She's Only 7 Months and There Is Another One on the Way. OMG

Aloha P.,
Your call is so honest and so needed for you to know that you, me, we are not alone, and that you will get through to the other side. Your anger is so understood and know its deeper than tubes not being tied.....
I remember having to get up every 2hours after going to bed, to roll my quadripligic son, to keep him from not only smothering himself but to keep his body from braking down and geting these horrific bed sores....
I finally started yelling at God...(and belive me I love God) But I couldnt see a way i could do it and continue on with caring for my other children and working and just living....
Then one 3:30am. ritual after a year of rolling, adjusting etc. I got a bit to rough, and my son cryed out...
I comforted him.... and as I left his room.... going to my room, I broke down and cried ,praying for God to help me..change me...change my anger...help me, give me His love mind body soul, attitude, perspective, stength, sleep......please

It happend...the next time I woke I was awake...I was able I was clear, i was not tired and I could go right back to sleep and be ready for the next shift as well as the day with life.
With my clearness, I was able to call...... social workers, churches, friends, of our state and ask for help. Help came for areas I didnt even think I needed help with and it made a difference, and help came where I needed help.
It has been an unreal journey and today, I would'nt change it for the world.

You are right, God does have another plan for you and your children. You all have been chosen to make a difference in other peoples lives. You are a blessing and P.,
you are a powerful woman and a powerful wonderful mommie!

I hope this helps alittle,
Aloha Ke Akua,
C.

I agree with the posters who are recommending YOU make the decision, not GOD. The first and foremost thing that differentiates us from animals is free will. CHOICE. THe decision to make choices that are the best for our lives, not based on guilt, and a random set of rituals designed to supress women. Please. Children with trachs, Gtubes, Jtubes, are incredibly hard to take care of, and unless anyone else on this posting board is planning on coming over to your house to suction your daughter, or haul around her equipment, they have no right to tell you that we are not given more than we can handle. We are given more than we can handle all the time,let us not fool ourselves. Just because you can handle it, doesn't mean it's healthy for you, your husband, or your other children. No God would want you to sacrifice your health and well being for the arbitrary evolutionary occurence of conception. Hope this helps. PS I am a medical doctor,. and I see kids like your daughter all the time, I know how difficult all of the care is.

P., I can feel your anxiety. I know what it is like having your baby choke on their mucus. Both my younger girl's, when they were born choked on their mucus sll the time, even turned blue. It scared me so much, I got know sleep at all. You are right though, God does have a plan and He will not give you anything you cannot handle, no matter how exhausting it might be. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page, that he knows how trying it is for you right now and let him know what you really need help with. It is a team effort even a family effort and everyone is going to need to help out for your benefit and the babies. Make sure you communicate what you need help with. I know sleep deprivation was one of the hardest things for me. My youngest is 19mos. old and she didn't start sleeping through the night until she was 14 mos. old. My middle child didn't sleep through the night until she was 3yrs. old. Pray day and night for strength and pray as a family. It is amazing what prayer can do. Try to stay as positive as you can. These trials are only temporary, they will get better. Seek to other friends or family for help when you need it, even if it's just to sleep for a while. Try to join a mom's group too just for the support. I hope this was somewhat helpful. You will get through it.

Oh, P.! We are all pulling for you! I agree with the posters who said that you have cause for a lawsuit. If you truly did request to have your tubes tied and the hospital didn't perform the proceedure AND didn't tell you that they didn't perform the proceedure, then the hospital is on the hook for the cost of raising that child, plus compensation for your time and energy that will be spent raising the child, plus punitive damages. This should give you enough money to hire some temporary help to get you through the difficult years when your kids are small. Please keep us posted on what happens - we are all very concerned for you!

In the meantime, do you have any family that can help you on a regular basis? Even one or two afternoons a week could give you the break you need to recharge your body and save your sanity. Or see if you can get a handful of friends to help you. Four friends could take one afternoon each per week. This gives you a weekly break and your friends are only giving up their time once a month.

I have two little girls of my own (6 and 3) and I just can't imagine going through what you're going through right now. My heart and prayers are with you. Good luck.

P.
I am so sorry, I dont have any answers, but I feel so badly for you, I wish things could be different, I cant imagine the feelings that must be going through your head, this really isnt good at all.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you and I hope for the best.
Sorry again,
L.
Mommy of 3 little girls!!! (I couldnt even imagine another, thats just to scarey to think about) My girls are 5, 2 and newborn.
I do want to add one more thing, I have read other responses to you and EVERYONE seems to be mentioning God, I don't mean to sound rude, but God isnt in this situation, you are. I dont buy the fact the God will only give you want you can handle..........thats bull, we live in a society where you can make the mature decision and either give this baby to a family that really wants a baby or terminate the pregnancy, see, what it all boils down to, is YOU taking care of all these girls, and can you be a wonderful mom and give all your girls 100% if you put more on your plate? I think you need to really think this through and I think your husband needs to get snipped ASAP, your body has gone though enough, its his turn, my husband did it when I was prego with my 3rd.
I am sorry for sounding harsh, I just think you need to think with your head, not your heart!

