Serving Divorce Papers , Pls Advice

Even if you wait until after there is no knowing if he will decide to move back to his native country after the divorce. It is hard to say when you should tell him, but a friend of mine just recently go divorced and she served him on the day he left to come visit us. In a huge way it ruined his trip, but it also gave him time to process things before going home and having to be ready to face her and the legal process of dissolving a marriage.

if you file when he comes back he can still go back to his native country and leave you alone with 3 kids to support, right?

is he schmuck enough to leave his kids unsupported?

is he abusive? is that why you're not cluing him in?

hard to say how to proceed because there are so many variables.

well, on question 2 i'd definitely go with a process server. if you haven't even discussed divorce with your husband and this is going to be a bolt from the blue, why would you put a family member at risk?

khairete
S.

I hope you questioned your lawyer about the child support issue if your husband stays in his home country. I think you also have to have a good handle on savings and investments, whatever you have access to, and not be dependent on his salary if he doesn't come back. You will need a job but I think you have a really good point that you need to keep him in this country (unless he's violent). Even if you wait until he comes back from this visit, what will prevent him from going back in a month or two? You need to be protected from that - at least from the financial loss if there's no way to collect his support from a foreign paycheck.

I'm not sure why you would involve a family member in serving papers. Why do you want this cousin to talk to you? To talk you out of it? Why do you want the cousin to talk to your husband? To make him be a nicer husband? To explain the divorce to him? I'm assuming you have talked to your husband about your unhappiness. What can your cousin add to the situation?

Without knowing any reason why you want to involve a cousin, I'd say to use a professional and neutral process server. Is your husband violent? If so, better to use a professional constable or other person used to making people angry. But they just identify your husband, confirm his identity, hand him the papers, and leave. By the time your husband opens the papers and realizes what they are, the server is gone - which is safer. If your decision is firm, there is no reason to start a big conversation. Besides, if he thinks you are turning cousins against him, he may get angrier. I've never heard of anyone using a personal connect to serve legal papers.

Based on the limited info you provided, the one benefit I can think of in serving him before is that he gets less time to file an answer to your summons and petition. And another benefit is that if he stays in Mexico and fails to respond, after the 6 month waiting period, you can file a default judgment and will essentially get everything you asked for in terms of spousal support, child support, child custody/visitation. But what good is that judgment if you can't collect your spousal/child support because he's in Mexico?

At the same time, if he's in Mexico, you won't have to concern yourself with child custody issues. That's not to say that the judgment is permanent -- he can always come back and request modification.

The thing is, even if he does return and respond to your summons and petition, and everything goes your way and the judge orders him to pay child/spousal support, he still might not. It depends on the situation, but sometimes it can get really tough to collect. Additionally, the more custodial time you have of your children, the less he pays in child support, and the less custodial time you have of your children, the more he pays in child support so he might fight you for more time with the kids just so he doesn't have to pay -- just one possibility.

There are a lot of facts that can affect the outcome of your case. Your lawyer knows all the facts so I advise you speak to your lawyer about all of your concerns and have him/her give you a response for each.

I think it's wise to follow your lawyers advice.
I'd use a process server - it makes it seem more official.

Whether he pays child support or not you are going to have to support yourself and kids.
How do you think you'll pay the bills as a single parent?
You need a job.

Depending on why you are divorcing, him not coming back might be a very good thing.

T.

I'm confused. You're divorcing him yet you're afraid to be alone with 3 kids and no financial support? If you've been planning this for some time, why haven't you done more to protect yourself financially? If you think for one second that he's going to stay in his "home" country? Then you should have planned accordingly for the divorce and life afterwards. If you can't provide for your family now? HOW do you plan on doing it AFTER the divorce? If you don't have a job? I'd suggest you get one. Plan on him NOT contributing to his children. If he does? It's bonus. If not? You're going to be fine.

I would use a process server and keep family out of this. That is uncool in my book to use a family member to serve divorce papers.

You've been married 20 years and he's still not a US citizen? I'm confused. Did you meet and marry in another country? Why did he take so long to become a US citizen? I know this doesn't have to do with your divorce - but maybe it does.

You NEED to follow your lawyers advice and server prior to his leaving. You hired your lawyer for a reason. If you decide NOT to listen to him? Why do you have him?

Much luck to you.

This must have been a hard decision for you after 20 years of marriage, but I am wondering why he doesn't know you want a divorce? What are you hoping the cousin would say to him that you haven't said? Is he violent? Are you afraid of him? If that is the case, then it might be best if he does stay away. If your cousin has a close relationship with your husband, and your husband is not violent, then I suppose you could let him/her be involved if willing, but that seems a lot to ask someone.

