Should I Say Something?

You need to request through the court that a change be made in the custody agreement that disallows him to have romantic partners (that he's not married to) sleeping over in his place while your daughter is there.

EDIT: SingleMa gave you some EXCELLENT advice. I'm quite literally shocked at the responses telling you that the women he's parading in and out of his home while those little girls are there isn't any of your business. Well, no, while your daughter isn't there it's not your business. While she's in that apartment it's 100% your business who that man is associating with and what those little girls are witnessing. Those women may not be trustworthy or reliable, and may in fact be harmful, and he wouldn't know because he doesn't take time to get to know them. He's clearly in these "relationships" for the physical aspect if they only last three weeks tops.

I would also talk with the mom of your daughter's sister and if there are any other siblings, their moms too and see about getting them to adjust their custody agreements in court to disallow random women that he's not married to to be around the children while they're visiting, let alone having sleepovers while they're there.

According to your other posts, the guy is a jerk and you need to start speaking up for your little girl. You know what is right, so just do it. The shower thing in your other post REALLY makes me angry!

Well, I hate to tell you this, but you are wife #3. I'm not saying that's good or it's bad, but it is what it is.
My daughter's father had a different girlfriend just about everytime my daughter had visitation with him. The courts did not see it as a problem.
I have a friend whose mother has been married about 8 times because she felt that morally, she shouldn't be having sex with someone she wasn't married to. That led to a bunch of kids with a bunch of different dads and a bunch of divorces. All of her kids, now adults, still love her and try to protect her from husband #9.
I personally would not have done that to my own children but it didn't make her a bad mother. Bad judgement? Impulsive? Yes.
A serial marrier? Yes.
There are people like that.
You are a stay at home mom with 3 kids and I'm guessing only one of them is with your ex.
All I know is that it's really hard to get the court to see a distinction between one child being subjected to new spouses on one side and not the other.
You have a right to be concerned, but saying he will marry someone and actually doing it might be two different things.
Sooner or later, it would seem that being wife 5, 6, 7 or 8 wouldn't have much appeal.
Your daughter is 8. She is a child, to be sure, but my daughter never put any stock in the women in her dad's life because they came and went more regularly than the change of seasons. She didn't get attached. She didn't invest anything in it.
Part of her being able to handle it was the fact that she was in counseling so she could sort things out. She was a child and the adult stuff was something she was around, but she didn't have to repeat. She in no way believed it was just normal day to day in serious relationships.
My daughter actually liked some of the girls her dad had her around but she never had any false hopes they would stay. They always left him.
That's just the truth of the matter.
I didn't have to say anything bad. I didn't have to threaten, I didn't even have to mention I didn't like it. The women always left. And he'd have another one two weeks later.
Parents aren't perfect, and sometimes kids learn what NOT to do based on example.
Instead of saving money for an attorney, for now, I would get your daughter into counseling so that she has an outlet for her feelings. Her father may never change. That's not a reflection on her in any way.
She can't control it or change it. To an extent, neither can you.
You can get help where you are to put things in perspective and perhaps get a game plan. At least your daughter's emotions can be dealt with.
Your emotions can be dealt with separately. In counseling.

Not to be a downer, but I don't know how many other children your ex has, you may never see a penny.
I was entitled to a large support award and there was no such thing as getting it. I'm still a single mom working to support myself and my one child who is still at home. There was no depending on support. I don't mean that to upset you, but you have to do what you have to do to support your kids and IF you get support, that's icing on the cake. I learned early on never to count on it.
Which was wise.
Men doing the right thing by their kids doesn't always happen and it may not seem fair, but I always said that my kids had ONE parent who would work her butt off and they had a 50% chance of turning out okay.
They've turned out more than okay.
Your daughter will be okay too. She really will. Get her in to see someone to help her deal with the dad/women issues so she doesn't think it's her fault, or she can fix it, or she has any control over it.
She can still love her dad, but she may have some questions for him.

