Is It Really ADHD?

Updated on June 07, 2009
S.J. asks from Shallotte, NC
15 answers

My son is in Kindergarten this year and having behavior problems constantly...not sitting still, talking out of turn, playing instead of working, etc. I've tried talking to him about the importance of good behavior in school and following directions. I've even tried taking away favorite toys for periods of time for extremely bad days, and small rewards for really good days. Nothing seems to help. He's been in pre-K and daycare settings since he was 1yr old, so I don't think it's an adjustment problem. His teacher has suggested an ADHD evaluation, but I feel he's too young. I'm a;most at my wit's end and don't know what else to try. Please help. Is this just a ploy for attention, a reaction to my high-stress levels, or something I should seek professional help for?!?!?

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much for all of your responses. After reading them and weighing my options, I have decided to take him to a specialist. Unfortunately, we couldn't get an appt. until after the 1st of the year...but it's a start, and we'll go from there.

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B.L.

answers from Spartanburg on

He is a little boy..believe me I am a mother of two boys and he will grow out of it....kids were not made to sit still at that age all they want is to have fun. I realize that now but I did not when my son was in kindergarten and I constantly was getting on him, but now he is very self concious and I believe it was from us always nagging him. I wish I could do it all again and tell the teacher to do more to help him not hinder him. good luck with whatever you decide.

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A.S.

answers from Charlotte on

I have a daughter with ADHD and it can be a real struggle. It was so hard for her when she was little because she was labeled the "bad child" at pre-k and in Kindergarten. I finally took her to a psychologist while she was in Kindergarten and her tests came back that she had a very severe case of ADHD. She started on meds over a year ago and is doing great in school and all other parts of her life. I was one of the parents that always said that she would grow out of it and that I would never put her on medication, but now that she is on medication, I would not change it. That is like saying a child has diabetes, but you wont give them insulin. If a child has the right dose of medication and truly has ADHD, they should not be lethargic or comotose, they should just be able to focus and behave better. ADHD is a brain disorder and it should be treated as such. I hope everything works out for you and your son.

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R.P.

answers from Spartanburg on

Does anyone else find it funny that it's so EASY to label a child with adhd? They're children. I don't think that it matters whether they're male or female either. I have a 4 year old daughter with these same symptoms that I keep reading. But I think she's easily distracted, by other siblings, tv, the dog. She's extremely smart. I actually think that she plays dumb sometimes so that she don't have to do what she's being told. I think she gets BORED. Also I think she gets jealous of her other siblings. And does things to get my attention, good bad or indifferent. Maybe these kids are used to more one on one time and don't know how to share the time with the other kids. Maybe they get jealous. I think now a days that is way too easy to label a child with adhd. They are evolving all of the time. They are trying to figure out who they are and what their boundaries are. And it seems as though sometime out of routine, new babysitter, school, parents split up, you name it, effects their behavior. Like I'm noticing with my kids that because their father's job requirements have changed, where he's not home daily, they take advantage of this. It almost feels as though they know I'm outnumbered, well at least I feel my 4 year old acknowledges this. Some kids develop very differently from the next child. So say what's normal for one child will not be for another. I guess we just need to figure out the variables and fix them. This is where PATIENCE comes into play. If you have none, god help you. Well I don't have the exact answer you're looking for, but it gives you something to think about other than meds.

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M.L.

answers from Raleigh on

Hey S.,

Whatever you do don't let the school system label your child with anything. A close friend of mine is going this very issue. Once ADHD gets on the file its on there forever. It sounds like to me that he doesn't have a behavior issue at all. Perhaps he is just being a 5 year old boy, who is a little extra busy.

He could be extremely bored, and needs extra attention or extra things to do. I have boys like that in my Sunday school class. I have sons like that. He could be extremely intelligent, but instead because he has a harder time sitting down the school wants to label him. You know your son better than any teacher. You are your son's first and most important teacher.

Five year olds don't like to sit for long periods of time, especially boys. You sound like a great mom who is concerned about and loves her son. If you have a relationship with the Lord, then my biggest suggestion to you is that you lift this up in prayer. There are still caring worthwhile teachers out there, but no one loves your son as much as you.

