Son Having Trouble in Pre School

Hi N.,

I have a 10 year old son and from the time he was about 18 months I knew that something was a little off with him. He was extremely active and could not concentrate on anything. In my gut I just knew that he had ADHD. I worked with other kids and I knew what was "normal" behaviour and what needed attention. When he was about to turn 5 I found a good Dr who diagnosed my son with ADHD. He was given a prescription and about a month later began Kindergarten. Within the first week of school the teacher was calling me telling me that she felt he had concentration and hyperactivity issues. After that I went back to the Dr many times to figure out the right medication and dosage. So now here we are 5 years later and I have had many of his teachers tell me that you would never even know he had the disorder. My son excels in school and is able to live life just as the other kids do. I have had many people tell me how great it was that I got him help right away and I agree with them. It has improved his quality of life a 100% and it just wasn't worth sitting back and watching him struggle.

My advice to you would be if you feel in your gut that this is something your child might have then seek medical advice. A mother and father know their child the best and only you will know what the right decision is for your child.

Hi Amy,

First of all, pre-school is not too young to test for certain problems that could prevent him from focusing. In fact, the earlier you intervene, the better, because if he has a problem and you wait until he starts kindergarten, that problem won't be fixed for a while and he may need to repeat kindergarten. Ask for an occupational therapy and speech pathology evaluation from your doctor or call a child development center and tell them what you have written us and see what they have to say. It is true that some issues cannot be diagnosed until later, but not true of all, and so many can be fixed early on, avoiding a slew of troubles in elementary school. Good luck!

Oh boy does your note bring back memories! If you'd like sometime I'll share our journey.

If you could find a root cause for the behavior would you want to learn more about it? There are so very many things that look like ADD. I have a very good CD about it...would you like to listen to it?

warmly,
M.

I want to tell that I had my son tested for the same reason when he was three. My insurance company would not pay for it and it cost me $300.00 and that was three years ago. The psychiatric that gave the test told use that there is no good way to test for adhd. The test is only as good as the person answering the question. He even showed us were the teacher contradicted her self on the test. Its all based on the opinion of the person answering the question. Our test showed bored line and that he was very defiant. I just laughed that we paid three hundred dollars tell us are son was defiant and did not listen. I already knew that. That is why we were getting him tested. My docotr said that if he was going to show problems it would be around 5th grade. He is there now and he is showing problems getting his homework done. They did recommended giving him something to do with his hands to keep him busy and this will help him from disrupting the class. We did do this and it worked great. I started in the third grade my preschool teacher did not think and it was a good idea. But he still uses it to date even at home when he is doing homework. Also they told us a lot the behaviors are learned. interrupting and thing like are learned habits so be consistent at home and discipline him every time he does at home. Good luck and if you have any more question feel free to email me. M.

N.,
I am a chiropractor in Eastpointe, MI, and I have seen and helped several children and adults that have been diagnosed as ADD/ADHD. There are several areas that we address in the office. The first is the nervous system. Chiropractors are not neck and back pain doctors in reality we work with the spine to allow for optimum nervous function. Our bodies are self healing and self organizing. The central nervous system (our brain and spinal cord) and the peripheral nervous system (the nerves that branch out of the spinal cord and go to the cells, tissues, and organs in our bodies) control how our bodies heal and organize itself. If there is any interference in the communication of our nervous system with the body, then there will either be increased activity or decreased activity, either way the body is no longer functioning at it’s highest potential. Chiropractors call this interference a subluxation (sub-lux-a-tion). This interference/subluxation is caused by three major life stresses- Physical stress (trauma, repetitive motions, poor posture); Biochemical stress (preservatives in food, drugs- prescription, alcohol, smoking); and Mental or Emotional stress.
By allowing the nervous system to function properly this allows the symptoms to decrease as the underlying cause is treated.
The second area that we look at with ADD/ADHD patients is their nutrition. Many people have food allergies that result in behavioral issues as well as being deficient in vital vitamins and minerals. We have a creating Wellness and Intervention Program that we co-manage care of our ADD/ADHD clients that focus on the nutritional and chemical aspect and other areas of ADD/ADHD.
If you would like additional information for you, your son and your niece, we have a website www.khalilchiropractic.com with a link to the Wellness Center. I can be reached at Khalil Family Chiropractic ###-###-####.

