Getting My Child to Stay Positive About School Work

N., Good for you fro wanting to help your child and at the same time being concerned with his view on school. That said, I am a little disappointed that a pre-k would be sending home worksheets to work on those skills. I have over 5 years of special needs pre-school experience and there are so many other ways to work on the areas of fine motor and cutting your son can joy.

Take a trip to a hardware store and buy a variety of nuts and bolts (wide range of sizes) let him 'play' with screwing them on and off of each other. Get some playdough (or even better make your own and have him roll snakes with his whole hand and peas with his thumb and index finger. Have him cut the snakles up with scissors and pound it back again.

Look at the dollar store in the health and beauty aisle for tweezers, the cooking aisle for strawberry leaves hullers, and the hardware aisle for other types of tweezer type of tools and let him find things he can pick up and put down with these tools. (cheerios, cotton balls, beads, small blocks etc.)

All of these types of activities will build his fine motor, cutting, and in turn his writing skills. To incorporate more actually pencil paper time, have him write part of your grocery list, or create his list of the things he 'wants/wishes' you would buy. Spend a week working together creating an ABC book on a topic of his favorite things (animals, video games etc) He writes the name of an animal for every letter of the alphabet only doing 2 -3 a day. You can then look up pictures online, print them and he can cut them out to glue together into a book.

Ok I am rambling on, but I hopw you can see there are many fun ways that you can work on those skills without calling them "homework" and turning him off on school at such a young age. Feel free to email me if you want more info.
Good Luck!!

2 moms found this helpful

N.,

I would not push him to do the worksheets. Preschool is waayy to early to start stressing about schoolwork! If you think or want your child to have an extra year for maturing and mastering these skills, you can put him in a Young-5's program or just do Kindergarten twice. My son is in a Young-5's program this year (I have 5 boys) He is #4, sons #1 #2 only did preschool, son #3 also did the Y-5 program. I am so impressed with giving them that extra year! Especially boys, and I agree that so much is expected from them at younger and younger ages now.

Something that might help with the motor skills is playing with playdough- you can even get playdough scissors let him form the playdough and then cut it. I have kitchen scissors and I let my little boys cut thier own pieces of pizza into bites, maybe you could "trick" him to use scissors in this way? Or maybe let him cut up a hershey bar with some scissors? He can eat his homework when he is done.
You can also make a sewing card for him to practice on. Take a file folder and use a hole punch to punch holes about every half inch all the way around the edge of the folder. Take a piece of yarn and put some masking tape over the end and let him "sew" the cardboard. Or take the yarn and put masking tape over the end and use it to thread cherrios or fruit loops and make his own necklace, you can even maybe let him cut the yarn himself. You could also take this one step farther by sorting the colors of the fruit loops or make patterns before you string them, or do 5 of each color, then you can introduce counting by 5's. There are so many ways for children to learn that don't involve worksheets! The writing and cutting will come to him, I would advise you not to push him, my concern is that he could become frustrated and give up.

Good luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi N.,

A couple of things in your request stood out to me: 1), if he has been diagnosed with a defecit in fine/gross motor skills, he should be having an occupational therapist work with him, and he/she can help with the isues you are having. The I can/can't ssue and try/not trying is an ongoing balance, one that you will have to pay attention to so you know on a daily basis when to encourage and when to back off. IF you don't have an O.T. working with him, push the school to provide services or go privately. I suggest you log on to www.wrightslaw.com, to start your education. 2) For the very reasons you stated, your son's teacher should not be sending home worksheets. Turning kids off to homework at this young age is detrimental to their future education. Watching other kids get rewards while he can't must be so hard for him. I suggest you talk to the director of the school. It is not fair that your son has to be frustrated, and not get a reward at this young age. Do not underestimate what he is feeling right now, I believe that teacher is wrong and does not know how to work with children that have these minor special needs. Move him to another class or another school, he needs a positive environment while he overcomes these obstacles. I realize that may think I am coming on a little head strong, but this advice comes from the 20/20 of hindsight! Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

You've gotten excellent advice here re: ways to develop motor skills at home that are age appropriate. I'm no expert, but I've read enough to think that to be diagnosed with "mild add" at 4 sounds like nonsense. I wonder who it is that's making the "diagnosis" and what's their credentials and advice? Regardless, get more than 1 opinion if you're concerned, because there will be many different ones. Especially if it's preschool teachers making the diagnosis'. Milestones in development are 1 thing, learning disabilities another. You're right that his feelings about school can be developed now. Could be a mismatched preschool for him. Every child is different and the early academic push is not wrong, just not right for every child. For the immediate situation, I'd drop the homework subject altogether. He can bring it home, but unless he moves to do it himself, recycle it. Take the teachers comments to heart. If he's upset at not getting a reward, simply explain that he can earn one, too, if he wants. (He gets a sticker for doing it, not getting it perfect, correct?) Let him be distressed about that dilemma. Give him the choices and room to make them. I try not to assist my kids with homework unless they ask for it. It never seems to work. I did stand behind my oldest to get projects done, but I'm not sure that was a good idea. I couldn't bear to let him fail. Back then, the grades didn't matter like they do now that he's in High School, so the failures could have been lessons in themselves. At age 4, the failure factor is not even present re: homework sheets. He needs to learn how to behave in a group, listen, etc. Good luck! Your attention to this detail shows that you're a great mom!

