Son's Aggresive Behavior

Hi S.,

Sorry to hear about your struggles. As a mom of four boys, I know how hard it can be just on the normal day to day stuff!! Most employers have an "Employee Assistance" program. Check with your husband's HR dept. They will give you a few free counseling sessions and make recommendations. We used it a few times, and found it very beneficial. God Bless!

Hi S.!
I dealt with a very physically angry little girl a few years ago. Our daughter was 3 at the time and we had no idea what was wrong...she had always been such a sweet soft angel and then almost overnight she became so angry. My dad was one of the factors that helped us get through that situation and still is helping to this day with certain aspects that are lingering for our daughter who is now almost 6.
My dad's name is MICHAEL RUSSELL and he is a licensed Family Therapist and Counselor. He works for the state of Texas at MHMR in Austin but also runs his own private practice. The name of his private business is CROSSING POINT and his office is located in Pflugerville. His rates are EXTREMELY reasonable and he will always work you in right away. I do know he is off work from MHMR in Austin today (Friday, Mar 13) in fact! Feel free to give him a call and possibly set up an Assessment Appointment for your son. His business number is ###-###-####. I guarantee the most you'd wait to see him is a couple days at most if you can't make it in to see him today!
In my personal case, I spent a summer of torment with my then 3 year old and her unexplained agression and outbursts daily. As a professional my dad would not diagnose family. But no one else would help me. 6 months i asked for help from pediatricians and my family doctor...no one saw any problems other than a defiant angry toddler. My dad finally stepped in when I asked for a recommended counselor for myself. HE was able to watch and listen to me and my daughter and it was HE who urgently had me contact a neurologist for her. Turns out my daughter was diagnosed with Absence Seizures, a type of hard to diagnose Epilepsy. Now that she's been under the neurologists care for 2 years and her meds are straightened out, all we're dealing with is the ups and downs of Kindergarten year! yeah! :)
So I would urge you as one concerned and frightened mother to another, please call him asap! You and your son will experience relief with his assistance!!
Best wishes and good luck!

B. Tolento

Does you son display this behavior at school? Have you discussed this with his teacher? What is she noticing about his behavior? What is his behavior in the classroom on the playground? Is he making any friends? Is he completing class work and homework?

If he is fine at school and only behaving like this at home, you may need to think back to what really started this behavior. Has there been any other changes going on in the family? Has he had a physical check up? Try to keep notes with dates and times about his behavior (do not let him know you are doing this) so that when you do go to a counselor you will have a record of his behavior. Remember to include all actions you take in response to his behaviors.

Even though he is having trouble controlling his “feelings” his behavior must not be tolerated. He still should be expected to use an inside voice. No hitting no shoving. He must follow the house rules and respect YOUR house. When he misbehaves, he needs to be placed in time out. He must face consequences. He should be made to help repair the damage he makes.

Many, many children go though major moves with their families and they do just fine. You must give him the tools to express his feelings, but not go overboard wallowing in his anger. You need to also not project any of your own regret about this decision to have moved. He cannot handle this and it is your responsibility to protect him from fearing change. Use the attitude that “this is an adventure”.” This is a chance to make lots of new friends”. Let him have some choices. How would he like to decorate his new room? How about hanging some cool posters? You all could start planning on how the back yard should be set up.

If he is making friends at school, tell him if he can keep it together for a week, he can invite a friend over or you will take them to go bowling or whatever. You are the parent, do not think the worse. This will just continue to upset your whole household. You set the tone.
I am sending you strength and good thoughts.

S.,
Boys seem to have one emotion which serves for all things and it is anger. Help him to identify exactly what he is feeling. Learning to use words instead of fists is the first step to being civilized.
After checking with school to see how things are going there and fixing what may need fixing, I would look at triggers at home and you and your husband may need to be observing him all the time.
I would get him a punching bag, bean bag chair or pillow where he can go and release his feelings. Sometimes, that is necessary before he can be calm enough to deal with them. I may be mis-reading your own feelings in your post, but it sounds like you are feeling sorry for him. I can understand that, but this is not the time for that. He needs you to first protect him (and his siblings) from his anger so there should be severe consequences for acting on his anger. Have that conversation before there is an inicident as he won't be able to hear you in the heat of the anger. Use stickers, charts, stones in jars to track his progress. When there is ANY progress, (4 incidents a day instead of 5) give him a reward -more TV, M&Ms, whatever works in your house
If this behavior just surfaced after the move, then it is a reaction and not ingrained and the sooner he learns to express his grief over things he had that he no longer has and starts to look forward to new friends and feelings of competence in his new setting, he will be fine. Of course, by then you might have found a therapist.......it's always like that.
You might help him to construct a scrap book of things he misses from your old town/house/school and allow him ways to maintain contact with some of them or look for replacements (things not people). Remind him that you too miss things, then transition into things you now have that you are enjoying.
Good luck, this is hard.
K.

There's nothing wrong w/ aggressive behavior as long as it's projected externally in a constructive manner. For example, if he's having difficulty controlling his negative emotions, get him a punching bag and hang it up in the garage or even in his room if it's big enough. Get him some boxing gloves and perhaps even allow him a few clases in the gym on boxing and allow him to go at the punching bag every day when he gets home from school. He'll feel much better once he gets it out of his system. After he's worn out from the bag, sit down with him and talk to him about what could be bothering him. If he won't talk to you, perhaps you have a male friend he could bond with and talk to? One that would be like a big brother or perhaps in his teens? They have Big Brothers/Big Sisters here in Central Texas. Here's the link to check it out: http://www.bbbscentraltx.org/Live/_index.shtml

Hope this helps,
Jen

Hi S.,

I would suggest you look into his diet. Has he been on antibiotics at any time in his life? Take the sugar and carbs away and feed them more fresh veggies and non sugary fruits like berries, avocodes, pink grapefruit, lemons, limes, ect.

Here is a good website to learn about natural healing

www.creeksideherbhouse.com

Go to the theory page and learn how natural healing actualy works. When you understand that, I would start with some herbal peppermint tea with raw pure honey to help clean them out. With children you work with childrens Protiotics, childrens calcium and childrens mineral supplements.

My contact information is at the bottom of the theory page.

Hope this helps

Blessings
J. M

Right now I am training to become a certified emotional release therapy counselor. I would highly, highly recommend this modality as it goes straight to the source of the emotion (the anger), and works through it, releasing it in a safe way so the individual is no longer burdened with it. The method utilized is so much more effective than mere counseling because it doesn't just work with the brain, but the brain and the heart together, actually resolving the anger, not just talking about it. It's called the Institute of Healing Arts, and their phone number is ###-###-####. They are located out of state but are extremely adept at doing phone sessions and are amazing with children. Blessings to you! It's going to be okay, you're awesome for getting him assistance now.

I would put him in karate. Master Niblocks ATA teakwondo is great.

Have you spoken to his school counselor? I would start there, they may be able to refer you. I wish you all the luck!