As a single parent, I feel a lot of stress...but not so much where I expected it. Before my daughter was born I thought my biggest stress would be financial, it certainly plays a part, but my biggest stress is about time. My daughter is still quite young, but I start hyperventilating if I dare to think about what will happen when she is old enough for additional activities.
Already I am struggling with meeting my commitments at work, taking care of the house, trying (and failing) to find time to exercise, and being the sole caretaker of my daughter. Her dad rarely makes his visitation so I often have to use personal days from work or hire a sitter just to find a bit of time for myself and complete things that are better done without a toddler in tow.
A co-worker, with a stay at home wife, wondered aloud why I was so stressed about an impending deadline on a project. He felt that there was plenty of time. He was able to get the picture when I simply asked him how easy he thought it would be to do HIS job...plus all that his wife does. That is my life. Before I had kids, it was nothing to work nights and weekends to complete something...now everything is a balance of time and money.
From the financial side, my ex is pretty okay about paying the support. I can make it without it, but it certainly gives some breathing room. He will fall behind 2-3 months and then I call (usually because I need new tires on the car or the hot water heater has exploded) and kindly ask him to catch up so that I don't have to choose between paying the bills and feeding our child.
I am quite lucky that I work for a family-friendly company and have been quite well supported from a business point of view--with great benefits too. I am also very blessed to have an adequate income...even if it comes with sacrifices. I have to travel quite a bit. Usually away for 2-3 nights, but right now I am on my second 5 night trip in two weeks. My expenditures for childcare regularly exceed what I am paid in per diem. So that can create some financial strain when I have to travel many weeks in a row.
I combat all of this strain a couple of ways. One is to have a written budget. Knowing where the money MUST go over the long term makes it easier to say no to eating out when I really don't feel like cooking. I built a spreadsheet based on pay periods and have a very good picture of what expenses are occuring all the time. I even went so far as to look at past electric, gas, water bills and filled them in for the year so I can be prepared for spikes (electric/water in the summer and gas in the winter). I fill in things like my house insurance and car insurance. Figured out which things that if I pay biweekly means I will have some pay periods around Christmas with less fixed expenses to use for the holidays--like my car payment. It took me some weeks to get a good working model, but it have greatly relieved the stress of WONDERING if I will have the money or not. And it also helps inspire me to save now when it is clear on the paper to see I will need it in the future.
Okay, this one is probably going to draw some fire...but...another way, that goes along with the budget, it to figure out what you can pay a little late without penalties. Of course, you have to be careful with this as it can wreck your credit depending on how the utility, mortage companies, etc are reporting. For instance, my mortgage payment doesn't report it as a late payment until the 15th of the month and no late fees. I DO give them the courtesy of calling and telling them when they can expect payment and I live up to it. But a bounced check is more work and expense than arranging a later payment. It isn't like your lights are going to be turned off if you are two weeks late. It isn't the way I like to work...I was always a pay early type of person. But circumstances change and a phone call to the companies in question...before the bill is overdue...will often go a long way.
I made a lot of cuts. No cable, one phone line, found a cheaper hair stylist (who does a better job), rarely buy myself new clothes, looked at ways to better weather-proof my house.
Last, if you feel overwhelmed, find someone to talk to. At one time in my life I saw a therapist on my own when I was struggling with some major life decisions. My ex and I saw a marriage counselor...it didn't keep us from getting divorced, obviously, but he actually help me see that I was putting up with behavior that I shouldn't have. When my daughter was born I was part of La Leche League and a Mother's Group. If I could overcome my time struggle, I would see a therapist/counselor/coach on my own again. I don't want my family to worry and my friends become to "generous" with gifts if they see that I am struggling too much.
Good luck. You can make it. You will make. Remember that others' circumstances are worse than yours. If you feel guilty about being away from your kids for work, remember that they could be much worse off than having a parent that loves them but still has to provide for the family. Don't let the stress of worry overwhelm your ability to succeed.
For work at home opportunities, search the website
www.komando.com
She is a talk show host that has vetted many of these companies for legitimacy. I listen to her show quite often and have a friend who used the list to do some work at hom.
P.S. Wow...that was really long, but I feel better as I sit her away from my daughter for the second week in a row.