Hello N., The best way to get your son excited is to model the behavior. Get excited yourself. When you see the work and he shows no intrest in it, then offer to do it for him, and do it with great excitement. If your husband is on board also this will work very well. Do not pay attention to David while you are doing any of this. Do not talk to him. Just focus on doing the assignment. I bet he will be trying to take it away from you within minutes, if not then do it again with the next assignment. Don't push him if he wants to join in, just allow him to help you with what you are doing, even if he "helps" for a minute or two. Making it seem like it is his idea to do the work is the key. The more you push, the more you are pushing him away. That is what you have been modeling so far. By turning it around and making it a fun thing to do with mom and dad, he will look forward to doing his homework with both of you. The schools do this to prepare the entire family for future years in school. This pattern in the home will allow for home work assignment to be an every day event, because believe me, when they hit Jr High, there will be LOTS of home work. It also sets them up for good work ethics for their grown up years. Good luck.

My b/g twins are in 5th grade this year, and my son is the one who used to hate homework. I've learned my #1 offensive to tackle the work is to first lay it out, and break it into smaller tasks. He tends to get overwhelmed easily so seeing it in smaller pieces makes it much more managable for him.

I agree - if it's optional work, don't stress about it; yet don't throw it away either. Keep the sheets in a binder - you'll be glad to have them to work with later.

Right now, it's more about the routine of having homework. Pre-K seems a bit early, but you can use this as an opportunity to introduce the "10 minutes of review" after you pick him up from school. Give him as many choices as possible, "Do you want to open your backpack first, or hang up your coat?" type options "Should we put away your shoes first or pick out a snack?" -except for the time and location of this meeting. When you get home, go to a designated place within the house (for us, we use our dining room as a central place for homework) and casually say to him, "How was your day today?" "What kinds of things did Mrs. Smith have you work on?" "Did you play with Mary and Johnny again?", etc... as you are going through whatever he brings home. He needs to know that you're truly interested in him and his work, and will thrive on your attention. Be sure to use words like excited, proud, fantastic, great job, etc as much as possible. Ask questions about the art project, or craft project- have him tell you about how he did it or what it represents.

When you come to the "homework", tell him that you remember working on this as a kid and how much fun it was. Ask if he wants to show you how his teacher does it in his class. If he says no, then say it's OK and you'll just save it for another day.

When/if he shows interest, be sure to give a time limit too - ask if the two of you can spend 3 minutes working on it to see how it's done. Sometimes an entire sheet of expected work is ovewhelming and it can be more effective to say "Let's take 3 minutes to do 5 problems, then we can have a snack" or go and play with the blocks, or whatever he likes to do. A little reward can sometimes be a motivator.

I learned the "time limit" trick early on - it's amazing the difference in response from "Go pick up the toys before dinner" to "Hey- could you spend 5 minutes and pick up what you can before dad gets home for dinner" It's amazing how much can get done with a time limit. It gives the task a difinitive end and feels less daunting. Sometimes it has to be OK that some of the toys are still left out, but even having 90% of them put away is an accomplishment. The rest can be put away in another 5 minute attack before bedtime.

All in all, kids will respond better without stress, frustration and the negativity. Try making it a game - "I bet you can't do 3 problems in 5 minutes" - which gives a definitive goal that's within their reach. This also made potty training a breeze for us because I let them be in control and make some non essential choices.

Sorry, I tend to ramble on a bit! Hope there's some tid-bits that you can use!

this may not be the answer your looking for but my daughter had a family fitness night at her school and they had a bunch of people from gymnastics karate jazzercise and such, anyway we did the karate session and she loved it, we got a bussiness card to look into signing her up and the website expalins that karate can help with everything you just mentioned your son needs help with, i would look into it if i were you it might help.

Hi N. -

You've gotten a lot of good advice here from many different angles. You have to find what works for you and your son. I have three ADHD boys (other disabilities as well) and what I've found is that it makes it a lot easier if they have a little bit of scheduled time at school to actually do the "homework". That way school stuff stays at school and home stuff stays at home. My youngest is in first grade now and his daily homework is to read for 15 minutes and on Monday's he has spelling pages come home. (2 pages of 5 words each they have to copy 4 times each, no big deal.) When I know this work is coming I let him come in from the bus and have a 10 minute break with a snack then we dive right into the homework and get it done. It never takes more than 15 minutes. Maybe you could compromise with your son, tell him 'we'll work on it for 5 minutes then take a 10 minute break, then work on it for another 5 minutes then another 10 minute break...' until it gets done. Then you can break down the assignment for him. ie: just do the cutting first, take a break then do the gluing, take a break then color it, etc. Consistency is key. Keep the same schedule everyday that homework comes home (hopefully his teacher has him on a weekly homework schedule and doesn't just send it here and there) and on the days he doesn't have homework fill that 10 - 15 minutes with reading. That way he will have something school related fit into his daily schedule and he will be expecting it. Eventually he won't give you a had time anymore if he figures out you are expecting it everyday and the "I can't" excuses aren't accepted. It's all about keeping a schedule when it comes to a special needs child and adhd is special needs.

