Scared I Am Doing Everything Wrong

Go get the book a Panic Free Pregnancy ... it really lets you know what you SHOULD worry about ... and what is just a lot of hype. My doctor never told me how to sleep, exercise, etc, for my first ... He is healthy and now with my second pregnancy I am feeling much more relaxed!

Hi Krystal,
I have to let you in on my favorite website. It's for new moms and moms to be. Its a messageboard so you can chat back and forth with other moms quickly. These moms can help you with any questions you have. You can also read other mom's question that have a similar problem as you do.
The website is www.thenestbaby.com. You will have to sign up to become a member (it's free). There are trimester boards for the women in the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd tris. There is also a link called Trying to Concieve but it is really a general, all moms page that was renamed. It used to be called Babies on the Brain (BOTB). Page me on the BOTB page if you have any questions, my nickname is WinsyWade.

I hope this will help you out!

Krystal,

First of all, Congratulations! This is an awesome time for you/your husband. Enjoy the changes that are occurring in your body. And stay calm and relax..........
You wouldn't intentionally do anything to harm your unborn child.
I've been using positive affirmations for all areas of my life and find when I stray away from them I'm consumed with worry.

Here are a few you can use during the course of your days:

"There is nothing here for me to fear. I'm safe and well protected."

"I release the need for fear in my life." "I am safe."

The above come from several books by Louise L. Hay.

It's amazing the impact of these simple, positive phrases.

Stay positive and happy.

Sincerely,
F.

Don't worry - you won't break the baby - I promise! I know it's crazy all of the warnings and horror stories that you read out there (and don't even get me started about "What to worry about - er, expect - while you're expecting". I suggest reading "Great Expectations" if you're looking for a good and positive week-by-week pregnancy book).

You can trust your body. Sleeping for example - sleep however you're most comfortable. If your body needs you to roll over, you'll do it without thinking about it. Seriously. The whole left-side thing is NOT something to worry about.

If you're eating a half decent diet you're donig fine. Are you exercising? This can be walking, running, swimming, whatever works for you. The guidelines are to basically keep it at a level where you can easily have a conversation while you're doing it. Don't be scared to exercise.

At this point in your pregnancy EVERY LITTLE PART of your baby has basically already formed. It's just growing now. Check out the amazing photographs at http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/pregnancy/calendar/week/20 - they're truly inspiring. My point is, it's pretty hard to screw up right now. Don't worry about weight gain - your body will take care of itself if you eat good food when you're hungry. And seriously, drink the tap water. What do you think is in there that's going to hurt you?

Here's a reassuring statistic for you: after they detect a fetal heartbeat by doppler (which they certainly have for you) you have a greater than 98% chance of having a healthy baby at term.

Personally, if I were you I would focus on preparing for the birth of your baby. Pick up a copy of "Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin and read it cover to cover. Take a childbirth class with your husband so that you both know what to expect. (And don't bother with one of those crappy hospital classes - take a REAL class). Practice relaxation techniques, etc. You want to mentally and physically prepare to birth your baby peacefully into the world. Your body is smart and amazing - it's making a PERSON and don't worry about it - it knows exactly what to do.

Krystal,
I was the same way. I'm assuming this is your first baby? I had all sorts of people telling me all kinds of things when I was preggo. My one aunt would constatly tell me what I should/shouldn't be doing. Finally I just had to tell her that I appreciated her input, but that I was going to do things my way. My other advice to you is DON'T read all the books about what can go wrong. I did that and I about drove myself crazy. Just follow common sense. No alcohol, drugs or cigarettes and you'll be fine. The only position you can't sleep in is flat on your back. Enjoy what you are going through. You have a life inside of you! It's amazing what is going on inside of you right now. If you think that you are overly anxious, speak to your doc. He/She may be able to give you some relaxation exercises. Chances are if you overly worried now, you'll be a wreck after the baby is born. Take a deep breath, relax and just enjoy your pregnancy. ((((HUGS)))) to you.

You probably do need to trust that everything is fine. After all, you are going through nature's age old natural process for procreation. She knows what she's doing. Worry and stress are actually one of the worst things you can do for your unborn child! How about that?
If I were you I would hook up with a moms-to-be group, (for support about your worries)but stay away from Moms with pregnancy war stories. Maybe take some yoga or something like that for pregnant women. That would help calm you, deep breathing etc. A great book for you would be Mamatoto-if it is still out there. It is a compliation of info about pregnancy in different cultures through the ages etc. with lots of beautiful pix etc. Let me know if you can't find it, at ____@____.com of luck, W.

Maybe just a little. Personally, I had no clue I was pregnant for the first 5 months and my daughter is a beautiful healthy active baby. Your baby will take what it needs from your body. I was prescribed iron, I'm not a big meat eater so I needed the boost. Other than that I only took an over the counter multi-vitamin. If your doctor thinks there's something missing he/she'll let you know. Try to relax and if your tap water worries you but a faucet mounted filter. We have one and they are pretty affordable.

