Thinking About Getting Pregnant .. 12 Years After the First

I have a friend who got pregnant the first time she had ____@____.com said the same thing - scared and alone and she felt "dirty". Her birth was full of meds and decisions that she couldn't even think about making with her daughter.

Then fast forward to 32. She got married and ended up havng 2 more daughters birthed at home, now that she had more information and strength. Her oldest daughter is in college and her other daughters are 3 and 1. Her oldest gets paid for babysitting, when she wants some extra money and actually loves those little girls, more like an aunt than a sister, but it is what it is.

All I can stress, is involve the other kids - yours and his - in the pregnany and birthing process. Most kids who witness their brother or sister's birth don't have the sibling rivalry that others do. But get them involved before that. You can have them join you for some of your appointments and if you are going to get an ultrasound, then have them there when you find anything out, even if you have to take them out of school for a few hours. I promise you, this will get them involved, instead of having them as an outsider. Have them help you with room decorating decisions, naming the baby, shower games - yes, even the boys. Ask what they are interested in helping out with.

W., I am a mom of a 12 year old boy also and I am married but not to my sons natural father. My son and his brother are 11 years apart and as for my experience my oldest son is in love with my now 1 year old and vice versa. He takes his little brother to the park, plays with him, teaches him things and my oldest can make him laugh like non of us can. I also have a daughter that is 4 and she and her older brother are also very close. There is alittle bit of jealousy but that is natural and we just try to spend time with each of them seperately and make sure when it time to cuddle everyone is involved. As far as pregnancy goes it most likely wont be like your first. Every pregnancy is different. With my first I threw up 4 times with the second I had morning sickness for 6 months. The age difference from the first and second are 8 years.

The relationship my son has with my husband (his stepdad) is absolutely great. My son has a better relationship with his step father than with his biological father. My husband loves my son as if he his own even after having his own natural baby. If your husband loves your son and thinks of him as his own you should not worry. Before having children with my husband I talked to him about my fears of having kids with him and him changing his feelings for my son and it helped alot because then he was aware and really tried hard to make sure my son didnt feel anything had changed. I think you should talk to him also. I cannot tell you what to do if you see this happening cause it has not happend for me but I can tell you that I told my husband from the beginning that if I see any changes I would leave because for me my son was and is #1. I hope this helped. If you need to talk you can always send me a message.

H.

Hi W.,
My sister married a man 12 years her senior. He already had one child and when my sister got pregnant, her step-son was 21 years old. My nephew absolutly adores his brother. They don't live together, so I don't have any advise to give you on that matter. Just want to tell you that I'm sure your son will love his sibiling. How could he not?
Good luck to you with your new relationship. Do what's in your heart.

Hi W.,

My life is slightly opposite. I married my husband who had a daughter that was 15 yrs. I was 26 at the time. Let's just say, life isn't always easy. But that is the same with your own children. There are always going to be seasons of good as well as difficulties. Anyway, we waited to have children of our own. So, when I was 30 I had my first. And then another when I was 33. Anyway, his daughter has her own life now, out on her own, etc. But she loves her sisters and they love her. When she was younger, she still wanted to be the only one. But she grew out of that. So, I don't think you should worry. Just know that your experience will differ from everyones. Teen years are difficult, but they tend to be shortlived! I am very happy that you found someone! That is wonderful!

Well, I've never experienced the step parenting part and I was 23 when pregnant, so I don't know about older pregnancy, but the thing I CAN tell you is that one of my best friends was born when her brother was 18 (different dads) and even THEY became very close, of course they didn't really grow up in the same house, he got married when she was only 4 and she was raised more like an only child, but they are now 27 and 45. They are close and more importantly, they will have each other if anything happens to their mom. My mom's cousin was also in that situation. She raised 2 boys, then had a surprise in her early 40s. They are now 14, 30 and 34... there's a huge difference, but they have the same sibling interactions as anybody and they are close. I have 4 siblings and I'm the youngest. I'm actually the CLOSEST to my oldest sister who is 8 years older than me (the others are 2 and 7 years older, then my brother is 10 years older). They wont have much in common with each other at first, but age doesn't matter in the long run.

I have heard good stories and bad about step-parenting. A good friend of mine was in the same situation and the dad told me straight out (when their OWN daughter was about 7 and the boy was about 13) that he loves their son just the same as their daughter, it's like his own child, but then some have a hard time with it, so it just depends!

It is a wonderful thing to be a parent as you know. If you want to spread that love I say go for it! My mom was in your shoes only with twins! When we were 20 she told us she was pregnant and I couldn't have been happier for her. It is the best decision she ever made! If anything for me it has brought us closer and I love my little brother!
Good Luck. And congrats on gettting married.