~Only 10 more years and you don't have to deal with him?
Yes, you do. I've got two more years before my son is 18 and I have to deal with his dad practically on a daily basis because of my son's activities and things. We get along much better now than when we were married. I've put the hurt and anger aside because I have shouldered everything and that's just the way it is. But, my son loves his dad. And, his dad has been much nicer to me in the last year or so.
We took the gloves off.
My daughter's father and I never speak. She is 24 and she doesn't even speak to him. I remind her every year of his birthday and ironically, all he talks about is some new girlfriend. Not one thing has changed, but she doesn't even let it bother her anymore.

You've got a long road ahead and your daughter being okay comes first. Money or no money. She can turn out just fine if he's a flake. She can turn out just fine if he gets married 80 times.
Trust me.

Best wishes.

Um...if these women are living, disciplining, raising your kids while they are living with your ex, it is ABSOLUTELY your business. There are some very scary statistics out there about non-biological parents and the children that must live with them. Before you wonder about whether you should step on any toes you should ask yourself if you're prepared to sacrifice your child over some preconceived notion of propriety. If it were my child, I'd rather be a pain in the a** and know my child was safe than be too nice and risk having something happen.

File something quick. Get visitation stated that he has to come to her city of residence and visit with her supervised by you. Write a notarized typed letter, professionally written, that her father has showered the younger 4 year old half sister with her which you don't mind, but her father stays in there while the 8 year old is showering. This is a violation of her privacy and very unethical and makes me cringe honestly. I think a judge would see this as very wrong. I mean she is DEVELOPING! Some 9 year olds start their periods for heavens sake. Also put in there that YOUR DAUGHTER is NOT comfortable with it and he just gets aggressive and says oh well too bad. 8 years old is old enough to shower the 4 yr old alone if it HAS to be that way, he shouldn't be in there, maybe he's just dumb and insensitive but with his women ways playing too my pedo alarm goes off.

Tell the judge in the papers he does not have an adequate living situation for your daughter. Her sleeping in a bed in the middle of the living room is not adequate. An 8 year old needs some privacy, even if she shared a separate room with the 4 year old it is still a separate room of privacy, not a common area.

Tell the judge he does not show a parental sense of well-being because he brings strange women around your daughter and has them move in after a short time. Say you fear for her safety that a stranger that he, himself, does not know well could very well hurt your daughter.

And have a conversation with your daughter about bad touches please. I know he may just be insensitive and dumb, but it just made me cringe on so many different levels that he basically sees your developing 8 year old girl shower. That is so disturbing to me. She is very capable of showering the 4 yr old alone without him in there. I remember being 8 and that would have made me feel SO uncomfortable and violated.

HELL YEAH you should say something. God, my ex would be running for his life if he did this.

http://www.alsarizona.com/areas-of-law/child-custody-and-...

PLEASE don't wait 10 years til she's grown up. I just cringe at the thought of her being a preteen and making her shower with the other girl while he's watching. Just yuck. I know I dragged your other post in this, but it's all one in the same dealing with this whole situation.

I would say something. I would at least meet this woman and stay on top of the living situation. Your daughter is very much your business and I'm sure you'd expect the same thing from your EX if the situation was reversed. Tell him that too!! Good luck!!

The problem is, what goes on in each other's house is not either of your business. As long as your daughter is not being abused, there is little you can do.

I would definitely work on getting child support first then work on taking him to court for having strangers over when your daughter is there. I have a friend who got an order that no women can stay over while her son is there so it is possible for you. I would have a garage sale, sell stuff on ebay, deliver pizza, whatever you have to do to scrape up the money. He is disgusting. What if the girls hear him 'with' the woman??? What a jerk. You might be able to tell him he can't have your daughter again until he starts paying child support. make him take you to court then have all of this documented. Since you can't afford it, let him take you.

Your former husband is planning to remarry. I would not say anything unless there will be another visit before the marriage takes place. He's going on marriage number 3 and it seem like the two former wives might just not be cool with that. Unless you have some reason that the new wife would not be good to you daughter, ignore it for now.

Blessings.....

