Sleeping Problem - Lexington, KY

When my twin sons were that age, we had lots of trouble getting them to go to sleep too. They were good sleepers before, but they had just transitioned to beds, and they wouldn't stay in bed or go to sleep. The best recommendation I have (take it or leave it) is this: What we did was play soft music in their room and we found that we had to stay in their room, generally laying on the floor on a sleeping bag, until they fell asleep. We would refuse to talk with them, we just told them it was time to go to sleep and we did it with them to demonstrate. It was really frustrating, and frequently the one who wasn't on duty would come up and find the one who was sound asleep on the floor... but it worked, and it only lasted a few months.

once you get them into bed... kiss him/her ears very very softly, talk very very softly in their ears. Tell them how wonderful they are, how much you love them, how great life has been since you've had them, etc. My son who is eleven now, was and still is extremely active... this still works to this day, he settles right down it works like a charm.

Just wanted to recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It was great for my daughter when she was a baby. There's also a No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers that worked wonders for my friend and her two children. I'm waiting for a chance to get by her house, so I can borrow it to use with my son. It's full of gentle ways to help everyone get a good night's sleep!

Hi KJ,

We had lots of trouble getting our now 2 1/2 year old to bed between 18 and 24 months. We tried lots of gentle methods, but they wouldn't work. She was terriefied of havign the door closed, therefore letting her cry it out that way did not work. So we took our pediatricians advice, to put a babygate up, or better two on top of each other to keep her int he room. The key was to let her play and fuss and cry till she fell asleep. Ove rthe course of the week she started to fall asleep earlier every night. She might have slept on the big bed instead of her toddler bed, or on the fllo, but eventually it all was over and she slept in her bed again. They key was not to intervene, since intervening just make sit worse. They know you will come if they just fuss long enough and then everything is ruined. We also added a little night light, she liked it better witht he light in her room.

Also, for both my daughters it has always helped to have a bed time routine, that we stick to. For the older one at 2 1/2, it is 15 minutes or so of TV (I know not great, but it relly calms her down, kids freindly stuff on DVD of course). then we go up and brush teeth, then we go in her room and sit on her potty. In the half dark on her potty we read a book or two if she was good. Then we go to her bed, where she is tucked in the same way every night. First pillow starightened, then Maja inwith her plush toy she loves to take to bed, then the blanket over and folded, then a kiss on the one cheeck, a kiss onthe other cheel and a hug. And I realized, when we had days we were stressed or had no time and tried to cut down onthe bedtime routine, then we had trouble gettign her to bed. It is very lengthy with two kids, but we share the kids or the nights, my husband and I.

T..

You're not alone - this age requires long wind-down time before bed, and the 30-60 minutes you're spending every night is not unusual at all. The CIO and punishment won't help, they'll only create negative associations w/ sleep, thus complicating things further, IMO.

My advice is to ride out the wave, prepare yourself that for the next few months, bedtime routine will be minimum 60 minutes and that this stage, too, will pass. You can help bedtime go easier by making sure your toddler gets lots of physical activity in between breakfast and dinner, and once dinner comes, start the gentle, slow, winding down to bed.

Hope this helps!

By that age, we had moved our children into full-sized beds, which allowed one of us to lay down with them while they fall asleep. It was a life-saver for us! I never minded the time spent reading or singing in the bed with them, it made them comfortable and we didn't have to transport a sleeping baby to another bed. We just put it against the wall and put up a bed rail to keep them from rolling out. Worked great for us!

A bedtime routine works for our DS. He fought it for the first few times, and now he's usually asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow.

I'm afraid it's a complicated routine, but we found we needed a reward at each step to help him follow it.

1 - We put all his toys away. We tell him play time is over.
2 - He takes his bath.
3 - If he's done 1 & 2 without a lot of whining/complaining, then he gets 1/2 hour of TV. He has to just sit and watch the TV - no playing. (We tell him it's quiet time.) We try to make it something simple - like Leap Frog's "Letter Factory" or Disney shorts. I know people say that any TV at bedtime is a stimulate, but it works for us.
4 - He brushes his teeth and goes potty.
5 - If he's done 4 without a lot of whining/complaining, then he gets 2 books read to him. (He picks one and we pick the other.)
6 - We say the prayer.
7 - Lights go out, but we stay long enough to sing 2 songs. (He picks one and we pick the other.)

Of course, you'll want to modify the routine to include quiet activities that your DD enjoys - such as snuggling as mentioned below.

Good luck!

I went through this with my son and still do periodically (he's now 3 1/2). I have found sticker charts to work and a reward after so many stickers. I made up a chart that showed the bedtime routine that he follows (brush teeth, go potty, read book, hugs/kisses, choice of light on or off, music, covers on or off, etc. We went down the list before I left his room and told him that I would give him a sticker in the morning if he stayed in bed. After 5 stickers, we went to the dollar store for a treat. And it worked wonderfully. On the other hand, maybe your child just needs a stuffed animal or blanket. I couldn't get my 7 month old to sleep through the night. We took her to the doctor and we thought it was reflux. Turns out it was mommy anxiety. She just wanted me. So I gave her one of my t-shirts that I had worn to bed and she slept through the night. I switched it out with a blanket that I slept with and she now is a blanky girl. Amazing that after 2 months of getting up every night that all it took was something with my scent on it to make her sleep.