Good morning:)

I was 19 when I had my son and I too did not marry his father. I was a single mom and faced all of the struggles of raising a child alone and trying to date. I knew that I wanted to find the right man, marry and have more children. I wanted to have the "experience" you mentioned...it just didn't happen as soon as I had hoped. But...that's ok because I found my prince charming and now, at 32, am married and have a 5 month old baby girl and am the step-mom to a wondeful 5 year-old girl too.

The difference in the pregnancies was mainly that I was more educated and knew what to expect. I also was not under the stress of being young and worried about my future. I took a more proactive approach to my health and continued running into my 6th month and then did other excercises for the rest of the pregnancy. I gained almost 50 pounds (lost it thank god!) with my first pregnancy and only 26 with the second one. I really enjoyed being pregnant both times but, I definately felt healthier and thanks to a wonderful man, more beautiful, with the second. I also didn't get any stretch marks with the second:) Aside from the physical difference, having a loving man to support me throughout the pregnancy and share the experience with was amazing. The difference of being 19 and basically alone versus 31 with a loving, caring, involved partner was huge...it felt wonderful.

As far as the kids liking each other, my son absolutely adores his baby sister and my step-daughter can't stop touching her. However, when we first told them that we were having a baby, they were not thrilled. My son had been used it being just the two of us for 10 years and was still adjusting to sharing me with my husband and step-daughter. My step-daughter was also not happy about not being daddy's only baby anymore. My son became more open to the idea within a few days and took on the idea that he was going to be the guardian of this new baby and began making plans about the things he was going to do with her as she grows up. We included both kids in almost all of the doctor appointments and got children's books about pregnancy for my step-daughter. It took longer for my step-daughter to accept the idea of a new baby but, now she likes being a big sister and loves the baby. I don't think that the age gap for my son or step-daughter is going to negatively affect their relationship with my daughter. They may be at different stages in life for a long time but, I think they will each benefit from having one another in their lives.

My son's relationship with my husband is very good. My husband is very involved with my son and has basically filled in for the absent natural father. There have been times though that my son expresses jealousy in the fact that the baby has both natural parents at home. (My son only recently started a relationship with his natural father.) I think the best thing to do is to make sure both parents spend time alone with each child and not focus only on the new baby. Talking openly with the kids has really helped in their adjusting to our new family.

Good luck to you! You can send me a message if you need anything.

I had my first at 24 (felt like I was 12 while I was pregnant) and had my second at 34 (felt like I was 50 while I was pregnant). I wouldn't do it any differently though. Not all older siblings are good helpers, but mine sure is. The two are 11 and 1 and it is great. They adore each other. My firstborn begged for a sibling since he could talk. It wasn't on his timing, but he still enjoys having a sister. Go for it! You are still so young. Blessings on your new beginnings!

Hi W..

I thought I would share my experience with you. But remember, not all relationships are the same.

My baby brother was born when I was 13. I lived with my father and he remarried. My experience was great back then. But you must consider, I was a girl and he was the baby boy. Yours is the other way around. I loved it. I had to take care of him alot which wasn't the good part but it was fun for me when I got a bit older and started driving and taking him around places. We lived in a two bedroom apartment so we shared a room and I rememeber when he would wake up early in the morning he would stand up in his crib and talk to me in his baby talk of course. And I would bring him to my bed and we would cuddle and play. Those times were really special. But now it's different. I'm 32 and he's 19. Since I started my life, got married and had kids, were not very close. I try to talk to him but he's very shy anyway, so I can't get him to open up with me. I'm hoping we'll get closer again when he starts a family. It's not bad or anything like that, were just not close like brother and sister should be, because of the age difference. But I think we will be again in time. But everyone is different! They could be the best of friends. It just depends on their personalities and how much time they spend together to bond. Just try not to make him babysit a whole lot :) I do know that that will make him resent you and the baby because he'll feel trapped. Good luck W.! It will be great, don't worry... :)

My sister is 12 years older than me and I love her! We are kinda close but she lives in another state. Good luck!

i have a 15g, 13b and almost 5 yr old girl. i was 21 when i had my first and didnt really think i was that young at the time. everything seemed so different with my youngest though. i seem so much more aware of every little change of my body and every little thing see has done. i wouldnt change it for the world.

my older kids get along great with the little one. she looks up to them. and my son and the little one are really great together. i agree with the other mom that when they go away to school she will be a little lost tho. but i think in another 15 yrs the age difference will be little to none.

i agree talk to your son and see how he feels. see how much he wants to help. remember that it is his sibling and he will still have friends and a life.

