Teaching Children About 'Stranger Danger'

One of the reasons kids get so scared is that parents give them too much information. You don't need to give her horror stories about what someone could do to her or even make her worry constantly about her teachers' motives.

Teach her to trust her gut and if something feels "not right" then it isn't. Teach her never to keep secrets from you that an adult has told her... even with her dad. Teach her that adult strangers should never ask for a child's help. That includes looking for a pet, asking directions, etc. Teach her never to be alone with a stranger at all. Also, you need to teach her which strangers are okay to ask for help in case she gets lost or feels uncomfortable with a situation. Let her know that a mom with very young kids or a baby is the safest stranger. Grandmas are also safe to ask help. Teach her to do whatever she has to do to not be taken from one location to another! She needs to kick, scream, bite, and pull hair, etc, even if it makes him hit her. Once an abductor takes you to a second location, your chances of survival are very low. Also, teach her that if she is ever forced into a car to one, make herself more trouble than it's worth (by peeing in the car, or vomiting) and two, to leave evidence (hair, fingerprints with saliva, ect). It may help to act out situations with her (role play), but try to have her be the bad guy most of the time so number one you can see what her thoughts and fears are, and number two, you don't plant a fear about a situation she didn't think was possible. In the moment, if you teach her to follow her gut and be leery, she will know what to do.

I know it all sounds scary, but the biggest threat is people she knows, and following her gut will save her there.

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the fact is most problems dont happen with strangers but with people the family knows or extended family members. Strangers, especially women can be your childs lifeline. Teach your child to respect their own judgement and boundaries. If they don't want to kiss or hug someone do not force them to. Such as go give grandpa a big hug. Its their body let them decide if they want to hug granpa.

Also have an emergeny plan they can default to if they get frightened or seperated from you. Tell them to go to the nearest woman they see and ask for help. Woman are statistically more likely to aid a child. Teach them to ask for help from officers. Develop an honest sharing relationsip for them. Many perpetrators depend on the child being afraid to tell their parents what happened for fear of being chastised or called bad. Make sure your child knows what is appropriate touching and what is not.

Google the statistics on who is actuall the biggest danger to your child.

We all have a native instict built in. Make sure they respect theirs and that you don't squelch it in the name of civility. Teach them to question authority.

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An excellent video that we have is "Stranger Safety". John Walsh (America's Most Wanted) and Julie Clark (Baby Einstien Videos) pulled together to make this video. It is a wacky/fun video but conveys a very serious message to kids. They does an excellent job in sending a serious message without making kids parinoid about going outside. My 3 and 4 year old love it and are understanding the messages. I bought ours through Amazon.com. I am sure there are other places to purchase.

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www.thesafeside.com This is the best DVD out there... by far! It teaches kids about the danger of people they don't know without making them paranoid. Good Luck!

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I agree with others that are suggesting "Stranger Safety" with the Safe side superchick created by: Julie Clark and John Walsh. I checked this DVD out from the library. It might also be available to rent from a video store... I am definitely going to check out the book "Protecting the Gift" which is also suggested. Thanks for posting this request!

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I started teaching my son as soon as he turned four. At least once a week we talk about stranger danger. I explain to him that people we don't know are strangers. Some strangers are nice and some aren't. I also try to explain to him that even though some strangers are nice, they still can be bad. I let him know that some of these nice people might even try to get him to come with them or take candy and cookies from them. I let him know that he's NOT allowed to go with them or talk to strangers when he's by himself, unless either I or his grandparents give the ok. As he starts to get older, we'll start working with more complicated things about strangers. The good thing is, he's still social and loves people, but he's more aware of everyone. Hope this helps! Good luck. :D ~B.

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Hi H.:
I have used an unconventional route in teaching my littles about the dangers of strangers. I simply tell her the reality. Knowing the dangers of what could happen to her if approached by a stranger scared her enough to be more cautious of people she doesn't know. I even sat her down several times to watch the news when a child has gone missing.
Some parents may think my way of teaching is a little to drastic but when it comes to protecting MY daughters I refuse to sugar coat.
Good luck to you

I have found the DVD by John Walsh (America's Most Wanted) and Julie Clark (baby Einstein) called The Safe Side to be a great resource. I heard about it in an interview with John Walsh and got it on Amazon.com

I'm not there yet, my son is 4 1/2 and my daughter will be 1 next month. My first thought while reading your post was sit down with her and have a heart to heart, one-on-one conversation on her level. Open the conversation with something like "You're getting older now and there are people out in the world that have bad thoughts about children....." or whatever. You're absolutely right in not wanting to scare her like you were, but you also need her to be street smart. Let her ask questions, encourage her to ask questions. And take it from there. Children will only ask the questions they are ready for. Just have an open dialog with her, and let her know that she can always talk to you about anything.

If you don't already make up a "kid code" that she knows, and you know. If anyone tells her that they're there to pick her up and she doesn't know them, she can ask them for her kid code. If they don't give it to her, she knows they're lying and to not trust them. I still remember my kid code from when I was a kid 15-20 years ago. The important thing with the code is let her make it up so that she'll never forget it.

That's my best advice,
M.

