35 answers

Sorry If It's Morose... Burial/disposal Options?

I attended the funeral of a co-worker today so I may just have this on the brain. About a year back I had a conversation with my Mom about what we wanted for our funerals and I told her that I had been thinking about it and I want to be cremated. My husband and I both agreed that we both wanted to be cremated and then our daughters can decide what they would like to do with our ashes. We just don't like the idea of spending exorbitant amounts of money on caskets, burial sites, etc., when we won't be needing our bodies any more.

My Mom was aghast at this idea and said that it was ''not christian'' and that she would turn in her grave if I went through with that. I didn't think it was that big of a deal... after all, like I said, once we're done with our bodies, what does it matter? What I'm looking forward to is eternal life with my heavenly father.

So what do you think? What are YOUR wishes? Why did you choose one option over another for a beloved family member?

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Great answers so far. I wish to donate as much as can I can than be cremated. No sense in taking up space once I'm no longer with my physcial body! My parents arent thrilled with the idea but its the best choice for me.

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I work in the death care industry and you really have to watch for the emotional spending with any funeral plans.
As for me--I like the idea of cremation--even the Catholic church condones it now.
It's like the ultimate recycling!
You can still have meaningful memorialization with cremation. A service, flowers, a memorial of some sort-plaque, bench, statue, etc as a permanent place of remembrance. Cremated remains can even be buried in a traditional plot and marked with a headstone or flat marker.

5 moms found this helpful

i want to donate any and all organs that can be used to save a life, if nothing can be harvested I want my body either donated to science/medical school or if that is not an option either then to be creamated. If they can take my organs then after that i want to be cremated. Once we die our body is useless, it no longer houses our souls. I, like you, know that my soul will be eternally with our Heavenly Father and we will get a new wonderful body then. I dont want a place for my kids to go and be sad. I want them to remember all the good times and rejoice in the fact that i'm with our Lord.

5 moms found this helpful

I'm the same way! I don't think our physical bodies have anything to do with our spirit and meeting God. I think it's the old school thought about being resurected with the second coming that makes cremation unacceptable for some.

Personally, I agree with you & don't like the thought of spending so much $$ on the traditional funeral. Who cares once you are in the ground? I think you can have your ashes buried also.

4 moms found this helpful

I've said many time that I want to be creamated. I then want any family and friends that are willing to take part of the ashes and scatter me to any and all bodies of water so I can be all over the world. My kids can add the ashes of my cats with me too so they can be with me too.
If anyone wants to "visit" me I will be everywhere so they don't have to travel very far ;)
I don't like cemetaries. I could think of a million other things to do with the earth then fill it with huge elaborate boxes that cost as much as a car with a body that someone's done with. It's a horrible financial burden to my next of kin. I would rather them have that money to live their lives with then to put me in the ground forever.
I have family that has done both burial and creamation. One side of the family leans more one way and the other leans more the other way. I never go to visit anyone in the cemetary. Not because I don't love them and miss them but because I don't feel like it gets me any closer to their spirit than sitting in a nice quiet park or something.

4 moms found this helpful

We will be resurrected, no matter if our bodies are cremated in an incinerator after death or burned in a car crash or exploded by a bomb.

I also wish to donate my organs. For me, I don't mind being cremated, though I will most likely be buried. It doesn't matter to me so long as my family is emotionally okay with the decision and they are forced into debt from it. But, you still have to pay for a casket to be placed an d burned in, it just won't be a nice fancy one.

3 moms found this helpful

I want to be cremated for sure! I have hated cemetaries ever since I was 13 and my brother died. My parents would always want me to go visit him with them and I hated standing there imagining his decomposed body in the coffin underground. I can't stand the idea of it. Plus cremation is better economically and better for the environment. Burial is such a waste of resources.

3 moms found this helpful

Cremated and ashes spread on the beach. I hate the idea of being stuck in a box for eternity!

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Burn me in a cardboard box and stick me on the mantlepiece. My father died a few months ago. We chose the second-cheapest coffin (it was dark wood and more masculine than the cheapest). Then we cremated him. He's still sitting in his ashes box in a paper bag on the shelf in the office. We'll eventually spread his ashes on his farm, at the beach where he grew up, and at the beach where he lived with his family. We just don't do burials in our family.

2 moms found this helpful

Great answers so far. I wish to donate as much as can I can than be cremated. No sense in taking up space once I'm no longer with my physcial body! My parents arent thrilled with the idea but its the best choice for me.

2 moms found this helpful

My pretty religious elderly aunt was cremated years ago so I think the Catholic church taboo really has been fully lifted. Maybe your mom can start thinking about it and accepting it. If it hasn't come up before, it may just take a little getting used to if she's always been religious or something. So I either want to donate my body to as many useful options as possible or be cremated if no one wants it. I'd much rather be burned and scattered in the wind than sit underground rotting and taking up space...