Hi W.,

I'm not a mother who has gone through this, but I was the baby in an 11-year age gap between my brother and I. I worshipped my brother and loved him and still do. My father, his step-dad, would make him change my diapers, and watch me, so he was a bit resentful at first, I'm sure. But after my father my died when I was 6, my brother at 17 became the man of the house. In fact, he actually took me to the father-daughter dance so that I wouldn't be left out just because my dad died. It was a bonus that he was such a good-looking guy, because all the girls were jealous cuz I had a cute date instead of some old dad. :-)

Now that I'm a mom as well, and he's a father, we still have a very close and understanding relationship. Plus, now that I'm married, he has a new buddy of the same gender (he grew up with my mom, grandma and me, then married and had 3 daughters, so he'd been missing the testosteron), we spend even more time hanging out. It's a great relationship and though there were times I'd wished I had a closer in age sibling, it really gave both he and I a chance to be the baby for about 10-11 years (his first daughter was born when I was 10, so she became the new baby).

Hope this helps set your mind at ease.

P.S. I just had to comment on Michele's post, because there is that time between when I was in high school through finishing college and getting married that my brother and I weren't as close as we could be, but we were at such different points in our life, and he never had the college experience like I did, so it wasn't like I could turn to him for advice or anything. But now that we're both older (nearly 30 and 40), we're good friends again. :-)

Hi W.,
I have siblings that are 10 and 12 years older, plus a twin brother.

When my mom got pregnant with me and my twin, my brother said he wanted another sister and my sister said she wanted another brother.

Well, they got what they wanted; my twin brother and I showed up!

Our older siblings helped take care of us. In fact, someone once asked me if I had sibling rivalry with my sister who is 10 years older. That never occured to me because it was like having another "parent", rather than someone to be jealous of.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes,
R.

Hey W.. I just wanted to tell you that I have a "half"-brother from my mom's 2nd marriage who was born when I was 11. I could not have been more thrilled at the time, and my mom and step-dad had live-in, full-time help :)(I used to race my mom to the bassinet when my brother woke up). I also used to run home from school to see him. Today we are still very close, he's one of my all-time favorite people. Just wanted to write to you from that perspective. Also, the birth of my brother didn't damage my relationship with my step-dad. Hope this helps, and congratulations!!

Just adding that I am almost 12 years older than my sister and we have a special bond amongst the siblings (my Mom always said: "old enough to want to be responsible and babysit, still too young to have too much of a social life").

I wish you and your family much happiness. I am sure that any children born will be much loved, and I hope that your son and his new Dad will find that love bonds and transcend the circumstances.

Hi W.,
I could have written your request myself except for my oldest is a girl!I am also 32.I had my first daughter when I was 18 and only stayed together with her father until she was about 2 so I was a single parent pretty much her whole life. I really thought I never would have anymore children beacuse it was such a struggle to do it all alone especially being so young. Then I met my love and changed my mind completely. My daughter was 12 when our daughter was born and I think it is a perfectly fine age difference. Now they are 14 and 2. My older daughter loves her little sister to death, she calls her her heart and says she can't imagine not having her in her life. She is also very helpful with her, which helps me a lot!
As far as the pregnancy part of it, I enjoyed it soooo much more at this age. I think being more mature this time around helped mereally appreciate the whole miracle of it all. And having a genuinly loving partner and stronger foundation really made me feel blessed.

Congratulations on your engagement! I wish you and your family the best:)

M.

Hi W.,
First let me say Congrats on your engagement! I am 35 yrs old and also had my first child @ 19 & never married the father. I know how it is to struggle w/ a child by yourself @ such a young age. I have been married to the love of my life for almost 6 yrs and extremely happy. My husband didn't have any children so of course he wanted a child. We now have 2 son's together so there are 11 yrs between my 1st & 2nd child. They get along just as well as any brothers are going to get along. Sometimes my oldest son gets mad because he says his 2 brothers bother him but I remind him that they are 4yr & 23 mths & they are only looking up to their older brother. My oldest is also a huge helper.

As far as my husband becoming a step-father, he took his role very well. Lucky for me we were together for 5 yrs before we got married so my son was used to my husband but it still was a little strange for my son when he moved in w/us. We waited until 8 mths before we got married to move in together. My husband is a great father to all of the kids, he has always made it clear to my oldest son that he knows he has a father but we tell him he is special because he has 2 dads. My husband treats all of the kids the same, he has always loved my son as if he was his own. When asked how many kids he has he always says 3 sons.

I hope all this helps and Good Luck!