Good luck!

Of course you are worried about what you are doing. You are doing an important job, growing a baby! Congratulations! You got some good advice and I would second the advice about reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and also The Thinking Women's Guide to a Better Birth. My one mistake with my first baby is that I spent so much time thinking about the pregnancy I forgot to prepare for childbirth.

Consider interviewing some doulas, they are so helpful during pregnancy to bounce those questions off of and they love to talk about it too! Take care, S.

YES!!! Repeat this to yourself any time you get stressed out about something:

I am able
My body is able
Women have done this since the beginning of time

If you want to read a fantastic book, check out "Born in the USA: How a Broken Maternity System Must Be Fixed to Put Women and Children First"
by Marsden Wagner

It's written by an OB all about how doctors have scared women in to thinking they can't go through pregnancy and birth without them.

Remember, anything you read not to do is erring on the side of extreme safety and not usually the mainstream thought. You will be fine! Don't drink too much, don't smoke, don't do drugs and eat a healthy diet, you will be fine :)

Feel free to PM me about anything, we must be due about the same time but this is my second. I'm an open book when it comes to my first pregnancy and birth. There's nothing you can ask that I won't answer.
Good Luck! :)

Dear Krystal,

First -- Congrats! Try reading a book like "what to expect" or some of the other recommendations here. If you are still feeling extremely anxious/panicky, mention it to your doctor. Sometimes those extra pregnancy hormones can make us feel strange ways. There are anxiety/depression medications that are safe to take during pregnancy and can make you feel better if that is what the problem is. I suffered from extreme post-partum depression after my first baby and started having anxiety attacks around the 5 month mark when I was pregnant with my second. Some medication took the edge off and put everything back in perspective. Good luck!

I think you know the answer to your question. Women that live in third world countries have babies everyday without a clue to all the harm that the food and water can do. I would just relax and enjoy the pregnancy. Once the baby arrives you will always have more to worry about. Go on dates with your hubby and enjoy your time together because those days are soon to change!

Yes, you are going overboard with worry. While it is common to analyze everything you do because you want your baby to be healthy, you need to de-stress because that in and of itself can be harmful to the baby.

Take it from me. I thought the pregnancy was tough. Boy was I in for a surprise once my baby popped his wee little head out! Enjoy your last 4 months of it just being you and your husband, of picking up and going out to eat or the grocery store or just anywhere without having to think several steps ahead of packing up a kid. GET SLEEP!!!! Sleep will be a luxury for you pretty soon. Enjoy the closing of this chapter of your life, because pretty soon you will be starting a brand new chapters with challenges and rewards that you never imagined possible!

Don't be nervous! As the other moms have said, this is a process mother nature has done a zillion times over, you need to relax and enjoy the time you have without a screaming baby at your side. They told me not to sleep on my back; I did. They told me not to drink caffeine, but I had my cup of coffee (just one) every morning, and a candy bar every afternoon. I did switch to Barg's Root Beer instead of mountain dew because it doesn't have caffeine in it, but I allowed myself one a day. I was 105 pounds when I got pregnant and was SO happy I had reason to eat just about whatever I wanted and as much of it as I wanted; for once in my life I was going to get to be fat! And I gained 50 lbs, lost it all pretty quickly too, with the exception of about 7 lbs of it, but I was too skinny before so that was ok.

I have only had one baby, who is going on six now, but it is a scary process for first timers, I know I was worried but more so about being a single mom than harming the fetus. My pregnancy and labor went great; I was in labor for all of 2 hours, and only 40 minutes of that was actual pushing. And of course other people had taken it upon themselves to tell me their horror stories. Went so quick they almost didn't have time to give the epidural!

You are going to be nervous for a lot of reasons, now, during birth, and once the baby comes, but you need to just know that everything is going to be fine. Don't worry yourself so much. I think i found out the most shocking thing about becoming a mother was that I didn't have this "maternal" ability that everyone else seemed to have. Come to find out no one does, babies don't come with manuals and its all a learning process. Give yourself room to make mistakes, because you will, but know that you will be a great mom in part because of everything you do right and the things don't. Best of Luck!

Krystal: I know it is impossible when people tell you to "just relax", but try hard to distract yourself and focus on things you love to do. Your body knows what to do and can handle just about anything you do to it. Only a major accident or consuming poison (tons of alcohol or smoking) can inflict harm your baby... your body is an amazing machine that can run itself. Having had 3 miscarriages and one healthy pregnancy, I can say from experience that there is only so much you can control... just be yourself. Try 3 deep, slow breaths when you feel stressed... it'll be fine!

Your feelings are totally normal, but try not to stress so much. Stress isn't good for the baby either, so try to relax and know you are doing a great job!

About the sleep...I think that sleeping on your side is best for the baby. I remember being worried that I would smoosh the baby, but it is protected by a lot of fluid in there, so that can't happen.

Again, try not to worry. Relax and enjoy your pregnancy! Congratulations!

