Should DS Take a Break from Sport or Tough It Out? Will It Promote Quitting???

If it was just the current son wanting to quit, I would agree that he should stick with it through the season, cycle, whatever they call it in TKD. It wasn't until I read you "about me" part that the pieces fell together--a sibling on the way. He's in 2nd grade? School is getting more intense and he's had a baseball season on top of 2 days a week of TKD. The kid is burning out. In addition, when the new bundle comes, are you going to want to be cab service? If the sparing equipment has never been used, can't it be returned? If it stresses him out this bad, it is, of course, putting stress on you and the baby to come. Kids need to try different activities to see what fits for them. Maybe this was good for him for the last year, but not anymore. I say, give him a break.

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We were in the same situation with our son, we made him stick it out and continue to go. ( I wanted to give him a break, husband said no , he goes.) I'm glad we made him go. He continued all the way through high school. Made it to 3rd degree black belt! He started at the age of 5. Once in high school we let him make the choice.He went until his senior year when life got hectic for him (part time jobs and social life along with the pressures of senior year)! If he stops for a month or two he won't go back! Good luck from a Mom that's been there!

J.,
I completely understand what you are going through. The same thing happened with my 8 year old son. He too was doing TKD. In the beginning he really enjoyed it. Then soccer season started and it was too much with soccer practice and TKD 2-3 times a week. My son started crying one day because he was stressed out and did not want to go to TKD . At that point I told him we would take a break from TKD until soccer season was over. When the soccer season ended he had lost interest in TKD (actually he probably had lost interest before that but soccer was a good excuse for him not to go anymore). He was a gold belt senior. I too do not want to promote a quitter mentality. However, it does not make sense for you to continue to pay money for something that is making him miserable. As fas as the equipment goes, you can probably sell it and at least recoup some of the expense, especially since it has not been used yet. Your son only has one chance to be a kid. Let him participate in something that he enjoys whether it is bowling or basket weaving. You, your husband and your son will be happier for it. Good luck!

I remember as a little girl my parents making me stay in track even though I hated it. I just joined to be with friends. I was okay at it. Well needless to say I made up every excuse not to run, it seemed a waste. I was also doing a million other activities and I think I was just burnt out.

I still tell my husband how much I resented the fact that they made me stay in it - no lesson learned.

Good luck.

i agree with your husband....although, i think 7 is too young for martial arts. if he is going to quit, it should be at the end of the lesson, not in the middle when there is work to be done. Lessons look easy before the work starts. You want to teach him the lesson, if it gets hard quit, your husband wants to teach him the lesson, if it gets hard, work through it....who does he have to fight at 7? why would you put him in such a lesson to begin with?

J., here are my thoughts after reading about your situation. Your son may be emotional about this due to feeling to much pressure to succeed. Even when we don't apply this pressure, they can apply it to themselves. He has won in the past, and has a test & a tournament. He may be very frightened of not "winning" again and disappointing himself and his parents. Added to it is the pressure of "if I quit, dad (and likely the Master) will be disappointed" and he also likely realizes the money that was spent & feels guilty about that as well. I agree that this can be a learning experience...but I don't think it has to do with "vegging". If you can help him understand that the pressure he feels is normal because he wants to do well...and that no one will stop loving him or be mad at him if he doesn't "win"....he may feel some relief from the pressure and be able to enjoy an activity that he has done very well with. Best wishes. M.

Hi J.,
It's funny because we are going through the EXACT same thing. My son is 6 and in Taekwondo. He too has his yellow belt and hasn't wanted to go for the past 2 weeks. Did this start happening after school started? With my son it's his first year of all day schooling and I think it's just to much for him right now. Last class I picked him up from school and then zoomed home for 20 minutes to give him a snack and back in the car we went. When we got to TKD he was half asleep in the van. Of course his class was not great because he was too tired. So I think that we are going to take him out for 1 month so he can adjust to school and then try again. I'm not worried about him thinking it is ok to quit something because he liked it for the past 2 years but now it's just to much. Not to mention maybe your son wants to try something new. If your son is excited about trying something new (not just sitting at home in front of the tv) then why not. Maybe he'll try something else out and realize how much he misses TKD. Good luck.
Chris

J.,

My son is almost a black belt in Tang Soo Do, so I understand. Usually when school starts we take a week off to get back into the routine of school and homework then see which days his classes fit into best (he is at a big school so there are classes 6 days). Your son just might need a bit of a break to process all the changes that have come with starting school. I know my son would miss all the friends that he has made at his karate school so that might be another incentive for him to stay if you remind him of that.

Good luck
K.

TKD is a HIGHLY competetive sport where a person's "worth" is tied to their own achievement rather than to that of a team.

I think that is much much too high a burden to bear for a 7yr old. He is likely feeling A LOT of pressure with this belt test and sparing match coming up. The pressure doesn't necessarily come from any particular person...but he probably feels like if he screws up he is "bad" at TKD.

7 is a hard age to be...full of changing feelings attitudes and growth...and with the new baby on the way A LOT of changes in how you view your son and how he views himself. He's been an only child for 7yrs center of the universe.

Give him time space and support to figure things out.

Is he okay once he gets there? After class? do you stay and watch so you can see if something is going on?