So he's been married 4x before? Were you wife #4? What I'm getting at is that you had to have known he was like this or had a history of this and you had a child with him. And truth be said, him dating or marrying isn't your business. But your daughter is. So I would talk to her and explain to her what her daddy is like...he likes lots of girlfriends and he gets married a lot of times. this means she will have lots of women in and out of her life. try to prepare her for what that means and really there isn't much you can do about it. my husbands ex is marrying a man who is 35 and has been married 3x already and we were trying to prove she's in an "unstable" relationship to have her daughter and the judge basically said its none of our business and it isn't "proof" of anything. So you can try to file something and make it a stipulation of your court order but it may be hard to do, especially if he is taking decent care of her in other ways. It sucks, no doubt about it but that's what happens where there is divorce or kids involved with couples no longer together. I hope you find a resolution. Good luck.

I agree with Jessica.

Unfortunately, this all goes with the territory of divorces. I don't think most judges would get involved in the mans personal life unless your daughter is being mistreated or seeing or hearing things she should not. Is there an issue with how small his place is? I'm not sure. I do know that a mom or dad has to have a suitable place for the kids to be in order to have overnight visitation. Most states/cities will have rules about how many people can stay in a dwelling with so many bedrooms. Check to see if you can make an issue of the kids sharing the living room while he has a bedroom and if he needs to get a different kind of place to be accommodating his kids and girlfriends together. That's the only thing I see you might have some pull with.

But I agree with Marda that the fight is probably not worth the cost and you probably can not win.

I'm confused. This new girl friend is living with him now? He's going to marry her next time she comes to town which will be her winter break? If she doesn't live there now, I definitely wouldn't say anything. He's already shown that he's not willing to consider your input. If she does live there, I still wouldn't say anything. Don't start a fight you can't win.

You can go to court without an attorney. I'm not sure how it works when you live in a different state. I suggest that you talk with a Legal Aid attorney and find out how you can go back to court with as low a cost as possible.

You could also make an appointment with an attorney in your town for a consult. Many attorneys will do a first visit consult without charging. I would ask if there is a way to go to court where you live.

You can also call the attorney who handled the latest court hearing and ask for his advice over the phone. I suggest it's possible he won't charge for this sort of a consult.

RE: making him take you to court by not allowing visitation. I suggest that this MIGHT work but it's risky. You will be declared in contempt which may influence the judge to not consider your reasons except as proof that you didn't allow visits. I wouldn't even consider doing this without talking first with an attorney experienced in custody cases.

I know people who have in their custody papers no sleepovers while the child is there. I agree this is totally inappropriate for your daughter to witness.

I don't know if you can change it now or not, but there is a morals clause that a lot of people are having put in their divorce. It basically states that no co-habitation can happen while there are minor children in the mix. Maybe not possible since you are divorced, but you could certainly see if you can get that added to the visitation orders. At least he'd have to marry them first (which it seems he has no problem doing, but it might slow down the move in the next chippie in a few days track he seems to be going down right now.)

Best of luck to you and your daughter. She deserves better and I hope he realizes that soon.

My only thought is that what ever power or input you think you should have in his love life... he is entitled to that same amount of power and input in yours.

I think that all you should do is have a conversation with your child and then stay out of his business. 10 more years means your child is 8? Plenty old enough to communicate with and for her to communicate back to you.

I am slightly confused about the fact that you left him in '04...it is now '11...that is 7 years and you are still this much involved in what he is and isn't doing in his own home and in his own love life? That to me is a little strange?! You really have no say so in how many woman he brings in and out of your child's life unless you want to have wording written into your parenting plan? Would you have wanted him to tell you who you can and can not bring into your life?

This might sound harsh and I apologize if this hurts your feelings....but here it goes....You picked him. You chose to have a baby with him after only knowing him for a lil' while (your words)... and as wife #3 you should have known he goes through woman like crazy.

If I were you I would put more focus on my own life and less on his. I am sure your daughter will be fine.

I understand the feeling of it being 'Your business' b/c it involves your child...but really it isn't...that what happens when you get a DIVORCE...you no longer get input into how each other spend your time and with whom!