Krystal- first, RELAX!!! The fact that you're so concerned about your baby's health before he's born shows you're a great mom!! Sleep in whatever position you're comfortable in- it's very important you get enough rest. Eat whatever you want, including cravings. Drink plenty of liquids (including tap water which is fine). And take advantage of your helpful boyfriend- he sounds like a great guy!!
E.

First thing; take a big deep breath and tell yourself that everything will be fine. Last May I was exactly where you are so here's a few things I would recomend:

Sign up for a yoga class - it'll save your sanity and your back. You'll feel really good, I promise. I also recommend swimming.

Get plenty of rest and don't beat yourself up about it.

Also read a couple good pregnancy books like those already recommended, but DON'T READ TOO MANY! I did and I made myself nuts. What to Expect is good for practical information and Ina May's books are good because she offers positive birth experiences. If you're the worrying type like me you might find the "Girlfriends Guide" and "Pregnancy Sucks" will make you worry more, even though they're supposed to be humorous. Avoid them!

If you have friends with kids they will probably be more than happy to have you bend their ears about all your worries too. Now is the time to call them. They know what you're going through.

Best of luck to you and your baby!

You'll do great. Just relax and enjoy your pregnancy. Eat, sleep and be merry as the saying goes. Tap water is okay for you to drink. Just remember that many pregnant women drink it and many have lots of very healthy babies. It's great to think about nutrition but don't deny your cravings and unhealthy foods from time to time. Sleep now cause after your little boy/girl comes out sleep will be not so abundant. It's understandable that you are nervous I think we all are at some point of our pregnancy. I think now a days we just know too much sometimes. Millions and millions of women have had babies without so much information and did things that the magazines and books say you shouldn't without having troubles. Try and ignore the horror stories, I dont know what it's like for you but it seemed like people found it appropriate to tell me horror stories while i was pregnant about pregnancy. Just remember that very few have problems and you'll do great. It's good to care but you also need to relax and enjoy. Good luck just a few more months to go so enjoy.

The most important thing is to not stress. It's hard not to, especially if this is your first baby. But try your hardest. As long as you are eating well and taking care of yourself, your baby will turn out just fine. What helped me a lot... back when our parent's were born or their parents were born... there were no books and everything wasn't scrutinized and they turned out just fine!

Hey there, think it's so charming you are so worried, but keeping a good sense of humor throughout is also important. Of course you are going to eat well and take care of yourself, you are now in the 'paranoid mommy' club, after your child is born you'll notice every sharp corner in every home within seconds of entering, and all the knicknacks at grandma's house that need moving, etc. But what's best to do at this time, while your baby is growing inside, is to relax and, seriously, laugh! It's not just some holistic thing, laughing releases all good emotions and hormones and makes us more relaxed and able to get by during our times of worry. I found that Parent Center was invaluable help to me during gestation, and the book "Confessions of a Slacker Mom" was great read, The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy -- both those books are pretty much telling it like it is, all the good and all the horrid things that go on in our bodies during pregnancy and how we become these super worrywarts over so many nothing issues. Try to just stay relaxed and calm, even though you might be boiling over w/ pregnancy hormones, if you try to keep an easygoing state of mind, you will find yourelf a much happier pregnant lady and mommy later. :)

The most important thing you can do for your baby is relax and follow your intuition. As far as the sleeping thing - I slept on my back well into my second semester (even though a lot of "experts" tell you to only sleep on your left side), and I delivered healthy twin boys at 39 weeks. I also enjoyed caffeine in moderation (my doctor told me it was okay, so I had diet pepsi a day), and I worked up until a month before my due date. What worked for me might not work for everyone, but you just have to listen to what your body is telling you. If you feel more fatigued than usual, suffer from dizziness, etc., your body is telling you to slow down or change something. If your pregnancy is going smoothly and you feel healthy, you should be fine. If it makes you feel better to have a list of things to do and not to do during pregnancy, I'd recommend "What to Expect When You're Expecting." It has a lot of good, common sense advice. Hope this helps - hang in there and enjoy your pregnancy!

Hy Krystal,
Congrats on the baby!
It is a huge responsibility to have a baby in your body who depends on you for everything. It is normal to feel overwhelmed with worry. The others are right though, with worrying constantly your stress level (and with that your babies too) goes up.

A womans body will first protect the baby, then the mother. My OB explained to me that if I would be in an accident and severely bleed, my body will first try to save the baby, then me.

I don't think the worry will ever go away but please try not to overshadow the joy!

Good luck to you!

S.

Krystal-
me again (P). You have a miracle happening to you right now. Enjoy this special time. Use the next 4 months to rest, have quality time with your partner, and just have fun. Your little boy will turn out great. Don't be afraid to treat yourself either. Remember your body is working very hard to create him- it's equlivalant to rock climbing. Your body needs fuel and rest. ps- tap water doest hurt. I drank a gallon a day and baby P. turned out fine.