Is Being a Only Child Really That Bad?

My daughter is an only child. She didn't grow up "with no one." She had playmates in the neighborhood and at school, as well as the children of my friends.
And having a sibling doesn't guarantee companionship. I have a sister, and while I love her dearly, we have little in common beyond the gene pool. Growing up, I was a tomboy, she hated to get dirty. She wanted to play with Barbies, I wanted to climb trees. She listened to soft-pop, I was all-out KISS Army.

I have a younger sister, and we have never been close. She can barely take care of herself, let alone be there for me. I have a step-sister who is not related by blood, but she is a rock in my life and my sister of the heart. Just because a child is an only does not mean they are alone. You can choose friends and friends can't be for life. Blood does not guarantee relationship. And like some of the other moms have said, spoiled comes from parenting (or lack of) and not from being an only.

I know some perfectly well adjusted only children and I know some spoiled brats.

Thing is it has little to how many kids are in the family, it is all about parenting and socialization.

There are upsides and downsides to BOTH. And (coming from a large family), whether your kids get on or not is PURE LUCK. If they have personalities that mesh you're good to go. If not? Then you'd better plan on 4+ kids in hopes that you'll get personalities that mesh.

Lots of 2 child homes kids are friends, and lots, it's loathing for 10-20+ years. Ditto 3-10. The only difference being that with more kids, the more likely you are to have a sibling you can stand, or even be buds with.

So NEVER 'have a kid' to be a companion for another kid / don't want child 1 to be alone... Because you may end up with polar opposites at best (tomboy and girly girl) or mortal enemies at worst. Have more kids because it's what is right for you and your family. If you want a companion/playmate, get a dog. :)

Just my experience.

If you have another child there is NO guarantee that your son and his sibling will even like each other, much less be friends for life. It is a myth that kids "need" a sibling to have a playmate or to have someone after the parents die. I know plenty of adults of all ages who have nothing in common with their siblings or even have little to no contact with them, and who say they never were close even as kids. So please, don't think you need to have a child for your son's sake.

An only child gets the parents' full attention; the parents do not have to run all over town chauffeuring two kids; the family gets to do things AS a family sooner because you never have to say "we can't go to that game/festival/activity because you'd like it but the younger one would be so bored and restless" -- and so on. Travel is easier. You will know your child so very well.

So have that next child only if YOU want to be a parent again -- not because you "don't want him to grow up with no one." He will have great friends and will not be sheltered or shy or self-centered because of being an only child -- those things are all myths too. If you really do lack energy -- which is even more important than time or money -- don't do it.

We have an only child by choice, she is 17.

You'll hear about the stigmas of only children and it's BS.

I've seen plenty of spoiled brats who are not only children. It is about parenting and teaching your child. Just because someone is an only child does not mean the grow up with no one. That's a silly thought... Think about school, social, friends, neighbors, etc

As for later on, our daughter is close with extended family, we've provided for her very well for her education and more. We've also provided our own set up for retirement and she will have no worries as far as us being a burden to her as we age.

Some people have children to ensure their retirement and that's not why we chose to bring her into thus world. There are no guarantees that siblings will be close and have good relationships as well.

You do what is best for your family and don't worry about naysayers. My house has always been full of children because many have told me that they prefer to be here vs at home arguing with siblings. etc.

We have no regrets. I know my time is now limited because she'll go to the college of her choice in the fall of 2013. We cherish our stable, secure home.

Good luck to you.

According to my only 19 year old daughter it is ideal and she loves her life!

A.:

You are me! Only one state away and we have a 2 1/2 year old girl.

I really want a second child but like you money is super tight and my age is not on my side.

I am grateful for what we have and what will be, will be.

And yes, ignore the b.s. "wives tales" about only-child syndrome. These "studies" were probably written by people who had five siblings :-).

Do what's best for you and your family.

I am so sick of this b.s. assumption!!! It is so untrue & pretty hurtful. It's such a sterotypical generalization.

I was an only child and I WAS NOT LONELY!!! I think it forced me to go out of my comfort zone more & made me more outgoing. I had lots of close friends that were considered family. I didn't have to share the attention, and my mom and I had a really special bond. I was always more mature & independent than my peers.

