Shyness - Ridgefield,CT

My daughter always sat on my lap in public or wouldn't leave my side if I was standing. She even required a 20 minute warm up whenever we had a playdate. She completely broke out of her shell a couple of months into her first year of preschool when she went 2 mornings/week. I couldn't believe how she blossomed. She's a very friendly 5 year old now.

Enjoy these years, my second (now 2) is completely opposite and so overly friendly and dare I say wild, that I can hardly take her in public.

I would not worry about it. My son was the same way too, but he outgrew it. Now he's the first to approach children. Even if he's not ready to play with the other kids, still take him, once he feels more comfortable - which happens with some kids by a great deal of watching and assessing the situtation for themselves, he will join in.

I would suggest accepting him as he is. There is nothing wrong with being a naturally shy, observant type. He will decide to participate on his own. You can always suggest he play with another, introduce him to a child. You could play with a child and hope he joins in. I just wouldn't push the issue. If you do, you run the risk of making him feel bad about being who he is. Try to remember that children are separate people who come thru you. They are not here for you or to be you. Sorry if you find me too harsh, I believe so strongly about this issue.

Don't worry too much about your son. He will be fine. I was the same way and now people cannot get me to shut up. LOL I was a shy child and when we were in school the bench was for the bad kids at recess. I would sit on the bench and chat with the janators. I broke out more when I met my best friend(of 25 years) and at work I am just as nutty as my co-workers. Let him be for now, but I do thinks if you want him to break out of that shell, he needs more Kid time. It sounds like you are taking him everywhere with you and not dropping him at daycare for kid time. My daughter is nother like I was as a child. She has been going to daycare since she's 5 months old. She is more outgoing than me. Good luck.

I have a 2 1/2 yr. old son and he is quiet and reserved. He is starting to come out of his shell more and more. We too attend a playgroup once a week, and I usually hold a playdate at my house once a week. Keep in mind that all of the research that I've done states that just because a child is shy doesn't mean he is unhappy or deprived. Most shy kids reported feeling just as happy and included as outgoing kids. Pushing your child to do things isn't going to work. Parallel play (playing alongside, but not with a playmate)at this age is the norm for all kids. Just keep doing what you're doing. Provide opportunities for your child to participate, but keep in mind that even if he doesn't join in, he's learning by watching and listening.

M.,Keep doing exactly what you are doing. If others call him shy just say "He feels like being quiet". He'll open up on his own. The important thing is not to force him. Just be loving, gentile and keep doing what you are. He may need some down time after getting together w/ others to regain his energy. I was shy as a child, my daughter went through this and it took until she was 5. Be patient. You are doing great!

M., I have a 6 year old, and I know exactly what you are experimenting right now. At the beggining I thought his shyness was because his bilinguism. To make the story short, I discoverd a year ago 2 things: 1. He is an Indigo Kid (search for INDIGO KIDS in the web ) 2. He has a mild hearing loss (we don't have family history of hearing loss) Please, take him to an hearing screening. Don't give up with the playdates and look for early speech therapy...here in Clifton-Passaic, NJ a great place is Kid Clan ###-###-#### or kidclanllc.com) I hope it helps. F.

This is a fairly common reaction with "sheltered 2 year olds"
You should increase the amount of time he spends outside the home with other children,
to help him gain confidence, have playdates at your home, and then Meet that same pal OUT at the park, or another event,

teach him how to make friends,
Say: " My name is SAM what's your name"

My son says: HI FRIEND C'mon let's GO!

and that seems to do the trick, many times Children who are shy like to play gently, with cars and play dough, painting

So you should try inviting a friend over, and making homemade playdough, and then let them have at it with the cookie cutters, they'll love it,