Hi H.,

There is a video called "How to Raise a Street Smart Child" that I plan to use with my son when he is old enough. I know that you can get them from Amazon, and have even heard that Blockbuster or Hollywood Video chains carry them as rentals. Here is a synopsis "This program is an award-winning production aimed at educating parents on how to teach their children to be street wise. In an increasingly complicated and dangerous world, the potential for being in harm's way has affected the way today's children live. Child advocate John Walsh offers tips on ways to share advice with small children and how to warn them but not frighten them about the dangers they face." Hope this helps you!!

two great videos to help you... The first one is free...

http://www.safefromharmvideo.com/

and "Stranger Safety" with the Safe side superchick created by: Julie Clark and John Walsh

There is a great video put out by John Walsh called "The Safe Side". You can learn about it here: http://www.thesafesidedvds.com/
My son used it when he put on his Eangle Scout project which was a "Stranger Danger Safety Fair" for the kids that live in our area. The video is awesome and my younger kids watch it a lot! Just an idea!

We have a situation where there is a restraining order in place and the only visitation my daughter's dad has is through a very secure (he is searched, he is recorded, he has two supervisors at all times, and police are on the premises) visitation service. We have a lot of rules established for safety that would apply to everyone.

You children should know what city and state they live in and memorize your cell phone number. They should know your entire name (first and last). My 2 1/2-year-old knows all of this except my phone number.

No secrets and no surprises EVER. For example, you tell your children that if we ever were going to go to Disneyland, I would tell you about it in advance. (This way, if someone came up to my kids and said we were going to Disneyland as a surprise and they were there to pick them up and take them to their parents, my kids would have a warning flag in their head because mom doesn't do surprises.)

And, yes, no one is ever allowed to touch your private areas unless it is a doctor and mommy is in the room with you. Additionally, if anyone ever touches you and you feel uncomfortable with it - it is your body and you may say, "Please do not touch me. I don't like that." I tell my children that I trust their instincts in even every-day events - I think this helps them to have self confidence to know how to trust their own instincts.

In our case, my daughter (the older kids have a different dad and they do not have to see the 2 1/2 year old's dad) knows that the judge has said that the only place she is allowed to visit her dad is at the visitation center. He is not allowed to visit her anywhere else.

It is always very clear who will be picking them up if they are somewhere else. If I have told them I will pick them up, I will pick them up or talk to them on the phone to tell them who will. They never go with anyone who says that I told them to pick them up, even if it is someone they know. First, they say, "Let me call my mom and double check that with her." So, I don't think you need to run through specific scenarious although you can give examples but generalized - this is our family rule and this is what you do if something other than our norm happens.

If you give your kids clear plans, it is not scary, it is safe. And, because of my situation, I have seen firsthand that it is an empowering situation if something happens that is not supposed to and the kids know exactly what they are supposed to do. And, that is part of our job as parents - to empower our children with knowledge.

We do not discuss these things with fear because fear is not productive. Schools give fire drills without fear, we can empower our children with stranger safety without fear as well.

Good job!

S.

John Walsh had a video out now about this that I heard was great. It's a little imbarrassing, but I use videos for teaching a lot of things. Nut hey, it works! Here's the link:
http://www.thesafeside.com/?gclid=CMKE7qzzyJECFSFaagodvxDy4A

You will love the book called, "Protecting the Gift". It is a real gem.

I know this is quite after the fact, but when my children were younger, there was a karate place locally that offered a short "stranger safety" course. I sat through it with them and it was very helpful and educational. They also taught them where to "kick" a stranger that is threatening them, etc. So a little self defense was included. Checking it out is so worth keeping your little one safe.

I'm a mother of three (8, 5, & 3). We talk all the time about stranger danger, smoking and drugs. I think being open and honest and using words they understand is key. A video is nice, but you as a parent need to be proactive.

Last summer my daughter road her bike around the block and fell. Two nice ladies were walking and asked to help her. She did not want to go with the ladies, but wanted someone to get me. One gal came and got me while the other stayed and sat with my daughter until I arrived. I was so proud she stayed put until I arrived.

Just talk to your child. They are listening.

I would love to know what you find out. I am also not sure what to tell my own children. Thanks, T.

Gavin deBecker has a book called "Protecting the Gift". It was a powerful book about teaching your kids personal saftey and he makes sence. It gets away from "don't talk to strangers" and into trust your instincs. He makes some good points like, most kids are kidnaped by someone they know. And while parents teach their kids not to talk to strangers, how often do we make them be polite, say hello to daddy's boss, say thank you to the nice lady, ect?
In the mean time let your daughter know your rules. How is she to conduct herself around the block. Do you know your neighbors? Who can she go to if she is hurt or in trouble? Is she allowed to go inside? or accept food? And what should she say when the nice old lady down the street makes her cookies?
To keep her from being afraid teach her these "responsible big kid" rules. If she want's to be able to do more things she must show how big, polite, responsible she is!

check out your local tae kwon do or other martial arts center for help with classes that teach in a non-scary way. my daughter has seen the video "steal-proof master" with her tkd class several times now & we role play the different scenarios together. it's a very effective way to teach about stranger danger without making her feel over scared all the time.