Good luck - S.

My son is taking OPC-3 (which contains pycnogenol in an isotonic formula) and I am noticing waaay better attention to his studies and much less trouble getting him to do his homework. He's 10 and I used to want to jump off a cliff when it was homework time!

View the science behind it at my web site ~ www.marketamerica.com/thevoiceoftruth . I can answer any questions that you have on it too! It has changed my son's life and helped with his allergies too!

S.

Our son Zach is 5 and going to kindergarten next fall. He's diagnosed with speech delay and we are pretty sure some ADD. He's being evaluated by the social worker now. We also get worksheets home. What I've learned is not to do it all at one time, it's overwhelming for him. I try to turn anything into a game and be as smiley as possible. I try not to let him know it's actually homework from school. The key for us is moderation and catching Zach when he's in the right mood. I know it's difficult. Good luck!

Hi N.,
I have just begun homeschooling my three boys. One of them started with speech delay and sensory issues. Another of them is "behind" in reading. The best way to work with your son is to play with your son.

He is so young to have this challenge. My son was pulled specifically for the reason that he hated school (2nd grade). Find what he is passionate about and try to work in small motor tasks. His proficiency will increase if you don't push.

There is a great book out by Raymond Moore titled Better Late Than Early. I got it from my library and it has amazing research on early learning and how it affects especially boys.

Sorry if I came across brash, I'm just really excited to watch my children learn as they play. I just keep going to the library and adding crafts/experiments to keep the learning going.

All the best,
C.

My husband is ADHD with learning disabilities and he always hated certain subject in school, math was the worse. We opted to put our daughter in Kindergarten early and what you are experiencing was his worse fear. Although we haven't had many issues at home with homework. However, during the first marking period she would get really frustrated about stuff and cry in school. Usually this happened on bad days and the good days out numbered them. It's tough, you want them to succeed but you don't want to push to hard. We told Josephine that bad days needed to stay in the car when we dropped her off for school, she could pick it back up when we picked her up from school if she wanted. We also told her that she needed to have a can-do attitude and that "I can't" was a phrase that wasn't used (like a swear word) instead she could say "I'll try". That helps.

I realize that I haven't given you much, my recommendation would really be to talk to the teacher. How's he doing in the classroom? Does she have any tips at home to help? Let her knows that even though she sees it as voluntary type homework, you want him to do it. Maybe she'll have some tips or suggestions. Maybe even an insight into this type of behavior.

I understand your concerns. I have the same issues with my 7 year old. He will do his homework but it comes along with lots of mumble/grumble. The mumbling and grumbling takes longer then the homework itself. If this is a sign of what's in store for me the next 11 years.......I'm in trouble. When he graduates, I will be the one that deserves the diploma.
I don't have any good solutions to offer but I too will look forward to others responses.
I must say my son's teacher just started using an on line reading program for her class. It's called "Raz-kids".
They go on line and read books the teacher selected just for their individual level of reading. They gain points and move ahead at their own pace. The points earned can buy them things. They do this at home.
Good Luck, I will be reading your responses too.

N.,

One it is great that you have your son in pre-k. My son went through the Jr. 1st program in our school district and I am so glad he has had that extra year.

Second, I provide Personal Nutrition Consultations. I have consulted with parents whose children are add/adhd and they have found success with these consultations and the information I provide.

If you would like to email me the best day and time we can talk, and we can do this over the phone, we can discuss this in detail. My email address is ____@____.com regards,

M.

I would not force the worksheets, but try to find something similar instead. My son likes to draw a shape and then cut it out. They make great workbooks for practicing shapes and letters. The etch a sketch type gadgets are great for practicing letters. I would try something like that and don't call it work. Call it a game.

Good lukc.

Hi N., I can feel your fustration. When my son was that age and older, in fact thruout his school career, we
had trouble getting him to "focus". I wish I knew this at that time, but perhaps it is information I can pass on to you. I work as a caregiver for a retired nurse. This is from her wisdom. Because their little minds can't wrap around a lot of directions, they get fustrated very easily. So, ask them to do one direction at a time. When they have completed that task go on to the next. Example: Instead of "Do your worksheet, say lets complete the 1st problem" Maybe you'll have to break it down even further. The main point is one thing at a time then praise him for the accomplished task. One thing is sure they do grow out of it. My son, age 34, now has a very good job in manufacturing temperature gauges and thermonters for industry. Colin is doing well. I'm sure your son will too. I know for a fact prayer is a big, big factor for our children. Calling them what they should be, instead of what they are is a principle of the Bible. Blessing our children instead of cursing them, eg. "You are so smart. What a good job you are doing" instead of
you won't amount to anything. your so lazy". What a difference our words make!!
Hope this helps. God Bless. K.