Sadly, there are many teachers today just want whatever makes their job easiest. I have friends who are teachers, so I know great ones are out there, but do beware. Also if you test him, please do it privately. There are others schools out there like Montesorri that might be a better fit for your son. There are public Montesorri's out there if cost is an issue. All kids learn differently. Sometimes young children even learn better when they are moving instead of sitting. God Bless you and your son.

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M.L.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi S.,

My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5-6 years old. He too was having trouble sitting still, Talking too much in class, in fact he began to interupt other children in class. I didn't want to believe that my child was having any problems. He seemed to do well in Daycare and Kindergarten. So with my righteousness I took my son to the pediatrician who specialized in social behavior. My fears were confirmed he was ADD/ADHD. When the shock of it was over, I began to do my homework, it turns out he inherited from his father. So I did not want my son to be labeled in school or get any special treatment so I did my homework. My son was only on medication from first to fourth grade. He is now a healthy 16 year old who is an A, B student. When that said, don't wait. It is better now to know and get him started on a treatment. Do your homework. There are many alternatives out there for you son. I am advocate of doctors who over diagnosed this conditions. Help your son now before the problem becomes worst and it will become worst if not fixed. Despite of what people think ADD/ADHD is not cured but it is controlled, sometimes with diet, sometimes with a routine. I know it is crazy when you are going to school and trying to better yourself for you and your son. I too was a single mom, and going to school. The final result is that I got my BBA and finishing my Master's. It can be done so don't give up. But start now in helping your son with the proper diagnosis. Start a routine and stick with it. GOOD LUCK. Hope things will work out. Also may want to consider signing your son up in an outside activity. This will help him focus and keep in interested in school.

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A.C.

answers from Raleigh on

My son has the same problem at this age. The teacher suggested the same problem. Well, as it turned out, he was just bored. You may want to look into putting him in special classes or skipping him a grade.

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E.D.

answers from Asheville on

Only a specialist can tell you if this is ADHD, until you have your son evaluated there's no way of knowing. I have a 5 year old boy also, and it is a challenge. His moods shift constantly, and sometimes I feel like he's going through puberty! From what I can tell this is fairly normal 5 year old behavior. You didn't say when your son's birthday is, is it possible he's not ready for school yet? My son has a December birthday, and will be turning 6 in kindergarten. The extra year of preschool was key for him. But even after three years of pre-school, kindergarten was a huge adjustment for him. It's just different, the expectations are much higher.

Also, it sounds like you're really busy and stressed, and maybe don't have all the time and energy you need to deal with your son. He probably senses all of this, and is acting out. At this age, they still need so much direction from us, and they still need firm boundaries. I find I need to be on top of my son all the time, directing him, helping him make good choices all while trying to let him learn to be independent. Maybe you can reevaluate your schedule, or at least try to make good use of the time you have together. Easier said than done for a single mom, I know. But he really needs you right now. So have him evaluated if you think that's right, but try not to look for the easy fix. We're in this for the long haul, good or bad! Good luck, and have patience (they're only 5 once, thank goodness!)

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S.

answers from Spartanburg on

I would consider adjusting his diet before taking him to a doctor for an ADHD eval. I would put him on a whole foods, unprocessed, preservative free diet, no dyes, nothing artificial for two weeks and just see how that helps. If there is little or no change, then take him to the doctor and see if they can do the test, there are other things they can help treat mild cases without having to use medication and you will want to avoid medication if you can. I know that it is stressful for you and your situation sounds like it doesn't help, but try to stay calm and relaxed because in a way he is responding to you and your nerves. If you need get a babysitter and go out and do something with a friend or just by yourself, even if it is just going to the park and sitting and reading a good book for an hour or two, just take some me time, it will definitely help the stress level at home calm down. Good luck to you.

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K.T.

answers from Raleigh on

S.,

I have two boys who one showed the exact signs of what you are describing when he was your sons age. It is not ADD/ADHD....It is that he is a boy....that is as simple as it can be put. My younger son who is 7 is still having some issues with it...The teachers have been great to use redirection with them and have set up ways in the classroom to help this issue....It is your sons teachers job to work with redirecting the child while in school....example....your son is sitting at his desk and starts to fidget in his seat playing with pencils and ect and not paying attention....reason behind it is he has gotten distracted and boys tend to have a shorter attention span than girls...
I dont know where you live or what county you are in but here is some valuable information that i have found out about the schools here in NC.....for every child that they get a label attached to they get more federal funding...so of course they are gonna push for that add/adhd label so they can get more money...
Not to mention your son is only in kindergarten. he is too young. you older son started improving towards the end of first grade....he is doing so much better the older he gets....give him time...set a meeting up with the school and the teacher and suggest that they use strategies to work with your son...Let me know how things go...And I wish you the best of luck..im in the same situation as you are. I have been a single mother since my kids were 6mo. and 21 mos. old...its not easy.

take care and best of luck..

