SAHM Of Twins Needs Advice ASAP So I Don't Lose My Mind.

Ask for help. Ask for an afternoon off each week, do something for you, and know you are doing the best thing you could ever do, admitting to the problem.
I cannot understand how hard it must be to deal with twins. I got my son when he was 15 and I remember thinking I should know every thing and be a perfect Mom.
There is no way I would have made it through with out 2 of my best friends having gone through the teen years with their sons and being there to help.
We all need time away from family and that makes us feel like “bad moms”
I hope there are other moms out there who can share their experience, hope and strength with you.
Remember you have never been the Mom of twins before and they have never been 3 /12 years old twins before.
You are both learning and doing the best you can.

B. L
Mother of a 29 year old son and grand mother of a 14 month old boy.

Hi, I have soon to be 4 year old triplets....I am also a stay at home mom...I also did not want to put them in daycare...I thought I was the only one...my days start out fine..then someone as you know starts and I too become the screaming mother...No one understands...My mother tells me my kids are like that because of me...I also swore I would NEVER yell at my kids like I see some do in supermarkets etc...I have become the mom I swore I would not be too...I give in to almost anything they want just so they will leave me alone sometimes..Lots of treats that honestly are undeserved.....I wish I could give you some great wisdom...If I wasn't so humiliated I might just contemplate Nanny 911...If you get great words of wisdom please pass it on...If you ever just need to vent or talk to someone who understands..I am here...

Let me start by saying that you are not alone! I am a 24 Y/O mommy to 4 1/2 Y/O twin boys and I know exactly what you are going through. I am great most of the time but then something happens and I lose my patience and get aggrevated and just react. My boys fuss and fight over everything! If one has something then the other has to have the exact same thing. I feel like they run all over me and speak to me how they want and half the time the only way I can get them to listen is to scream over them even though I know that this is not the right thing to do. With their father, they are completely different. They listen and don't talk back and are great but as soon as I come home from work all h*** breaks loose! I don't know what to do either. I watch super nanny and try to take some of her advice and some works but that is not always the case. The boys either won't cooperate or the ball get dropped (my fault). Maybe some of the other mom's have great, wonderful advice because I don't LOL. I just want you to know that you are not alone!

B.,
It sounds like you don't take time out for you on occasion. Being a stay out home mom does have great rewards ,but,... it also has some prices. You are not failing as a Mom or anything else for that matter, you're human , just like the rest of us , and , lets face it ,sometimes we lose it.(Kids don't come with instructions). As long as you talk to your kids afterwards and apologize ,but discipline them for their behavior ,it'll be ok. (Just keep in mind that you are setting the example, and you don't want your kids acting out the same way, because then you will totally have lost control.) As far as the children being twins, it's kind of irrelevant ,there are moms with kids as close as 10 months apart who run into the same issues. Take some time for yourself even if it's 10-30 minutes a day. A hot bath with the works is great, especially if they go down for a nap. Learn meditation , let your hubby take over when he gets home, if possible ,let there be a Daddy Day every other Saturday, when he has the kids (if his schedule allows). set up play dates once a week with friends whose kids are about the same age and the moms are willing to handle taking turns at their house as well as yours. Do you spend alot of time at home with them? maybe getting them outdoors , to a park/playground to wear off some of their energy. Register them with a Daycare for drop in services, even if it's once a week (or 2) for a half a day, it also helps them to socialize with other kids (same as the play dates)and respect someone else's authority too. (In preparaTION FOR PRE -K )
Hope this at least gives you some hope things will get better. As far as being controlling,it's not healthy for you or anyone else. Pray about this and maybe you can go on line or to the library for some self help books. It's not saying you're a bad person, it is just unhealthy ,raises your blood pressure, causes migraines, etc. GOD BLESS AND TAKE CARE, I'll keep you in my prayers. C. S.

Hi B.,
First of all, I want to applaud you for your determination to stay at home with your children! I too am a stay at home mom of 4 children. When my 4th child was born all of my children were 4, 3, 22 months and newborn. 2 girls first and 2 boys next. Although I didn't have twins, it sure does feel like I have 2 sets of them sometimes. I am also dedicated to staying at home with my children and we are now homeschooling my oldest and preparing the next one for homeschooling, and I also have my own business at home.
I used to often lose it with my kids with everything going on, and my patience was very thin. I then realized one day, "what am I doing?" They're just babies, I need to be guiding them, not yelling at them!" I wanted to kick myself, I felt so bad how I was handling situations.
My youngest just turned 1 on Wednesday, and over the past year,my patience has tremendously improved, and I am able to overlook a lot of things.
I can't tell you how much prayer has helped me. I never have a minute to myself, so I pray in the shower for guidance, patience, wisdom, and for God to just help me raise my children with love and kindness, like Jesus teaches, because the children learn that tension that you have inside you and it really wears on their self-esteem and happiness. Then, my husband and I started doing a family worship every night were we sing little church songs, read a bible story, and pray together. Then in the mornings, after all the kids are awake and before we eat breakfast we all pray again to help the children behave and help mommy to have patience with them, and WOW! I just can't express to you how much I have calmed down over the past year. And an enormous weight has just been lifted, and I am able to cope with so much more and smile and laugh with my children. (I was too the point were all it seemed like I did was yell and never have fun with my kids! and I hated it!)
But truly give your tensions to God. Let Him take control of what's bothering you. It's so amazing how He can work in your life, and give you the patience that you need and make it so much more meaningful and happy, that you can enjoy those precious babies while their still young, because they grow so fast and before you know it, that precious time is gone.
May God Bless you and your family and I hope that these words may help. Take care and Happy Mother's Day!
V.