Hi P.
The story does not relate to me but to my mother in law. I am 41 and have been married 20 years. My mother in law had four children. When the youngest was about two she developed kidney failure and had a few transplants, and dialysis over the years. She also had her sister die about the same time and her niece who was also about two years old came to live with them. The niece was a difficult child at first. So between grieving, taking her daughter to doctors appointments and raising another two year old life as she new it had come to a train reck. Looking back now she says that she would have never changed a minute of it, but while going through it, was the most difficult times in her life. Her daughter lived to be about 32 (which was her doctors longest living dialysis patient, rec her associates degree and was studying for her bachelors). Her niece grew up and married and has 5 kids, and the rest of her children survived many years with their mother away at children's hospital. They all understood and loved the sister with medical problems and would never have had it any other way. You can do it. Life is challenging at times, but it also makes us stronger. A.

In California (may be different other places) you have to sign a form at least a week in advance to get your tubes tied and it is not something they will do on the spot....

I just had my tubes tied after delivery and it was a huge deal and they made me carry my release form in my wallet at all times in case I went into early labor..without this form, they would refuse my tubal ligation because they won't just do it because you ask, in the moment.

So...something seems odd about your situation? Sorry that happened!

i have never experienced this but i can say god does things to certain people because he knows your family can handle it. good luck with everything.

Just be thankful that you can have Children, There are so many of us out there that would love to be in your perdicament, so instead of dreading this Gift from God that is coming your way, embrace it! In God nothing is impossible.

P.,

Bless your heart! I can certainly undertand the variety of feelings you are having and will say a prayer for you. You will need strenghth and peace. You know deep in your heart under all the fears and emotions, this is not just another child, but a blessing. See if you can't get some quiet time for yourself to address those fears and feelings, then release them to God. He would not have brought you to this if he would not bring you though it. You nust be an incredibly strong person. May you always look for the blessings in life and shine. God Bless.

J. W

When I had my tubes tied when our third child was born, I had to sign something in the doctor's office, they asked me before going in for my c-section, just before the c-section and just before he cut the tubes (to make sure that I hadn't changed my mind.) The doctor definitely should have tied your tubes if you said that you wanted them tied.
On the bright side, every baby has a purpose in this world, and your fifth child must have something very important that he/she is being born for. Good luck! :)

Dear P.,
I thought is was done, I have 3 boys, trust me that is enough. I currently found out that i am pregnant, not to happy, not expected. I truly do not know what i am going to do. Our current situation is really tuff, so another one just would not work right now. I have always believed a woman has a choice. And i personally would exercise that choice if i needed to. I don't mean by all means to push you in any ways, but just wanted you to know the flip side of someone in your same position!

Did you mean 5 1/2 months???

Hi P.--

GOD has a plan again & HE will see you through this. I can pretty much promise you that you will look back at this time in your life & know that it was hard BUT be so thankful for HIS plan-- and that it didn't work your way.

If you go to church see if you can get some on-going assistance through there to help you with the day to day of your family life. You also may want to advertise at a local college (I had a lot of success with Vanguard in Costa Mesa) and get some regular help to ease your care burdens.

Lastly-- while I completely understand you are angry-- try and work through it. You have 4 & soon to be 5 beautiful children who need their mom healthy, strong & happy. Counseling (even just a couple of sessions) may help you get perspective & work through your anger. Depending on where you live, I know of the Center for Individual & Family Therapy in Orange & Lake Forest.

I will pray for you & your family. You will get through this.

I have 4 children and two of them are only 13 months apart. I remember that deer-in-the-headlights feeling of, "What am I going to do? I'll never get any sleep!" Don't worry, God's in charge. :) It actually turned out to be easier than having children farther apart, since I was already in baby mode. Plus, the youngest two will undoubtedly be very close (despite occasionally fighting like cats and dogs.)

If your next child has medical problems, you may need some help from a nurse or other caregiver. Look into what's available in your area.

If you want to take any action against the hospital or doctor, you're going to have to find everyone who was in the delivery room with you, and see if they remember you giving instructions to perform a tubal ligation. Otherwise, it will be just your word against the doctor. Before your next delivery, make it clear, in advance and in writing, that you expect a tubal ligation to be performed at the same time as the delivery.

God is in charge of all the "biological strings of cells multiplying".....He will not give you this baby and leave you in the dust, He'll be there helping to guide you and give you strength you didn't know you had. Later you will be able to look back and see that strength. We are never given more than we can personally take.