Yours in Health and Wellness

Dr. B. G

When my son was younger, he was very much like yours. Some children mature more slowly. At his age, I agree that you need to give him some time. As a society, we are so pressured to teach our children to grow up so quickly. I think there is something to letting them be kids for a little while. He will probably grow out of this. If not, there are many options for you. I know about a natural solution to ADHD if it comes to that. But, right now take a deep breath and wait it out.

Good luck!

S.

My 3.5 yr old is in a Co-op preschool and ALL the kids act exactly like you describe. I think it is NORMAL typical behavior for a 3-4 year old!!!! Some of the other kids (esp the girls) may be able to focus better - but most (esp boys) can't focus for too long - and they all interrupt! Maybe he needs an extra year of preschool if he is getting close to 5 yr old. We expect WAY too much out of our little ones, I think. Is it a short school day? Is it a full day? Maybe a different time would be better (my guy would do terrible in an afternoon class, much better in the morning). Think of it this way - the teacher may just be giving you "things to work on" rather than telling you there is "something wrong" with your child. Growing up is a process.
Here is another question - can he focus when he really wants to??
L. R

N.,

I think it's ironic that we both have only's that are named David! I know exactly what you are talking about, my son was born in December - a week before Christmas - and I found that he is about six months behind other children socially. This is just how he was wired. My husband is the same way, he was a slow learner when it came to developmental milestones. David also has multiple food intolerances that change the chemistry in his brain which in turn affect his behavior. We have seen a significant change since we eliminated the "bad" foods three years ago.

I would suggest that you spend some time with a child who has obvious signs of ADHD who is not on medication and see if you are seeing any of these major signs in your son. All children will exhibit some of the symptoms in varying degrees, but is your son acting very similar to these children and on the same level of intensity?

I thought my son was on the autism spectrum until I met with two children who have autism. I now know that it was my imagination blowing up what I thought was a problem into something huge. It turns out my son is fine, he is more accustomed to working with adults rather than other children and this difference is obvious on the play ground and in his interactions with classmates. During kindergarten he was easily distracted by his classmates because our home is very orderly and we keep the distractions to a minimum. Halfway through the school year our David really started to adjust and now that he is in first grade he is really thriving.

If you are really concerned then have him checked out by a child psychologist or someone who knows about child development, but keep in mind that sometimes professionals will see a problem that is not really there, because they are looking for a problem. Listen to what they have to say, do research on your own, discuss things over with your husband, and finally make your own judgement. You and your husband know your son better than anyone else ever can. Always keep that in mind.

A great way to work with your son to increase his attention span would be to play games with him every night. After dinner sit down and play a short board game where each person has to take turns and be patient. Pick a game that is only a few minutes long at first and slowly increase the time it takes to complete. Make sure that your son does not get the first turn each time to teach him about sharing. Model good behavior when losing, when winning, and when a turn did not go the way you wanted it to. Congratulate each other on your successes, sympathize for the failures, and talk about the fun you are having playing together.

Playing a bean bag tossing game can teach him how to stand in line without touching other people (mine had problems with this) and where the end of the line is.

Also try to play silent games where the goal is to communicate without speaking. You can draw, point, gesture, make faces, but can't make a sound.

Good luck with preschool!

-C..

A friend of mine was having similar problems with her 4 year old son, he was also having problems sleeping at night. Her doctor suggested that because of his young age that she give him a test at home. He suggested that she give him a half a glass of Mountain Dew to drink with his supper meal. Mountain Dew has one of the highest amounts of caffein in it. If the child has ADD or ADHD the caffein works like this..... Lets say you get into your car and start it up..... the engine races...... so you quickly tap the gas peddle giving it more gas... it slows down to normal. She tried it for a week, and by the end of the week he was ready to go to bed within an hour after eating his supper! Also he slept through the night which was something that he had not done in over two years, and was able to concentrate better in school. Now that he is older they have him on medication and he is doing fine.