M. F.

My sister and I are 12 years apart, and my husband has a similar situation too, his father remarried after a divorce and he has a brother that is 15 years younger, we're living proof that it can work well! I will say that neither of us were particularly close to the younger sibling in the early years (especially him since he went away to college when his brother was 2) but we are both very close to them now. I am 33, my sister is 21 and we are great friends. When I was in my 20's and she was a teenager, we had such a perfect relationship - she could talk to me, I'd 'been there' not all that long ago - I wasn't like a "parent" but I could still sort of 'guide her' in a way that another teen wouldn't be able to. I was an only child before her and am now SO GRATEFUL to have her!
I will say that when my mother was pregnant & when she was a little baby, I still remember that it was extremely difficult for me. There was a lot of animosity between my mother and I because the change is so phenomenal at an already difficult time (teen years) but if both children are given lots of love I can't imagine why it wouldn't ultimately be win-win for all. If you have the availability (thru the navy maybe?) it would probably be great to proactively see a counselor pre-conception and maybe try to get some suggestions from them for your son's sake on how to help him thru the transition. Good luck! It sounds like your prince charming has arrived and is well deserved!

Hello W.. I don't have a response for all of your questions, but I do have some. I wanted to let you know that I am 7 and 10 years older than my baby brothers. I completely resented having siblings at first, because I enjoyed being the only child. I got over it after a while, and I love my brothers to death, although we are not very close. I believe we would be a lot closer if my parents (our dad and their mom) hadn't divorced when I was 14. I hardly saw them after that, so it made it difficult. My dad only got them every other weekend and I was busy working and with my social life.
The other thing I wanted to say is that my kids are 17 (very soon to be 18), 13 and 5 weeks. So, there is a 17 and 13 years age gap between my kids. My daughter, the oldest, is completely in love with her baby brother. My (first)son, the second oldest, loves his brother but is experiencing some jealousy issues, as I expected he would. I am hoping he gets over that soon :)I am sure that every thing will work out for you just fine, and that your son will eventually, if it doesn't happe nat first, warm up to the idea of being a big brother, and will love his sibling! Best of luck to you, and congrats!!!

My son and daughter were 10 1/2 and 8 1/2 when my daughter was born. They are wonderful with her and play with her all the time. With regard to the stepdad thing, make sure he is great with your 12 yr old now and if so, them he probably still will be after another baby, as my husband is. Good luck. Also, I had one at 19, 21 and then 30, so very similar to you.

My friend has a 17 year old daughter from her first marriage which was when she was 18 and married because she was pregnant. Of course that didn't work out. So she was a single mom for almost 15 years. She finally met someone got married and they decided to have a baby. She is due in 3 months. She is 35 and very happy. I know her daughter is older than your son but I think you should go for it. You will only have limited time to have a baby and why not now when you are still young. You woundn't want to look back and say what if. I think your son will like being big brother. Your intentions seem very sincere with his well being. Go for it. Just talk with your son before and let him know all the postives so he will be excited. Good luck

Hi W.,
I am 39 and have a 27 year old sister & 25 year old brother. I was 12 when my sister was born. I hated being an only child until she was born and I always begged my mom to have another baby (preferably a girl, and then I wanted a brother so I lucked out). It was a second marriage (my bio dad was not in the picture). I absolutely loved helping to take care of my baby siblings. Obviously it depends on your son's personality and it's different for boys than girls. My siblings and I were not close until they were adults though that doesn't mean we didn't have good relationships. It's just that they always thought of me as another parent figure and not from the same generation. My sister still thinks of me as "old" but I think when she gets married and has kids which probably won't be too far down the road, she'll see it differently. We do talk often and she has always come to me with problems and respects my opinion. Her and my brother are a wonderful aunt & uncle to my kids and we will always be a close family and it's nice to know we will have each other even when our parents are gone (can't even imagine).

My advice to you is to talk to your son and see how he feels about it. As far as the step situation, I don't think there's any way to avoid certain problems that arise in those situations, but how you deal with them is the key. Direct communication and acknowledgment of your son's feelings is so important. He'll need to know that his opinion counts (even though he's not the one to make final decisions), but let him be a part of it. As the years go on, be aware of his concerns and address them (even if you don't agree with what he is feeling or think it's justified, they are his feelings and if he feels important, then I think it will work out just fine). I'm assuming the bio dad is not in the picture. If you do have another child, it's important for you and your husband to spend special time with your 12 year old so he knows that he is not being replaced by the baby. The fact that you are brainstorming all of this now is a good sign that things will work out fine.