Kim

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G.S.

answers from Fayetteville on

S.

What ever you do, please get a 2nd. opinion. Why put a child on meds. when it's really not needed.For some reason or another society always wants to blame everything on some type of disorder or health problem and immediatly put a child on meds. That's not right or fair to the kids, especially if they don't have a say or a choice.

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J.G.

answers from Norfolk on

Have you ever thought about it being TOurettes? or him having some sort of tics? In the begining (around the 1st grade) the doctors were convinced my son ADHD. But as 4th grade came, it infact was not ADHD at all it was Tourettes which often have the same signs as ADHD. Let me know if i can help you with anything.

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L.H.

answers from Jacksonville on

I've been battling the same problem with my son since 1st grade. Now he can control sitting still and the talking but refuses to stay on tack and completing his work. He is extremely intelligent and think he is just not intereted in the work. It's been a REAL STRUGGLE. Always hearing complaints about him from teachers. I've read about ADHD drugs and will not put my son on drugs. There are too many negative side effects. Teachers are really quick to suggest ADHD when there's a child who does not conform to their expectations.
I'm still looking for answers. All I can say is to find a Doctor you trust, educate yourself and ALWAYS follow your gut instincts even if you don't agree with the "experts".
PS Sometimes similar symptoms of ADHD can really be attributed to a food allergy! Look into it.
Good Luck,
L. H

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S.J.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi S.,

It could be ADD/ADHD. My nephew was diagnosed in Kindergarten. It was the best thing they ever did. After they knew, they were able to work with him at home and help with coping skills. Also, ADHD kids tend to be very bright. It could be the combination of ADHD and boredom. He may be "getting it" before the teacher is ready to move on and he's doing things because he isn't challenged in his school work. If your son had diabetes, would you let him go untreated. If he broke his arm, would you take him to get it set? Same thing. If he is having trouble, get him the leg up of knowing why and do something about it. My nephew is now a freshman in college and doing very well. Good luck!!

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J.D.

answers from Wilmington on

My son was having the same problems.He is 4 and in pre k. I took him to the doc. and she put him on meds. I found that he my be adh or bpd .I not saing your son is. My son is also seeing a therapist. But since his been on the meds he has been a tolly diferent child.You need to take him to a expert. I thought the same thing u did that my son was to young to be adhd. Now they are leaning towards adhd.

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L.B.

answers from Norfolk on

Only a really good psychologist or therapist that you can trust can evaluate for ADHD. My son was in daycare for three years before Kindergarten. For Kindergarten and First Grade we had in private school because we thought the smaller classes would be better for him. That was nothing but a stressful experience for us because they expected his behavior to be as "restrained" as all the other kids. During the time I tried him on herbals and naturopathic remedies for ADHD, monitored his diet, etc. but it got to the point where the school threatened to kick him out if we couldn't get his hyperactivity controlled.

We found a good psychologist in Denbigh who had various tests run on him and we also attended therapy sessions with her. He continued monthly therapy sessions with her for about two years. It also helped that in 2nd grade, we moved our son to a public school and they offered more by means of weekly meetings with the guidance counselor and peer meetings with other kids in school. He is on a very low dose of Concerta, an extended release form of Ritalin. But he's been on the same dose over a year. Even his pediatrician doesn't see a need to increase it like many other kids have because it helps him focus better during the day. He's still an active child and has his "personality" but he's never zombie-like which you often hear parents complain about kids on drugs like these.

I think the therapy sessions we went through with his psychologist and the activities that the school provided really helped. He's doing pretty well at school (3rd grade now) and we haven't had behavioral complaints from his teachers like we did in private school. I'm pretty pleased with how far we've come.

BTW, our life is also pretty stressful with both me and my husband working full-time. Plus we have a three year old daughter who is always trying to be like her big brother. So we get really busy, too. But we're making it and I'm pretty happy with our progress. Hope this helps...

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