Sick Calls from School

Have you talked to any teachers? Is anyone picking on her? Is this happening in the same classroom all the time? Is she having trouble in any classes?

Sounds a little like my daughter when she was that age. Altho she enjoyed school, she would rather stay home with mommy. It actually got to the point where I was at my wits end and would alternate between a couple different stories: 1) I would have to take her to the doctor and she would probably have to get a shot; 2) they were going to arrest Mommy because I wasn't doing my job of sending her to school; or 3) if she missed too many days she would have to re-take the whole grade and then she would be behind her friends. I know these sound horrible and scary for a child but like I said, I was at my wits end!!

I would send an email to all her teachers and see if they've noticed anything going on.

Good luck!!!

stress??? Yes that happens too. He is probably adjusting to new things, new routines, new teacher, new friends, etc. Is this his first time away from you?
Think about it. Some kids get used to school a little bit later than their peers, but it is nothing wrong or odd about it. He needs more time to adjust if there is no a medical reason.

Is there a pattern to her complaints? Could she be avoiding a specific teacher, subject, or task? Avoiding a certain room that she isn't familiar with? Does she willingly ask her teachers for help or more information if she needs it? Any possible learning issues she could be embarrassed about or not know how to handle if they haven't been diagnosed?

When I was in kindergarten I was "sick" every Friday and spent much of the day in the nurse's office. I had no symptoms except an unsettled feeling in my stomach, even though I never threw up. I wouldn't tell anyone, but I was avoiding gym class because I was scared of the teacher...he had a scratchy voice and ugly teeth that I clearly remember to this day.

Then in 5th grade (in a new school) my teacher asked me to take the attendance records to the office. I stood outside the classroom door for 20 mins until she came out to look for me - because I didn't know where the office was, and for some unknown reason, was too shy to say so or ask for directions.

I also hated to go to school on the days we did the fluoride rinse. I was so uncomfortable rinsing and spitting in front of everyone.

Funny how some things so seemingly insignificant can become so terrifying in the mind of a child. I am a normal person. I was a shy kid but am not shy as an adult. I was also always on the honor roll and graduated as salutatorian, so clearly school wasn't too difficult for me. Shyness, uncertainty, and not wanting to draw attention to myself was really all it was for me.

Good luck. Hopefully some extra dates with mom and dad, purposeful 1-1 time, will eventually smooth it out.

yeah we did tell our son that if he's "really" that sick (no vomiting, diarrhea, fever, or any other "visible" symptom) that we would take him to the dr. he immediately got the big doe eyes and said, "WILL THEY GIVE ME A SHOT?" i looked at him very sadly and said, "well...they might..." suddenly he was willing to work it out.

moms are evil :)

BUT, my son does sometimes say his stomach hurts. mostly it's when he needs to poop. then he gets over it.

if he truly is sick (and i KNOW it) it is couch, tv, and lots of rest. if i feel like he's being dramatic, i might mention to him, "well if you don't have a fever or vomiting, i don't know what's making you sick. tv might make it worse. so there won't be any tv. you'll have to go to bed."

I talk to them for a moment to decide the severity of the issue and then tell them they have to go back to class. If there is no fever, no puking, no diarrhea they stay at school. Now if I've noticed they are acting droopy or lethargic I might go pick them up and take them straight to the doc's.

I will often ask the school why they called after talking to the child. They say, your child said they were sick. I ask them if they were actually doing anything that was cause to send them home, they'll often say no, that the child just didn't feel good. I tell them the kid is fine and they need to go back to class. The calls have stopped a bit since the kids figured out that it is doing no good for them to call me.

When I was a nanny for a family with 7 children plus a spare, he was the mom's bosses son, I still had 2 home all day, 1 1/2 half a day, and the rest were in school all day. Now, I was a funny nanny sometimes because I'd pack the little guys up and we'd go to the park and then out to lunch, we might order pizza or Chinese for lunch instead of cooking, maybe the mall, just get out of the house for the day and have fun. I didn't really need the money I was making, I just enjoyed working so I was always spending money on the kids. I was their surrogate mom after all. That was in my job description, seriously.

The kids started seeing how much fun we had and started getting where they would want to stay home too. Pretending to be sick was pretty much "the way" for that to happen.

One day I got to work and I had my regular 2 guys and then the next two. The half day kindergartner and the 1st grader both stayed home. They weren't really sick of course but wanted to stay home and have fun, eat junk food, and play.

So, I made them stay in bed all day and I fussed over them. I tucked them in, I kept feeling their foreheads, made sure they had lights out so they could nap, when they asked if they could have Egg Drop Soup from their favorite place I told them no, they could only have water and broth, since they were feeling sick to their stomach the soup would be bad for them. Poor kids, they really were counting on getting to go do a lot of fun stuff during that day. They didn't get that reward. They didn't ever stay home from school again if they truly weren't sick.

This still happens with my 9 yo grandson. It's his mother's rule that unless he has a fever, is vomiting, or has diarrhea he stays at school. The school has agreed with this. Also, if he comes home, he's not allowed to watch TV or play with electronics. He's sick and must rest.

If the school has a nurse, I'd talk with her about this. It is common for children this age to have stomach aches. I suggest that she may have suggestions for how to handle it. I've read both theories that it's emotional and that something is going on within their abdomen that causes the pain.

We know that with my grandson, who hates school, that most of the time his not feeling well is an attempt to get out of school; hence the limited activities. It's my belief that even if a child comes home for emotional reasons, not because they hate school, they need extra love and attention. With my daughter, I'd cuddle with her, read to her, and in general pamper her a bit. She didn't need to come home for quite awhile after that.

