Sex Phone

E. - Yes, the boy is in the wrong but your daughter is just as much as him. "your good Christian daughter" wasn't saying anything back to him? Wasn't laughing or giggling? The boy is only 13, I don't think they are even smart enough at that age to "seduce" they just are constantly horny and will go with whoever is willing. Right now, your daughter is willing. Was she embarassed about what was being said or embarassed that she was caught listening?
Yes, I think your husband SHOULD have a talk with that boy. I don't know if my husband would be a good "talker" but he would definetly get his point accross. :) Someone else said to have the parents over and repeat word for word, that sounds like a mighty uncomfortable and good idea.
I think that it is more likely than not that your daughter is enjoying the attention that she is getting from this bad boy. She already knows that he has some kind of history with another girl yet continues to talk and call him. Your daughter has the power here, she just needs to hang up the phone.
L.

Hi E.,
I think you are in a very tough spot right now. If you tell her this boy is off limits she just may continue to see him on the sly because it is in her nature to see the good in people; however, you also want to keep your daughter safe.
Please take the plunge no matter how embarrased you are or she is and talk openly about what you heard and that it is not a respectfully way to act. If you work through the embarrassment she will see that you are treating her with respect and are not judging her poor choice. Our children will make mistakes and if we act calming in our correction of those mistakes they will contiune to be open with us.
Now with that being said, the boy also needs to be dealt with. I would have your daughter invite him over (if they are friends he should be welcome in your home like everyone else). I would sit him down and calmly tell him that this is not acceptable behavoir and it will not continue. Your daughter will be treated with respect and if he can't do that he is no longer allowed in your home. His parents probably don't know so it is important to talk to them as well and let them know what you have said to their son about properly respecting your daughter.
Best Wishes!

Wow, I am so torn. I don't think this is right, but I think that if you put him off limits, it will just make your daughter sneak around to see and talk to him.

I would have more conversations with her about this. What is appropriate, what isn't, and what to do WHEN it happens, because he won't be the last. My parents told me what not to do, but not how to handle the situation if it did happen. How do you stop it, what do you say, how do you react, what are you afraid of if you do these things, what could happen if you don't? Make sure that this conversation is open, and not judgmental, let her know that she can trust you not to overreact.

The next time the boy calls, let him know that you heard what he was saying (he will be so embarrassed), and that if he wants to continue talking to your daughter, that he needs to behave appropriately and treat women as they should be treated. I would also let his parents know what he is doing. They may or may not care, but they should know. Maybe they can limit him talking on the phone to when he is in the same room as them (you too), so that you can hear what they are saying. Oh, and let your daughter know that you are going to talk to him and his parents. Don't go behind her back either.

I haven't been in this situation as a parent, but vividly remember my teen years.

You need to put a stop to this now before this boy worms his way into your daughters life anymore! 13 is way to young for anyone to be having or talking about sex. I think a lot of kids these days are sexting thinking it's cool because that is how sex is now perceived. We are so "free" now and open that there are no longer morals or standards in this country! It is up to us as parents to watch over and teach our children the vaules that have gone missing and have been pushed aside.

I have to agree with Laura U.---sounds like they were both involved, and she is embarrassed that she got caught. I'm sure she is a good girl, but good girls like boys and want boys to like them just as much as 'bad' girls (not a term I like).

You should be glad you found out about it at this stage, and not further along. My guess is that they have already had physical contact--just a GUESS, mind you. You need to talk to the boy and his father AND your daughter about the implications of sex, teenage pregnancy and disease!! Quickly! I assume you are teaching abstinence, but you may want to consider discussing birth control and disease protection options with her.

In my opinion, this happened outside of the school, and isn't really their jurisdiction, so I wouldn't go that route at this point. This is a really tough problem you are facing, but if she really likes him, and you make him out to be a monster to her, it may just backfire on you. I wish you and your family the best.

I guess I am shock that you listened and didn't say a word right then and there. If we as parent don't speak up and out for our girls then who will.

You are doing the right thing! And I think your husband should have a talk with the boy's father, as soon as possible. Informing the school is a good idea, but you cannot expect that they can intervene, since it is happening away from school, and outside of school hours. If he is speaking or texting her while at school or school functions, then the school can do something. I don't know what, but something.

It is time we all take back our children from this overbearing image of growing up and having sex. Keep telling her the right thing. Also, check with your church to see if they have a program of girl's group where this kind of thing is discussed. I know it is sometimes easier for a teen aged girl to speak with friends and/or a "cool" adult who is not her parent, so if you have a female friend whom she likes and respects, perhaps she would be willing to speak with your daughter too.