In general, I'd think it best to follow the lawyer's advice, but you know your husband. If he's not violent, and you're not prepared to be OK financially, then waiting seems reasonable too, although him being here is no guarantee that he will pay child support voluntarily. The more preparation you can do to care for yourself and your children, the better.

No. The papers need to be served by someone registered to do so, on behalf of the court, so they can submit proof of service. A family member is not qualified to serve papers. You need the court to serve him (they have their own process servers), or your attorney can handle getting a process server to serve him. Sometimes a sheriff can get involved as well, if need be. An average person does not have the training, nor would they know how to submit to the court, or that they have to submit to the court, a return of service. Sometimes, they will accept certified mailings of divorce papers, if you can provide proof of him receiving them (like a certified return receipt, with his signature). Read more here: https://www.familylawselfhelpcenter.org/self-help/custody..., and check with your county court to see if they will accept a disinterested person to serve the papers on him, if you can serve via certified mail, or if it must be served by a professional. No one needs to "talk to him based on divorce" so there is no need to have your cousin involved. He can read the papers himself, or hire a translator/ask a friend if he cannot read English. You can always direct him to your attorney if he has questions, but the word "divorce" is pretty universal in most languages, so I am sure he will understand the scope of the papers...

Did you ask your lawyer WHY s/he suggests serving him before he leaves? There must be a pretty good reason.
And even if he stays around there's no guarantee he will support you or the kids, not immediately anyway. And he could sue for custody, to avoid paying child support. You need to have some kind of income coming in, even a part time job, I hope you do? and some savings to get through the first few months at least?
And PLEASE don't bring your cousin into this, use a process server. Keep everything as legal and objective as possible.
Good luck, it sounds pretty awful :-(

Did your attorney tell you why you should serve him before he goes? If not, ask him why. Do you not trust your attorney? Otherwise, I don't understand why you're not willing to do as he suggests.

Perhaps you're trying to save money by having your cousin serve him. Divorce is highly emotional. I suggest you need to make your divorce be as factual as you can.

Why are you wanting the cousin to explain anything to your husband? Doing so increases his anger. I read your previous posts. Your husband is abusive. Makes no sense to stir up emotion. You posted about getting a divorce a year ago and didn't follow through. He know why you want a divorce. What do you want your cousin to tell him? I wonder if you're trying to reduce the possibility of him verbally or physically abusing you. Perhaps you want to in affect apologize. If so, you're still trying to not upset him. He will be upset no matter how he's served. And you're telling him he still controls you.

There is no way you can make this better. Divorce is painful. I suggest you let this divorce be about you and your
Kids. Expecting his cooperation makes no sense.

I hope that you've planned how you can live without his financial support. You already know from your experience a year ago that he's going to contest financial arrangements. He isn't going to change. You've tried for 20 years to change his treatment of you. You know who he is and what he will do.

You cannot control whether he stays in Mexico or not. In reality, if you serve him now, you've started the court process. If you don't serve him now and he remains in Mexico, he"s been served. You can't serve him in Mexico.

You cannot control what he does financially The papers may say he's to pay a certain amount. Divorce papers are telling him what you and your attorney expect him to do. He doesn't have to comply. If he doesn't provide financial support you'll have to contest that in court. What does your attorney say can happen if he stays.

I suggest you're overthinking this. The reason to have an attorney is help you through the divorce. He also us a buffer between you and your husband. Let him do his job.

Wait, are you trying to save money by only consulting with him? If so, your divorce will be more expensive. You need him to represent you, to make this process work for you. You know your husband is not going to just accept a divorce, divide marital property and child support. You will need your ongoing legal support. It will be expensive either way. If you let the attorney handle this you will be breaking away from your husband. If you try to do this on your own, you're still under your husband's control.

Does having a green card affect what happens? Focus is now on keeping immigrants out of our country. Will he be able to return? The possibility of him not being able to return is a very good reason to serve him before he leaves. If you've not served him, there is nothing you can do to get a court order that requires him to pay.

Added: I thought he was from Mexico based on another response. If he's going to another continent, some answers my be different. If he's going a long distance such as to South America or to a country such as Europe or Asia, I would definately serve him before he goes. It's more likely he'll not return when there are distances and air fare. He can only be served in the United States.

Please follow your lawyers advise. That is why you have a lawyer. Do NOT use a family member. Use the process server. Not sure why your husband doesn't know you want a divorce.

Wow thats kind of shitty. I would do it before that way he can go and process it away from you. If he wants to move home he will regardless of if its before or after his trip. And use someone you do not know to serve the papers