Maybe he just feels like less of a man, because you are the "hunter" in this.
Thus, it is an emotion based 'problem' for him.
Sex is not just getting off and physical for men.
How was it when you were just dating?
Who initiated it more then?
He said he loves you, but it is not "an important dynamic anymore for him."
So that is the truth, for him. But it is not what you want to hear etc.
But somewhere, emotionally for him, he is telling you his feelings.
Maybe he is feeling a disconnect with you... and the other areas of his being. ie: do you both have fun together? Laugh and joke and have normal pleasant conversations with each other? Bond w/each other other than sex? Enjoy each others company without "sex" looming over your heads?
If not, then maybe that is the "problem" for him.
Maybe he just feels like a tool?
"Intimacy" is not just about sex.
Are both of you, intimate w/each other in other ways? Are you both able to confide in each other? Feel safe with each other and telling each other your feelings? How do you both handle conflicts?
All of this, feeds into... physicality and "sex" with your partner.
And even men... do not want to feel as though, they are just a sex tool for their Wife.
Do you feel special and cared for by him, despite the no sex?
Is he a good Husband other than that?
If you did, hypothetically have tons of sex, would you still feel loved/cared for/special to him?
Some people, after sex, they still.... "neglect" their partner.
The 'sex' does not fix it, for them. That closeness etc.
Would he be open to going to couple's counseling?
He's gone to the Doctor for you, all the other times you asked him to.... so to me... he HAS shown, that he cares. He went. For you. He took the meds. For you. He tried. He dieted and exercised, for you. He tried.
He has shown, he CARES. For you.
A man, would NOT do that... unless he cared.
Have you, gone to the Doctor and got a check up?
Checked your hormones etc.
Is "sex" the ONLY way.... you can feel close... to your Husband?
Have you gone to counseling? I am just saying this in a thoughtful way... not meaning to be snarky, so please no offense meant.
And what is that "porno" problem you said he had??? Maybe he still has, that problem????
His Dad also died RECENTLY. Maybe suggest to him, to go to "grief" counseling. Or find a grief support group. That is what my Mom did... when my Dad, died. She found a great community based grief support group, to attend. AND there, she found MANY friends. Because... they ALL could inherently UNDERSTAND what they were all feeling. Grief. Grief can take awhile, to overcome. It is MORE than just "depression."