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My wishes are this:

1. no black allowed!
2. closed casket. I don't want anyone standing over me going "oh my she just doesn't look like herself. Ya think? I'm dead!
3. I don't care how old I am, I want my sorority picture on top of the casket. I look GOOD in that picture!
4. Open bar!
5. AC/DC, Def Lepard, Aerosmith music (you get the idea)
6. Funny stories about me
7. I want to be buried in a masoleum. Not in the ground. The ideas of worms and bugs on me drive me nuts! (I know I'm dead but still!)

2 moms found this helpful

Also a point that no one mentioned the chemicals used in traditional burials are very toxic to the environment. I don't want to be leaching chemicals into the world long after I'm gone.

2 moms found this helpful

I think if our children are still young when I die, an open casket viewing and burial plot for their sakes would be appropriate. I say this because my dad died suddenly when I was young and was creamated at my mothers request. That was fine and all and I understand why, but I never had any closure, never said goodbye, never saw his dead body or him lowered into the ground. There are still times (20 years later) that I'll be walking down the street and do a doubletake at a man passing by because he resembles my father.
Now, If the children are older and have already had a chance to say goodbyes, then I don't care what they do with me. Whatever is cheapest so that they can take that life insurance money and do something awesome with it!

2 moms found this helpful

My husband's aunt wants to have her body donated to the U of TN. I guess they have a place where they just put the bodies and then the students get to watch decomposition. All in the name if science.

We have tossed that around, plus cremation. I don't need a grave and all either. And we just cremated my grandfather. Grandma wasn't sure if it was the right thing. SHe had a hard time with the whole "it's not the way it is supposed to be done." She is also from a different era.

1 mom found this helpful

I want to be burned, my ashes buried and a tree planted on top of them. I believe in the "circle of life" and think it would be nice if my remains could fertilize a tree that might stand for decades or even centuries.
My mom wants to be buried in our family gravesite next to her parents. I thinks it's a very personal decision that depends on your beliefs.

1 mom found this helpful

It's economical. If she's opposed- talk to her about what she thinks should happen. maybe she's feel better if you had a family spot - maybe an urn could be kept near her plot?

I want to be cremated. I think the physical world is left behind when we die, I also don't want to burden my kids with burial costs. I'd rather they get and use that money for themselves.

1 mom found this helpful

I want to be burned...divied up and tossed somewhere by the choosing of several different people. I used to think that i wanted little fan pulls to hold my ashes to give to different friends so that i could let light shine on their rooms. But thats really silly, i want different people to throw me into the wind wherever they want.

Its won't be me in those ashes, it will be me in the minds of the people who are deciding where to release me, and i like that idea better.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and I have actually decided on cremation also. I had always heard it was un-christain like too. My sister, who is a missionary actually talked to me about her desire to be cremated and it all made sense to me! She believes that spending tons of money on a funeral and burial is like still holding on to earthly things, materialistic things. Once your soul is where it belongs it doesn't really matter where your body is. When your body is buried it will eventually turn to dust anyway right? So cremation is just speeding that process along! Just my thoughts on it!

1 mom found this helpful

My brother wanted to be cremated but it really upset my mom that he would not be buried with the family. So they kind of compromised. My mom got his ashes and they are buried with my other brother.
Sometimes my husband and I think about it and wonder why pay for all that extra stuff, laying it at our kids' feet to decide and pay for. Not sure what direction we will take as we get older--which we have EVERY intention of doing. I honestly think that laying in a casket for all eternity is a waste. In the old, old days, they wrapped the body and buried it, no casket.

1 mom found this helpful

If I were to be buried I want water near me, whethers it is a river, lake, stream, creak, etc..... and a tree for shade. I hate being hot, lol.

If I were to be cremated I DO NOT want to be thrown in water. Funny I know since I wish to be buried near water. But I don't want people swimming in/with me. But I still want my tree for shade.

It will be my husband or childrens choice what they want to do with me... but I would like for them to stik with the above criteria.

:)

1 mom found this helpful

The idea of my dead body being consumed by menacing flames horrifies me. I also would like to die if in a vegetative state and to donate my good organs to sick people, but I want for my son, and whoever loved me in life, to have a place to come visit the wordly remainder of what was me. Growing up, i always felt so much comfort in visiting my grandparents and close relatives in a cemetery. No distraction there, no room for volatile thoughts, just direct contact with what really matters: a reminder that we get to be in the world for a short time and we need to make the most of it, loving hard ourselves and our loved ones who will only be with us for so long. I don't want a funeral, flowers or music. My soul will need complete silence to connect to the silent pain of the people who will come visit me. It's funny how immortality comes through death. No matter how we want to handle it.