Also, just because you have more than one, doesn't mean they will be BFF's, either. DH & his brother pretty much hate each other, and they're less than 2 years apart in age.

DD is an only, pretty much. She has an older half brother that's 20 & out of the house. I see people with more than one that are overwhelmed, tired, and broke. I don't want that. I know our limits & this is what we can handle. I guess I am just really sick of the assumption that my family is incomplete or unacceptable if you only have one child. God forbid we didn't have another kid just because it's what everyone else is doing.

Kids are brats because of crappy parenting, not because they're an only. I know plenty of bratty kids with siblings & bratty singletons. It has nothing do with being an only.

I'm an only child, and had a wonderful childhood. The idea that an only child "has nobody" when they're older is just silly. Not only that, but plenty of large families have siblings who don't get along as adults (my father, one of 7 children, and my mother, one of 3 children, are both examples of this). When I got married, I gained a wonderful sister-in-law (as well as a fantastic aunt and uncle in law). I have many cousins, aunts and uncles. I have friends. By no means would I consider myself alone in the world! :)

Because I was an only child, my parents were able to send me to private schools. Contrary to popular belief, I'd say most only children have their feet held to the fire a lot more than siblings do, simply because your parents can put their laser-like focus solely on you. I wasn't allowed to get away with ANY funny business, and my grades never (and I do mean NEVER) fell below an A in any subject. I knew my parents would notice immediately and get on my case, so I just never slipped up. I'm grateful for the discipline they enforced; it has allowed me to be a very successful adult. To this day, I'm very close with my parents.

I have two children now (at the insistence of my husband). They barely tolerate each other. I would seriously doubt that these two will be best friends when they grow up, but who knows. Anyway, if you feel that your family is complete with one child, then you're all done! Enjoy your son! :)

We were in a similar boat. We had our daughter and flip flopped between having a second or not. The timing just got pushed back farther and father for one reason or another. She's turning 6 this month and I'm due with #2 in Oct. It's actually worked out nicely, she'll be starting school and away during the day so I can be focused on the new baby like I was able to with her.

The way we knew it was time for #2 was a false positive while I was on the pill. We talked and decided to take it as a sign that someone wanted to be in our lives. So I was off the pill in Nov and was pregnant by Jan.

If you aren't sure, wait another year. I personally think at least 4 years between little ones is best, but that's my opinion. Do what feels right for you and good luck.

NO WAY!!!

I have 3 but my oldest daughter's BFF is an only and she is not at all lonely. Her cousins live right across the street, and she has tons of friends. She is a VERY social kid!

Another of my daughter's friends is one of 4 kids and is VERY awkward socially!

So I think the "only child" thing has nothing to do with anything.

Do what is best for you and your husband and your family.

People get to choose their friends not their family. Just because someone has siblings doesn't mean it's best.

Plenty of pros to having just one. My kids want to do activities and I have to limit them due to scheduling and finances. With one you are not juggling everyone's needs - it's just about the one!

I grew up with an older brother and sister. They were out of the house and married before I started kindergarten. I felt like an only child. I was so lonely most of the time. I would never want anyone to live like that if I could help it.

I think that having more than 1 or even 2 is so much easier. They play together, they entertain each other, they fight but stand together against the foes, they are closer than anything else in the world can be except for married couples. They share secrets and goals. It's so much better in my opinion.

My daughter (age almost 13) has said she likes being an only child. She isn't spoiled or self-centered (not just my opinion). Has she asked for a sibling over the years? Yes. It really wasn't something I wanted - rough pregnancy with major back issued so I wasn't going to do another pregnancy. Now that she's older, she tells us she's happy being an only. She has cousins who live close by, although they're a bit older than she is.

My best friend has a brother who no longer speaks to her. She tells me it would have been less upsetting to be an only child than have a sibling who wants nothing to do with you. My husband has 2 siblings who barely speak to him. We sometimes see them on holidays (not always) and it's awkward because we barely know them. My daughter barely knows her cousins and aunts & uncles on that side of the family. He has said that he considers my sisters closer than his. Sigh.

I've had a little guilt over the years because I'm so close with my sisters. I hate that my daughter won't have that, but I'm OK with her being an only. You just have to be ok with whatever you decide.