In my opinon, most 3-4 year old children are very active, don't like to listen, test boundaries and tend to not want to focus, especially boys! I have 2! They are not ready for school at this age. Preschool is like daycare, except they are more structured. My oldest was in preschool for 2 years, and we ended up haveing some behaviour problems because of things he "learned" at school... like trying to get away with things, not to mention their rules were not the same as ours at home. It is confusing. Not to mention, you said that there are 19 kids, and I bet ages 3-young 5 running around a room, and 2 teachers. Of course a kid will try to pull things! I have seen many kids in my son's preschool class mess around and were able to get away with it, although there were 3 teachers and 15 kids, that is still 5 to 1. Can you imagine what these poor teachers go though? That is a lot of energy in a lot of kids!
I would not worry about ADHD or ADD or anything like that. If you label him that way, it is all you are going to see in him eventually and all you are going to expect. Your boy sounds like a normal boy who has a lot of energy and needs to learn some self-control on how to use his energy effectivly in a good an positive way. My oldest son, who just turned 6 acts a lot like how you described your son. Not everything, just some things. He still doesn't quite listen when he is told to pick up toys and has to be reminded. He has been disciplined on it. And will continue to be until he learns. My younger two do the same thing, my daughter is 4 1/2 and my younger son is 2 1/2. It is normal.
My advice, take him out of preschool, work on disciple, teach him how to focus his energy on things he likes to do, like sports, or painting or whatever it may be. When my oldest son sits down and starts to write out his words and such, or even coloring in a color book he stays still, focuses really good. Strange though with him being the most active one. But he is also really fast and loves to run.
Please don't label your son or let some doctor put the label on him! He is a beautiful and precious child who has unique gifts that God has given him! If some doctor says he has ADHD OR ADD, they would want to medicate him.... I don't know about you, but I would only medicate my kids if they are ILL and need it! Not for something to do with a brain/thinking etc! That is wrong.
I am sorry for being blunt. I do hope this helps though

N., you didn't say how old your little sweetie is...maybe he is not ready for a regular pre-school setting yet. Is he younger than most in the class? One of the most important things for toddlers to learn is everything has a beginning and an end. Every task has steps that must be completed for an end result. Keep in mind he is NOT just a little adult. I think sometimes the expectations in a classroom setting are that everyone be the same, a nice little classroom of robots. Have you looked into a Montessori school? I would suggest going to visit one. The Montessori Method (too long to tell here) is an amazing method. All three of my girls went to Montessori as toddlers....they were 18 months old. The best thing was they learned to love to learn and the focus of the classroom was not discipline, it was learning. Just because he isn't focusing and listening doesn't mean he has ADD or ADHD. Those things are WAY overdiagnosed. Be careful of testing "in the system" as he could be misdiagnosed and branded for his whole school life. Lots of the other responses sounded good to me...check his diet and sleep habits.

HI N.
I loved the suggestion of watching what he eats. We are way more sensitive to foods than is acknowledged. I see it all the time with our neighbors. The kids are wonderful. But when they have processed foods, or candy they go nuts. Don't listen, are rude, don't know what to do with themselves and act out. My child is the same, only I see it faster since we only use low glycemic index sweeteners like brown rice syrup and agave nectar. I suggest food logs, it took a long time to find my family is sensitive to wheat. And the wide verity of reactions we got were all different from each others. Any way here's a link to something I found for ADHD and food.
http://goldbamboo.com/relate-tl1093-tr1578.html

My other thought was of my cousin, he'd had a hearing problem, that was discovered because of his behavior. All he needed were tubes in his ears.

I think were to quick to label children, once it's on a school log there stuck with it. I believe most problems people have can be corrected by good nutrition.

