The Seasons of Love

When our impulses and feelings shift a bit, we often blame the relationship when it could be something simply physiological. There is something we experience as mothers of young children that few of us understand.

Our children touch us a lot. They need to. Touch is the first language a child understands. When a young child is not touched often, they feel there is no communication, as if they are living in solitary confinement. Whether we know it or not, our hands and the touch of the child next to our body speaks volumes to the child.

But, there is a metabolic backlash in the mother's body from all that touch, because our bodies are also responding to all that touch.

When the body perceives a nurturing, protective, giving and caring touch, that body produces an increase in hormone and neuro-peptides that are nurturing, protective, and supportive to us. However, when the touch we receive is perceived as a taking or demanding touch, the body produces stress hormones. Those stress hormones are not conducive to a healthy libido.

However gentlemanly a man may be, if his body is wanting something, his touch communicates want and your body may have had it's limit of anyone's body expecting something from your body.

Because women become mothers, they more often tend to naturally develop the ability to give that selfless and nurturing touch. Some men are better at learning this than others. Can he give you a nurturing massage without becoming aroused? If not, can you find a good massage therapist to give you the kind of touch you need to help your body get its nurture and stress hormones back in balance?

So, before you go blaming the endurance of your relationship, you might explain all this to your husband and find ways to experiment with healing, balancing, and nurturing touch to see if things don't improve. I think of this sort of touch as pre-foreplay. But, this touch needs time to have it's effect. So, if you are given a nice healthy massage when he first comes home in the evening, you might be feeling a bit more sexual after the children are in bed.

Oh my dear...believe me you will go through all of those seasons more than once in your married life!!! My husband and I will be celebrating 42 years of marriage in a week and sometimes I go through all four seasons in a week!! I LOVE what Amber has to say about love coming in so many different forms. It sounds to me like you have a pretty great hubby...andf it sounds like there is a lot of love and caring between the two of you. Don't feel guilty about just wanting to sleep...you are the mother of a young child..that takes SO much energy...I can certainly wanting to just fall into bed and pass out!!!
Do YOU use those three words with your husband??? If you don't...start...if you do..keep it up...it is important for both of you to know that you are loved and valued..and think of the wonderful example that you are setting for your son!! You are NEVER way passed saying I love you...or needing to hear it....just remember that sometimes the WAY that someone shows or "says" their love is different...he is showing his love by helping you with little projects...just like you said...so concentrate on that and not on the things that you feel like you are "missing". You also need to remember that physical intimacy is not the only way for you to show your love and caring...don't make it a job...it should be fun :-)
And to answer your question...yes yes YES I have felt like this before...there have been many nights that all I wanted was to roll over, turn out the lights and go to sleep but my husband was "frisky". When I was a SAHM with 3 growing girls, there have been many times that we had a special evening planned but one of the girls had OTHER plans....like staying up all night with a case of the flu, or crying over a fight with a friend that day. You just reschedule and smile about it...it's called "life"!!!
Good luck to you and best wishes for a happy journey as you travel through the seasons of your life!!!

you are NEVER way past saying I LOVE YOU...I want you...I need you..

If you have only recently lost the urge - it could be a hormonal thing, it could be something else that is bothering you....

I can tell you from being married 14 years that you go through cycles...best way to get out of a rut is to "jump" and mix it up...

if you don't like the way you look - this is me - do something about...new hair cut, style, lose weight, join a gym...try a new bra!! :)

KISS him when he wants in the door every night - not just the perfunctory kiss - but a KISS!!! That will work!!

GOOD LUCK!!

.

we were in a rut, busy w 2 kids, been together since I was 16, sex only once a month but we started talking abt how we want it at least once a week and now look foward to it. surprise him w a bikini wax. we have been strategic during naps and put the fun back in it.

Sometimes our hormones get mixed up. I went to a doctor who specializes in hormones and he did a blood test and got me feeling young again. It is just a normal aging process. The thyroid often gets a little confused after child birth. There are really so many hormones involved.

Good advice so far - Kathy L. has an interesting take on it.

The only thing I want to add is that you and your husband really should learn to say "I love you." It is really important to say those words, not just show it. I don't know if you say it, but you should very sweetly coach your husband on saying it.