavior was worsened at Christmas time.
=) Not me though.

There is a wonderful book with the elf doll called the "Elf on the shelf.". The Elf "lives" in your home and keeps an eye out all year long!

Here is the website.. http://www.elfontheshelf.com/#/home

I have seen this at the book store and better children's toy shops..

What Suz T said :)

I do not threaten that Santa will not come, because like you said, he will bring gifts no matter what. If my 3 year old is not listening, misbehaving, etc I usually remind her of the rules first and tell her that we ask permission to share toys (instead of grabbing them out of her 1 year old brother's hands), we don't say "NO I dont want to!" (or whatever she says if it's in a nasty voice) and reiterate that we say "No thank you!" But I also a few times this month said "Don't forget that Santa is coming and I may sing "He sees you when your're sleeping, he knows when you're awake..." (but then thought this might scare a 3 year old who is already afraid at times that there are things in her dark room...LOL.

Overall, I do not threaten unless I know I'm going to follow through with it.

Not for every day mischief but for serious offenses that have happened more than once I have made and will keep this threat. (Along with other discipline) I'm not sure if it worked or if it was the other discipline.

A lady I used to work with would wrap up rocks painted black (to look like coal) for her daughter in place of presents she would have gotten for Christmas. I think she would put 2-4 of them under the tree. I'm sure she still received the same amount of presents anyway but I think her line of thinking was maybe her daughter would see the coal and wonder what she would have gotten had she behaved.

Yep, i say it, at all other times of the year the threat of presents being taken away is what i use. It works pretty well once time out outgrows them.

If I tell him Santa is not comming then the gift is going back to the store ... I do not make that one an empty threat. My son left his toys all over the room, asked him to clean up he said NO, so I advised him that he needs to clean up the toys b/c if I do they are going in the trash, got the can and started dumping. After he saw a few favorites gone he cleaned up his act. Daddy will not let me toss them but wants him to earn them back, me I am ready to toss them in the trash tonight.

Last night my future SIL was threatening 3 of her 4 kids that if they didn't eat their food (For some reason, they never want to eat) then she would call Santa and tell him not to come to their house. They ate their food pretty darn fast... Except the youngest. He's still too young to understand the whole concept.

So to answer your question, with the younger kids get it but don't get all of it the threat works fine for small things like getting the kids to eat their dinner right before present time. However, if the threat is over used then they will just stop caring.