Good luck, A. H

Hi N. -

My oldest son (now 6 and in kindergarten) also struggled with the structure of preschool. He also is a very bright child but is/was very energetic and had a hard time focusing (as well as a speech delay which impacted his social development). Our preschool teachers (he was in a special speech preschool at the time where the ratio was 4:1) would tell me every few months that my son was having difficulty paying attention in circle time, would get up and wander around, wouldn't answer when they asked him to do things, etc (to the point were I was often on the verge of tears trying to figure out what to do for my little boy). I talked to my pediatrician and thank goodness he is aware of more childhood delays than ADD/ADHD (which is where the preschool teachers were "gently" trying to direct me) and Autism. My pediatrician (Dr. Brian Engel, Northpointe Pediatrics in Warren) told me about Sensory Processing disorders in children and directed me to a wonderful clinic in St Clair Shores for assessment. Children with sensory issues can often show signs that look like Autism or ADD/ADHD. In my son's case, one of his issues was difficulty with loud noises which caused his auditory system to shut down (which is why in classroom situations he wouldn't answer when they called him because he literally didn't "hear" them even though he has no physical hearing problem). If your home is pretty distraction-free, as ours was until our next 2 boys came along, then it would be a big adjustment for David in a preschool situation that MAY be hampered by some sensory issues.

My recommendation is to not let them push you into an
ADD/ADHD diagnoses just yet. Definitely give David time to adjust and think about looking into a Sensory evaluation (which is completely non-invasive and uses a play-based approach) to see if there is anything that may be impacting David's ability to focus. The name of the clinic I used was Sensory Systems Clinic in St Clair Shores (www.sensorysystemsclinic.com) and there is also a book called "The Out-of-Sync Child" which is a good resource.

Good luck and know that it will all work out and you are already doing the most important part, you are being your child's advocate as only a parent can be. As I mentioned above, my son is now in kindergarten and doing quite well, we still have some noise sensitivity issues but by having the sensory eval. done we can now make his teacher aware and work with her to try and make the best possible school environment for him.

R.

Hello N.,
One of my children had this same problem and at the time, which was some time ago, I took her off all forms of sugar in the morning...jam, breakfast cereal, etc. Today, with the understanding I have from researching this issue, I would have done one additional thing. Today, I would add giving fish oil. It is great for the brain and is proven to help kids who have ADD problems. My granddaughters are taking fish oil capsules from mercola.com, they are 4 yrs. and 10 years old. Their mom was on an antidepresant when she found out she was pregnant for her youngest daughter and I encouraged her to take liquid fish oil (Carlson's) instead of the meds and to let you know... her daughter is so sharp and way beyond the average 4 year old. (The doctor told my daughter she could stay on the meds while she was pregnant!!_...I didn't agree. We have proof of the effectiveness of fish oil! My husband and I take liquid Carlson's orange flavor fish oil (which tastes good) every day. If you get liquid make sure you keep it refrigerated. The kids could take liquid too..not sure the dosage, you could ask your health food store employee, or ask on mercola.com Also, read online about all the benefits of fish oil. I take Carlson's because I know it is proven to be one of the best in its quality. I believe going the natural way is crucial! I rarely go to the doctor because I find natural ways that do the same thing doctors do...but, I will go to the doctor if I cannot come up with an answer myself..Best of everything to you N.:)
C.

My first son- who is now 12, had exactly the same problem. I contributed ALOT of the problem to the fact that he was an only child (my second is just 1 1/2). I allowed him to interrupt me, and my whole family just couldn't wait to hear what he had to say next. He also was the only child around, so he had no trouble talking to adults. He always was the center of attention, and didn't realize that other people's ideas where just as important. His kindergarten teacher had his hearing checked several times, because if she didn't personally walk over and tell him something- he wouldn't listen. She thought maybe he had trouble processing information. I always was (and still am) a little concerned he may have ADD, but like you, my doctor dismissed it, saying he was too young to test. The first few years of school were trying, and my child who always was "so smart", didn't get such good reports (talking and interupting). Each year I would talk to the teacher, and come up with a plan. In kindergarten he would get a dot on his hand if he was good all day (which he loved!), 1st grade was a weekly calendar on his desk with stickers, 2nd grade he was getting it down pat, and only needed reminders. I still get report cards with "excessive talking" on them, but he has gotten more used to "school behavior". Good luck!!

