Son Getting Baptized Would You Be Upset If Family Did This?

If I really wanted certain people to attend, I wouldn't have scheduled it on their birthday. When we arranged for my sons baptism, the pastor gave us several dates to choose from. It might have been a good idea to find out if everyone was free that Sunday.

Hi S., Personally, I would never miss my newphew's Baptism. I beleive family comes first, especially when it comes to an important once in a lifetime religous occasion such as a Baptism. Gosh, birthdays happen every year. Some people, my inlaws included, place family at the bottom of their priority list. So they have a busy weekend and it's early...so what! Can't a bit of effort and sacrifice be made for their nephew!?!?
{Someone mentioned for you to "stop judging" !?!? How are you judging? Just venting. Wrong choice of words, I think.)
Sorry that you're feeling badly. Don't let them ruin the day for you, okay? :)

wow....lots of responses!

your son's baptism = a special day for you & your family
3 family birthdays in a 2 day period = a special day for their family

a baptism should be a time of rejoicing, not judging ILs for their choices. As adults, your ILs have the right & privilege to make their own choices....ones which are best for their own family. Peace!

Quit judging, and enjoy your sons' day.

I think that you need to focus on the people that will be there, and not make excuses for the other family. Just say they couldn't come and focus on this big event in your son's life.

We live a plane ticket away from family for a reason, LOL!!

It sounds like you don't have a relationship with SIL/BIL even though you live fairly close to each other. Why do you expect them to change their plans for you when you don't have a relationship with them anyway?

Families have priorities and things they do with their own family. I certainly don't judge anyone in my family if they don't make some even we have... that's if they would actually like to have attended or not.

Of course, if it were my nephew and I happened to be in the area, yes I would go but I would not book a flight, rent a car, etc to go. I probably not change plans that I had confirmed on my calendar even if I were located that close to them.

I think you are taking it a bit too personally... Think of the real reason you are there, be supportive of your son and move on....it is HIS day.

No way would I change my birthday plans to go to a baptism and I'm 41! Birthdays are actually very much like holidays to a lot of people. It sounds like they also have two or three going on that day. You also mention you're not that close with BIL & SIL -so why would you expect them to drop everything and do this? Sorry -when I got baptized I don't think it even entered any of our minds to invite a bunch of family members. Your son is excited and so are you -so great! It also sounds like other family members will be there. Go out for a celebratory brunch or lunch afterward and get him a spevial gift, but it's not something to expect anyone else to drop their plans for. The only exception to that would be a baby's formal christening/dedication involving Godparents and grandparents.

This is hard for me to imagine - to put myself in your place - because we are all Christians in my family, and a baptism would be very important to us. So, regardless of other things going on, everyone would shift their schedule, if need be, and do their best to be there for that hour. That goes for First Communion and Confirmation, also.

It sounds like your family is more mixed. Obviously it is important to you and your son, but your in-laws don't consider it a big deal. That's understandable. If they aren't that spiritual, why should it be? So try to be gracious about it.

I guess what I would suggest is that you simply say to you SIL "Sue, I know it's a busy weekend, but this is really an important day to Johnny, and it's only an hour on Sunday morning, so you'd have the rest of the day for your celebration. I hope that you can find a way to make it. It would mean so much to him to have you there."

Then you have to accept whatever decision is made - without bitterness - and move on. (Because, as Christians, that is what we should do.)

And as long as your son's grandparents are there, I'm sure he will not miss your SIL too much. He'll be thinking about what is happening, rather than who is watching (as it should be). Keep the focus on what it should be, and you will all have a great day!

Tell your son congratulations! And welcome!
Blessings.

A lot of people just don't get it. I doubt they are trying to be uncaring. My parents didn't come to my baptism and it made me feel very sad. In retrospect I believe that it was poor communication.They just didn't see a baptism as a big deal. I believe that if you told your relatives that this is a very special event for your son and that he is going to be hurt and not feel loved and supported by them if they can't attend they will most likely make a stronger effort to be there. Be your sons voice if he needs you to be.

You said that you don't really talk or see them then I wouldn't give it another thought. You obviously are not close to them and I doubt your son is going to be heartbroken that they are not there. Just enjoy his special day with the ones that are there and don't worry about the others. Your son will be sharing his day with his family.

