35 answers

Having a Hard Time Leaving Screaming Child at Daycare - HELP!!

I have just joined the local fitness center which offers a daycare. My 20 month old daughter is freaking out when I leave her and they have to coem and get me after 10-15 minute when she doesn't settle down b/c that is their policy. This has happened a few times but mostly I haven't even gone b/c I am not sure how to handle this situation.
I just doesn't seem right walking away from your child when she is screaming for you. What should I do?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

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Thanks everyone for your responses. I got lots of good ideas and advice.

Featured Answers

My son is also 20 months old and does the same thing at the Y when I take him. He used to be good, but suddenly started freaking out. My Dr. said at around 18 to 20 months, they get separation anxiety really bad.

So I've started taking him into the child care area, playing toys with him for a minute, try to get him to play with another kid or get really interested in a particular toy. He has gotten a little bit better. He still cries some, but he didn't throw the huge screaming red-faced fit the last time we took him.

Supposedly they get over this phase after a few months. My friend's 2 year old is finally through it. I hope he gets over it soon.

:)
K.

J.,

I could personally never leave a screaming child. Could someone you know go with you to the gym and watch her for you? Could you work out at home and try again when she is older?

B.

Hi J.!
Have you tried staying with her in the daycare until she settles down? That seems to help with my son (1 year old) when he doesn't want to stay at daycare.
Hope that helps!
N.

More Answers

I am the parent of a very independent 14 month old that I have thankfully not experienced this problem with (yet) However, I worked in daycare for a couple of years and when this type of situation came up the parents tried staying in the room with the child and getting him or her involved in an activity in a group with the other children until he/she was comfortable with the surroundings instead of dropping and dashing as some recommened. Also, it seemed to help once the child was familiar with other kids in the class. This may not be possible since you may be visiting the fitness center at different times but if you could find another Mom with a child the same age to workout with perhaps your child and hers would become friends too and feel more comfortable being with his / her new friend without you while you work out :D

J.,
You may not want to hear this, but your child maybe too young to be left at an unfamilar place.
Children do not like change and at her age I feel
she just isn't ready. Do you have any babysitters that she is used to? Maybe your husband/family could help watch her for a little while when you go to the fitness center. Not meaning to sound harse at all, but I have learned from experience that sometimes a child REALLY is trying to tell us something. Go with your gut feeling on this and it will all be ok.

Hi J.,
My daughter who is 28 months was pulling this stunt too. I truely believe she was feeling insecure when I drop her off at the church nursery. But I have made headway. What I ended up doing was sitting in at the nursery for about 2 months. Mind you my activity occurs once a week. Working out at the gym could potentially occur more than once a week. Once my daughter felt safe she began to play and then she didn't care where I was. So my thought side bar working out at the gym for a week or so and go to the gym to play in the nursery. Once she feels safe your set.

I am a mother to two girls ages 2 and 31/2. Leaving them anywhere makes me me terrible but I make sure to always tell them that I will be back and that I will bring them something when I do. Even if it is just a cup from a meal or as small as a juice or soda from the machine. Then they look forwad to my leaving and what they will get when I return for being big girls. I have been where you are and it not easy but it will subside with a little time. Be patient with them and just remind them that you need play time alone same as they do. If you are like me and military wife- it makes it harder if your spouse is deployed like mine. They are already having seperation issues from that and then they think I am leaving... so it is hard but it gets easier over time. They will find playmates and look forward to playtime without you, leaving you with some "you" time after all.

J.,

I could personally never leave a screaming child. Could someone you know go with you to the gym and watch her for you? Could you work out at home and try again when she is older?

B.

My son went through a phase like that and I put together a photo album in water/tear proof book. This way he could look at the pictures and at least see us.
At church we tell our daughter that she has to go to her class and we will go to ours- it seems to help that she knows we are not just leaving her and we will return. Hope this helps!!

J.

One time I was leaving my grandchildren at daycare and was going to "sneak out" when they weren't looking. The daycare provider said to me, No, you don't ever want to do that. You need to be up front with them that you are leaving and that you are coming back. My suggestion would be to leave your daughter for a couple minutes, then go back (so she knows you are coming back), then leave for a little while longer, etc. Maybe when she sees the pattern that you leave, say you are coming back and then do come back, she'll eventually be able to better accept your absence.

T.

DO NOT LEAVE HER THERE ANYMORE!!!! THERE IS A REASON THAT SHE IS SCREAMING AND CRYING!!! CHILDREN SENSE WHEN THINGS ARE NOT RIGHT AND APPARENTLY SOMETHING IS WRONG THERE! IT IS VERY NORMAL FOR A CHILD TO BE UNHAPPY THE FIRST FEW TIMES WHEN MOMMY LEAVES THEM, BUT IF IT CONTINUES, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. I RUN A IN HOME CHILD CARE AND WHEN I START WATCHING A NEW CHILD, THEY USUALLY CRY FOR JUST A COUPLE OF MINUTES AFTER BEING DROPPED OFF AND IT ONLY LAST A COUPLE OF DAYS. THEY KNOW WHEN THEY ARE TRULY LOVED AND LIKED!!

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