I am pretty permissive, and have almost never monitored anything my kids have done, with good results.

However, in a case like this, I would not allow this boy to call my house any more. If I had to take phones away from my daughter when she was home in order to do so, that's what I would do.

Why does your daughter still take calls from this guy when he talks to her like that? It might be true that overall he's a good kid, but he needs to learn to not talk to girls like that, and he will learn it if girls refuse to take his phone calls.

Maybe your daughter is afraid to not take his calls or she won't be cool and he won't like her. This is where you teach her how to say "no".

I would NOT inform the school. Your daughter could really suffer socially from that. This is for you to handle with your own kid. If you can't get this kid to stop calling with his trashy mouth, though, then maybe talking to his parents would be a good idea.

I've got to tell you if my boy was doing anything like that I would want to know about it pretty darn quick. And waiting for his father to come home from work and have a talk with him would be the least of his problems. A good boy does not talk like this to any girl he respects. And I don't CARE if 'every one is doing it'. If 3 million people are jumping off a bridge you don't have to be stupid enough to do it too just to be part of the crowd. I'm not raising my son to think like a sheep so he can just follow the herd.
Your girl might be smart, but when it comes to hormones and boys she might be a bit naive, she needs to know some guys will say anything to get into a girls pants. Some see it as a challenge. Taking this guys calls and continuing to be flattered by the attention he's giving her is not smart. If he keeps seducing all these girls, he's going to be too busy earning child support for his kids to be able to continue a social life. Get her involved with sports and other activities to give her very little free time for this guy. Also keep talking with her about her plans for her future, her education and career and how an unplanned pregnancy can really mess up those plans.

Your a good mom to monitor her calls, 13 is WAY to young for this kind of thing. I would def call the father of this boy. I would also would let the school know about this boy, that you do not want him around your daughter and why!! I would def have THE talk with her several times not just once on how boys of that age group are horny little devils and will say and do anything to get a girl. Not all boys but most. I would also take her phone away at night just for a little while or have him blocked! She is only 13 years old!!!! I would make it clear to this boy that he is NOT to call and do this again. Your her parents and it your job to make sure that boy is put in his place. Good job!!!!

Invite the boy over to watch videos.... rent some about stds, pregnacy and abstinence etc!
I really don't know if that'd work. My oldest kid is only 7. But make him aware of where things can go.
Definatly talk to his parents too.
And your daughter. I don't know if she would be too old for the book "The princess and the kiss" but we like it. It is about being pure for the man you'll marry. And the boy book "The squire and the scroll" it stresses keeping pure, and in it is when the squire goes through a forest and it has evil enchantments and he remembers the scroll says to listen to only what is pure.
But I don't know. Information is a good tool. A movie may embarass them, but probably give them something to think about. He is still a child as well, and as a Christian we are to love them. I am sure you are a very smart woman. You can probably come up with a way to help this teen who is obviously going down the wide path. Help him, if you can, get on the path that leads right to our Great God!

Hi E.,

Be very thankful your daughter was embarrassed. I hope embarrassed enough to not want to talk to him again. This boy should be off limits and I would take phone privileges away from her as well. She was listening, right? She should have had enough sense to hang up. Whether she likes this or she is just naive or immature, she needs to know what to do if it happens again.

Talking to his Mom and Dad, and the school is a necessity at this point. Protecting your child is the most important thing now but warning other parents is important too.

God bless you!

M.

Wow, I would totally ask his parents and the boy to come to your house for dinner, tonight, and then start saying, word for word, in front of everyone, what the boy was saying to your daughter. If they are normal, they will be embarrassed and furious with their son. If they are sleazy people, then tell them and your daughter that they are having nothing to do with each other any more.
And your daughter can't have a phone any more. She needs to be protected. 13 year olds are not adults and I think anything to do with sex is way over kids head at this age on how to handle it, so you need to handle it by explaining to her that you are protecting her by taking her phone and this boy away from her. You are not punishing her, but protecting her from danger, and I think that is how you should loving word it to her. Also, can you husband have a sex talk with your daughter, explaining that teenage boys just want sex and don't care who they do, as long as they get some, they are obsessed, and that they are not mature enough to have any feelings of respect or kindness towards her?

I would not let him call the house or come over. You are right about sextexting and that could do more than hurt her reputation. He is taking advantage of your daughter and you need to get involved now.

You are doing the right thing! Do not ignore this as harmless phone conversation.

We have a four year old daughter and a six year old son - I'm looking that their teen years will be very hard to manage. I've also raised my brother and sister up to age 13 - so I can completely understand your dilema!

Good luck!