Separation Anxiety - 15 Month Old

Updated on September 02, 2006
B.P. asks from Coppell, TX
6 answers

My daugher is 15 months old and has terrible separation anxiety. I'd like to bring her to the gym daycare or to a Mothers Day Out program, but as soon as I try to leave, she clings onto me and won't let go. On separate occasions I've tried; a quick goodbye; sneaking out, and I also tried going in the room with her, playing for a few minutes and then leaving. Nothing seems to help and she cries the entire time. She doesn't have any attachments to comfort items, or favorite toys or favorite snacks I could bring with her to make her feel better. The childcare workers are very nice, nurturing and understanding, so it's not them. She is also starting to resist going to my husband at night...all she wants is mommy! Any advice on how to "cure" the separation anxiety????

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S.

answers from Dallas on

I wish I had the answer I am also going through it with my son, also 15 months. I tried going to church a few wks ago and took him to the nursery but minutes later I had to come back to get him cause he wouldn't stop wailing and threw up. I felt so bad he has had a severe case of acid reflux for over a year so he gags and throws up pretty easily, I myself want him to interact with other kids his age and want to put him in a MDO program.
My son even wakes up in the middle of the night wanting me and freaks out if I don't bring him to my bed.

Good Luck!

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L.R.

answers from Dallas on

Both are my sons have terrible separation anxiety. my first one was the worse. he would cry so much that he would make himself puke.(the puking stop after he had his adnoids removed.) i would cry outside his door and wonder if i was doing the right thing.With support from friends and family we keep going to MDO and he got better. Now his 4.5 and makes a fake cry (trying to make me feel bad)and the second i leave his playing.i know it has been good for him and i to have him in a MDO program. i have met a lot of other great moms and he has alot a good friend. just hang in there. it will get better.

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C.N.

answers from Dallas on

Good Morning B.!
Don't Fret! It is only a phase and more than likely, soon, your little one will be feeling much more comfortable with others. My daughter is now 3 1/2 and she went through different phases of seperation anxiety. I am also a stay at home mom and my daughter was used to just mom most of the time. Things that I found that helped -
1. Me being ok with seperating. Not always easy but do everything you can to muster up "that this is ok" in front of her. She can feel when you are not sure of leaving.
2. Finding one of the child care workers that will help. I belong to health club that has an amazing children's area and my daughter was not happy at the thought of mommy leaving when we started there. One of the women came over to me and got down with her and reassured her and picked her up. She showed her extra attention those first few times. They have a policy that if your child cries for 5 minutes straight they will page you. This reassured me that she had settled down when I didn't hear my name. :)
3. My daughter didn't have a comfort toy either and a part of what I learned was that it was just a process for her to be reassured that Mom was coming back. Now... EVERYDAY my daughter says... Can we go see the kids?
There is no magic answer but I think that there may be reassurance as moms to know that most kids go through this and that they all get to the other side! I will tell you that for my little one there was also a period right before 2 where she experienced seperation anxiety and fear of strangers. You may also want to ask her doctor for tips as well as look for a timeline of common stages. I wish you the best of luck!
Simply,
C.

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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

It's really hard for stay at home Mom's. The kids get really attached to Mommy. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about seperation anxiety. My son had it so bad he would scream until he puked. This is what worked for us (our Ped reccomended) Try leaving her with your husban and running a short errand (30 min at the most to start). Even it it's just going for a cup of coffee. That way she will begin to realize that you always come back. When she gets to be okay with that then start to lengthen the time. It's a process. Our Ped also said it's better for them to have separation anxiety than to be fine being left without any emotion. They do eventually grow out of it.

Another phase they go through is parent immulation. This is where they want one parent and one parent only. They are gathering all the traits from that parent. Then at some point they will switch to the other parent. It's really h*** o* both parents. One is doing it all and the other feeling rejected. Just remember this too will pass.

There is a great book out there called "Touchpoints" by T Berry Brazelton. It deals with the changes that littles ones go through. I've found it very helpful.

Hang in there.

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G.W.

answers from Auburn on

I have twin boys that are about to be 15 months in two weeks. Both are going through separation anxiety, too, usually at church. The good thing is since I have an 8 year old daughter and have been through this before, my skin is a little "tougher" so I can drop them off, give them a quick kiss and tell them goodbye and then leave them in the capable loving hands of their teachers. My advice is try not to sneak away, it only teaches your child to fear that any minute she could turn around and you'll be gone. On the other hand, lingering is not the best either, babies learn quickly (they are VERY smart) that if she continues to cry in your presence, you'll stay. I think we just have to expect this is part of being parents, most of our kids go through this anxiety but with consistency on your part, your little one will learn that she can trust if you leave for a little while, you will be back for her so she can enjoy herself and play nicely. Dr. James Dobson speaks on this topic quite a bit in his books in the Christian parenting section of the bookstore. Best Wishes!!

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D.S.

answers from Dallas on

I am going through the same exact thing and it started AT the gym. She was fine the first two times I took her (almost 2 months ago) all of a sudden she became really clingy and wouldn't stop crying once she saw the playcenter at the gym. I have been waking up at 4am and getting to the gym at 5am just to be able to get my workout in while my husband is still at home. Today I decided to try it again and I took her to the gym and the same exact thing happened. There was also another baby there that looked to be about 7 months. I cannot tell you how many times that baby fell and the only person there to watch the kids wasn't there to see it OR to pick the little baby up. I ended up taking it upon myself to pick the baby up and console it. The poor baby had a HUGE bump on its forhead. So now I'm at the gym trying to console my child and now another one. I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable if I found my child being held by some stranger who is not authorized to do so but at the same time I just didn't have the heart to leave that baby crying on the floor hurt. I can see now why my child has such a HUGE fear at that place. I feel so horrible for leaving her and wonder what the heck happened to her during her first few experiences there. I know that lots of babies experience seperation anxiety but I have never experienced it with my oldest at all. My youngest was the same way until I dropped her off at the daycare. Now she wont let me leave her sight. It has been about two months and only recently have I been able to walk out of her room leaving her in the crib to go to sleep.

I totally know what you are going through and I know how hard it is not to have ANY time to yourself. I hope that this phase passes soon for you too.

Good luck!

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