February 04, 2014,
M.N. asks from Ellettsville, IN on February 03, 2014
Pros and Cons of Moving
So my husband is interviewing for a job in another state. This job would put him back in the field that he truly enjoys, would mean a pretty sizeable pay increase (equal to or more than what I currently make) and would hopefully end up being the job that he would retire in - we are in our 40's so not "old" but not young chickens just starting out either. My hubby is pretty excited about the possibility of this position.
I am a little anxious about it however for a couple of reasons. We would have to sell our house and buy a new house in the new state - not a huge deal I guess but still very stressful. Renting is kind of a hard option because we have 2 dogs and 3 cats. I would prefer to rent in the beginning just to get a good feel of the area and where we want to be.
My daughter would have to change schools, leave her friends, etc. She is 12 and currently in the 6th grade. My main concern with this situation is the fact that she already has some issues with anxiety and school. Also, the fact that she is perfectly happy here.
We would be moving away from family - not really a huge issue as we don't see the family here all that often.
I would be giving up my job, which is a good job, excellent benefits, good retirement plan and super affordable insurance.
I know that we would find a place to live, my daughter would make new friends and adjust to a new school and that I would find another job.
I guess my question is this. IF the position is offered how do we know if taking it is the right decision or not?? We have moved several times, earlier in our relationship and before our daughter was born, for his work all of which were successful moves EXCEPT for the last time which was horrible and ended up being a huge mistake and he had been with that company for over 10 years.
I just don't want to pass up what could be a GREAT opportunity for my husband because I am scared. On the other hand, I don't want to jump on what we thought was going to be a great opportunity to have it blow up in our faces.
Definitely one of those decisions that would have been much easier to make before kids.
What are your thoughts and ideas. How do you go about making these hard decisions??
S.G. answers from Grand Forks on February 03, 2014
No amount of money or opportunity would persuade me to leave the home, city, friends and family that I love. I know lots of people who move all the time, and they are perfectly happy, but I would never do it.
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G.B. answers from Oklahoma City on February 03, 2014
I'll share my friend's story. I hope it will help. If you're not religious then take what you can from a story that is about faith and listening for answers to prayer.
I'm going to name my friend Mary so it's easier for me instead of typing "my friend" over and over.
My friend Mary is from a small town in the Idaho/Montana/Wyoming area. She met a guy at college who was studying engineering. He was from Chicago. They married and when graduated he was offered a job in Oklahoma. They wanted to stay in the Wyoming/Montana/Idaho area because the loved to snow ski, boat, water ski, camp, hike, bike, and more. True adventure sort of people.
He took the job in Oklahoma because they decided it was a good paying job and Mary could stay home and they could start their family right away. He could pay off his school debt within 10 years and have savings to boot. So it was where they were supposed to be.
They lived in Oklahoma and had 4 kids, life was good. Mary had good friends and her kids were well liked and happy. When time came for them to reach their goal hubby started applying for each job with his company in their goal area and some were offered. They'd kneel and pray, asking God if this was what they were supposed to do. Each time they'd get a "No, this is not your job". SO they'd decline the offer.
Hubby was in line for a couple of similar jobs, same pay rate or slightly above but nothing that screamed this is the perfect job. He wasn't unhappy with his job or employer, they just wanted to be in a different area of the USA.
He started doing applications for other companies in their goal area so he could be fresh with his interview skills and have some ideas of what other companies were offering for his job so he would know if he was getting the appropriate money or if he might need to do some classes to gain other skills too. He told Mary if he got any interviews he'd take an extra day to look at housing and schools while he was there.
He got a call asking him to come to for an interview so off he flew. He felt pretty good about the interview filling his purpose but again he had no real interest in changing companies.
He went to the interview and when they asked him what it would take for him to leave the company he worked for he made up an elaborate salary thinking there was no way they'd offer him that.
The next day he flew home with a whole lot of information about housing and school. That afternoon his phone rang and the company he'd interviewed with happily offered him this job with the exorbitant salary he'd quoted to them. It was 30% more than he was currently making.
They prayed that night thinking it was going to be another NO from God but God said to them "I told you the time would come for you to move to your home and this is what I've been making for you".
SO they took the job offer, their house sold in 2 weeks, they flew to their new state, walked into the first house out in the country and put in an offer. The area they moved to had several families that were members of their church and were inactive. Now all those families are active and they do crafts at Mary's house every week and she's so happy they waited and listened to God. They have their own branch now.
There were multiple reasons for the timing for their move. They were where they were supposed to be for many reason's. The time comes when it's time to move forward.
Their kids went to a new school, high school, jr. high, elementary school, and an infant. Everyone supremely excelled in the new school system, they played sports and the 2nd son even got college scholarships on his achievements. They did what they felt was an answer to prayer. It was their time and it worked for them.
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B.C. answers from Norfolk on February 03, 2014
If he's offered the job it sounds like there are no real cons to moving.
