2 Year Old Showing Shyness Tendencies

J.,
I wouldn't be overly concerned at this point. I noticed that he's an only child. He's not used to playing with a bunch of other kids. I would consider having a play date with one of 2 other kids his age at a park or other neutral location. He might be overwhelmed by all these other loud kids. Don't worry, he'll eventually join in.

J....wouldnt the world be a boring place if we were all alike?? Some of us are outgoing and love to be in the middle of the action, some of us prefer a more quiet approach. We like to sit back and observe and just take things in before we decide if we want to jump in with both feet. I would say to just love your son the way he is, don't fret. And do NOT talk about him being "shy" in front of him or it will just be a self fulfilling prophecy!!! How long has your son being in this daycare situation?? Maybe he is just warming up to the boys and girls in the group. Don't push him and don't worry...he is doing what feels natural to him. It may change and you may LONG for the days that he was quiet and withdrawn!!! Just love him for the himself!!!
R. Ann

I agree with Carrie. I think it has a lot to do with his age and personality. I would also say do not push your son to be more social. Let him come around on his own, either he will or he won't. Maybe he will take after you. Shyness isn't bad... when considering the spectrum of what is/isn't "bad," really, it could be worse. Try modeling social behaviors for him. Invite a play group over, or go to story hour at the library. Let him see you interacting with the other mothers. Also, when I am with my daughter and another mother/child I always make sure to great/talk to the child so my daughter sees me interacting with someone of her age, not just the adults. Maybe he will think "I can do that too," and that it's easy. Get down on the floor with the other children, your son will come join you. Most parents sit on the sidelines and watch a group of children interact. Get down and roll around with them, or at least sit at their level with them and observe. My daughter always gets down and sits on my lap until she is more comfortable. Other children even come over and sit on my lap... strangers. The parents say "oh, I'm sorry." They hand me a book and I read it to them, just like my child does. I say "thats okay, I'm used to it (kids climbing on me.)" When my daughter starts to interact and play with the other children I back off and watch. Getting back to not pushing him... We want our children to be social, and we don't want to go around making excuses for their behavior "oh, he's just being shy." I just hate when a parent says that to me about their child. I say to them "Thats okay, you don't have to talk/play with me." My daughter doesn't notice the shyness, and I bet the other children at your sons daycare don't either. You are pushing your need for social behavior onto him. Pushing him by saying things like "why don't you say hi to so-and-so," or "just go over and play with..." He has no need to be social, you have that need for him. You said it yourself that he was "parallel playing." What's wrong with that? He is playing and active. He is entertaining himself and self-quieting (able to be alone, no need for someone to entertain him. I think this can lead to a great imagination.) At 2, I don't think he feels left out. I also think that his observation of the other children is a good quality. If he likes to just sit back and watch... a lot of people are "people watchers" and enjoy sitting and watching passers by. My daughter, 15 months, loves restaurants and watching all the people in them. We took her to a basketball game, she watched everyone around us... quietly. She just really likes to watch people. She is very observant. People, places, anything new, shiny, ect. I don't think shyness is something to fret about. I guess I don't see shyness as awkward as you, maybe. I think everyone has times and circumstances in which they are shy, wishing they could disappear into the wall. Assertiveness is something that comes with maturity and confidence in oneself. You have to model the behavior for him, he will catch on in his own time. At the same time it will help you to become less shy b/c you will know that he is watching. If he is still shy, so what. Don't you have bigger fish to fry? Is he generous, caring, honest? Isn't that what's important?
Great answer from Ruth as well...

We all come in different personalities, as you know, and I like to think of it like all of creation. Different flowers, different trees, etc., etc. which is what I tell my kids and grand kids when they want the other eye color or other hair color, etc. Same with our personalities. God has a job in life for each of us and we can only do it as he made us to be. If the shyness keeps us from doing that then we need to change something but otherwise that's how we are. I grew up being very shy. Hated it but also didn't know I could accept how I was and be happy that way too. My mother was the opposite of me and made me feel like I HAD to be like her, I'm sure she didn't do it knowingly. Please just accept your little boy as he is and at his age this is very normal. When he gets older if he still is shy, and he may not be by then, just help him understand how to accept it. Now I'm shy at times, we all are I think in unknown situations ( we not all I guess ) and yet I can talk and be in groups too. So give him time to learn how to know who he is and enjoy him now, shy or not shy. I'm so glad we are all different.

I would not worry. My son, who is 20 months, also displayed this behavior at day care. I was worried also. But my pediatrician said this could be his personality. My son always assesses and studies the situation. He is very analytical, meticulous and independent. We were being told at his previous day care that he didn't play with the other children also. We were forced to pull him out of the daycare and since he's in a new environment he's changed. He interacts well with the other children, but it is a smaller, intimate environment. He also is getting more attention. I am not advising you to change daycares, but it takes a skilled teacher to notice the difference in your son and involve him; to bring him out of his shell. We recently were at a Halloween event and my son wasn't shy at all. You just have to know your son's personality and his needs is my advice. I would ask the teachers to pay more attention to this if you are really concerned.