My 9 yo did this a few times last year. She started again this year but I had a plan. She called with a headache she said was so bad she couldn't bear to be in class. So I picked her up, brought her home, and made her sit in a dark room until bedtime - 9 hours. I brought her broth and water and crackers - but every time she said she was better and wanted to get up I told her any light or moving around or reading or watching tv or anything to do with her eyes would make her headache worse so it was back to bed. Next day we walked to school with a neighbor friend & dad, dad asked her if she was feeling better and she said yes and I learned never to call mom with just a headache because she'll make me sit in a dark room all day, it was awful! Problem solved :)

Is there a school nurse? She/he should be vetting her to get to the bottom of her complaint without calling you everytime. Our school nurse will 'examine' the child and if she deems it necessary (e.g. fever) she will call the parent to pick up the child. If she doesn't see anything then she sends them back to class and will sometimes give a courtesy call to the parent.

On the other hand, I would not discount what she says. Go back to the pediatrician so that they can figure out what the underlying problem is.

Has your doctor done a strep test? I would rule strep out before you consider it to be emotional.

Both my kids and my husband have had strep with no fever and with upset stomachs. If she has strep, she needs antibiotics.

Dawn

I did happen with my daughter was in first grade, she had stomachs. I believe it to be something was making her nervous. The school nurse started giving kids with stomach aches salt water to settle their stomaches. She stopped wanting to go to the office and managed to get rid of the stomach aches. Go figure! Then it became headaches, I put in tylenol with her name on it in the office. She didn't like the taste of it-she managed through them too. If she is sick instead of nerves or wanting attention you would notice it at home too. Good luck keeping your kid in class.

Is it at the same time everyday? I can remember doing that when I stayed for lunch at school (we had the option of going home for lunch) because we did handwriting after lunch and it just hurt my little hand to write so much! LOL I would say I didn't feel well, sit there for a bit then, when I figured they must be done, tell the secretary I was feeling better and go back to class.

She also may just miss you and want to hear your voice and has found that saying she is sick makes it so she can do that. Even if they love school, they still miss Mommy!

As the one that usually makes that phone call, I can assure you, yes, it does happen a lot. Usually I have my "repeat visitors" - the ones that know that know matter what, mom will come get them. Finally mom and I had a talk, and agreed that unless they are obviously ill (fever, vomiting, diarreah, or just "the look" that some kids get when they are actually not feeling well) - mom does not get a call. It has seemed to curb some of the repeat visitors.

You've ruled out medical issues - so that is great. You showed you respect your daughter and didn't dismiss her complaints. Now that you can be pretty sure she is healthy, it might make sense to reach out to the school in a quick note: mention it to the teacher, ask her opinion, ask if she's observed anything that might be an issue. Also, maybe discuss with the nurse a plan that you are comfortable with. Decide together when its ok to send her back to class as long as she seems well enough. Stash a bit of tylenol at school with dosage instructions if it makes sense (your daughter may just feel better knowing something from Mommy is at school for her, even if she never uses it). My 1st grader does this as well and its baffling - she's social and loves school. So its been a surprise to get phone calls about headaches and stomach aches. But I think its normal at this age of wanting to be "big kids" and still feeling that need for Mom. Find out your schools policies and work out a plan with the nurse. Even if the calls continue, you'll feel more in control. And continue to be patient and open with your daughter - silly questions about school ("How was art today? Does your art teacher have tattoos and green hair?") might get her laughing and talking and encourage the stories to come out that will help you both get a better view of what's going on in the hours she's away from you. :)

I work in an elementary school and I've seen this, also with my own kids' peer groups when they were younger. They do it because they see other kids doing it. The other kids' parents come and get them, they get attention, and once you start showing her attention, she will keep doing it. Let the school nurse know what is going on, and that unless your child is actually showing symptoms - vomiting, fever, redness in the ears or throat, that you don't want to be called, that she can be sent back to class right away with a note to bring home that she saw the nurse.

I had a student do that in my dance class when we had yoga days as she felt it was boring. The mom questioned my teaching of yoga and said that her daughter hates it and if I could poll the students to see if they like it. HUH?

I agree check the times and days for a pattern.

Hmmm,
My school doesn't call everytime a kid visits the nurse. They only call when the kids are hurt or sick (they have a fever or vomiting etc) and MUST go home. Otherwise, the kids get checked out by the nurse and then sent back to class. Sometimes they will be given some tylenol (if the parents have filled out the consent form) for a headache, or ice for a bump. When they go back to class they have a note to be sent home. The note basically states the reason the child visited the nurse and what was done.

I know if the nurse calls from my school...i have no say in the matter...it's time to pick them up.

Now, I had to talk to the nurse because my daughter was CONSTANTLY in the office. It was like it was a fun thing to do...attention anyone? So yes I do think it's the age group. She had two years like this and has settled down greatly this year (3rd grade)

I'd ask if there were any way to limit the calls unless there was a fever or some such worry. It would drive me crazy to get called all the time.

What about days you do get calls...like some suggested...an unpleasant consequence like going to bed early since she's not "well"

My daughter tried that once I explained to her she is allowed a certain amount sick days per year per month etc. I tell her well if i take you home today you have to wait 60 days before you can go hoe again do you want to use it today. In the beginning she said yes but then when she tried again and i reminded her she cannot call in sick again for anohter 60 days it stopped. Your child is young so you need mark it on the calendar. But please make sure your child is not having issues in the classroom or playgroiund wiht teachers or other kids? Does she always call around the same time of day? If so what is she doing at school at that time

My older daughter used to get stomach aches when she had to read. It is just butterflies from the anxiety.

Hehe...call her bluff. Tell her you called the doctor and the nurse has her shot ready. Not nice, but I bet she will want to go back to class.