Want More Sex

Pretty much exactly what Mr. Mom said.
Depression can be a HUGE factor in sex drive.
Don't give him any ultimatums regarding this, just sit down with him, no kids, peace and quite and let him know EXACTLY how you feel. Let him know how you feel emotionally/physically/mentally. Don't assume he knows. Good luck.

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He needs to see a doctor for a physical and see where that leads.

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Ive read that some men tend to get traumatized by visually experiencing the birth of your child.
Maybe he should go talk to a shrink/therapist.

(But you never know whats wrong) :-)
Be strong and supportive.

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He sounds depressed. It's not about you. Getting him to the doctor would be the best thing to do.

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Has he had a medical check up recently? There may be a physical cause. If he's not willing to do anything about it though, that's a separate problem, and one you need to address directly. Best wishes!

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If it were up to my 30 year old husband, we'd have sex literally at least 3 times a day- everyday. I love sex with him... but sometimes I'm moody, busy, preoccupied, etc.. so we do it about 5-6 times a week. Now, it may just be my husband, but I think the norm is that guys WANT SEX basically all the time. If they don't, well then there must be an imbalance of some sort. Physical, hormonal, emotional, psychological...

By the way... We have four kids. And, although we have always had frequent sex, my husband's vasectomy has REALLY freed up our sex life to so much more!

...and I don't think he sounds like he's cheating at all.

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He needs therapy, if he won't go for himself, ask him to go for you. He can't just ignore your needs and desires and expect you to just go along like everything is fine.

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Try to convince him to see his health care provider so that he can get his testosterone levels checked. If his levels are low this may be contributing to his low sex drive and it can be treated. Low levels can also cause depression.

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I would agree, he needs to see his doctor, especially if his sex drive was normal before. I'm sure the gaining 40 lb doesn't help and he may still be feeling depressed for whatever reason. His testosterone levels may be low. I would be pushing him to see a doctor for his issues first, then marriage counseling second.

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Ignore those that INSIST he is cheating! No one can say that for sure. You seem sure he's not and you're his wife. Sorry.

I do feel that a physical for him would be a great idea. Would he go?

Two kids in two years, the depression, the weight gain....maybe he just feels a lot of pressure? Maybe he feels embarrassed by the weight?
Have you tried just being near him in bed? Close by and snuggly with NO expectations of sex? Some men don't like that feeling that they're expected to comply with what they feel you're insisting on.....just a thought.

Have you had a chance to get away without the kids?

Good luck.

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My first thought was the same as Gypsymommy,, I have heard about men who just shouldnt have watched thier baby being born and are not able to think of their wives as a lover anylonger. It might be bothering him to be responsible for putting you thru the pain or childbirth. He may not even realize it. He should see a Dr and talk it out and see if it helps.

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Do not listen to ladies saying he HAS to be cheating. Not so. There are men out there with EXTREMELY low sex drives and their wives are tearing their hair out. There are other men out there, cheating, and still having regular sex with their wives. Cheating is Not always the gauge. I'm sorry I don't have advice, just wanted to warn you that even though you're assuring everyone he's not cheating, that's what lots are going to say. I hear you though, and I know people who have been through this. Sometimes it's a deal breaker. If he refuses any and all help for his depression, rejection of you, fear of ladies who have had babies, apathy for sex if ANYTHING EVER stresses him out, imbalanced hormones, WHATEVER, you're only human and have to let him know this will not work for you for the rest of your life. Ask him nicely to get help, and go from there. Good luck and sorry!
Oh, and I assume you're making an effort, but sounds like he succeeds in having no sex with you, so see if you can step things up. Most ladies I know start these conversations with "We almost never have sex, and the last six times we have, I had to initiate". You should try to do all the initiating for a while and see what happens, but this won't fix him if he's got a problem (which he does) and could make you feel even worse, so it's your call, but it's worth considering.

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Hmmm, I would get him to talk to someone.
Kind of sounds like postpartum depression or post baby blues...

Have you tried just putting the moves on him.
Just grabbing him and kissing him and not stopping, pull him back if he backs away.

Be aggressive, in my opinion.
He may not feel attractive, and he may need you to really show him how much you want him to wake him up.

Also, get on the pill asap.
Just a thought.

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I feel for you!!! What activities can you two do together to get the intimacy back? Can you-- play cards, read books, golf, swim, workout etc.? I would start there with getting connected emotionally again. Then, the physical side should follow that as you two get back into being love birds and hand holding, kissing etc. Open your heart to him, tell him how you feel. Ask him to do the same and clear the air of anything bothering either one of you. Start fresh where you both can know there isn't any unsettled buisness. Best wishes and ask for what you need! You can't guarantee you will get it but you can at least ask.

