Who cares what anyone else thinks. Every family is different. My grandpa died last Tuesday. He lived in Arizona with my GP. Half of the family is here, other half in Florida. My aunt flew from here to Az after he died to help my Grandma pack up and come to NY to be with family. The Florida relatives all flew to NY. My GP was cremated in AZ. There is apparently a 2 week delay on shipping the ashes. Customs, permit, I have no clue. Anyways. He was Jewish so we had basically shiva at my aunt's house here in NY for 3 days. Concurrently, the uncles and aunts decided to have a memorial for GP here (he grew up in NY BTW, and his parents are buried here). They did not want to wait 2 weeks and have to fly back to NY, everyone had already missed alot of work traveling to AZ when my GP got sick a couple of months ago, so people at this point wanted to wrap it up, get my grandma situated and so on. So long story short, we found the burial plot where my GP's parents were buried here in Long Island. We all went there on Monday morning and had a very beautiful private family only memorial service there. Hundreds of other friends of family came over a 3 day period to pay respects to my aunts' house, bringing loads of yummy food too.
PS A beautiful poem was read at his memorial which I thought I'd share:
Death is Nothing at All
- Henry Scott Holland
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.