I'd follow my gut...there may be a reason (other than wanting to watch tv) that he doesn't want to go.

Okay, J., this is from a mom who's been involved with TKD for over 17 years and has 3 second degree black belt sons to show for it.

At 7, many kids are very emotional in class. Usually get a medal or trophy at a tournament will make or break the decision to stay. I've seen students ONE STEP AWAY from black belt who have suddenly dropped out.

The gear is for protective purposes. And hopefully the instructor has said that kids will get hurt way more often on the school playground than they will in sparring in TKD. True. It takes a lot to get good at sparring. At 7 years old I sure wouldn't worry about it at all. The instructor doesn't expect, hopefully, a 7 year old to be able to spar well just because at that level they're just learning the basics to it and can't be expected to do it beautifully.

Maybe he's getting teased at school?

My personal thought as to quitting or not is this: right in the middle of white belt and black belt is the ideal time to decide. Why? Because any lower and they haven't been able to find their potential. Any higher and it seems a shame to quit when so much time, training, etc has already been invested. I'm assuming your son is just a yellow belt. That's too low to really know if he's got what it takes. You can find ways to encourage him. Or check out other TKD classes that he seems to find fun in while learning. You can let him know that if he wants to quit, that's okay but not until a couple of more belts in order to see if he himself changes his mind and gets to like it but also for that halfway point. If it's the class he doesn't like, find another. I can recommend the program in South Lyon and Northville. This is my kids' instructor, I've been helping out for several years, I know this stuff, I've seen kids come and go and can tell from the white belt class who will be back or not. Or who SHOULD come back. I've seen some kids start out too young, are disruptive, but stick with it and develop into very good athletes. Let me know if you want any further info. I'm always glad to help.

I can understand where Dad is coming from with this being his son. That's the way Dad's are. :) Our oldest daughter is in karate and this is the one thing she's found that she loves and has actually stuck with. However, after a year (and up to a Purple belt) she was pretty exhausted from it so we took this past summer off. Now she's back into it full swing again.

Just another side note, our daughter hasn't stuck with much until now. We've told her that if we pay for something then she has to stick with it until it's done and then we won't sign up for it again. Karate is the first thing she's stuck with. Since we've paid ahead she knows she has to finish, but she does desire to reach her black belt too. She just needed a little break and I think it was good for her.

You hear of those kids that become adults and say they were pushed to do piano or this sport or that sport and then they don't do anything with it later in life because it wasn't what they wanted, but what Mom and/or Dad wanted. I would say to let him take a short break and then resume after Christmas break or something. I'm sure he'll be ready by then. After all, most sports are only for a season, whereas karate can be all year round!

Good luck!

If the equipment has not beenused can it not be returned? I am all for finishing what one has started, but I think your son just needs a break. Perhaps he will go back to it in the future. There are other sports that provide exercise like soccer for the fall. There is also indoor soccer during the winter months. Swimming is also a great sport to provide exercise. The local YMCA's often have programs that are age appropriate.

By your son's sudden change of attitude, it sounds like something has happened and needs to be addressed. Have you spoken to his instructor about it? Just taking a break or forcing him to stick it out won't fix the underlying problem. Listen to what your son has to say also, and then decide with him what would work best.

I would not let your son quit. Every sport, every event has a time when it's tougher. Whether it's learning a new skill, a new level that is much harder, but once they "get through it" and accomplish something. There is nothing better. My daughter wanted to quit dance annually for years. But now that she has passed 3 ballet exams and become a member of the High School dance team, she knows that those tougher times were worth it. Our society let's kids get trophies for participation and they never learn what an accomplishment it is to WIN. No bail outs are our theme at our house. How do you react when work is tougher and they ask you to take on more responsibility? I tell my kids that the next level is just like my job promotion. IT's a life lesson to learn Don't overreact and he'll quit the "fits".

Hello J., My thoughts are that something happened in TKD class that is upsetting your son. For him to be great one session, and then have several meltdowns are major red flags. You most likely won't get that info from your son either, so ask around from the other parents who stay and watch, or older students. Putting undo stress in your sons life by making him go to TKD when it upsets him so much will carry over to other aspects of his life. Like studying, other sports, home life, etc. Working things out are good for kids, but you cannot work something out until you know what the problem is, and a 7 year old needs to be taught by adults how to work things out, not thrown into the lions den alone. If you chose to let him drop out, sell the equipment to another student or on e-bay. By the way, bowling is a very active sport, much like golf. Two of my children were very active in the sport, and my son was being trained by the pros because he was so good. They even had this sport at the college he attended. Congrats on the new baby! Hope all goes well with your family.

I would let him take the break. I would also ask him if he'd like to continue at a different gym. a yes anwer might indicate something did go on at that gym that he's just not comfortable talking to you about. You can always sell the equipment.

I have an 15 year old and a 5 year old, and my practice has always been that they have to stick it out until the season is over. If this is a continious thing, my suggestion would be to have him stick it out until his next tournament or new belt test. Something that has an end date. Then let him quite when he's reached that. I know how you feel, my 15 year old at that age did that a few times when she started something, but I made her finish the season (even though she was the grass picker on the soccer field lol). Maybe talk to his Master and let him know that he is struggling and talk to him about how much longer you are going to make him go. Hope this helps..