Seeking Advice and Comfort

Hi A.,

It sounds like a very tough decision, but I had a nice opportunity as well about a year ago, and was so stressed. What really helped me was hearing that even though it sounds like a great opportunity, when and if you are really ready to go back to work, there will be a great job out there for you then, too. I just wasn't ready to go back. We do live a completely different life financially, but everyone's situation is different. I think it really boils down to if you're ready to quit being a full time stay at home mom.

Good luck!
C.

Hi A.,
I've never been in your position, i've gone back to work after 12 weeks of maternity time with each of my kids. I just want to encourage you to let go of the guilt that is making this decision so hard for you. It sounds like you are ready for a change and there isn't anything wrong with that. There are some really good day cares, and home care providers out there. Money woes aren't fun, and if you really make the money work for you it will be a blessing and your family will benefit. If you go back to work, know that your family will go through adjustments as you all learn to function in this new situation, so don't second guess yourself when that happens.
Give yourself 6-12 months of really trying to make it work, and if it isn't feeling right, then quit and try again another time. Take care...

Shannon said almost exactly what I said in my private message to you. She's absolutely right that if you make the decision to go back, and you feel it was the wrong decision, you can always quit. If you decide to stay home and feel it's the wrong decision, that position will probably already be filled. It doesn't hurt to try, but it is a family decision.

Hi A.-

Now this is advice coming from a working mom. I say go for it! Especially if you think it's really going to help your family in the long run. As we all know, jobs are rarely handed out on a silver platter and when the opportunity arises, I think we should take it. BUT (and there's always a but!) only you can make the decision that works the best for your family. Leaving your child for the day is hard. Quality childcare is expensive. BUT, as with all things, time will make the transition easier. Also, just because you accept the job, doesn't mean you have to keep it. If it were me, I would take it and if it didn't work out or it wasn't worth it, I would quit. But at least it would be on MY terms and I wouldn't be forever wondering what COULD have been if I had taken the job.

You also shouldn't be torn between family and work. Family should ALWAYS come first, job or not. That is one thing your job should understand about you going in. I'm not saying you can take advantage of them and they should deal with it, but they should understand that kids get sick etc and should be flexible within reason.

Please feel free to contact me... I speak from TOTAL experience and I'm proud to say that I'm a happily married, mother of a 4 year old who happens to work full-time outside the home for a fabulous company who understands what family is all about. I'm very blessed.

I am currently in the same situation. We are on a budget that works and covers all of our needs, but we feel like things aren't as firm as they should be. We can't really move forward on getting rid of student loans, and if something were to happen to one of the cars, we wouldn't be able to replace it. I feel like we're one emergency away from financial disaster!
However, I will say that we have eliminated all of our debt except for the student loans since we have adopted the budget, and I know that God will provide for our needs.
I have a second interview for a job tomorrow, and I have another opportunity "on the burner" per se.
My "baby" is 2 and it still bothers me to leave him all day. And my oldest is 4, and I find myself thinking "but it's her last year home before school starts...shouldn't I spend that time with her?"
Then I look at the reality of staying home with them and my daughter is absolutely starving for structure and interaction with other children her age. And I spend at least half the week wishing I were somewhere else besides being mired in the slobbery, cluttered, impoverished land of stay-at-home-mom land.
I figure that either way there are sacrifices. It's just a matter of what God is asking me to do for this season of my life. I know without a doubt that I was supposed to work full time before our second child was born, and I know without a doubt that God called me to stay home when I did. But another 2 years are about up and I'm getting restless. I'm just trying to discern if the restlessness is coming from me or from God.

Hi A.,
Well, recently I had the same decision to make. I went through six interviews for a job that would change our financial outlook...we needed the money...I have two girls..2years and 1. I got the job, by day four someone asked me how I was doing. I was 'doing' fine...going through the motions and trying not to worry about my kids (who by the way were with my mom). I only could explain my feelings by saying "I feel like I turned in my mommy card." This statement concerned my husband. I ended up giving notice that week. Now I work part time (less than 20 hours a week), make what we need to have a little wiggle room, and feel that we are the primary influence in our kids lives. It is SO HARD to decide what to do. But as my hubby stated..."I don't want you to be 40 and regretting the decisions we made; especially when it comes to the girls." He was so right. It is still a sacrifice...the other job had LOTS of opportunity, great salary, etc. but took me away from 40-45 hours a week. You have to see what your family needs and decided together. I know for me, it was not worth the compromise.

K.

You could always try the job temporarily and see how it goes. Theres nothing to say you can't quit if it's too hard. You couldl also try working from home...there are some great opportunities out there. You know, honestly, it would take alot of adjusting, but your little girl would be fine. I'm betting it would be harder for you! I've been there and it does eventually get to be okay. Just pray and think and maybe make alist of pros and cons...good luck!!