J.-

I wanted to respond to your request for several reasons. First, you are right in parallel play being big for his age. I have heard and read this and see this often with my 26 month old. When friends are over, she's playing along side them. With the other kids in his class, it he in a room where the age spans several months? This could be why other kids play 'together' or maybe they have siblings at home and are used to 'playing together' which is why he seems shy.

I have a different sort of story and thought I would share. My daughter is very outgoing, loud, likes to be center of attention, talks ALL THE TIME (like her momma!!) and is funny and very articulate. About a month ago, I went on a field trip with her 2 year old class at daycare and on the way, all the kids were strapped into their carseats on the bus and Ashley was talking and singing her heart out (as I'm used to) and her teacher said "Ashley, that is the most I've ever heard you talk!" I turned around, flabbergasted. Apparently she does not talk nearly as much at daycare as she does at home.

When I've gone to pick her up, I always try to sneak up and watch her playing. Most times, she's playing a game or toy alone (next to kids) or engaged in a song/play with the teacher and kids.

That being said, my husband is kind of shy whereas I'm the opposite. If your son is mainly around you and you are shy around people, he may pick up on that or he may just develop a shy personality like you. Either way, I do not think it's a bad thing! But I also do not think the signs you have mentioned mean he will be shy.

Check out "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron, or you can google it and see if it sounds like your son. Your little man may just be very intuitive. He likes to check out the situation before jumping in, a skill you definitely want him to have as he gets older. This book gives you tips on how to parent and nurture his personality traits. I used to refer to my daughter being shy, but more often than not "shy" is viewed as a shortcoming, which is not at all the case. Now when someone comments that my daughter is very shy, I just say actually she is just very observant and intuitive. And that I am very lucky she is so aware of her surroundings!

My husband and I were both terribly shy as kids, but our 3-year old daughter is anything but (she goes up to strangers and gives them hugs and kisses), but even so, and even at 3, playing together is still a difficult thing...she can play with an adult (and tell us what to do...ha) but she's still most often engaging in parallel play with other kids. Some kids are more cautious when approaching something new...my dd's friend is the opposite of her and very slow to join in an activity, so your son is normal, don't worry...and while I understand you not wanting him to be "painfully" shy, some caution in a child is not a bad thing...I wish my daughter had a bit of it :)

It looks like he is your only child. This is perfectly normal for him being an only child. If he had siblings at home it would be different. Please don't worry- he will loosen up the more older he gets and learn how to play with others as he goes. Also, nothing wrong with being a little shy, my daughter is and she is a doll...

Good Morning J. :) My daughter in law is or was very shy until she moved here when she was preggers with Corbin.
Corbin is now 4 and talks to everyone he see's. When he was a baby I would take him shopping and people would comment on how pretty he was.. and we would stop and visit a bit. I don't mind speaking to people while shopping etc.. I find it fun. Corbin would wave at everyone. When Gen would come along she wouldn't know what to think of all the people making over her baby boy.
Your little guy is shy because you are shy yourself.
Gen is finally loosening up some, she will comment on other babies, smile more while out. She has two little boys now and Corbin is still the meet and greeter, will ask the Checker their names then tell them his name, then say it's nice to meet them... etcc. We do tell him he can only speak to people when Nana, Mama, Daddy, or papa are around.

At Corbins (Pre-K) School in Park City, ks there is sometimes a Police Officer at the main cross walk greeting the kids daily. Zane see's him, wants down and runs to get his ^5...lol It took maybe 3 days for Zane not to be afraid to look at him and get his ^5.
Officer Davis is a great guy with kids off all ages.
If you will be a little more out going your son will to, in time.

God Bless you
K. Nana of 5

J., i am a shy person myself and i have noticed this in my child also, so i know where you're coming from. you just want so badly for your child to fit in and be comfortable with his peers! i really think that A. it's the age, for sure - this is the age that a lot of kids start learning what fear is, and some of that can be social anxiety too. also, B. i don't think you can change his personality! the best, i have decided, i can do for my son (who won't even walk into a familiar house, if there are people he doesn't know), is make sure he is surrounded by other children on a daily basis (daycare) and be there to support and encourage him. the more socialization he has the better, obviously, but i am starting to realize (my son is 3) that it really is just his personality...and some pain we can't spare our kids no matter how hard we try. all we can do is be a good example, and maybe share that we are shy too sometimes. good luck, i know it gets you right "there", when you see him not interacting...i am positive he'll be okay :)

No worries. Just let him be himself. Please be careful about pushing your insecurities on him - it could make him withdraw. It's not a sin to be shy, but I do understand you concerns because we live in such an "in your face" society these days.

You are obviously a warm, caring mom, so keep up the good work and let your boy be who he is!