Seeking Life Advice

Hi Taya,
I was involved in a physically abusive relationship in college, and what gave me the courage to end the relationship was going to counseling. My counselor was very kind and understanding and helped me find the resources I needed to get out of the situation (new housing, etc.). Also I attended group sessions and it was wonderful just knowing that I was not alone. If there is a battered women's shelter in your area, you can call them to get a referral for a counselor or group sessions.

Please do not delay - the longer you stay, the longer your daughters will think that this is the way things ought to be. You, and they, deserve better.

Best of luck to you. Stay strong.

If you don't do it for yourself do it for your children. I don't know your background but you can stop the cycle. Your children should be your first and foremost priority. I pray that you can get out of the situation before it gets worse. If you are going to stay, you need to seek help by means of counseling etc. If he hurts you, please call the police. Most of all Pray. GOD will lead you to the correct answers. Go to church and he will lead you to make the right decision or give you the strength if you don't have it. Most of all he will give you peace in your heart. I hope things work out for you. God Bless!

If he hits you he does not love you! People do not change. If it was me I would leave for the sake of the children. If a little boy sees his father disrespect his mother he will learn to treat women the same way. Also little girls grow up looking for men that are like their father, do you want that for your daughter? Even if the kids don't "see" they are smarter than we all give then credit for, they are at an age that they know what is going on.
I do understand how hard it is to leave, even harder with kids. But you know that you are better than that and deserve better. So do your children.
Nothing that you could do, as horrible as it may be justify him hitting you! EVER!
Best of luck to you and your family.

I suggest that you go to counseling yourself, even if your husband does not agree to marital counseling.

It sounds like there are some things you need to explore and heal for yourself before you make such a life changing decision. Otherwise, there would be less internal conflict.

Taya,

If you are in an abusive relationship-which it sounds like you most definitely are-- get out asap! You don't want to wait until the next episode--domestic violence escalates-- maybe you are thinking that it wasn't that bad the last time or he didn't mean it etc- the fact is that it doesn't get better over time(without serious help on his part and yours--)- it will escalate again and most likely worse than what happened before. You don't want your children to see you get hurt or have your husband hurt them~ Make a plan, talk to a women's shelter and get advice on how to get out of your marriage. If you aren't ready to do it for you, do it for your kids now! They deserve a loving, safe, home environment. It is the best gift that you could give them.

Be safe and let us know what you decide.

Hugs,

Molly

Taya:
Will you please look at this website www.ode2life.com Liat is absolutely wonderful. She will give you a free consultation. She will also help you first find happiness within yourself. Her prices are very reasonable and the guidance is very amazing.
S.

First, realize you have no real control over his actions, only your own. But by changing the way you deal with some things can soften the way he deals with things. I am a firm advocate of Dr. Laura's philosophy on marriage. See if you can find the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". No, it doesn't revert you to servant statis, it gives you insight as to how men and women think and how YOU as a wife can help things go a little smoother. Quietly eliviate the stress by having dinner on the table, your hair combed, toys picked up and kids homework done before he comes home. Put the kids to bed no later than 9pm so you can spend an hour or so alone with him. Try to build areas of interest that you share, become his friend. In doing these things you will feel better about yourself, even if you don't feel better about him. Go to Half Priced Books in Freemont and pick up self help books that can inspire you...People like Dr.Phil, Harvel Hendricks, Dr.Laura Schlesinger and even the Dahli Lamma (he has a great one on forgiveness). When it looks like there is going to go for a battle, go for a walk, ask your husband to write things down...IM is GREAT for that! You can sit across from each other on separate computers and not raise your voice. =)
And know that marriage is HARD! Friendship, Respect, Trust. If you don't have one of those three you are in for a real uphill battle. Work on each of those.
I can't stress hard enough that YOU are the example for your children on how to be a wife, both in how you act and how you let your husband treat you. *HUG*

Do something! You brought 2 children in this world and are now responsible for these babies well being. If he is abusing you call the cops, make sure your children are not at home to witness the situation. Dont know what your beliefs are but God can help, try to find a prayer group, a church for prayer. Prayer moves the hand of God in situations that we may think are helpless!! Take care of yourself and your children, you dont want them growing up and continuing the cycle. you said youre no saint either, i hope you are not treating your kids badly taking your frustrations out on them. So please protect the kids first and foremost!

Hi Taya,

I grabbed this from a blog I read. I found it to be inspiring and a great reminder. I hope it speaks to you as well.

"Intuition is a powerful, powerful thing.

In the past 6 months, I've come to the firm, unshakable belief that in fact, we have all the answers. Each of us do. That within us, if we just stop and listen, there is enough guidance to let us know whether the path we're about to take is the right one for ourselves. That if we all just take a moment to quiet our minds and listen to our hearts, we'll know exactly what to do.

That the secret to renewal, to rebirth, to metamorphosing into exactly what we're meant to be is to just be still and listen. It's not always easy, but it is possible. It just takes conscious, determined practice. I'm not perfect at it, but I am getting better. And trust me, if I can do it, so can you."

You know what to do...trust yourSELF!

xoxo,
T