Three years ago I found myself to be the most up & down person I've ever been - fine one minute then very irritated the next. Plus, I was tired much of the time. Through much searching and reaching out in desperation for answers, I finally discovered that my body was full of yeast. (systemic candida) Not all women struggle with this to the extent that I did, but MANY women have it as a problem in more than just the one area that we are all aware of. Once I got that issue back to a healthy balance, my whole family is better off! You may want to consider health issues as a possibility in your struggles. Many of the other comments had some good things in them, too! One of the ladies mentioned a child training book; I've looked into them and they have some great advice. It's not easy, though - I think, it may actually be training for us as parents :) (consistency being one of the keys)

C.

Hi B.,
I can relate to you with two small children. Most days are fine and one day it feels like nothing is going your way. I will speak from my personel experience. My mood gets bad right before my period or as far as I can remember. I finally met a doctor who said I need more progesterone. I believe most women lack enough and it can make us crazy esp. right before our periods. Well my husband did enroll my kids in daycare and I am a stay at home mom. I do feel guilty when they are not at home, but some days I keep them home with me and some days I know they are better playing with the other kids and in control of sane adults and it's not my fault. Right now I am seven mnths pregnant and they where me out, but I hope eventually I will keep them home full time at home (we'll see), they are two boys. Anyway I would talk to my neighbors gals who also stayed at home and they can relate. I think your friends or neighbors probably can relate more then you think and you have to reach out to someone. Also my doctor gave me a prescription to xanax. It is a miracle pill on those days where nothing will do.. They are addicting, so make sure you have a doctor (therapist who will prescribe them every thirty days and/or only take them on days or moments you really need it. But try the progesterone first. Well you can always email me if you like, please seek help and talk to someone. God Bless you,

L. Z.

I have 3 kids, 5, 3 and 1. I get this stressed out, too. I know for me, it's because I don't have enough time for myself. If I ever get out of the house, I ALWAYS have at least one of my children with me. I would suggest that you take at least 2 hours a week of "Me Time" and I think it will help greatly. Now I just need to take my own advice. :)

Hi B.:

Are you a little depressed? I have a 9 and 4 year old boy and when I had my first child, I got into depresion. A lot had to do that I was so active between working fulltime and finishing my last year of collage that when my son got into my life it was like a stop sign in my face. I felt so guilty because I was feeling sad and I knew I was supposed to be happy. I was happy to had him but it took me a while to understand that I needed to relax, find my self fist and love myself in order to love others. Try to go down in your knees and look at them to their eyes when you talk to them. I scream sometimes and to tell you the true I found that I can get more from them when I am a better communicator. Relax more, find time for you even is a 30 min break doing something like you like...reading, bathing....anything. Just thing that everything is a stage and soon will be over. The true is that other stages will come and it will be other type of problems. My husband always used to tell me.. Worry about the things that you can control the rest, don't let them control you. Pray, read the bible and find peace in your heart and everything else is going to be ok. God bless,

M.

Hi B.,
I have five, first two are twins....and YOu do ALOT with your day. ONe of the best things you can do is get two books, 5$ each. go to www.nogreaterjoy.com and get To Train Up a Child, Vol I and II. They will help save you, your life and your kids...you need a heart change...and a kid raising change. It will speak to you and how you are, your anger issues, your kids, your heart, all of it. it will change your life. it did mine and i tell you what...my life is full of joy and peace and happiness...and i have four BOYS!!!!! to boot! Life is awesome...because my heart is right...I took care of my heart and everything else lined up. it will help you with how to raise your kids...and yep, believe it or not, you are showing them HOW to act....our kids are a direct reflection of ourselves...the good, the bad and the ugly! They are our unveiling to the world...not a pretty site when you are hurting inside....and it comes out when you "go off" and get ugly...when you are pushed to the wall. You have a lot going on, you owe it to yourself to re-group and get it together, but it starts with you first.
you can do it and your life will change.
God Bless!