When you sent the invite it sounds like they already had that weekend booked and sometimes it is hard to squeeze yet another thing into your busy life at the last minute. Next time try to give them more notice. You see this as an important day for your son (and it is), but I see every birthday as important and a milestone, because you survived/thrived/lived another year to be with your friends and family.

How far in advance did you send out the invites? If they already have plans for the entire weekend how can you expect them to just drop them. I'm sorry but we always plan a special day ( hubby and I don't have parties) and it's always planned out in advance. We are celebrating hubby's a week early this Saturday I have it all planned out I would not up and change my plans if I received a last minute invite. For my children they get a special day to we usually take them out somewhere and purchase our tickets for it in advance. She was honest with you they have plans.

Your son IS sharing this important day with his family. You and your husband will be there, as well as grandparents. A girl was baptized in our church last year and not one of her family members showed up. Not even her mom and dad.

I wouldn't want anyone judging how important my birthday was. My birthday is important to me and we plan birthdays in our house from sunup to sundown. Please don't be so h*** o* them. Focus on who IS coming instead of who isn't. It will be a special day regardless of who attends.

I understand the way you feel, however, if you're don't see or talk to them very often, and you're not close enough to pick up the phone and invite them, then it doesn't surprise me that they won't attend. Focus on making this day about your son, not those who cannot or will not be there. This is too important to worry about them. Good luck and enjoy his special day.

Well I'm going to lay devils advocate here. Have you considered that religion is just not as important to some people as it is to you. I am personally not comfortable in church and supporting religion. That being said there are times that we do things to support people that we love because they are our family. I wonder if they realize how important it is. I would honestly not know as I am not religious how big a deal it was. If a good friend wanted me to be there and explained the signifigance then I would come.

This is a very big deal to you and your son, but it may not be for them. It sounds like very one else is planning to attend except the SIL and her family. Their loss. You don't talk to them or see them, so this is not a priority for them... their family birthdays are.

Enjoy the weekend and try not to focus on who "isn't there"-

I would probably be disappointed that they couldn't attend one church service in the am for an important milestone for my son too; however, I am sure you were aware of their birthdays when you scheduled his baptism so I am sure you were aware they may not be able to make it.

Since the date is set and they may not make it, you should just tell your son that "Aunt Susie is sorry but she probably can't make it but she is excited for you".

People have different priorities in their lives and you don't sound that close to them either. It does sound like a busy weekend for them, maybe they don't want to be at church early on a Sunday morning. I wouldn't worry about it, have the people there that want to be with you and celebrate the day.

I wish fewer family members had come to my children's baptism. It seems mightily hypocritical for people who show no interest in religion, don't seem to live by any discernible moral code, and are barely present in my children's lives to show up just for the "photo op." I can understand your son being disappointed. Just try to point out for him that the nature of the baptism is that his family will grow to include a whole church full of people who love and care for him. But I would forget about any relatives that have any excuse as to why they can't be there.

I never want to force people to attend things they do not want to attend or can't attend, because I do not want others to make me feel bad about not wanting to attend their events or force me to attend through emotional blackmail.

Just enjoy the day, do not depend on others to make you feel good. Be happy that they are healthy happy and alive.

Keep in mind not everyone has the same priorities as you. You have no idea how long they have had their plans.

If you want them more involved in your lives, start inviting them to do more things.. Then you all will be in the habit of attending and visiting with each other on a more regular basis.

Baptisms happen ONCE. They need to be there and be supportive.

I don't understand the responses that essentially say to call and guilt your relatives to come to this. Yes, it is a big deal to you, but maybe not as much to them. I say to invite who you want and whomever decides to come shares in your son's special day... Everyone else makes their own choices. This kind of thing is sensitive to me. My MIL guilts us into getting together with them every time my BIL comes into town. She talks it up and acts like the BIL just cannot wait to see my kids. We get there and he barely interacts with them...it drives me insane...

I agree with Sue H. This is a milestone for your son and so it's natural that you, as his mother, are very excited. You shouldn't however, expect everybody to share your same level of excitement about this. It doesn't mean they aren't interested in what your son is doing. If it's something you really want to share with your extended family, why not video the baptism and play it at a dinner you host in honor of his baptism in a few weeks when everyone's schedule has slowed down a little. Just a thought.

