Any Advice or Resource to Point Me to for Recent Separation (Not Married)

Z.---I can't see how avoiding a lawyer would be beneficial in any way. You must be sure that you little one is taken care of properly. Without a legal agreement, you are potentially a victim to his whims. What happens when he gets involved with another woman who may...or may not...be flexible enough to allow him to continue with his agreements. And, if you decide on a set amount of child support now, what happens when bills get bigger as your child gets bigger.

A lawyer knows the answers to your questions...even the ones you may not ever think of. His/her advice is an investment in your child's future and will offer peace of mind.

And no, I am not a lawyer. I am just a person who believes that you can't always do everything yourself...sometimes you need to hire an expert. Good luck...D.

5 moms found this helpful

any lawyer worth having can not and will not represent 2 opposing clients. there is a huge conflict of interest.
i know you don't want it, but you need an attorney.
years from now when he has moved on to his next family, and he will, you will regret being naive and your child will suffer.

4 moms found this helpful

I am not a lawyer nor do I know Colorado laws regarding palimony, child support and common law marriage...

I realize that you want to avoid attorney's but it's probably the best thing you can do since you have property and a child together so you will have to get something by the courts that provides for visitation and child support...

You don't want to get the short end of the stick...which can happen. Get child support, custody and visitation IN THE BOOKS so there is NEVER a question about who the child lives with, makes the decisions and pays for what...

GOOD LUCK!!!

4 moms found this helpful

Most states have some type of formula they use to calculate child support. You need to go to court and get a custody/visitation agreement and child support order it might be friendly now but you need one to protect your child without a custody order a parent does not have to return her from a visit and the police can't help if you don't have a court order. You might have agreed that you would stay home but things have changed you are now going to need to find a job so that you can support your child.

You might not want to go the lawyer and court route but unfortunately that's the only way

3 moms found this helpful

Consider a mediator- they can answer your legal questions and make sure that the best interests of all parties are considered. A mediator will go point-by-point with the two of you together. It is much less adversarial than using attorneys, but carries the same legal "weight".

I have had a couple of friends use mediation successfully and a couple of friends for whom it simply didn't work- too much anger and hostility.

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The two of you could go together to a lawyer for good sound legal guidance (not vs. each other but as a united front) so you know what the law allows or doesn't. You could have a idea what you want and get final guidance from the attorney.

2 moms found this helpful

You need a lawyer. You have assets together and need to decide how to separate those assets and determine child support and if he should pay you maintance until you find a job. Since you have 2 houses each of you should be able to take a house, hopefully both houses are in both of your names if they are in his name only they belong to him only. You may have to prove that you are entitled to one of the houses. What about the furniture and other household goods are they yours or his? At this point you need to be petty and ask that everything be split down the middle. You do not want to have to bear the expense of buying all new furniture and household goods.
Take some time and go shopping and see how much it would cost you to replace the dishes, bath towels, sheets, blankets, plus the furniture and any appliances you may need. That would run into the thousands of dollars.
Find an attorney and contact the child support agency for your county and get some real legal advice.

1 mom found this helpful

How can you know what you can legally get and reasonably expect if you don't go to a lawyer? That's their JOB, to know what the law is and tell you what you should know.

It's fine to talk about it here, but we aren't lawyers and what you hear on this site is just women's opinions.

Go find a divorce attorney who will give you a free consult. If you have any friends or acquaintences who have been divorced, ask them if they liked their lawyers so you have some names.

Just because you consult a lawyer doesn't mean you have to use them for the whole kit and kaboodle. If you want to do all the legwork to save money, tell them that. They will tell you what you NEED to know. You'll shoot yourself in the foot if you try to do this solo, Z..

D.

1 mom found this helpful

Yeah, I agree with Lynn... go to a lawyer together just to get good legal advice. They have formulas for child support and alimony. I'm not sure that you'll even get allimony and if you did, it would be short term (which I'm sure you'd want just enough to get on your feet again).

Good luck :)

1 mom found this helpful

I am the only person I know that got divorced with a paralegal, an adopted child and absolutely no custody and child support order in place. We truly made it work...should have done that in our marriage! I have had so many friends and read about so many nightmares down the road, it is in your best interest too to use an attorney.

1 mom found this helpful

Palimony, generally speaking, is not an actual legal thing. It has no standing in family court and is settled in civil court as a contract case. If you have a legal contract that states that you will give up your career in return for raising your child, you might have a case but really, who does that? But if you did do that, you could sue him civilly for breach of contract. I'm guessing that that's pretty far-fetched for you ("palimony" cases usually involve wealthy people) but you never know.

So...unless he's very agreeable I would imagine that you'll have to go to work. Maybe not this very second, but you really can't count on this guy to support you forever so do make sure you're thinking of your long-term career aspects and do take steps to transition back into the work force (update your credentials if you need to, start networking). You may want to see if he is amenable to a transition plan where he pays you support over and above child support for a specific time (e.g. 6-12 months, or until the baby is a certain age etc.) and get that documented legally. It may seem unfair because it's not what you agreed on, but without the relationship, you really don't want to be tied to someone else for your livelihood forever.

Your state will have child support guidelines on its website (usually a % of income based on ratios of the parents' incomes and some expenses like child care and health insurance, and unless he agrees otherwise, you will probably have to make up an income for yourself based on the kind of money you will earn when you do work). Do make sure that you go through the courts for custody and visitation as well as child support. This ensures that you have a fair arrangement that is enforceable by either party. This is also how you get wage garnishment, the most reliable payment form for child support.

You don't need lawyers per se, but I would strongly recommend that you at least go to a mediator, especially with property involved and no marriage contract. A mediator is someone with a legal background (often an attorney) who will guide you two through this process together. Hourly rates are less than regular attorney's fees and you are not paying for the person to sit there in court with you. The mediator will meet with you two together several times and will go over the property issues as well as child support, visitation, and perhaps temporary support for you. The mediator will help you with filling out the proper paperwork for court so that when you go, you have all your paperwork in order and the case can be moved to judgment as soon as possible.

Good luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

You need an attorney. You live in a joint community property state and the laws about cohabiting in CO may be different than the other community property states. My son did not marry the mother of his child but lived together and had to file for divorce. Good luck to you. Try to keep the relatioship friendly for the child concerned.

The other S.