Good luck

M

I have the SAME personality in my two-year-old Ava -- same exact deal. Bright and cheery, flirty, engaged with adults, and then it's as if someone presses the mute button when she's with other kids. totally sidelines; drives me a little nuts, but nothing I can do. Here's my take... LET THEM BE WHO THEY ARE -- try not to get annoyed; this is part of his own special self -- came into the world with this quality (which, i've been told, to classify as "observant" rather than shy -- and let him ease out when he wants -- call it a temporary behavior rather than pigeon-holing him with this character trait his whole life...) ----- I have to remember that I was a LOT quieter as a kid; a lot more cautious, -- and these were things that changed as life went on. -- i think the more you can make him comfortable in a situation and allow him the "ease in" /observing time, the better. you can GENTLY push his edge without really pushing him or getting nervous about it --- they sense the pushing and they sense your amped nerves, so the more you can have heart and accept it, the better for both of you! [clearly I need to take my own advice, too!!] -- lots of luck.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, especially at his age. My son was the same way at 2 and sometimes still is shy if he is in a new environment or overly stimulating one. I did the same thing, brought him to a playgroup and some classes. That helped a lot, once he felt comfortable he was much more open with anyone. Now sometimes he is the most playful in his class, but it always depends on his mood that day. Also, some kids prefer parallel play or playing by themselves until they are 4+ years old, but that doesn't mean he isn't getting anything out of the classes. I used to think maybe I was wasting my money until I noticed my son singing the songs and playing the games at home that we played in his class that morning. Just make sure you give him hugs and lots of support in situations that are uncomfortable to him!

He's fine! I have 5 little boys and they all warm up at their own speed...I have one son who is so outgoing I'm sure he's headed for politics and my other 4 seem pretty shy... a.k.a....attached to my leg... Two is really young for a child to venture off and interact with other kids....especially if you are in the room. You are your childs security blanket and they will always behave differently when you are around. As he gets older it could go both ways...he could outgrow it or stay the same...once he enters school and does things on his own it will fade...but shy isn't a bad thing...and remember boys are a little slower sometimes at the social maturity...goodluck...don't force him...it will come!

My son just turned 2 in December, and was exactly the same way. He was very shy around kids his age, and would just look and not play when they were around. I signed us up for a Little Gym class towards end of August, and in September I enrolled him in school for 3 half days. The gym class helped, but let me tell you the school did wonders. The first 2 weeks were rough, as he would cry as soon as we would get to the parking lot, but once he realized how much fun he was having there he got over it. He was still a little shy and look more than participate till about Halloween time, but there has been no stopping him since. He is a different kid now, and social around just about anyone. he just doesn't like it when there are a lot of wild and really loud kids running around, but looks forward to going to school. I eventually transitioned him to full time. I work full time, and had a nanny before. I think the one on one adult time was good when he was little, and it was exactly what he needed. At about 20 months he needed more, and he wasn't getting that at home unless there would be other kids around (which was not the case). You may want to consider enrolling him in a part time half day program, it'll allow you some time to get things done as well. I really feel your pain, I was in the same spot s you and was really getting desperate. I'm glad I stuck it out for the first 2 weeks, because I was thinking about taking him out. Feel free to email me if you have any specific questions.

Two years old - he's still a baby. Don't rush him and enjoy each stage of his growth. Eventually he'll have the security of leaving your side and playing with the others. Now you are his security blanket and he's so young. Be patient with his bevavior and in time you'll have to pull him away from his friends to go home!

I have a great book to recommend to you. Its called: The Challenging Child (don't be put off by the name). It looks at kids who are sensitive in all different ways including shyness. The author is Stanley I. Greenspan. I am a teacher and found it very helpful in understanding how children experience the world.

my son will be two in a couple weeks. He had a really hard time playing with other kids. He would have much rather gone off by himself. I think its fine. your son will come around. do you have other children play at your house? I found that if I could find somthing that amazed them all it is really hard for them to ignore each other. I used an automatic bubble maker within seconds they were all playin pop the bubbles and the sound of childrens laughter filled my house. get creative you will be amazed.

Hi M.: Being shy is part of your son'spersonality. As he becomes more confident socializing it will improve. I was a very shy child and I outgrew it slowly. You could try having playdates with just one child that he seems to like to build his confidence. Be patient and expose him to other children with gentle encouragement. A lot of children play parallel to each other until they are three years old. I am a school psychologist and have been working with the 0-5 age ppulation for 34 years. M. P.