Have you tried reading to her? Snuggling down with a couple books and reading. Make sure she understands that you will be done after the second one. Maybe she just needs some mommy time alone with you and reading has two benefits. She has that time and reading helps her develop her vocal skills. I hope it helps. My kids loved being read to.

I had to work it out so that at a certain time each evening, I turn off the lights in the living room, and my son can stay in there and watch a show or something, but he HAS to lay down on the couch. He generally will fall asleep on the couch, and then I put him in the bed. If he's sleepy when I put him down, he'll stay. Of course, with any child, if he's wide awake, its game over for mommy.
I think getting him to lay down with the lights off helps him "unwind" and fall asleep easier.
I've done that for a while now, and I can get him to go to bed much easier now. I think because he's just relaxed after laying down for a while. I dunno! :-)
GOOD LUCK!

This may seem like giving up to you, but that is just what we did with our son - give up. We put a gate on his door and told him he could play quietly in his room until he fell asleep. I was so sick of fighting at bedtime that I just could do it anymore. He ended up falling asleep on his floor and we would just scoop him into bed when we went to bed. We started about this age with him and 7 months later it's still working. Good luck - bedtime is so hard to deal with b/c you are tired too!

I swear by the Supernanny technique. My son is 2 years old and he has slept with us since birth. We had a very hard time with getting him to bed at a certain time and would fight with him. Our first attempt took us 2 hours the first night and then maybe 45 minutes the second night to where he stays in bed and falls asleep now. We just started this last week and it has worked great. My husband also was the one to always put him to bed and now we take turns. We start off by reading him three books in bed and then turn out the lights and tell him that we are going to sing two songs to him and then it is time for him to go "Night Night". Once the songs are done we kiss and hug him good night. If he would or does get out of bed we tell him "Sweetie it's time to go to bed" and put him back into the bed and cover him up.
If he should get up again we only say "Bedtime" and place him back in bed. Then every time after that we say nothing until he eventually gets tired of getting up and put back in bed. I can't believe how hard it was at first when I would hear him yell "Mama Help!" It killed me, but it is so nice now. The first three days were the worst but it does get better to deal with and when you keep remembering it is for his own good it seems to make it a little better. Good luck, it has been a big struggle for us.

Hi K J: My daughter is just a year old but every night around 8:30 I take her into our bedroom and cuddle with her she falls asleep and I then put her into her own crib she loves the mommy time and I love the cuddle time too, if you pretend that the go to sleep thing is not an issue your daughter won't associate sleepy time as a game and may go on her own. Did you try a fairly consistent routine with her ie give her a nice warn bath/get her pjs on read a story with in the same time frame? That may work for you. Good luck I am sure my daughter will become more difficult as she gets older.

K J,
I don't know if this will work for a 23 month old but if you are at your wits end, it may be worth a try. We just did this technique with my three year old and it has worked great, so far!!!! I went out and purchased a little lamp to sit on her night stand as well as a kitchen timer (the kind with a dial - not a digital). Our bedtime routine involves the following; bathtime, pajamas, teeth, read a book to her, and then she gets to pick out 5 books (you can decide on how many for your daughter), turn on her little lamp (I showed her how to do it and NOT to touch the lightbulb as it gets VERY VERY HOT), and then I set the timer for 15 minutes (once again, you can decide on an appropriate time). She is allowed to read and look at those 5 books until the timer goes off. Once the timer goes off, she knows to put her books back on the bookshelf, turn on her CD player for music and turn OFF her little light. If she chooses to get out of her bed, then she looses either a special treat or a princess movie for the next day. We also leave on her closet light with her door ajar as a night light. Over almost a 4 week period, she has gotten out of her bed once. I try to do naptime like this as well but hasn't been as successful. My daughter also has a storyboard taped to her door to show her what she is to do at bedtime. I took digital photos of her bedtime routine (bathtub, pajamas, toothbrush, toothpaste, CD player, etc..) and taped them to her door and each night we do each picture in order so she knows what is coming up next. You can also include a picture of your daughter's bed, books, you and her hugging and giving each other a kiss - if that is part of your bedtime routine. Include pictures of every step that you do. Kids like routine and my daughter loved looking at the pictures and doing each picture and then finally ending up in bed. Sorry this is so long - good luck!

I actually found a great book called Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. She goes from birth through age five and discusses routines, etc. There are also plenty of real-life stories and the solutions that worked for the families. We started Her gentle program with our son at 12 months. Each stage he entered (walking, teeth cutting, weaning, separation anxiety, etc) we have referred back to the book to find new techniques. At 2 1/2, we are able to put him into his bed at 8 and he'll sleep until 7:30. He also does not get out of bed. Most importantly, he never had to CIO.