Big Span in Years Between Siblings??

K.

You are going to have such a big helper with your son. He is going to be a great big brother.
There is six years between my oldest and middle, and they are best friends, of course they fight, but we really didn't have a lot of the issues you have with children close in age through the toddler years.
Brittaney was six and it was easier to explain to her why her younger sister always took her toys away, or always wanted to have everything she did, why her sister was always biting and hitting her :).
My personal take on this, and again this is my take.
It's how the parents raise them. My sister and I are close in age, but we didn't get along, and my parents never really talked to us about the importance of family. As where my girls know that friends come and go, but family is forever.

I wish you many blessings.

1 mom found this helpful

My boys are 5 years apart and I couldn't be happier.... though sometimes it's a little bit to deal with a napper and a non-napper, being able to spend QT with each of them thorugh the toddler years has been wonderful. :) I agree with the previous post -- it's also helped with the sanity check! :) Good luck!!!

I have two sisters, one 7 years older, and one 5 years older. I never liked the big gap. I love my sisters though, that's not the problem, but the gap is too big to do things together. Like going to the swimming pool, shopping or play sports. You are always in a different phase of life. When they started dating, I was just a kid. When they got kids, I was busy with my study and baby's were nice but far from my world. Now I have kids, but they have teen age kids, with totally diferent problems.
I see you don't have anything to choose, so don't worry, your kids will have a wonderfull future. But personally I kind of swore that when I would be able to have kids they would be close together if possible.
Maybe when there are "only" two kids it is different.
Good luck,

I.

My daughter is 9 and my son is 6 motnhs. I love the larger span. I can devote so much more time to both this way. She also loves to help and pretend mommy her brother. My brothers are also 5 and 10 years older than me and we were always great.

My older daughter is 6years and 10 months older than her twin brothers. I worried about the age difference a lot too but I see now that waiting was such a good decision for our family. The dynamics of her relationship with them are so amazing. She loves them and plays with them all the time but she also has this older, wiser and protective quality towards them. My husband and I joke that one day when she's 25 and probably married and they are 18, they'll tell her things they are scared to tell us and then she'll report back to us - LOL. I really picture her being one step ahead of them in life but still being close enough in age that they'll trust her and respect her guidance and wisdom. Ok - that's a total utopia but hey, I can still hope! It'll be fine if your kids are a few years apart, families adapt to whatever circimstances they are given. Hey, at least you're not like that crazy nut woman in NJ who just had twins at 60 and already had a daughter in her 30's and a son in his 20's - now that's an age difference to worry about!! :-)

I cannot respond to you as a parent but as a child. WHen I was born, my siblings were 15, 17, and 19. By the time I was 4, one sister was in MN, another sister and a brother in AL, and my parents and I lived in IA. Although on a day-to-day basis, I was more like an only child, my parents really worked hard at making connections between me and my sibs through visits and I often participated with weekly phone calls. Now as an adult, I am very close to both of my sisters. (My brother passed away 9 years ago but I also had a very good relationship with him.) Your children may not have a close connection in terms of common age and interests, but you and your husband can do all you can to foster a close relationship regardless of the age difference-_ I am so glad my parents did that. I am so thankful for my sisters! I have another friend in a similar situation only she does not share the same biological father as her sibs, and seems to have great relationships with her whole family.

Best of luck to you! I am an adoptive mom, too-- both daughters adopted at birth, now 2 years and 3 1/2 years, but I can relate to how hard it is to wait for those precious little ones! (wishing for a third but we are not convinced it is the best choice for our family.) :-(
Wishing for a not-so-much-longer wait for you!
A.

My kiddos are 4 years apart, and are the best of friends. My new little girl adores her big brother, and he is very protective of her. Now my only pre-warning is that there might be a little jealousy for the first few months. It was a hard transition for our big boy to go from being the only one to now two. We just spend extra time with him one on one, and it soon disappeared. We also made sure that big brother was as involved as he could be. When we brought home the baby- he gave her a tour of the house, and she brought home a present for him. Congrats and Good Luck!

I have a stepson who is 8 1/2 and a daughter who will turn 3 next week. My stepson was 5 1/2 when my daughter was born. We thought my stepson wouldn't really want a younger sibling, much less a sister, especially after being an only child for all that time. And my stepson isn't with us all the time - every other weekend and one weeknight, plus some time in the summer.

We really weren't sure how the two of them would get along - but they adore each other! My stepson will get down and play with his sister just like she were a kid his age. And of course my daughter enjoys playing what her big brother is playing too.

I think 5 1/2 years is a nice space, and it's worked out really well for our family. Best of luck!

I am 7 years apart from my younger brother and we related great from day 1. Of course we had normal sibling rivarly and stuff, but we were the closest- and are still really close. Our toughest time was when I was in High school and had to pick him up from daycare, he wanted to go everywhere I went with my friends and couldn't understand why. When I left for college was a hard time for him because I had always been there to help with his homework, get him started on chores, and motivate him to do more. As long as you help build the relationship- it should matter too much how many year apart they are.

