Separation Anxiety in 8 Month Old

I would second hanging out there when you're not going to drop him off just to acclimate and allow him to hang out there while feeling safe with you. Then you can slowly change the habit and start to leave for small increments. Once he is a bit more comfortable you might leave him with something that smells like you especially if you are breast feeding.

Good Luck!

Do you really have to go to the gym to get a workout? I don't. Your baby obviously doesn't like being left in the kid's room while you are getting your "me time" in, so why force him? There are lots of ways to workout at home. You can involve your baby as much or as little as you like. You can always workout in your living room while he is sleeping, or you can do workouts with your baby. I'm sure you can find great DVDs that show you how. I used to lay on my back on the floor, put my knees up and lay my babies on my shins, then pump my legs up and down. My babies loved it, and my butt got a great workout. You can also put your baby in a baby jogger and get outside for a jog or walk. I prefer walking because it is better on the knees. You and your baby will benefit from the fresh air. Walking is a super great way to lose weight, and stay fit. You can also go to the gym or take a walk when your husband gets home to get your "me time." If he's helpful and supportive, I'm sure he won't mind playing with and taking care of his son so you can decompress. One thing I have learned by being a SAHM of 2 kids for the last 6 years is that once you become a mommy, it's not all about you anymore. It's nice to get "me time", but not always possible. The selfish part of you has to start fading, and doing what's best for your kids has to be priority. So, maybe making your son stay in a play place without you when he doesn't like it (having to stop working out to tend to him when he has been crying for you probably gets you irritated too)and worrying about him having "separation anxiety" may not be the best thing for him. Just a thought.

I suggest you try one of these things: (1) Put off going to the gym until your son is older and able to be left with strangers. It's too upsetting for him at this age, and you may have to wait a year or more. You can work out at home (DVDs) or go for a walk with him in a stroller. (2) Go to the gym when your husband is home since your son is used to being with Daddy. He will be in a familiar environment, and even if he cries some, Daddy should be able to handle it for the brief amount of time you are away. Plus, your workout will not be interrupted by having to go comfort and calm him.

my daughter was about 9 mo when I went back to work... she cried almost every day for 2 months straight when I dropped her off. It was horrible... talk about feeling like a bad mother. But honestly, now that I'm on the other side of that and she runs happily in to her classroom these days... the best advice I can say is just talk to him... and say mama is going to go for a little while, I will be back soon. give him and kiss and kind of breezily walk out. the more emphasis you place on coming & going, the more he will put emphasis on it. I promise in a little while, he'll learn that you will come back and won't take it so hard. It helps to think about it as building his confidence in you... plus kids this age are just starting to learn about that kind of thing. that's why they like peek-a-boo, so they can see things come and go. I'd try to keep it as routine as possible also, like go at the same time each day... pack his favorite snack and/or beverage.. a favorite toy or lovey... so he had comfort items with him. some days you'll have to go get him, but soon enough you won't . hang in there.

good luck! and congrats on your little one and on getting out and doing something for yourself.

What do you think about taking him there and just playing with him a few times? Maybe if you can go and just play together, you can create a really good association with the playroom, so he won't automatically think you're just going to drop him off every time you go there. One other suggestion - stay for a while before you go work out when you do leave him there. And, even though I know it's really tempting, don't sneak out. My daughter was SUPER bad (sometimes still is) with separation anxiety. Sneaking out made it worse. We now always kiss her goodbye, but make sure she's doing her favorite thing while we leave (which is reading). It might also help if your child can bring something familiar with him to the gym sitter. That way he won't feel all alone. Also, try to establish your workout around the sitter schedule. The more you can try to get the same sitter all the time, the more accustomed he'll be to being left with her. Being left with a different person every time would be really scary I think.

Good luck. It does pass, and man, it's great when it does!!!
J.

Hang in there this is normal. You deserve your me time and it is good for your little boy to learn that mommy will come back and that he can do good without you (it builds confidence). I have worked a lot of moms groups and find this common in this age on up. Things should get better as he gets use to you leaving him. If you can, go to the gym around the same time so the workers will be the same people. It might help if the faces become familiar. Also check if he can bring a lovey. You mentioned not having family in the area, but do you have any good friends. It would help if you could let him cry it out more then 10 minutes .The 10 minute cry time is pretty standard but I know that sometimes it comes back to bite you. The kids are old enough to know that if they keep going mom will come back and they will get their way so I work with the moms and if they ok it I will keep the kidos longer while they cry as long as they are not making themselves sick. ( usually we can distract them for a few minutes without tears so they are not crying the whole time) Most of the time they are sad that mom is gone and miss you but alot of the cry is all them controlling the situation and if we get past that they smile and have fun.
Even if you dont have a friend perhaps a young teen or pre teen could come over and play with him while you were home and occasionally slip out of eyesight. You could also look into a drop in dare care in the area. That way he can get more exposure to learning to rely on others and his abilities and not just mom. You are doing a great job and you are not selfish in wanting to take care of yourself and go to the gym. Keep going and work through it. This will be a good experience for your little guy.