1 mom found this helpful

I am going to be cremated.

If I was totally in control of this, I would want to do things as they used to be done a long time ago. I would like my family to wash and dress my body, have a wake in a family member's home, and then be buried on the "family farm". None of this is possible. So just cremate me and throw a memorial party with singing, dancing, and whiskey drinking!!

1 mom found this helpful

I think the older generation has a difficult time with cremation because it just wasn't done way back when! Keep your plans to yourself. Your mom won't REALLY turn over in her grave because, like you said, she won't be there---only her worn out shell! My husband and I will be buried in the family cemetery because it's always been done that way, but my children have expressed their desire to be cremated. I say whatever gives you peace is what's okay. I've even thought that if my husband dies before I do, and I have to move to the east coast where my girls live, I might opt to be cremated to cut the expense of shipping my remains back to the family cemetery. Certainly a box of ashes will cost less than a body in a casket!!! I know "where" I'll be. The Bible clearly states "dust to dust and ashes to ashes . . ." so what is the big difference???

I either want to donate my body to science and/or cremated. I believe hubby has the same wish, unless he has changed his mind and not told me. At my funeral I want a lunch, good memories shared, a good christian service filled with love and the Word, yes there will be sadness and people need to morn but I want them to know that this is not the end but the start of life for me in heaven.

It is NOT unchristian to be cremated. A majority of my faithful christian relatives have choosen that and they are in a little mausoleum behind their church.

I laugh every time the phrase "turn over in the grave" is used... all I can think is your dead, not possible, you are not going to care because frankly you and I will be dead. I do try to keep my mouth shut because some are touchy about it but I am not scared of death so have no fear talking about it. I like to joke with hubby that we have started my daughter's college fund but we need to start our burial fund saving too.

In the end I think whatever the person's wishes are that other should respect those wishes to the best of their ability. Of course when I go to a funeral my shirt is always a cheerful color, with a black cardign or suit jacket over it, I just can not be all black there is much joy still in life.

I don't remeber reading in the Bible that it was frowned upon. I'm not going to be cremated, because my family is big on doing a "viewing." I think that's gross, but people seem to need it for closure, that chance to say goodbye face to face, I guess. The older generation has some differant views for sure. My mom is vilonetly opposed to organ donation and was livid when I told her I was a donor. She thinks if a dr knows you are a donor, they won't try as hard to save you. That doesn't even sound logical to me. But, when she passed, I respected her wishes and she went into the ground intact....after a proper viewing of course!

First donate my body to science and let them have fun with it!! :) then cremation...like you - don't want to spend money on things I will not be able to enjoy!!!

If the family feels like a headstone is needed somewhere - fine...but really? I would hope that they will keep their memories of me alive..

As to my parents - they have both stated they didn't care either way...they do have plots with my mom's side of the family...so ....I guess it all depends upon our financial situation when my parents die...my siblings and I have told them to write it all down.

I want to be cremated. The thought of being buried, with the possibility of waking up scares me to death (hey, you never know). I am too claustrophobic to be put in a box in the ground.

My Mom's going to medical school when she dies to be a student's cadaver.
After 1 year she will be cremated and the ashes returned to me.
As far as I know it will cost nothing.
She thinks throwing money away on the dead is a waste.
My husband and I wish to be cremated when our time comes.

I absolutely want to be creamated. I think it is selfish to demand the use of land well beyond your existence. The globe is a finite space. If people continue to reproduce and bury the dead, then eventually we will run out of land to bury.

I recently experienced the only downside. A friend of mine passed away last year and was creamated. On his birthday I really wanted to visit him. Since there is no grave I really don't know how to talk to him when I miss him. Instead I chose to send a note to his father, but it wasn't the same.

My mother in law passed away two years ago. We all had such a hard time making these decisions at that time. She had a nice church funeral with traditional viewing the night before. After all of that her body was cremated and we placed her ashes in an urn and had a private internment ceremony to place the urn in a niche.

I swore my children would never be placed in that position. We bought an entire section of niches "a family wall" if you will. I know it was important for my sister in law and husband to know they would all be close together. I didn't mind the idea of being placed next to my husband and his family as long as my children also would have the option to be by me. So it was a huge investment and every month that I make the payment I think "I have to pay for our death condos". If we had not decided to do that at that time we would not have had the chance to have a block all together so I don't regret the decision.

As far as cremation I prefer that because as some others have said, I don't want to take up a lot of real estate. That being said, I've told my husband and family that if I die under suspicious circumstances I might want them not to cremate my body until the matter is resolved.