We have one child, a 14year old girl. When she was much younger I thought about a second child, but the moment passed. I wish I had given it more thought when she was between ages 3-5, but we're good in that decision. She's independent and I love this phase. At 43 I am pass the age that I personally want to have a child. I don't want to be 50 with a kid under the age of 10. I know many people are comfortable with having children later in life. I am not one of them. Help your child develop outside relationships with others who are supportive and involved in his life. These people can become wonderful "family." And just because you have more kid doesn't necessarily mean they will have a good relationship. If you want to expand your family- go for it!

I am an only child. I dont think I knew what I was missing by not having a sibling. however as I sat in the hospital with my sick and aging mother I wanted a sibling more than ever.

I have 2 kids.. they are best friends.. and play with each other from morning to night.. but my kids are 18 monhts apart.. so they are buddies.. if you have a second child do it now so they wll play together..

My daughter was an only the first 12 years of her life. She always wished for a brother or a sister....I divorced her dad and got remarried - have two kids...now that she is older and doesn't live here - it doesn't matter.

If you can't afford one more - then don't do it. You MIGHT end up resenting the child (I know but really some parents do end up with resentment).

Hopefully you have family close by so he can play with his cousins.

Like everything else, it realy can go either way. I know of adult only children who think it's the most awful thing in the world and refuse to do that to any person and would never contemplate the idea of only having one child. But I also have other adultonly child friends who think it was nice to have all of their parents' time, energy, and resources and only plan on having one child because of that.

I totally understand that. That's how my hubby and I feel. Yes it is more expensive.....depending on your financial state, think about having another child. BUT...if you know your finances wouldn't uphold...hold off for a while. My oldest is going on 8 yrs, and my youngest just turned 3. Both boys. It's great to be able to have a brother for my oldest. We don't have outside help either. I'm a SAHM...and I will not put my boys in daycare. Just my opinion and my belief. I want my son to grow up with a sibling. Someone he can confide in....etc. Of course, on the other hand, an only child can be just as happy. :-) You do what you think is best for your family. :-D

My husband is an only. He said he never minded as a child because he always had friends to play with. It's just been in the last few years (he's almost 36) that he really wishes he had a sibling. I think he sees our 3 boys playing together and wonders what it would have been like. He also feels a huge responsibility being the only one to take care of his parents (I love his parents and they are quite well-off, so it's just the burden of decisions--nothing financial or otherwise).

Yes! But more so as an adult than as a child. Of course most kids like all of the attention when they are young, so you really can't take any accounts based on a child's/kid's POV. As an adult, it sucks. My mom and step-dad are in poor health. It will only be me to care for them.

Holidays are pretty lame, I mean we enjoy each other's company but I sooooooo wish for big family holidays and gatherings w/ a lot of laughter and food. It stinks when we go to dinner and can sit at a table of 6 for any given event like birthdays. Before my father's side of the family passed away, including my father, he had a big family and gatherings were always a blast! Now that they are gone and it is only my mom and step-dad, it is really lonely. Plus, I know there is no guarantee I would be friends w/ a sibling, but at least I would have had more of a chance of a lifetime friendship than I do now.

It really doesn't cost much more having a second child until they reach school age. If you still have all of the baby furniture and it doesn't matter about clothes unless they really, really gender specific, you would be in pretty good shape. Unless of course you don't have health insurance.

That's just my 2 cents. Of course, you need to do what is in the best interest of your family. I wish you all the best!

No. Sometimes having more than one child is worse, lol. All the fighting and no guarantee that they'll be close growing up. Every situation is different. Do whatever is best for your family.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

My limited experience has been that more people regret having or being an only child than the other way around. At the same time, only you know your family's situation and what you feel you can handle. But you have plenty of time. My kids are three and a half years apart, and I love that spacing.

I was an only child till I was 8 years old when my mom and step-dad had my sister. I grew up knowing that I wanted to have 2 kids. Right now my son is 6 years old and at the moment it isn't really possible for my husband and I to have another one. My husband on the other hand says "I was an only child and look at me I turned out fine." My son has expressed that he wants a sibling. I would love to give my son a brother or sister, just have to wait till the time is right and hopefully by then my husband would be off his "I'm an only child" part.... If you don't have the money right now then don't try it. There's nothing wrong with having another child years down the road.