Talking to Kids About Suicide

Oh geez, I feel fir the family and for families like you who have to explain.

My policy is honesty. I've been that way from day 1 and daughter is now pushing 17.

As hard as it would be, my daughter knows what suicide is, she personally feels it is wrong. We do not have any experience with this

If it were me... I'd be honest. I'm fortunate to have good open communication with my daughter. I tend to keep those communication lines wide open.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's so sad

My husband and I witnessed the public suicide of a stranger at a concert about a year ago. It was very traumatic for us and we really could not "hide" it from our kids, especially our oldest who was 11 at the time. (We both were seriously freaked out and got counseling.) We decided to be honest with our oldest and to explain, but not in a lot of detail. We let him ask questions so that he would be able to process the idea of suicide and then we talked a lot about our family values, what depression is and that he could always talk with us if he or a friend ever felt that horrible about living. In this sense, what we witnessed became a blessing because if forced us to be open about a topic that does not get discussed but that our children do need to be educated about. My son did ask about the recent event of a young boy who killed himself because of bullying and I felt like he could talk with me about it because we had already had a conversation about suicide. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Suicide is truly devastating and the after effects go on and on.

You didn't mention how old the boy was. So sad! It makes me cry just thinking about it.

I wouldn't say anything to the 5 year old other than it was an accident.
I think it would be ok to tell your 10 year old depending on how well he handles death. Just really think about what message you want him to get before you say a word. I'd call a counselor about the best way to discuss it. I would also suggest that HE does not tell your 5 year old ANYTHING.

The more you know WHY the boy did it, it might help your son understand it better and open a door for more discussion with your son. Was it bullying, sexual identification, depression, problems at home, drugs, a girlfriend....?

My heart goes out to you, your family, and this poor boy's family.

I am all for honesty but I do not think at this age they need to know it was a suicide. Experiencing the death of someone they knew at that age is tragic enough.

I agree with Betsy...they don't need to know about the suicide. Prayers to you!

That's such a touchy subject.
I was raised with the bible being truth. Knowing that our life is not our own to take was the way we were raised. The fear of hell fire has its perks. Believing that you couldnt get to Heaven if you killed yourself was always enough info for me.
I don't feel that way now tho, I think we will see a lot of suicidal victims in Heaven.

I am so sorry that happened. What a tragedy. I think what you tell your kids depends on their age and the age of the person who died. I am assuming the person who committed suicide is older. If so, I think you tell your 5 year old that he suddenly died and explain that is sad, express Christian values ( if that is your belief) and tell him he can talk to you at any time / check back in with him to make sure he is ok.

The 10 yr old is harder; I think I would tell him a light version of the truth and explain that some people are so sad, some people lose all hope, some people struggle even though they may have people right there to help, they just are in such a chemical depression that they can't pull out by themselves and express how important i is to reach out to others for support and help because things can improve so quickly if you just give it time and ask for help. Good luck, this is a tough situation.

Ohh my gosh this is so sad- It truly breaks my heart to hear about a child who has done this. - First of all MANY MANY prayers for your friend and her family. I do agree with the others on maybe not giving the details yet- maybe put the truth in a sugar coated form. Ex. overdoes answer being- he accidentaly took too much medicine. (I'm not going into the other gruesome possibilities) but you get it- just make the truth sound a little less visual, maybe?? when they are old enough, if they ask- tell them the full truth. I have to be honest with you though- your post caught my eye b/c it said suicide. My father committed suicide 5 yrs ago on christmas- I grew up w/ a close knit family, parents married until my dad's death 27yrs, but all through my childhood- my mother always taught us that people that commit suicide go to hell - (still not sure why this was taught) anyhow after dad died, I asked her about it- she said "ohh no, that's not true" - I didn't question her much based on the situation but years later asked our pastor who said it isn't true (thank God) the only thing that can separate you from God is blasphemy of his name. But why all those years was that taught to us?? Still not sure, and made me question other things I was taught throughout my childhood. So basically what I'm trying to convey is just try to be honest- unfortunately suicide is WAY to common but it's still a way of death that needs to be understood. Again so so sorry for your friend and her family and prayers for you as well. God Bless

I wouldn't tell the 5 year old details, but I would talk to your 10 year old. Kids his age do commit and/or attempt suicide. Talk to him about how there are so many other options than suicide when someone was hurting, and unfortunately this person didn't feel like he had any options.

Here is a good article on how to talk to your kids about it:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/suicide.html

I would seek out the school counselor, or a clergyperson at your church. You could even call a local hospital and find out about resources they offer or any in your community. I would let your kids take the lead at this point. Cuddle with them, pray with them, listen to them and let their comments guide your conversations. Good luck and God Bless. What a terrible thing to go through.
A.