As far as pregnancy, I do wish I had done all my baby making back in my 20s so I could have easily bounced back into my size 3 and 5s. Pregnancy and infancy is very tiring on the body especially when you're older. The answer is exercise and good nutrition of course, but it's hard. My mom always reminds me though that if I had had my children in my 20s, I would not be the same mom I am today with life's experiences. I probably would not have been as patient back then because I wouldn't have had the understanding of children's behavior the way I do now. So while some things are easier when you're younger, there are great benefits to being an older mom too. And you'll experience both! Best of luck to you.

My sisters are 9 and 10 years older then I and they are my best friends! Growing up we weren't too close, but now that we are all a little older, we are extremely close. My girls are 6 years apart and it is fine. They are close, yet still fight like any other siblings.
Also, there may be a difference in the relationship with your son and husband. I am a mom and step mom and while I love all the kids very much, my relationship with my bio children is different.

I have a half brother who is 12 years younger than I am and a half sister 14 years younger! We are close now, and im very happy that I have them, but at the time I was NOT interested in having a sibling after 12 years as an only child! I also dont think my parents handled the transition for me very well (back then parents didnt think much about what kids needed!). My mom played "supermom" to them and was too busy to pay attention to what I was doing. However, I think that if you make sure to pay attention to your son's needs, keep close to him and make sure he doesn't feel left out, you can make it work. (dont make him the babysitter, either!) Good luck and go for it!!

I just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is so wonderful for you! I am sure that it will all work out great!

I have five siblings, and my youngest sister is 12 years younger than me. We've always been close, but especially as she's gotten older (she's now 21, I'm 33) - we are on the phone constantly!

Well I don't know anything about step parent/child relationships or siblings that are far apart in age, but I do have a small bit of advice on your son being your one and only. My mom is an only child and I think your concerns for your son's future are valid if he stays on only child. My mom has to make all decisions regarding her ageing mom all by herself; medical, financial, she is the only one who has the responsibility of visiting her in the nursing home (she has advanced alzheimers and isn't safe in my mom's two story home), when her dad died she had to plan the funeral all by herself and try to console her distraught mom. She has developed good relationships with her sister in laws but doesn't have any sisters or brothers of her own to call and chat with about her kids, or just life in general. She has said that being an only child was ok growing up, sometimes very quiet, but not bad, but that now as an adult it would sure be nice to have sibling support. So I don't think the age difference would matter for your son and a new sibling, when the real value of a sibling kicks in they will be living the same life in general as adults. I say go for it!

Hello, Our children are all grown now. However, our first and last are 9 years apart. I was also 12 years older than my younger sister, and 18 years older than my younger brother. We have always been very close. It is not the same as the relationship I have with my older siblings. There is a more protective relationship with the younger ones. Our kids are all very close.
As far as your son's relatinship with a step-father. If they have a good relationship now there is no reason that it will not continue. Our oldest grandson, Tyler, has a step-father that is so supportive and loving towards him. He has been in Tyler's life since Tyler was 5 years old. Our daughter and son-in-law have another son, Garret, who is 6 years old. I see no difference in how our son-in-law treats either one, except that how one would treat a six year old is, of course, different than how you would treat a thirteen year old. Our 13 year old grandson loves his step-father as if he is his dad. I might add that his father is in his life in a limited way. He loves his father and would love to spend more time with him alone, but is very happy to spend time with the step-father.
Good luck in your new relationship.
K. K.

Hi W.,
My name is B. and I was married to a Marine at 19 in 1983. We had 3 kids when I was age 20, 22, & 24. I thought that I was done. When my oldest was about to begin high school I realized just how fast it had gone by since he was a baby and I didn't want the party to be over!!!
So when our older kids were 11, 13 & 15 and I was 35 and he 37 we decided to have a baby girl, and then had another girl 2 years later, so that they would grow up together.
My husband retired and started a new career as a cop.
The two familys overlaped for about 8 years till the older kids were up and out. They loved having little sisters. My kids would pick then up and take them out on day dates with them. They were the hit at all of the High School football and basketball games we went to and the older kids love having them around. I just couldn't imagian my life without them and neither could my kids. It has been the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.
It's a whole lot of fun!!!!
breN, USMC/HBPD wife/mom!

I have a much different observation that I want to share. My son was a preemie and was in the hospital for 5 weeks. During that time I noticed that a lot of the mothers with preemie babies had a large gap (10-20 years) between their children. Although, a lot of them were much older than 32 as well. Their situations may have nothing to do with yours and you shouldn't let that affect your decision. My son is a very healthy two year old. I just wasn't given any information about premature births from my doctor and it may be something that you might want to research.

My husband is 14 years younger than his half brothers. For what it is worth, they were more like another set of parents for him than brothers. Now that they are older they will talk and visit with one another but he is not super close to them. They are just finally getting to where they are in similar stages in life and have some things in common (my husband is 31).