M

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Hmmm your situations sounds very much like my hubby & I, except the roles are reversed. I could do without the sex, he wants it once a month or more.

Anyway I have gained about 20 pounds, I hate how I look (hubby says I look great, but that means little if I do not have a good self image myself), my hormonal levels are off, I do suffer depression (usually a few months on meds then good for a year or so). I need to get myself back to the doctor to get more lab work done and go from there and see if that helps with my sex drive. Maybe suggest going to a doctor to get a physical & labs done... no threapy just the regular doc.

What do you two do together that is NOT pyhsical? For me I can not get pyhiscal unless I feel that the other areas of our relationship are there, going out to eat just the two of us, talking, back rub without leading to sex, other nice little things like love notes, doing something without being begged to do. After all that I feel a little more open to being pyhiscally involved because we are working on all the areas of our relationship.

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I think he's cheating too...sorry. But how do you KNOW he's actually at work or actually working? If he isn't cheating, he's a one in a million. Maybe hormones are off, but when that is the case, its the MAN that usually wants to know what is going on because he KNOWS he isn't having sex and WANTS to. So this just doesn't make sense. But I hope you find out what it is. Good luck!!!!

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Two biggest libido killers for anyone are:

- Tiredness
- Depression

The third is sex/gender related and tied to hormones (different hormonal issues for each sex).

He needs to see a doctor. His loss of libido could be caused by MANY things, but ruling out cancer is pretty key. Few men can stand the thought of their boys having cancer. That is both a solid possibility, AND it gets him into the door of the doctor's office. Because if it's not cancer, it could still be low testosterone (easy fix), or depression (slightly more difficult fix; some antidepressants tank libido, but some don't!)... but both of which are medically treatable.

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This is not a problem with your "high sex drive". He is the one with an abnormally low interest in sex. There is something seriously wrong here. I couldn't live with someone who not only wouldn't have sex with me but also wouldn't show affection. You could go to counseling without him, to explore this situation and examine your options.

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Testosterone begins to decrease starting at age 30. I don't know how old your husband is but if he is in his 40s or older he might be deficient. Try suggesting he speak with a medical doctor (hopefully he isn't resistant to this since it isn't a counselor). Good luck.

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You don't have a high need, your needs are normal. There's something clearly wrong with your husband. How do you know he's not cheating? What husband asks his wife to buy him a condom before he'd get intimate? Months...almost years without intimacy? Those are red flags my friend. Only men who are unfaithful would do that...for fear of disease or fear of pregnancy. Either way, no way for a husband to be, with the woman he chose to marry. He's being dishonest with you for certain. You need to get him to tell you what he's hiding, whether it's another person, a hidden life, an addiction, mental illness or what not. He's probably getting his needs met elsewhere, and needs to fess up with you about it.

You go by yourself and get counseling and be prepared to hear anything.

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Make an appointment with the family doc. If hubby won't go then go without him. Talk to the doc. He may be able to tell hubby he needs to go in for a check up. Depression and other health issues can contribute to lack of sex drive. It can also be from a heart issue, circulation, etc...there are many reasons.

I agree hubby needs a check up and if he would go to counseling it might help. But if it is totally a health issue such as depression then some little antidepressant may make a world of difference.

I will pass on something I read one time. A woman was married and her hubby had an accident and was not able to do intercourse anymore. She was wondering if masturbation was a sin under those conditions. She was told that lust for someone other than the hubby was the worse offense and to consider getting some toys to help her along.

It may be uninteresting to you but once you find the toy that makes everything go WOW then you can get past that need and on to the relationship issues that he may also be feeling. I would also tell him if he is not interested that he could watch you enjoy yourself if he'd like, that might get his fires going.

A friend of mine sells Slumber Party adult items at home parties. She quite her daytime nurse job so she could do the parties full time because she was making almost double the money per year.

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You don't mention his age. Perhaps it is his hormones. Also, I was reading about all of the male hype drugs like Cialis, Viagra, and there is one other. Men of all ages have various problems. Maybe he is having problems he doesn't want to discuss. Check out the website www.askapatient.com and enter both of those drugs. You will find men have just as many problems as we women do. (I always thought they were so lucky...guess I was wrong.)

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My husband and i had a time like this now we cant keep our hands off each other. I couldnt tell you what is causing it in your marriage because it could be different than mine, but it can change.

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Did or does he take any meds for depression? Sometimes that makes libido take a MAJOR dive. Other than that, I don't know! Therapy would probably help--if only he'd go!
Good luck!