Wow! That must be so overwhelming. I have no experience with two surprises, but one and it was very, very difficult for me to adjust to. I just want to offer my support in that apparently God had ANOTHER plan for you. You'll make it. Just take one day at a time. Hugs.

Another mom of 4 girls.

You're right when you say that God gave you another daughter for a reason. He also gave you this child because He knows you will be there to love and care for him/her too.

If you're planning on having your tubes tied, SIGN PAPERS NOW!!! and make sure that you are being seen by an appropriate doctor (is there any need for you to be seen by a high risk physician? you want to make sure that if your care needs to be transfered over, that tubal papers will transfer as well)

Hang in there and accept any help or support you can get.

Hi P.,

Just saying yes to have your tubes tied doesn't work. Did they bring in forms for you to sign? My daughter only had 3 children which the last 2 only weighed in at 1 lb. 9 oz. and the other at 2 lbs. 4 oz. She told them she wanted her tubes tied and they said she must speak with her husband. I was standing there and told them she gets pregnant at the drop of a had and each pregnacy is worse than the last and she will end up having a deformed or a mentally retarded child and she doesn't need this. No one knew why she had her girls so early, just almost 6 months for each. My daughter told them she didn't care what her husband said, it's her body and it's over. They brought in forms for her to sign and I witness her signature. She hasn't been pregnant again.

But I also remember a neighbor of my mothers that had her tubes tied 4 times. She ended up with 11 children. I guess it works for some but not for others.

Speak with your doctor and have it all prepared before you enter the hospital. I wish you luck since I do know what it's like to take care of premies. It's hard and scary.

Sorry , I just came across a post I wanted to clarify... Doctors are not supposed to do tubals without written consent prior to going into labor BUT I went into preterm labor and did not have a chance to sign the consent early. My delivery doc took my word on what I wanted 10 minutes before I went into the delivery, even though she had never met me (I was transported to high-risk facitlity). Don't know about the legality of it, but I know that a doctor could have agreed to do yours in the moment. I don't find anything off about that happening to you.

OMG you poor thing!!! I can't even imagine!! I have a friend who sort of the same thing happen with the hospital, she was supposed to have a hysterectamy after she gave birth and it was planned because she needs to physically and cannot carry another child. And for some reason they didn't do it...they said they wanted to make sure she still wanted it.. After it was pre-planned and she I believe had already signed things saying she wanted it done. So she was very frustrated also. Another friend of mine, after she gave birth to her third child found out she was pregnant again at her 6 week check-up...un-planned and unexpected... She actually just had that baby so she has two under a year that aren't twins... crazy. I know it must be hard for you ~insanely hard~ but I guess just remember that God does have a plan for everything and He will take care of you and your babies :)

You will never say, "gee we should have never had our last child" once he/she is born. But I do understand your frustration. If you indeed signed and agreed for a tubal ligation, you actually have legal action against the hospital and your OB. I know we live in an already overly litigeous society, but you may want to look into an action for "wrongful birth." I know it sounds ridiculous, but there is a cause of action for it.

Hang in there.

Dear P., It's as you said- God has a plan and here s/he is. I'm SURE it's hard, I'm sure you're tired, but trust Him and I'm sure He will give you the strength to do this. Also, don't hesitate to ask others to lend a hand and help out.

Dear P.,

I think that you are really a wonderful woman. You need to talk to a lawyer to see if the hospital can be held responsible so that you can get some relief when the next child is born. Like some help with financing a mother's helper with the two little ones. I am serious.

May God be with you. C. N.

Hello,
My son also has a trach and is on O2 at night.( as well as gtube feeds ) Do you not get help from Nurses at night ? May I ask why she has the trach ? I know it all seems so overwhelming now, Nathaniel will be 9 on March 2 and he has had his trach since he was 3.5 weeks old. It is amazing what us Moms can rise too tho .

I can only imagine the stress you are going through. You are certainly Blessed, I really wanted to suggest that you try to get help with Ahlyssa. I have a son who is a total care child and there are organizations out there that can help you and other parents you can talk to about learning to get some assistance. Many of the parents that I have known that had a child with a tracheostomy have been able to get nursing assistance during the night so that they could get some rest. If you need some info you can email me and I would be happy to show you some of the ropes in getting some well deserved help and rest.

You have received lots of good responses already. I do agree that you are never given more than you can handle and that there is a reason for everything. It may not be visible now, but it will.
I do think that you do have some legal recourse since you asked for your tubes to be tied previously. I think you need to start that NOW and not later.
Good luck.

Wow four daughters..I am 20 weeks preg and have a 7 month old. Crazy I am very scared to something I was not wanting. I was fine and ready to move on with my life after the second. I wish you the best and hope you have lots of help!