I am five years apart from my sister and we have always been very close. I used to help my mom give her a bath and teach her to potty. We were inseperable and shared a bedroom until I left for college. I am much closer to my sister with five years difference than my brother who is only 3 years older. I was very protective of my sister. I would just make sure your other child is very involved and you let them help as much as they can so they feel a part of everything.

i am 7 years older that my brother and 9 years older than my sister and 13 years older than the baby in the family. We have never had any problems, well only normal fighting between siblings. I have onlyways been close to all of them. and now my younest brother is about 13 years older than my son and h thinks it is great.

K. - My son turned 5 only 3 days after my daughter was born. It wasn't what I planned, but it has really worked out well. When my son was 2 we started trying for #2, and my son started asking for a sister. Well, it took 2 years of infertility to bring around baby #2. The wonderful thing was that my son was just as happy to be getting a baby as we were. She is an answer to his prayers as much as to ours. So, that age difference has been great in that he is a very helpful, protective big brother. It is also great in that he can do for himself when I am overwelmed with baby sister. I'm also looking forward to having alone time with my daughter once my son goes to first grade in the fall (he been in 1/2 day kinder this year).

Good Luck!

My sister and I were 5 years apart and there was normal sibling spats while growing up. Initially she didn't care for me since she had never had to share before but she used ot come home from school and teach me what she learned...I was like her little doll to play with. When we got into school it was a little different since she wa sin high school and I was in either elementary school or early middle school. We couldn't relate but still had a good relationship. Now that we are in our 30s we are inseperable. So don't stress...lots of time between kids isn't that big of a deal. Plus my parents loved it because they didn't have two in college at the same time!

I agree that how your raise your fimily is much more important than the age difference. I was nearly 8 when my sister was born, and 10 when my brother was born. I was the built in babysitter, but I don't remember minding that role. It probably rbought me closer to my younger siblings. We always spent lots of family time together at the dinner table, on family vacations and at my younger siblings' sporting events. My sister and I shared a room for severl years despite our age differnece (until I was a teenager and really needed more personal space). We have always been close despite our age difference. When I went to college, seh came to stay with me a couple of times for a weekend and thought it was the coolest thing ever. As someone else already mentioned, she confided in me when she did not want to go to my perents. Our lives have been at different places, but we are really close-probably best friends now that she is an adult.

My brother and I get along well too, though we are not as close, probably just becasuse is not a girl : )

Anyway, I think the age differnce will be fine as long as you value family time.

My brother and I are 15 months apart, and my sister and I are 15 years apart (yes, whole sisters, not half or anything). Well, my sister are the best of friends!

Hi K.,

I was the baby of 5. The oldest one was 14 years older than me. The youngest one was 5 years older than me. We are still very close today. The one 5 years older and I used to do gymnastics together and go swimming together. And I practically raised her oldest daughter. So I think its great to have the age difference.

I agree with what everyone else has said...the age difference is not as much a deal as the loving home they are raised in. My kids are adopted too. Blessings to you as you set out to help children!

A.

I believe age is irrelevant. I am the youngest of a very large family. As a child I was closer to one of my brothers, who is 5 years older than me, than I was to any of my other siblings--and I still am. Also, my sister is ten years older than me. I remember as a child she would spend a lot of time with her own friends and interests, but she would also spend time playing with me. I remember really looking up to her, and I think for the most part, she enjoyed being adored by me! There were years when she was wrapped up in boys and I was still paying with dolls, but when I became a young adult, we became very good friends. I also have a similar relationship with my niece— I loved playing with her when she was little— and we are good friends now that she is an adult. She even asked me to be the Matron of Honor in her wedding! From reading your words, it sounds like you really want another child-- follow your heart-- it's always right!

Mine are 7 years apart, and my oldest loves her little brother to death!! I thought the same thing, but I love the age difference. It keeps me saine!!

My daughter is 8 and my son is almost 4. It's been great! Daughter wanted to feed the baby and help out. When he cried she would get his pacifier. She knew right from wrong so she could report to me if he was starting to do something wrong or could get himself injured. She could get me things I needed plus she could take care of herself in the bathroom. Now they play well together and she's old enough to 'babysit' if there's something I need to do in another part of the house. She's been teaching him the house rules, etc and she loves having that teaching responsibility and he listens to her better than me. Having them far apart wasn't our choice but it has been great. Only having one in diapers at a time was nice. I hope as they age they will stay close but I'm sure a 16 yo girl won't like having her 12 yo brother around but I'm hoping that will be temporary. They are better friends than my brother and I were/are and we are 16 months apart. Just include the older one in welcoming the new one home. We had the baby give the big sister a present and the big sister give the baby a birthday gift while we were still in the hospital. Just an idea.

