18 answers

Sharing W/ Friends That Are Disrespectful

I have always taught my boys to share, and in the past couple of days my boys have been taking toys outside to play with. Several of the neighborhood kids want to play as well which is great and my boys have been sharing, but the problem is that several of them don't treat the toys w/ respect. Even to the point of breaking BRAND NEW things. I am not quite sure how to handle this, suggestions would be helpful, thanks.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all. I think more than anything I needed the reassurance from other mom's that I was doing the right things by expecting that the other kids "follow" our house rules w/ my kids things. I also spoke to the mom who offered to replace the toy and asked her to please speak with her kids, that it just isn't right, she said she definately would. I appreciate all the support and will definately be using your advice on speaking to my kids about what they take out front! Thank you, thank you!

Featured Answers

Maybe you should have toys that you share and don't care if they get broken and toys that you don't share. It's ok to have favorites.

Hi W.

Hope that you are having an incredible day. I have 3 boys too! - 8,6 and 4. I believe that teaching them to share is very important. I have also learned that whenever we go somewhere outside of the home, like the park or beach. I always take a basket of toys that will not be missed if something happens.
ie balls, plastic happy meal toys, things that we have been given as hand-me-downs. I keep the outside toys separate from the indoor toys and it helps me have peace of mind :)
Even my BIG BOY (husband) still has toys :)

hope that helps! Have an awesome day
D.

More Answers

My daughter has always been very careful with her stuff and I know the feeling. One option is to have some cheaper toys that they take out front to play with so there is no need to stress out. If the kids were older, peer pressure might work in having the boys explain that they treat their toys well and won't share unless they do the same, but at this young age, I think your best bet is to have some cheap alternative toys. This way the kids can play and no worries about breaking nice toys.

Boys will be boys. Kids will be kids. You might also facilitate your boys to ask these boys to bring their toys over to share if they want to use their toys. Might as well start learning to ask for what they want.

Good luck!

I would love to see the responses that you get.

J.

This is a tough situation especially if you can't go to the parents and know that they would do what's right with their children and replace the toy. I imagine you are outside monitoring play and I see no reason why you shouldn't go to these children and tell them that they cannot play with the toys if they don't respect them and take the toys away if they continue to disrespect them. I've actually had to assert myself with some of the older children in the neighborhood who have disrespected toys and our "children at play" signs and in one instance I had to tell an older boy not to speak to my son in a certain manner that I found to be demeaning to my son. You will either have to carefully assert yourself with the other children or explain to your children that it's possible that the toy will get broken if they share with certain children and let them decide whether or not to share. Think of it this way...as adults we have friends and family that we know we can trust with things and some that we know we can't so we don't. There is nothing wrong with not sharing for a good reason and this might be a good opportunity for you to teach your children to assert themselves...your boys could simply say "I do not want to share my <toy> with you because you broke my <toy> when I let you play with it last time".

I agree with what others have already said. Use toys that won't be missed outside. I definitely step in if any child is being disrespectful or hurtful to another child in my presence regardless if that child is mine or not. If it is a recurring problem I would definitely talk to that childs parent about it in a constructive manner. I have also mentioned to certain parents that they have broken some of my childs toys and that I don't appreciate that. If they continue to break toys, being who I am, I would once again bring it to the attention of the parents and maybe even suggest that they reimburse you for it.

However, I only bring out the not to be missed toys when outside and keep the good toys inside.

I really hate it when parents don't supervise their children playing, especially when other kids are around. I shouldn't have to parent their child...know what I mean? But for the safety of my children and the other children playing around us, I watch out for all the kids.

S.

Well, that is one of the reasons that I explain to my 7-year old twins that if they take toys outside that they need to be prepared to share as well as understand that things may get broken. There are also some things that I will not allow them to take outside as well. I think it is individual preference and you have to be realistic with your children to some extent.

Hi W.

Hope that you are having an incredible day. I have 3 boys too! - 8,6 and 4. I believe that teaching them to share is very important. I have also learned that whenever we go somewhere outside of the home, like the park or beach. I always take a basket of toys that will not be missed if something happens.
ie balls, plastic happy meal toys, things that we have been given as hand-me-downs. I keep the outside toys separate from the indoor toys and it helps me have peace of mind :)
Even my BIG BOY (husband) still has toys :)

hope that helps! Have an awesome day
D.

Dear W.,
Sometimes certain toys need to stay in the house, or played with outside when no other neighborhood children are around. We can't teach other children in the neighborhood to be careful with our children's toys, if their parents do not instill these values in their children. Favorite toys, or special toys, that your children really enjoy can be kept in the home. If the neighborhood children ask to play with the toys, or ask where they are, have your children be prepared with what they will say regarding those questions. Maybe a simple response, such as, "My mom says those toys need to be put away for a while." or "My toys have been getting broken lately, and I have to leave them in the house." Another thing you can do, is to contact the parents and let them know the toys have been getting broken from so many children playing with them. If you have relationship with any of the parents, tell them the problem. "It seems that when the toys get played with by your children and mine, they are getting damaged. So, I am going to keep them in the house for now." Also, you can pray before you do the above and prepare the way for them to have ears to hear what you are telling them. Sometimes people may be offended, but your children do not need to pay the price. I am glad you are teaching them to share, but you can set limits even in regards to sharing with others. I hope this helps.

E.:)

Put out the toys that you don't mind losing. If you don't want it broken, put it away.

Toys are toys, if they're not sturdy enough to withstand a child's play, they must not be good toys.

They're only toys anyway, there will always be more.

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