This Is Just Heartbreaking. Do Any of You Know What to Say?

There are no words, there is no comfort other than sitting quietly and crying with somene at this point. I would just make myself available to them and not worry about "making it better" so to speak. Find something you can do to be helpful and do that.

Just be honest.
There's nothing wrong with saying "I cannot even imagine what you are feeling. I'm sorry. I loved Jimmy and he always made me smile/brightened my day/made me look at things differently (whatever you can share) and I'll miss him so much."

Could you offer to take their youngest children out of the house for a bit - take them out for ice cream or let them come to your house to just hang out and maybe you could do some fun baking or arts and crafts with them? Let Mom and Dad and possibly the older kids stay home and grieve or figure out funeral arrangements? When some elementary students of mine were struggling with the death of a close uncle, a teacher friend of mine and myself had the kids over to our house and made pizza and cupcakes. The kids got a nice fun 'treat' with their teachers plus they got out of the house and away from that memory of the loss of their uncle for a few hours. The parents were happy to see their kids to elated and giggly from all the fun they were having. I have no idea what the parents did when their kids were away - but I'm sure they made the best of their time w/o the kids.

I lost my son, almost 18 mos ago, and the thing that helped my family the most was just someone being there to comfort us, and to listen to us or let us cry or vent.

Also, many people brought food, which helped out alot, as you dont feel like cooking. My cousin, had even brought waterbottles/soda/snacks for my other 2 children.

Also, just let the family know you care. What helped me this past year, was that a couple of friends, ( 1- was my son"s friend), sent us thinking of you cards every few months. It was very nice to receive a card, especially near a holiday.

Those that support this family need to be extra vigilant about the individual family members and their substantial risk for suicide, drugs and alcohol. Counseling needs to be almost mandatory. Glad to hear they rec'd counseling after the mother's death. They need expert mental health care.

Like others have said, there really is nothing that you could say or do that will wipe away the pain. Only time can ease the pain. And sometimes that doesn't even do the trick.

Blessings to this family and community!

Sometimes it is not what we say, but just being there. Do they have family with them? Offer any assistance you can. Ring the bell, let them know you are there to help them and if they are open to it, get to work. Take out the trash, wash a few dishes, hug a few kids, and see if they need a roasted chicken from the grocery store.

I am sorry you are going through this, I believe I remember you previous post.

Honestly there is absolutely nothing you can say that will give them comfort. All you can do is say "I'm so sorry for your loss" and leave it at that.

I would suggest having meals sent/delivered/prepared for them. I've got a couple of friends who lost their children and my sister's step-son died. And really just breathing is going to be difficult for them right now.

I can say that one friend of mine said that after the first couple of weeks she just wanted to be left alone to grieve and process everything, although the pre-made meals were a godsend for her since she still had other children to care for. Her daughter was killed in a car accident at 20. She also said the thing she got sick to death of hearing was "she's in a better place now". She couldn't have disagreed more with that sentiment if she tried.

Good luck and just step up and do what needs done so they don't have to worry about it when you can.

Gosh. Wow.

They will go through the grieving process again... and are.
Just offer your shoulder and presence.
Let them vent.
Let them know, you are there for them.
You don't have to say anything... to make them feel better. This is just so overwhelming... and they are all probably "numbed" by it.

Just give your sympathies. And commiserate if they can even do that.
At least, they have gone to Therapy in the past to deal with the Mom's suicide. So they are open to that. That is good.
They will, direct themselves to that again, hopefully, when they are ready.

Then again, some people, just want solitude and space, and privacy with things like this... not having "visitors" yet or having people pop in.
When my Dad died, I was like that. I did not want, well wishers. Even if I knew they meant well. I just wanted to be by myself.

You seem to know your neighbors well... and you have a good sense about the "cues" of others... so use your inner radar. On how to approach them. And yes, everyone needs support in times like this.... whether that is verbal or in person, wishes.

Offer them things/comfort, that you know they need. Or ask for. Or make suggestions. Sometimes at times like this, the person may not even know how to ask for help... or for things that they need. Or they may not even want to "burden" others. But you seem close with them... and so, I am sure they will welcome your efforts or even just your kind presence.

If they like to garden... perhaps get an Olive tree/plant for them. If these are sold in your local garden store. The Olive tree, is a historic symbol of "peace." My MIL, planted one in her garden, when her Husband died. To remember him by. And it is consoling for her. This may be just a silly thing to some, but for others it may be meaningful and a way for closure.

Call him. Just say, "I don't know what to say but I'm here and I care about you."