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I say go for it! I was in your exact situation a few years ago. I vowed not to have another child after having such a hard time going it alone with the first but when I met my husband, I really wanted to have another child and experience all the wonderful things that I missed out on. When the baby girl came, my older daughter was not too happy at first (having been an only child for so long) but everyone in the family made sure that they made her feel special too -- which definitely helped. My husband has been a part of her life since she was 3 and she calls him dad. I thank God that my husband and my in-laws treat her like their own. And after the baby came, there was no difference in their relationship. However, I, too, was very worried about my husband/daughter's relationship after the baby was born, so I made the mistake of being overly protective of her which only caused my husband to want to take a backseat in his parenting my older daughter. Luckily, I quickly realized that this was hurting my daughter's relationship with my husband -- not to mention my relationship with my husband. So if your son and your fiancee has a good relationship now, nothing should change.

Having an older child is a big help (like having extra hands and eyes) and you don't having to worry about chasing around a toddler and having to take care of the baby. And as with any siblings, they fight (yes, even at 2 and 12, they find some things to fight about). But they love eachother entirely and my 12 year old is very protective of her sister (and a brother who is 1).

As for gaining weight and having a healthy pregnancy, I think I did better the 2nd and 3rd time around -- knowing that I had a loving husband on my side to help and encourage me.

Good luck to you and your family and God bless.

Boy, do I have experience with this. I had my daughter when I was 20. I raised her until she was 14 as a single parent. Her father was never in the picture. When I was 33, I met the man of my dreams and we were married, when I was 35. We have 2 darling little ones together. My oldest was 16 when her first little sister was born and 17 when the baby was born. We are not having anymore. My oldest lives with my sister and her husband in another state, because the schools here were just not a good match for her. When my 3 girls are together, they get along wonderfully. In fact, I had them all here just this past weekend and they played and laughed and the oldest tickled the younger 2 and sang together. It was joyous to watch. My husband is deployed at this time, he is a civilian contractor. My oldest and my husband get along very well too. They email, make phone calls to each other and laugh and play games together. It is great to watch her have a relationship with him. With patience and lots of work, it is possible. Best of Luck!

W.,
I had my son when I was 20yrs. old and although we wanted to have more kids it didn't happen as we had planned...12 years later our daughter was born! Every pregnancy is different so I can't say to much about that, the important thing is I was different. I was older, happier and just enjoyed my pregnancy. Our son wasn't to interested during my pregnancy but after his sister was born he was the only person that could make her bust out laughing. He moved out when he turned 18 and has been on his own since and still finds time to spoil his sister...Well, guess what...God has a sense of humor because 12 years later, yes, we had another son! Between our 2 older kids they are 12 years and 1 day apart. This week is their birthdays, our firstborn will be 26 and our daughter will be 14. Between our daughter and our little one they are 12 years and 6 weeks apart. I never dreamed we'd have a little guy at this time in our lives but it is proving to be a great experience and there is lots of laughter in our home! What I would recommend is during your pregnancy, eat well (if you can)my husband and I walked every night that we could, and enjoy every moment!

Wow W.! All these questions and possibilities! It sounds like an amazing time in your life.
I'll tell you what I can from experience as a mother and as a daughter.

As a daughter I can tell you that I have "half" siblings that are 7 & 8 years older than me from my mom; and we are very, very close. I also have "half" siblings that are 13, 15, 16 & 17 years older than me from my dad. I am not "close" to them, but I do keep in touch with and get along with 2 of 4 of them since my dad passed away. I guess the important thing to note is that I am closest to my mothers children from a prior relationship because they've been with me my whole life. We have a great relationship despite the years apart. I have a younger brother, who is 3.5 years younger than me and therefore 10 & 11 years younger than my siblings and he would tell you the same thing. He hardly has a relationship with my dads kids though, except for the eldest, and there are 21 years between them. It's all in the love!

I had my first 2 daughters when I was 21 & 22. I married @ 18 and my ex and I split up when my 2nd daughter was only 3 months. I remarried when they were 9 & 10 and had a third daughter a year later and a son a year after that. They all get along like they should. They love each other to death but they're always fighting and screaming at each other. Obviously, they pair up by age and my first litter is tight with one another as my second litter is amongst the 2 of them.

My ex just had his first daughter with his wife and my older daughters again have another sister. They love her to death but don't have as close a relationship as they do with the siblings they share their home with.

