Specific Ideas on Anger Direction

I found that THE BEST parenting technique is mirroring their feelings, which always reduces the behavior. The preschool that my kids attended had monthly speakers and I learned that technique from one of them. All you have to do is describe to the child what you perceive he is feeling: "It looks like you are mad because __________ (fill in blank)." You often don't have to say much more. And you don't usually have to "fix" the situation either. Often the child just can't have what he wants, but mirroring his emotion makes him feel better. Try this technique -- it's AMAZING! It will even work on your husband.

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When my 18 month old gets angry, we get out the play-dough and throw it against the ( clean) kitchen floor. When I get angry, I also get out the play dough and throw it against the kitchen floor. It's easy to make ( salt, flour, cream of tartar, water) and easy to clean up. It's good to express anger (safely)!

My husband and I tell our son (5) that is is ok to be angry or frustrated. Since he was 3and 1/2 we have been telling him that when he gets angry or frustrated he should go to his room until he is ready to talk about it in a civilized manner. He will go to his room and when he's ready to talk he'll emerge. Sometimes this takes only 5 minutes, sometimes he's in there for an hour (reading or playing). We try not to disturb him during these times and if we must we always knock on his door before entering. We have found by letting him decide when he's ready to talk our discussions about why he's upset go much more smoothly. We don't even have to send him to his room anymore, he sends himself.

Although I'm not a mommy yet, I have been a nanny for the past year and a half. I have found that making them sit at the table and color tends to calm them down enough to talk to them about why they're angry. When my baby is born and starts the anger emotion, I will use this to calm them down. It works for my kids and I hope it'll work for yours.

Good Luck!

My daughter is 2 1/2 with a temper.(she gets it from me) I always acknowledge her feelings and why she is feeling angry. When she is crying, I tell her it's okay to cry if she needs to. Then I calmly talk about the "bad feelings" she is having. I ask her to take a deep breath with Mommy and "blow out those bad feelings". We do it over and over until she calms down. The other day she was really angry because I flushed the toilet and she wanted to.(she was stalling at bedtime) I explained that she had her chance and while she was crying she was trying to say something. I finally understood after the 3rd or 4th time I understood. She was saying "I want to take a deep breath"! She reminds me to blow out the "bad feeling" when I get upset now. So cute and right! I read somewhere that is important to validate their feelings and it seems to work for us.
Good luck,
L.