My sister and I are 7 years apart, as she was a surprise! Im 29 shes 22. We were very close back when we were kids, and are still close now. She got on my nerves every now and then, She really looked up to me, and wanted to do everything big sis did. My son is an only right now, he's 4, not sure if we will have anymore, but I wouldnt mind him and a sibling being years apart.

Thanks K. for asking what I've been wanting to for a while. My daughter will be 5 in Oct and although I have baby-fever BIGTIME, she's still the only one on the horizon. As each birthday passes I get kind of sad that my kids won't be close in age, but now that I've read some of the other mamas posts, it seems like it won't be such a bad thing afterall. My youngest brother and I are almost 13 years apart and we're closer than I am with my brother who is 4 years apart. Since my baby brother had two older siblings, he was like 'everybodys' baby. We ALL took care of him and I think he only reaped the benefits of having two much older siblings. Of course my mom had instant babysitters and a lot of help with him so I'm sure it was a great thing for her!

Thanks again and good luck with your new addition!

Hi!
My mother in law raised 4 wonderful kids (including my hubby!) that were all about 4 years apart. They all get along well and love and support each other. My twins (25 minutes apart!)fight like cats and dogs (but love each other too, obviously!). I think every situation has its own special issues and all children are so different that no generalizations are especially relevant. I imagine that going through the issues that brought you to your blessing of adoption, you are keenly aware that families come in all shapes and sizes and we are all unique. I hope you don't mind me mentioning or think I am being flippant, but have you considered adopting an older child rather than a baby? I only mention this because I have also thought a lot about this issue and have also thought deeply about adding to our family through adoption. I have felt very sad too about the fact that my 5 year olds don't have younger siblings and that I can't do that for them. I've looked into the foster-to-adopt program and there are so many children under five that need homes. I'm interested in hearing what someone who has already adopted would think about the pro/cons of adopting through this avenue. Looking forward to your response,

My two boys are 8 years apart & it is PERFECT! The older one is independent & able to help me with the baby. I don't think there has to be a set plan of the age gap between siblings. They will love each other no matter what.

I was 8 yrs younger than my sister, growing up we had no problem, after we became adults still not any problems, until some issues arose that did. I think if those issues never arose it would not effect our relationship... With a bigger gap than what you are talking about I think you should then be concern..
But with a 4/5 yr gap, I think you are worried when it not necessary.
My oldest gd is 4 yrs apart from her brother, and they are close.
My gs lives with his dad, and the girls lives with me. THey are only half siblings except you wouldn't know it unless you were told. That how close they are. They cry for one another from time to time. We are talkng girls vs boys. LOL, so you see a 4/5 yr gap is fine.
Plus you will have some help... a older boy will be a blessings as they girls grows up as he will be thier little protector
and I feel for them when they start thier dating life. LOL, the boys will have to be checked out by big brother. LOL

so relax and go with the flow and enjoy this gap you will have and GOD bless you as you raise your family and this is wonderful news you be able to adopt a child.. GOD BLess you for doing it..

I don't think you have to worry about your children connecting.
My sister & I are 5 1/2 years apart and, like most long term relationships, we have gone through many stages of "connection."
As the oldest, I was initially fascinated and felt protective of (still do) of the new little person in the house. It was intriguing to watch the first years of development from a child's prospective. When my sister hit the toddler years, she like a cute annoying puppy that followed me EVERYWHERE. Yes, hero-worship does occur and it's really not as fun as you'd think it'd be. The years between her toddler & teen years were our Love/hate years. We loved each other but had some very mean moments as well - but the connection was never broken. I could pick on my kid sister but WOE be unto those who attempted to do the same.
(and vice versa for her) Once my sister hit 16/17 we were able to relate on a more even playing field. Her life experiences and interests had "caught-up" to mine. As cliche as it sounds, we became best friends- but better. There is something to be said about having that shared familial history. It enables us to share the joys, traumas, and general insanity that our extend family creates.

Hey K.,

Me and my brother are exactly 5 years apart and we are extremely close. I think the key will be to do a lot of family activities. Every summer we went on a family vacation and I always baby sat my younger siblings. My younger is sister is 9 years younger than me and we're really close as well. I think that as long as you emphasize from an early age this importance and if they have things in common then it will naturally fall into place. Needless to say, it can be done. Good luck!

I have 2 daughters EXACTLY 4 years apart - 4 and a half and 5 months old. My oldest was so excited to be a big sister and help with her baby sister. I think having children a little farther apart is easier because the older sibling can understand and help. My brother and I are 8 years apart and I can say that we have always been very close and still are as adults with our own families. Good luck!

Hi Kim,
I don't think the age span will make a big difference with the kids. I have two boys (19 and 18) and I have a daughter (3) and I was so worried about their relationship or closeness, but they have a wonderful relationship. I wouldn't have it any other way. Good luck on your adoption, it will happen in God's time.