It might be hectic figuring it all out but try to look at it as an adventure.
Besides all the other good points you have mentioned - moving is THE best way to clean out stuff that's been collecting in closets for years.
Moving now would be better so your daughter is established before she gets to high school.
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~.~. answers from Dallas on February 04, 2014
Sounds to me like it would be a great move. However, what is the job market like in this place you are moving to? If he hates this job, would he be able to find another fairly easily? I just moved to the Dallas area (with my same company), however I know if something were to go bad, I have tons of other job opportunities I can take.
Regarding your daughter, this could be a good step for her. I moved around a lot as a kid. We moved in high school (9th grade) and I was there until I graduated. Most of the people I graduated with had been there their whole life. Small town, same group of friends. They were terrified of change. They all went to the same two or three colleges in state and most of them still live in the area close to their parents. For some people that works, but it's because of fear of change that they are stuck. Being able to face change and deal with it is a great skill for your daughter to have.
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D.D. answers from Pittsburgh on February 04, 2014
Your husband has been stuck in a miserable job for 10 years? That's draining, and I can understand why he is excited.
I think there are some more things to consider before you decide. How does your job compare to his new job in terms of pay, income, and benefits? You say that his pay will increase if you move, but will your family income increase, or will he have a higher paid job but you will end up with a lower paid job? If so, there might not be a net increase for the family. What is the cost of living in the new city? If salaries are higher in the new city, but the cost of housing is also drastically higher, again, the increase in pay may not result in a benefit to your family lifestyle. There are online calculators that figure this out for you. Are the public schools there good, or would you have to pay for private school?
On the other hand, if your family income will go up, and it will go up more than the cost of living, and the schools are good, think of what that could do for you! Get out of debt if you have any. Go on an extra family vacation every year. Plus a happier husband. These are all things that can make for a more relaxed happier home. Since you are concerned about your daughter, you might think of something specific you can do to make her happy - a summer pool membership or the dance (or karate or whatever) lessons she always wanted.
Change is always hard, but don't let fear keep you from doing this. Especially when vetoing the move for no logical reason, just fear, could lead to having a resentful husband.
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M.G. answers from Dallas on February 03, 2014
My husband is in the exact same boat as your husband! He just finished interviewing for a job (out of state) that will also put him back in the field he used to be in (and wants to be in again)!! They called him today to discuss salary, so things are in motion!!! Also, just like you, our last move was a TERRIBLE decision (for his job - it was a wonderful job, but a horrible place to raise a family). We are also in our 40's by the way.
So, I completely understand where you are coming from. However, let me say that if your husband gets the job, "GO FOR IT!!!!!" (as long as it's a good place to raise a family). Do not pass up this opportunity for your husband to be happy in his job again, and back in his previous field.
Just like you said, you will find another job, and I believe you said your husband is the breadwinner, so definitely put his potential new job first.
Your daughter will be fine - even with her anxiety issues. There will be an adjustment period for her, of course, but I have no doubt that she will be fine. As long as she sees your and your husband's excitement and has a ton of love and support from you two, she will be fine.
As I said, just make sure you live in a good town with good schools, and you will be fine. Change is good - it's refreshing. I'm sure you will love your new state that will hopefully have less snow than Indiana! Good luck! (fingers crossed for both of us)!
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S.T. answers from Washington DC on February 04, 2014
you don't EVER 'know.' there are no big decisions like this that are 100% perfect and completely without caveats.
your 'cons' are not inconsiderable. giving up a great job with great benefits is obviously a concern.
but the pros seem to way outweigh it. and your main objection really is fear-based.
i'd do it. there are no guarantees, and you can't be certain it won't crash and burn. but that's always the case. and it sounds as if there are such significant gains to moving ahead that sometimes you just have to shove fear aside.
good luck, hon!
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S.S. answers from Chicago on February 03, 2014
I have learned that life changes even if we don't make the choice.
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P.R. answers from Cleveland on February 03, 2014
Could your husband go ahead and try it out for a couple of months before you all move? It's already Feb and these job things, if he gets it, tend to take a couple of weeks to really finalize - at the minimum. So then you're almost in March. You might want your daughter to finish out the year. We did that years ago when my kids were toddlers and it was brutal on me but glad we did as I had a very good job and the company my husband joined turned out to not be what he thought it'd be. So after ~9 months of this (hell) he came back and I hadnt' given up my job etc so now it's like it never happened. Most companies would understand not wanting to move your child getting close to school year end and might offer a bit of extra comp to have him take a small apt near his new company. It's not ideal of course but it lowers the whole risk profile significantly. Otherwise it's a tough call bc you can't predict the future and you'll never know how your daughter would have fared in the place you didn't end up. She is young enough that a move shouldn't be out of the question though. And selling your house also shouldn't hold you back. People do it all the time.
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