My 10-month-old started the clingy phase about that age, maybe a little older. I started to notice that when we were at family gatherings she rarely wanted to leave me and be held by someone else. Don't worry; it's normal. It's not because he is spoiled or anything. I find if I need "me time," we do something that both of us enjoy, which is going for a walk or going jogging. My baby likes being out there and I get a chance to think.

I don't have all the answers, but maybe your son can get used to the people and the place if you take a couple pictures and show them to him everyday. (at home in a "safe" comforting environment) and then if you can go every day for a couple weeks, even if it's just a short time so he'll see the kid's room then he might get used to it. If he recognizes the people and the place he might feel pretty comfortable, and still cry since you're leaving, but then be able to calm down.

Maybe you could have a friend come with her baby and he would feel more relaxed if he knows the other child.

Good luck!

It is normal. Very normal.
Let him cry for a bit, reassure him with hugs and kisses, maybe go back and kiss him after 10 minutes. As long as they allow you the time to work out then I say try not to worry about it. You don't want to ever think of your baby crying, I know how gut wrenching it is. However, your time is so important to you being a great mommy too!
It will be a phase that passes, it does pass, then it will happen a few more times before they are four! :)
Make sure he is well taken care of, if you have any reservations see if another mom friend, family member can take him during this time or try to work out when your hubby is home.
Hang in there!

Two things come to mind. Probably it's just separation anxiety and you're just going to have to work through it. It might not hurt to hand out with him there a few times when you aren't leaving him. Then you can leave him for a few minutes and get a bit longer each time. That might mean not working out until he's adjusted. Or try to go when the same people are scheduled to work each time.

The other thought is that there is something he doesn't like there. You might check it out, or drop back in unexpectedly to check that out. GL!

E.,
I only read a couple responses, so I am sure I am repeating something you have already heard. First I want to tell you separation anxiety is completely normal at this age! There is no way to make it easier or to shorten the duration. All us parents can do is wait it out. Babies don't have a concept of time, so when you're gone for 5 minutes, it seems like you left them forever. Its tough, but its something you have to adapt to until it passes. It also comes around the time of stranger anxiety, so that's a double whammy! This baby thinks his world is you, and when you're gone, he is lost. Then he realizes there's other people out there besides mommy and daddy, and they smell, sound and act different. Also, a lot of babies this age are getting mobile and can crawl or they're experimenting with cruising and that's a huge adjustment. Its overwhelming for the little guy!
The first thing I noticed as I read was you said you joined "our gym" so I take that to mean your husband goes there too. Maybe try and get some "me time" and work out when your husband can stay with your son. This way he is still with someone who loves him and you get a break. That might mean only going 1 or 2 times a week, but as parents, we take what we can get :) I know your son is your number 1 priority and you don't want him to be miserable. Also, you don't want to be miserable. But honestly, you do not get "me time" until your baby is well passed this stage, then there's usually another baby that comes around! I was very proud that I was able to use the restroom by myself today, since big brother was playing with the little princess who has separation anxiety right now! That's what I consider my "me time". Another idea is to visit the kids room and just hang out there with your son a few times to see if he will relax with the workers and start to play, then gradually try to leave. Or maybe your husband can go too, and while you work out for an hour he's with the baby in the room, then you stay with him while your hubby gets an hour. If your husband cannot or will not watch him, try working out at home. Use dvds, or take him on a walk in a carrier or his stroller. There's also mommy and baby exercise classes you can go to, which will help both of you socialize. Then you can try again at the gym when he is older.
Now, I'm not trying to sound judgmental, but the second thing I noticed was your last paragraph seemed, well, a bit selfish. Yes your "me time" is important, but this is your child. He needs you. That's the mommy sacrifice we make. I'm sure you're fully aware that your hair and makeup routine has changed, your showers are shorter and that you only get to shave every other day now, if you're lucky. This is another one of those things. Just try and remember you can always go to the gym when your son is older and spending the night at a friends house or worse, doesn't want to hang out with you. I have to admit, I have to tell myself that sometimes when the baby is asleep and my son wants to play or cuddle and all I want to do is relax and read or be by myself. Hopefully your husband understands that you want some alone time and will watch him for an hour so you can go to the gym, or just take time for yourself. That way you get a break and your son still feels secure.

Best wishes,
V.