As for the step-parenting...that is a tough one. My ex's wife had never EVER made my daughters feel like steps UNTIL she had a daughter of her own. Now, with tiny things, it is apparent, not only to me, but to them (they're teens, and they're smart). On the other hand, my husband has never treated my daughters different from "his kids". Anyone asks him how many children he has and he says four. He is totally overprotective of my teen girls and complains about what they're wearing, the boyfriends, the curfews... and I always tell him "If you're like that with these two, wait until Kiara is that age" and he says he will be the same, because she is no different. He has been the only constant father figure in their life since they were 7 & 8 and they're now 16 & 17...so more than even their biodad, whom they only see whenever....

Have a baby, enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy the morning sickness, nausea, heartburn, swelling, gaining weight and stretch marks! Get the cravings and SATISFY them! Try and have a natural childbirth, consider the Husband Coached Bradley Method. I went that way with my second litter and loved it! I was 33 & 34 when I had the 2nd litter. Heck, do what I did and have 2!

Best wishes to you!

Hi W.. Congratulations on your engagement! I am a mom of 3 ages 16, 12, and 3. The oldest and youngest are girls. I have had a different pregnancy and delivery each time.
My teenager thinks she is close to my youngest. They totally love each other and when the oldest one leaves for college the youngest one will be sad I am sure. My older ones are a real help with the youngest one as well. I am an older mom so every little bit of help is so appreciated.
Talk to your son about being a big brother and let him make choices about how he would like to help. When I give my kids choices about how they want to help (not if they want to help) they have been more cooperative and helpful.
Blessing on you as you continue your family after you are married.

Hello! Your telling my story! Hahahha. I had a daghter when i was 21, never had a realtionship with the childs father. Met the most wonderful guy 5 years ago. We married in 2005 and had both agreed we did not want more children. He has two from a previous marrieg, i had one....that what enough to handle. We only have his kids on weekends. But then, i wanted a baby...long story short i have a one year old, and my oldest daughter will be 10 this year! They do great together. She wanted a sibling so bad, prayed for one! A baby changes things for sure, and you and your husband to be realize that and are willing to go throught the changes together, it is wonderful.
YES, pregnancy is so different the second time around, like you said..before being frightened, or in my case selfins. I was not ready the first time, i was selfish, still went out, never paid attention to baby "milestones" or saw the signifigance. Not because i did not care, i just did not know! I loved my baby and took care of her, but did not fully enjoy her the way i get to the second time around. This time i made homemade baby food, my life revolves around her schedule, where before the babies schedule had to revolve around mine!
As far as step parenting, my daughter loves my husband and calls him dad, per her choice. Her real dad is not around, so to her my husband is her dad. He loves her and they are great together. He does not treat her any different with the baby around now. We both have to be mindful that my daughter is loved and cared for, that she gets some quality time because a baby takes up everyones time, leaving everyone feeling left out sometimes! But we explained all that.
The road gets rocky sometimes, like with all things, but i look at my girl and my husband and i are so thankful to have been blessed with her. We think "what would we do wothout her?"
Congrats on your engagment, i am so excited for you. I hope next year to read a post from you asking some kind of pregnancy question! Heehee

I say go for it!! I had my sons 14 years apart...my first when I was 26 (and I wasn't married either) and my second with my Prince Charming when I was 40 (almost 41...we got married in July '06, got pregnant in Aug '06, had him in May '07) and I couldn't have been happier. I totally appreciated the difference in my parenting skills and was thankful for another opportunity to experience the miracle all over again. And guess what?! I'm pregnant again and will be hopefully having another healthy baby in December and I'll be 43 (and a half). Don't take time for granted...if you and your husband to be want to share this awesome journey together, then by all means follow your heart and do it! And have lots of fun trying!! I hope all goes well for you and yours...and by the way, my experience has shown me that pregnancy with that many years in between
was like I had never been pregnant before. I felt like I had to learn everything all over again and my body did not get back in shape nearly as quickly as it did when I was in my 20s but so what?? The end result is totally worth it!

Good Luck and God Bless!!

Y.

Hi W., congratulations on your engagement! I have 2 brothers who are 12 and 10 years older than I am. Our relationships were probably not your typical sibling relationships, given our age and gender differences, but as adults we are fairly close. My father is sick with cancer, and it is really helpful having siblings to help deal with everything. I wouldn't expect them to be great friends growing up - your older child will start college or move out when your younger is barely starting school - but over the years their relationship will likely develop. A lot will depend on their own personalities.

not exactly in the same situation, but I had my youngest when the oldest was 10 years old - so they are ten years apart. My youngest absolutely WORSHIPS my oldest. And, my oldest absolutely ADORES my youngest! In fact, my oldest is getting ready to go to college and insists on staying within driving distance because she's afraid she'll miss out on too much of her younger sister's life if she's out of state! Now, how sweet is that?! I did find having a baby at 35 was much more draining that at 25, but nothing too complicated! Just make sure you include your oldest as much as they are interested - feeling the baby kick, going for ultrasounds, possibly the birth, caring for the baby, etc. And, try not to let the baby be an excuse for not doing things you normally would for the older one, that will create resentment. We just continued to do everything - sports, school events, etc and the baby came along! Go for it and good luck!