My husband and I just discussed that we should complete our plans by mapping out the entire funeral we would want complete with music, readings, church selection etc. I like the idea because then our funerals would really have our own personalities and we would get a chance to have some parting words. We joked that the top of my husbands song list would be "Spriit in the Sky". http://youtu.be/WPPlGFh6OpQ

My grandparents both felt the same as your mom. My whole family is christian and some do want to be creamated, including my hubby and I. I think its a personal choice and religious beliefs should not factor into it.

I'm currently debating between having someone dump me in a glacier for some hiker to find in 5,000 years ;) and getting squished into a manmade diamond (lifegem).

But really, I don't care. Cremated or buried if I happen to leave enough of me behind to do something with.

It is my belief that when our energy/spirit/soul returns to the Great Mother for use in new life, our body should do the same. I will be cremated and have my ashes spread.

I purchased my cremation plan in my mid thirties. I watched as several of my family and friends endured huge burial costs for their parents and made a decision that putting that burden on a grieving family was absurd. All funeral homes exploit a families grief by using hardsell techniques that drive funeral costs way beyond a resonable rate. When I purchased my creamation plan in the mid 1980s it cost me $600. My hubby & family freaked, but I explained that my Native American Indian heritage prompted me to explore the historical traditions and I found that my tribe wrapped their dead, placed them on platforms high in the air and burned them so that the soul could be released in the smoke to the heavens. A far better thought than dropping $15K on a funeral that I consider a total waste of money and space. My mother and sister each owned a burial policy which they thought would cover their burial costs. I reviewed their policies and explained that their coverage was only covered expenses up to $3K, at $1000 per day to use a funeral home just for viewing, with no other things covered, that $3K wasn't going very far. After careful thought, they each cashed in their burial policy for cash value and purchased a cremation plan, which during the mid 2000s cost them $1600 each. After learning of the extreme cost his step-mom had to bear to bury his father, my hubby has now changed his mind, but has not purchased a cremation plan. Just in case he does not do so, I have prepared a file containing contact information for the Neptune Society, which provides organ/tissue donation and cremation services for those who have not prepared as well as those seeking such services in a pre-paid plan. They will also arrange for donation of the entire body to scientific research with free cremation after one year. I advise anyone that has made a personal decision to purchase a plan. Do not leave this decision to your grieving family members, it's not fair and if you do not make plans you are passing your personal responsibility off to someone else to do your job.

Years ago my husband and I bought a double depth plot at a local cemetary planning when we died, wed be buried together. We used to laugh about whoever goes first, has to be on the bottom forever. We had young kids and knew if we were to die while they were still young, they might want a place to go to and sit and talk to us, or just feel closer to us and they might not usderstand or be comfortable with the idea of cremation. As they grew up, and fortunately, we lived, we started thinking about selling the plot and planning to be cremated. The kids are adults now and it wont bother them so much. Having ashes scattered somewhere was ok, but not a big deal to us. Keep me in a jar in the garage,, whatever. But, then our town raised enough funds for a veterans cemetary and since my husband is a vet, he will be in a wall niche' for free, and I can be in the same one for a small cost. About $500. So just a few weeks ago I went to the cemetary where we have the double plot and asked about rules and laws concerning selling ours and after talking to them, I have decided to keep it for some other day, in the future for one of our kids, or someone else whom may need it and doesnt qualify for the veterans cemetary. We paid about $1100 for it way back in 1985 and it is now worth $6000. So we are keeping it as an investment and it is in our will as inheritance to our kids.
My mom left her body to science. She had it all arranged and paper work tacked to the front door, "in the event of my death", ,,and then numbers to call and orders to not let anyone do anything to her until the peope called with instructions. She was in a rest home when she died and the call was made to the right people and in a very respectful kind manner her body was taken to Stanford for the medical research classes.(mom always wished shed had a chance to go to college) They use them to learn and teach, and observe and afterwards, they cremate the remains and bury them...all at no cost to the family. So, we didnt have to buy a casket, or dress her nice, or pay for anything. She had said she wanted some place where people could see she had lived and meant something to the world so my sister and I bought a small headstone(from a catalog) And by ourselves, installed it in her husbands family plot. We made a spot where we can put a flag, and imbedded a Womans Marines emblem since she had been in the Marines, and we planted flowers that come back every year. We had a plaque made that says, "daughter, sister, wife, mother, seamstress, gardener, quilter." It was so little money to do this, but so special. We stop by to visit and clean up a bit every time we go thru that town, and last time we sat eating pastrami sandwiches and painting the angel on the head stone with glitter paint. Even tho mom isnt really there, we think she would have laughed about that and wanted a bite of the sandwiches.

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