Does any one have any legal advice? I have a 3 week old son and his father has requested that we see a mediator and go to court for the visitation of our son. He wants the 1st and last weekends of the month when our son turns 3 mos. and after six months he wants our son every week, the 1st and last of the month. I don't see this to be acceptable, he has 2 other kids ages 3 and 4 and his mother does the caretaking while he works 10 plus hours a day. I know he has rights but our child is so young I just can't deal with leaving him for such a long time. Help does anyone know what rights I may have, for our son being so young.
I hope your nursing. That will help your case from what I have been told from other mothers in the same situation. At least for a little while. Good luck.
I think you should forget grad school till your baby is in Kindergarten. Be a mom to your son and fight for your right to mother him, not for your ex's mom to mother him. Is he paying child support?
Do NOT put off grad school for too long if it's what you really want to do. I know this isn't answering your question about the legal/visitation stuff, but you will helping yourself AND your son if you go to grad school sooner than later. Maybe putting it off a year is reasonable, but as a single parent trying to support herself and teach her son about self-reliance, you should NOT wait until your son is 5 years old! I disagree with this advice of the other responder. It will only get harder to go back over time. And the sooner you DO go and DO complete your degree, the more options you will provide yourself and your son - and YEARS SOONER!!!! My parents struggled for several years to get their degrees when my twin brother and I were born to them as older-teenagers, and they couldn't have taught me a better life lesson. I'm older now, but as the single mother of a 6-month-old I am doing everything I can to complete my professional training NOW so I can get my feet on the ground and be independent and marketable and have more professional- and life-options SOONER. You will be leaving your son part-time anyway, be it for work or for school, if you are a single parent trying to support your son. You will have more confidence if you continue to pursue your goals, more sanity if you don't feel indefinitely trapped or stuck or delayed, and if you follow through with this, what you will be able to give yourself, give your son, and teach your son will be infinitely more valuable than any extra time with him now while you delay your degree. Finances will be tighter now, but will be MUCH better if you finish your degree while he's still a toddler as opposed to waiting til he's a grade-schooler. And as I said above, struggling with lower-paying jobs and leaving him during the day anyway will NOT move you AHEAD.
As far as the legal advice goes, I'm in a similar situation and I have not really followed through with anything official at this point. My baby's dad is VERY involved, and with no family in town and working ridiculous hours and sometimes overnight shifts, I really coudn't do it otherwise (unless I had a live-in nanny or au apair). I don't love the idea -- BabyDaddy literally reappeared just DAYS before my baby was born and we can't discuss ANYTHING between us except for dinner and schedules -- but it's helping me get my training finished and I guess it is good for the baby. The family lawyers with whom I have met have recommended mediators as a good option if you can't work out something mutually-agreeable on your own. You can, of course, have a lawyer write up something official to make a mutually-agreeable arrangement legally binding. But it sound like you guys aren't able to do that, so a mediator is a really good option. Staying out of the courts if possible is ideal, according to my legal consulations (LOTS more $$ with court stuff, and as someone completing your education, your personal/free-time/financial situation will be making huge shifts over the next few years anyway, so better to not repeat the very-expensive court process over-and-over). Yes, it's unfair and you may not love the prospective arrangement. But the truth of the matter is that you CAN'T avoid it, you CAN'T delay it indefinitely, and getting it settled sooner-than-later WILL be better for everyone and healthier for you than agonizing over it every day, fighting, etc. etc. And what others said about likely no overnights while your son is very young is similar to what I've learned. GOOD LUCK!
FYI: I used www.greataupair.com to find a great nanny. As a student, you should be able to find a great au pair on the site too, and possibly save a LOT of money. I'm back at work full-time and feel GREAT about the childcare I have for my baby, which makes all the difference in the world. Some friends have also found great care on Craigslist. And there is nothing wrong with grandma watching the baby if it saves you money. My lawyer also told me I will be winning lots of points if I look like I'm trying to be open and gracious to dad & his family, as painful as it is.........it is most-likely good for your child in the long run!
You need to call and get a pro bono attorney no charges. The internet has so many the best are volunteer attorney. Since you child is young and if you been married less than 30 years it very difficult I would reccommend you to File for Sole Custody . If you want the full right for your child. That the best thing you can do for you and you child. After that there is a possiblity of getting your husband back. If he is violent call the cops right away and report him for domestic violences.
Get a family Law Attorney, if you are nursing your baby, I think it will not be in his best interest to be apart from you over night. My neice's Dad was not given overnight until she was 2. Though daytime visits did happen early. I would highly recommend putting off Grad School for a year, it's just too much for for the two of you, I hope you have a loving support network. Please seek legal advice ASAP. It is MUCH harder to undo legal agreements then it is to put them in place. A mediator will utilize a legal agreement, because it goes before a judge and gets certified w/ an approval. He does have legal rights, and should be involved, but it needs to be appropriate for the childs best intrerest. You also need child support, child care reimbursement, medical insurance for him, college funding etc... PLEASE get a good Attorney, don't mess around w/ this. Look for an Attorney who is Certified in Family Law, if it's too expensive, ask family to help w/ the cost. Good luck to you. Remember, it is much harder to undo any agreements than it is to make them.
Take care of your child and watch what plans you make that can be used against you. Get your own lawyer, take care of yourself. There is nothing wrong with his mom taking care of the baby, I am a grandmother and would love to be able to care for my grandchild and get to know them. But too much is not good.
If you have appropriate child care when you are in school I would go ahead with it, I was a single mom and know that you have to be reliant on yourself. Make sure it is GREAT care so it is not something he can use against you.
Good luck, I hope you can afford to be gracious.