I know that money is a big issue, and you feel like you would relieve some financial stress by going back to work. On that note, I just recently started Nannying outside the home... and am able to take my son with me. This has helped us out financially... but it has created a ton of stress because I'm gone 11 hours out of the day. The things I used to get done at home during the day, I now have to do in the evening. I have little time to spend with my husband (and he does pitch in and help out A LOT), and I'm constantly irritated. It's like I never get a moment to myself.

Anyway... you do have to decide what is best for your family... I just wanted to give you a heads up on the other stress factors that could come into play with you going back to work. If you've been home for a few years, and you guys are both used to having a clean house, and dinner on the table... then it might be a difficult transition for both you and your husband, as well as your kiddos.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

A. - what a dilemma! I know it's so tough to make these types of decisions. As the other moms have said - it is your personal decision. Leaving a baby to go back to work is, in my opinion, the hardest decision ever to make.

In reading your post, I see that you talked about the pros first, then the cons, then the pros again. So it sounds to me like you're leaning toward taking the job. There are many pros and cons to working, and many pros and cons to staying home. And those pros and cons can change as your life and circumstances change. so for right now, is the pro of the income bigger than the pro of staying home? Maybe so, maybe not. Is the lack of income straining your marriage to the point that it will greatly suffer if more money doesn't start coming in? If so, then I would say that outweighs staying home right now (because your #1 priority is the family unit). If the extra money would just help pay things off and save, then maybe working is not the answer.

You need to just think it through and then talk it through with your husband. Get his input. This is not just your decision to make - it's a family decision. Take the weight of the burden off of your shoulders a little and share it with your husband. Tell him all your feelings about it and just see what he says. Maybe he really, really wants you to work. Maybe he really, really wants you to stay at home. Maybe he wants you to make the decision. But talking to him will help to strengthen your marriage, too - especially if you both opt for you to stay home. Then as money woes rear their ugly heads, you'll be better prepared to face them as it was a joint decision not to bring in more income, so you'll be fighting from the same side.

Straight up advice - I'd say take it. You may love it, you may hate it - but you'll never know until you try it. And if it doesn't work, you can quit. Even if that's halfway through the first day! (I did that with my first job back - I lasted 2 1/2 days). No harm, no foul, and you'll have made a little bit of cash.

Good luck - S.

You have to do what is right for you and your family. No one else can tell you what that is! I know its a hard decision to make, but only you and your husband can make it. If I were you, I would make a pros/cons list and go from there. How much will the money really help? Have you considered the cost of childcare, gas, lunch money, new clothes, car maintenece, etc.? After that, is the money still going to make a difference? Do you know someone who could watch your baby to make the transistion a little easier? Then, try to put all the emotions aside and make a decision. Know that it WILL be hard to leave your little girl. But, also know that it WILL get easier and millions of Moms do it everyday.

Good luck!
S.

I think that some serious praying and discussion would be the thing for you to do.

I know I would have a very hard time leaving my baby at home. Some people have no other choice to do that, and others need to work for the extra income, or just to stay sane.

This is my personal belief on the matter. In the 7th paragraph, it talks about this, and it says that each family must adapt for their individual purposes. Good luck in your decision making!

http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,00.html

A.,

We are having our first in June. We have decided that I will quit my job and stay home. I make good money and it will be quite the transistion and to be honest at times it scares me. Still, I don't want anyone to have any of my firsts and I also would be scared if my little one couldn't tell me what was wrong if anything.

That being said, this is your personal journey. You have to do what is right for your family and your sanity. I say go in for the interview. It never hurts to interview. I think that will give you a big insite into if you are ready to get back into the workforce. It's a step and it will tell you what you need to know.

Good luck in your decision! I know you will do what is best for you and your family either way!

Jodi

A.---I have been on all sides of this issue. I've been an at home mom. I've been a working mom. I have been a single working mom part time and full time. I have had to make adjustments as my life changed. It's always a struggle and difficult decision to make. Sometimes life makes it for you. The best thing to do is make a list of the pros and cons. Find out if going back to work would really benefit you. Will the costs of child care and dining out and all the other expenses that you incur just to go to work will not eat up everything you earn.

Right now I'm working full time. I have a 16 year old just driving, an 11 year old who is very much in need of personal attention and a 2 1/2 year old. I spend a lot of time running from one place to the next...picking up...dropping off.

This job too was a gift from God, I believe. I called a friend of mine at the time we decided I needed to go back to work and she said "Wait a minute, I'll call you back." This job is 1/2 mile from my home, 2 mile radius of all schools and daycares and pays me what I'm worth. Also, and this is VERY BIG, they are very understanding about family situations. They always say "family comes 1st" so I don't feel bad when I have to be out with a sick child or go to a school production.

Good luck in your decision. All things do work out for the best.