Cry with them, listen to them, talk about it if they want, take food over, cry again with them. It is just so very sad to hear a story like this. Comfort is not easy to find for family with a suicide, and to think this is the second in the family. There is anger, hurt, blame, pain....but not much comfort. I'm so sorry.

What can you say? "I'm so sorry." There really are no words that will comfort in this situation. Suicide leaves nothing but what if's and if I only's in it's wake. Just reaching out as often as possible is all you can do.

Well, I'd at least send some flowers tomorrow with a card letting them know you are thinking of them. Then call and ask if you can come over on Friday. That way, they know you are thinking of them but not making it look like you are too busy for this tragedy. When you do go over friday, try to stop by a bookstore and find a nice book of spiritual/inspiriational quotes and write a nice letter in the front about the love our savior has for us (if they are religious) and maybe comfort them by letting them know they will forever have an angel among them for being there for this family that has suffered.

Just make sure they know that you care. Sometimes saying you don't know what to say but you want to be there is the most powerful thing of all.

I'm so sorry, L.. I don't think there are any words. Just be the friend you've always been. Being there will be a comfort to them. I know you are hurting, too. I'm so sorry for your loss.

ooh my !!! I'm sooo sorry.

The loss of a child is hard. I would just be there for them. Let them cry. Yell. Heck maybe even find some kickboxing classes to get the anger out - as we all know that's one of the stages of grief.

If you can - set up some meal planning for them - you know - people to drop off already cooked food for them? That might help. Other than that - just be there.

Be sure to say something. "I am so sorry" is really all you can say unless you knew the boy in which case you can say you will truly miss him. They may have more food and desserts than they can handle so you might want to bring paper plates, plastic ware, paper towels, etc.

If meals are needed, pasta and casseroles seem to be the food of choice and that can get old. Be sure to bring something else - maybe the fixings for tacos, sloppy joes, chicken, etc. Also cut veggies and dip, cut up fresh fruit, etc. is appreciated as it takes time to cut up all of it.

So sorry to hear about this.

Oh no, L.. I'm sorry to hear that your earlier post has more chapters.
You are obviously a very caring/nuturing neighbor. You have a history of
caring acts with this neighbor. You can't go wrong in whatever you do.
I'm thinking, right now, I would want to know that people care, which
means he has an army of help, and is not alone. There are other children involved and that may be where you might offer to target. Counselling sounds necessary, however, it wasn't in my case. You will be a bright light in their life just by your offer, alone. You may want to offer to write thank
you notes for now, unless there is another area that you are good at.
Good wishes to you.

oh no. we had to deal with a family suicide two years ago. i honestly can't think of anything worse.
i found that the best thing was to simply make oneself available, either for silent comfort, or to reminisce, or go to the store, or prepare a meal. the family will go through waves of terrible, wrenching grief, interspersed with quiet sorrow and odd but appropriate laughter and joy. when you're with them, just follow their lead. if they want to talk about him, remember things that you loved about him. if they need quiet, let them have it. it's great if you want to do the dishes or scrub a bathroom for them, but also be aware that at different points they may actually take comfort from doing routine tasks for themselves.
i'm so sorry.
khairete
S.

L...... up here in Georgetown, a number of years ago, there was a case where a father had killed his toddler son and then himself..... a few years later, his stepson (the half-brother to the toddler the man killed) also committed suicide... I think at least one of my kids new the stepson.. (he was in high school when he committed suicide.... another student that spring was killed in a car accident... there were at least 2 deaths of HS students within a few months....)

It is so sad, that so often, one suicide in a family is often followed by more.... but understand, too, that many times, it is a result of mental illness. I really wonder, considering how troubled the young man was, if he was bipolar, also? I'm not trying to excuse any of this, of course, but seeing that his mother was bipolar, and there can be a strong family correlation, if he also had problems.

When I was in college, one of the girls I knew in the ag honarary society committed suicide.... she was supposed to graduate in just a few months.... I didn't know the family, though.

So sorry for such a tragedy. Just call your friend and tell him you are there to lean on. Go by Friday and see the rest of the family. Just the thought of knowing that you care will help him. Be strong and remember them down the road as well, when all the shock is behind them. They'll need you then too.

I am so sorry that this has all happened L., it really is heartbreaking. I don't know what I would say, I have thought on it and there are just no words. I would just do what everyone else said, love on them, be there for them and pray for them. Hang in there....

When I have been in difficult situations it is the people who show up with food. I would not say much, just demonstrate sadness and love for them and bring food.
I have this chocolate sheet cake that I make every time there is a death. We call it the funeral cake. I swear it helps. Not at home right now to get recipe but do something that demonstrates your love and care.
so glad that they have all of ya'll to support them. This is hard.