B.,

I have been there. One thing that I would definately do is talk to your Dr. or Gynecologist. You could be dealing with post-partum depression, which can last up to 10 years after having a child (or two). Your emotional outbursts are very damaging to the twins and you need to get intervention now, before it goes too far. Just when you think you are in control, something goes wrong and you lose control (in a split second). That's dangerous and damaging to your children. You can't go this alone. You need a strong support system and a good husband is not enough. Dealing with twins can be very tiresome and stressful. Even the strongest mother cannot expect to hold it all together at all times. You need some "refresher" time. You need to be able to have time away from the kids to regroup and renew your spirit. It's not selfish because it helps you to be a better mommy. You are doing great by staying home with them because no one is better for them than mommy, but if mommy is not taking care of herself, than she cannot take care of anyone else to the best of her abilities. I had to learn this the hard way, by refusing time and time again to do anything for myself. I felt that all of my attention should go into my family, but I neglected my own needs. I thought it would be selfish, because they were all my responsibility. Afterall, my dh works very hard to support us and I "owed" it to him and to the kids to make sacrifices, even my deep need for "time out".
My anger began to spill out on the kids, the same way you described and I didn't like who I was becoming. I realized that I had to do something about it. However, I will never be able to take back the times that I made my girls feel like they were unimportant to me by the rage they could see in my face and hear in my voice. I was embarrassed that I was even capable of yelling and acting that way. I realized that I was losing control and I had to make some changes.
That's when I began asking for help. I asked my mother to watch the kids for me once a week for a couple of hours. I also asked my dh to take the kids for a 30 min. walk each day when he comes in from work (he loves to exercise, so this was not a problem for him). I had to learn to relax during those times and take time to unwind. The kids didn't like it at first, but they slowly have gotten used to it and I just explain to them that mommy needs time so she can be a better mommy.
Your friends may not be as close as you think if you don't trust them enough to tell them what you are dealing with. If they are true friends, they will pray for you and they will be there to support you. You see this side as your weak side, but in your "weakness" you were strong enough to ask for help, so maybe you could change your perspective. Everyone goes through things like this at one time or another and this is just your time. It is normal, and anyone who says its not will lie about other things too. Once you recognize it, you are then responsible to pursue a resolution.
You may also want to change your perspective towards your children. I know you see them as a blessing, but you may also have a little resentment towards them. Evaluate your feelings and make a choice to change any unhealthy perspectives you may be carrying with you.
Take Care,
T., mother of 4

To assume someone without twins doesn't understand is dumb. I have kids 19mths apart and they fight constantly and I too feel myself yelling at them when I would rather not. I try to steep back when I know I am getting frustrated and find a different way to handle it. Both of my girls laugh when I put them in time out. It is a game to them for me to put them back in time no matter how long it takes they love the attention. I try to use time out or distract them with something else. It takes time to get better you will still have outbursts but when you feel yourself getting mad steep back go to your room for a minute etc then get involved. I know you love your children and I think most people have gone through stages like this. I also know your desire to stay at home because I feel the same way. From watching other stay at home moms in my neighboorhood, I can tell you some moms are better moms because they work or take a break. The moms that just stay at home because they think it is best for their kids but need that break end up doing more harm to their children then if they worked. TAking your children to a school for one or two mornings a week is healthy for you to get back your sanity and for them to socialize. I know so many moms who need to do this, they don't enjoy the time they have with their kids anymore because they need a break but wont take one. I see them hanging out with other SAHM and drinking and playing cards while their kids run wild. I spend every second I have playing with my children and enjoying them, yes I do work part time out of necessity but my kids are closer to me and I know them better then those SAHM. Don't be afraid or think you are harming your children because you need a break. One morning a week or two is healthy and might be all you need to get back on track. Good luck

I have been there! Boy have I been there. After a 4 year stuggle I finally found a doctor who understands and realized it was a hormone imbalance caused by perimenapause in my mid to late 30's. Exactly a year later after starting bio identical hormone therapy I am a new person. Just amazing how my hormones and coping skills were so closly related. My doctor is Dr. Patti at Sajune Medical Center in Baldwin Park www.sajune.com. She is an amazing ob/gyn and I have no doubt she can help you.
Yours in health-
A. Baldasare

hey even though i don't have twins i do have 3 boys and no it doesn't make you a bad parent if you yell. i have been going back and fourth between that and whipping for years with an 8 yr old soon to be 9, a 7 yr old, and a 3 yr old. i know it's hard but all any of us can do is be persistent in discipline and eventually they will learn. just do your best and let god handle the rest. if you have a special talent in any area try to start a home business if you can. i personally wen into beaded jewelry making to be at home with my boys and have an extra income.

As a therapist myself I can say that a therapist doesn't have to go through everything her clients go through in order to understand. A good therapist will help you figure out why you are so angry, help you find solutions to your problems, and help install positive, healthy coping skills. A good therapist will not tell you what to do.