Is David an only child who normally doesn't need to wait for things? If so has he been in class settings before (music class, etc) to help him adjust to being in a group setting?

How old is David? Could he not be ready for Preschool yet? A lot of boys need the extra time.

My husband had ADHD and, knowing that it runs in families, am waiting for that same phone call in a few or two (little man is only three). I also have done assessments (IQ etc testing) on kids with ADHD and those with "borderline" symptoms. There is a ton that you can do WITHOUT a diagnosis or medications - I would suggests reading material by Dr. Barkley http://www.russellbarkley.org/ as he is really great in this area. I would encourage you to see if you school can have your child tested, or if your doctor can refer you to someone (keeping in mind its REALLY expensive to have testing done and insurance does not always cover). Typically kids with ADHD or symptoms consistent with ADHD but not a fully diagnosis have social problems because of the interruptions and outbursts, but if their families work with them they often look like everyone else. As you are concerend and seeking information, I would relax. If I were in your situation... I would give him a little more time to mature, but work with him at home doing what you can do to boost his attention skills (see the website or google ADHD behavioral modification) and consider testing. Feel free to send me a private message if you want some more info!

Hi N.. I know what you are going through. My son who is now almost 14 showed signs of inattention and hyperactivity from a very young age. I knew in my heart that something was not right for him. He couldn't sit still for anything. He didn't sleep for more than 5 hours a night. It felt like he was bouncing off the walls at all times. He was diagnosed by a neurologist at 3 years old. I then took him to a psychiatrist who confirmed the diagnosis. Contact the Intermediate School District in your area. If you make a written request to them they have to test your son for free. It may be that your son is just active, but it could also be something more. Take him in, get him tested. The earlier you know about it the better off he will be. So many people are so dead set against medication that they refuse to see what it can do for a child if properly prescribed. My son without the meds would not be able to attend school. He is just too disruptive. On the medication he functions like a normal child. Good luck.

Hi N.,
You are getting some really good advice and suggestions; remember it is PRE-SCHOOL - you don't say or I missed how old David is; kids neurological systems and impulse control take time to develop and every kid develops at their own rate; it makes me mad that a teacher would basically "dump" all that on you - sounds like David is no different in school than he is at home - that was not new information - she is the TEACHER, the child development expert and should be more than equipped to handle his simple behaviors that sometimes seem self centered (but isn't that what kids (and some adults) basically self centered, even developmentally that is true) - that is not new information to you. You are his mom and you are the expert with him - God gave you to be his mom because of this. You are not doing anything wrong and David is a sweet kid with lots of energy, intelligence (thus asking the questions) and sometimes has a hard time sitting waiting for the next thing - I say, don't sweat it - could be that he could have had a different teacher and done fine because she knows kids need these pre-school years to grow into alot of the skills that they need for kindergarten. Keep up the good work!

I think you just described my son...and alot of other kids I know. My son is 3 1/2 and in pre-school and being concerned that he has ADHD is one of the farthest things from my concern. It is extremely normal for them to have short attention spans and to want individual attention at this age. We are so focused on growing our kids up and preparing them for school we forget how young they are and forget to let them be kids. Yes these behavior issues are things you and the teacher have to work on, it's part of the learning process. When my son has a behaviour issue we talk about it that day when we pick him, enforce the same rules at home and remind him of how we expect him to behave at school when we drop him off the next morning. It's a not an immediate fix but a process. It's not that I don't think ADHD is a real problem but it seems to be over-diagnosed and medicating the child is a quick fix. You never know how his personality is going to evolve and how trying to work through some of these issues could lead to problem solving and coping skills versus dependency! Just something to think about....