Some people just have an aversion to attending church and it has nothing to do with your son's baptism. If your son is old enough to accept the Lord to be his savior in front of the congregation he is also mature enough to know that whether or not family and friends show up wont make a difference in his salvation. After his baptism (which will put tears of joy in your eyes) he will then have the testimony to share with those that didnt attend. Celebrate that special Sunday with yourselves and the Christian thing to do would be to understand "why" the others arent attending and don't hold it against them.

If you want them there then be firm and tell them b/c this is important to your son then you expect to see them. Tell them sorry its so early but they should be out of the church no later than 10:00-10:30am.

Congrats to your son on his baptism! that is indeed a very special day. Blessings!

I can understand how you feel. All kinds of people will have excuses no matter the situation. Concentrate on who will be there and have a good time. At any rate your son is making a huge decision to dedicate his life to Christ and you know what??? When it boils down to it...that's the most important thing isn't it? God Bless you and yours :)

I would be so hurt :( This is an INCREDIBLE moment for your son on a personal level - one of the more important milestones in his life as a believer.
Maybe your SIL & BIL don't understand exactly how important it is. If it were me, I'd pick up the phone and tell them that this is a once in a lifetime event and stress to them the level of importance it is not for you, but for your son. If applicable point out that they have been present for other milestones (first birthday, school plays, soccer, ?? whatever) and this rivals all of that. If they could take 30 minutes out of their morning it would mean the world - hey if needed, you'll greet them with the Starbucks.
Good Luck and congratulations!!

I don't think I would be upset because of the manner in which they were invited. If someone emails me an invitation to a baptism I would think that it really isn't that important to them. It is an email, did your phone break, did someone run over your mail box? My kids have had things that are important to them, they get on the phone and call if it is short notice. Then they mail out invites.

Sorry but email, you shouldn't expect them to think it is important.

Why don't you put your feelings aside and help your son save his day. Have him call the people and say I understand how busy you are but I was hoping you could make it, this is really important to me. I would bet most will clear their schedule.

Congratulations to your son! I know you will still make this a super-special fay for him.

Kristi is a little harsh.

Yes, I'd be upset too. It's a shame that being a "family" isn't what it used to be. It seems that no one wants to go out of their way for anyone, even family. But I hope you won't let this discourage you from still attending their events.

I wouldn't bring this up other than to say they were missed and hopefully they can come over to let him share the day's events.

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Ask you husband to talk it up at golf, telling the boys directly how much it would mean to your son. He wont do this if you dont push him to...
And yes I'd feel bad if this happened to me

I understand how you feel. I don't have any advice really. My SIL responded to my son's baptism invitation with, "we are busy that weekend." There was no explanation. Later I found out from my MIL who also lacks some judgment that my SIL was complaining that we had it in the dead of winter and live an hour away from our family. Well, it turns out my excuse for that was that I wanted to use the same gown that my older son wore (handmade by my MIL), and if I waited another few months, it would not fit my second son. Alas, it's almost always a lack of communication that leads to these misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

they obviously dont understand the significance and therefore why your son would want to share it with them. "Apologize" that you didnt explain to them how important this is to your son and ask them to reconsider the 60 minutes out of their morning. I would feel hurt too but I have a lot of people in my family that dont understand the importance of spiritual matters.

Poor guy. Getting baptized is something special and to be shared with all loved ones. Maybe ask you brother about it and see if they can just come to church. For all of our baptizems we invited all of our family and then a few special church members who are like family to our house after church for cake and lunch.

We just had our six week old daughter baptized and had many family members decide not to come. It really, really hurt, but I just reminded myself we only need the godparents to be there. As long as they made it the day would be as special as we wanted to make it.

This would upset me as well, having my son already Baptised myself and having all of those very special people there with us to celebrate him. (I can't imagine them not there.) However; this is what I would do. Focus on the people that do come, as those are the ones that truly want to be there. The excuses do sound lame. As far as not feeling comfortable in church or not being religious...I don't see those as excuses either. Most churches are very welcoming and afterall, who is this about? Yes, your son, not them, so they should be the bigger person and attend...that is, if they truly want to be there for your son. Possibly ask some others to attend instead. We had a lot of our friends! God Bless your son. I am not a really religious person (we don't attend church weekly); however I do feel the importance of Baptism and leading a good Christian life.

Just be glad they weren't picked to be the god parents and let them be. They have a lot going on and probably need a break and don't want to wake up early the day after the big golf tournament. I go out of town sometimes and don't go to all the family functions I should but i try to make up for them when I get back.