Hi W.,

Well I was in a very similar situation! I was a single Mommy at 19, and raised my daughter all by myself for 10 years! My husband and I started dating when she was 7 and got married when she was 10. At that point I had just turned 30 and new I definitely wanted another baby and didn't want to be in my 40s and start over again, SO we decided to get pregnant right away after the wedding. It only took 2 months LOL. and we were pregnant with out daughter. We also went a little crazy with the idea and decided to have 2 babies back to back! After being the sole playmate of my daughter for so long, I always thought it would have been nice for her to have a sibling to do things with growing up and go on rides with at Disneyland and stuff! 14 months later I had a little boy. So here I am now with an almost 13 year old daughter, a 22 month old daughter and an 8 month old son.

As for the Step Dad/new bio babies goes, my husband has been great about it. Because there's such a difference in age, there's no competitiveness in sports or academics for the kids to compare Daddy's feelings to. He treats my daughter as his own, and he always has. He's even working right now to legally adopt her so she can legally share her siblings last name (even though she usually already does anyway) to show her how she's equally important to him. Just make sure you and your man have good talks about making sure your son still feels loved and involved.

As for how the siblings get along, my husband and I just made a pact to be really careful with making sure we A) Never put too much responsibilities on our oldest to take care of the babies. We chose to have them not her! In doing that, she has "chosen" to become close tot= the babies, or ask if she can help and is actually really enjoying the big sister role and getting to relive childhood memories by taking them on baby rides and watching old cartoons with them and stuff, but it's all been on her terms. I RARELY ask for anything except sometimes help loading/unloading the two of them from the car! B) Every weekend one of us takes her out somewhere individually so she still gets the 1 on 1 attention she's accustomed to, and we even put the babies down a little early on Thursday nights to watch CSI with her just like we always have! I think that as long as they don't feel shoved aside, or forced into responsibilities that could cause resentment it's just fine for the pre teens! As for you, you've got your work cut out for you starting all over again but it's definitely worth it =) Besides, I always figure at their age, we're gonna be losing her way too soon to friends and extra curricular school activities anyway, which will then give us plenty of time with our new babies as they're growing up. Good luck and enjoy your new family!

I don't have experience with this, but I think if you and your future hubby are on the same page you should go for it! Of course, I think it is REALLY important to talk to your son. You need to get his opinions about all of this. Ask him how he feels about having a sibling (and a step father). I think it is crucial to include your son and praise him often. Being in a positive environment, one with love and encouragement will help your family bond with its new dynamics.

I do have a close friend that has a step-father and her parents had a baby together. She doesn't like her biological father and truly considers her step-dad her "real" dad even though she was in high school when her mom met him. She loves her younger brother (I think they are 10 years apart. She is very thankful that her mom found someone so wonderful and got out of an abusive relationship. They are truly a happy family. With lots of love and nurturing, you can blend your family into a happy one. Congratulations to you!

my husband is 15, 10, and 7 years younger than his siblings. he is very close with them as adults, but the brothers tormented him when he was little and he remembers despising his teenage brothers. All is well now though.

Hi W.~~~

I, too, had a child (daughter) at 20. Never married the father...he's in her life via phone now and occasional visits. I got married in 2005, and had a son with him in Nov 07. I, too, never thought I would have more kids and went into this marriage not expecting to have one. But we did. He is the apple of our eye!!!! Dad and son are extremely close.....my daughter adores and worships the ground he walks on. My husband and my daughter are not SUPER close.....but there aren't any problems either. He helps her with math and they play basketball together. He's a great financial provider and good role model but he can't 'replace' her biological dad....but she has both and things seem good.
Now we are questioning whether we give our son a sibling so the two can grow up closer in age.
I think having another baby with my husband has brought us all closer together....our priorities are straight and it's a great teaching/learning experience for my daughter.

I wish you the best....as far as the pregnancy...he was harder then my daughter....bigger, but I also got to breastfeed him for 15 months, since I'm a stay at home mom, and I got my 20 year old body back!!! So, I give credit to my beautiful son, for giving me my body back, minus a little sagging :-)!!

E.

hello
i have a 11 yrd boy and i have a little girl who is 15 months old my son loves her, it has been the best thing i have made, they play togther great..

my husband is in the marine corp. so i know how hard it is..
let me now if you need anything...