I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. It seems that you need to take time for yourself. I was not the parent of twins, but I did devote all of myself to my son and then realized when he was 3 that I had lost my sense of who I was. This caused an extreme inner crisis for me and I ended up very depressed and anxious. It seems that perhaps you have also lost your sense of who you are and may need to do some inner searching in order to find yourself. You are not defined solely by your role as a mother.

It's also important to remind yourself that this is all just temporary. The three's are a difficult age and having two 3 year old's makes it exponentially more difficult. But, they will only be 3 for a year and then they will be four and everything will be different.

I wish you the best in finding yourself again.

If you are a Christian, you could pray for patience, even a quick one when you feel you are getting frustrated. If you are not a believer, you need to spend some time visualizing yourself getting frustrated (and remember, all moms get frustrated at times!) and decide what you WILL do when you feel frustrated. Knowing how you are going to handle the stress before it happens gives you an edge to maintain it. I am sure the other mamasource moms have advice for what to do, and you need to choose your method. I teach 3rd grade and get frustrated MANY times during a school week, but my method is emotionless. business-like. or happy/content. These are the only two emotions my kids (at school) should see. When you express your frustration with no emotion, you can't get too frustrated. Try it, let's say your twins are in the act of something you know they know the rule for. Restate the rule like a business woman, no smile, but a statement, "The rule is mommy turns on the TV." if if continues remind the consequence. Even if you are screaming on the inside, that monotone voice is coming out of your mouth. You will find your words and actions are more thought-out and effective if they are said with control. Hope this helps!

I didn't take the time to read a lot of the responses, mostly cause my two year old doesn't have the patience level to let me read them, but I wanted to tell you that first of all, I do not know ANY Mother who doesn't lose their temper at some point on some day. If you think they don't, or if they tell you they don't then it is a lie.

Second, I find that my temper flares simply when I was too lazy, too busy, or too something in order to plan activities in advance enough or if I haven't paid enough attention to my kid for the day. I did read in one comment that flare ups tend to happen around dinner time, and that too has been a hot time for me, and sometimes to combat it I simply make sure that my daughter had a good healthy snack an hour before I start dinner. Sometimes that means she doesn't eat well at dinner but it does keep her out of the kitchen while I am cooking and at least I know she has eaten healthy. Or I start dinner right after lunch while they wind down for nap or right after nap while they are having snack.

A few weks ago I went to a john Rosemond (rosemond.com) parenting seminar and one thing he also said was that in today's age, we sometimes end up in a screaming/yelling fit because we take our kids too seriously. So I have made it intentional to just laugh at the antics that would normally make me lose it and instead send the kids out into the backyard instead. It really is a miraculous thing to be able to just not take them so seriously.

Oh and just as a side note.... there is a difference between good parenting advice, and parenting magazines that try and dictate how to raise kids. One of the best things I did was to stop watching the parenting shows on tv and stop reading the parenting magazines. Parenting is something that is different for every family and the last thing that a mom needs is the guilt that one can feel when the real solution goes against their advice.

I think you can tell by the responses you've already gotten that you are so not alone on this. We have have our days and moments of inner turmoil. It's not rare to find a parent that lashes out at the children from time to time. It happens.
Your job now is to find out why and where your rage is coming from. You have to remember that you were a whole person before you became mommy. After having children your world changed. Mostly for the better, but you have to give up so much of what you had come to know and love about you to have time for them. They're getting older now and one can only give so much of themselves before they need to replinish. You need to remember who you were before and nurture that person again. If you like crafts/art or writing/photography, find some way to fit in time to do that. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel after you have gotten it out in a different way.
As some other moms suggested, spend time with friends. Make some time to do things you want to do too. Not everything is about the kids all the time.
You're doing what you feel is best for them by staying home. And I commend you for your efforts. I'm also a stay home mom and I wouldn't have it any other way. But I also have those moments where I can't remember that last time I left the house looking decent and for anything other than grocery shopping. Our lives are so busy with our children. Take time for yourself. Don't feel guilty about it because you devote yourself to them every day. You deserve a little break sometimes. Dad will understand and probably encourage it because you come home feeling good again.
I also think it would be a good idea to get your hormone levels checked and speak to a doctor to see if anything medically is off kilter. Any number of things can lead to a feeling of loss of self control.
If you wanted support and understanding, I think you came to the right place!
Feel free to use my mantra... This too shall pass! Everything is temporary. The only thing that never changes is that eventually everything will change!

Hi, my name is J. and this is the first time that I have been on this site. I came onto this site for all of the same reasons that you are asking for help. I work full time, am a part time student and a mother of 2 1/2 year old twin girls. I have no patience and hate to admit to people who know me that I dont know if I can get through this. I am desperatly looking for some one to talk to that knows what its like to deal with unruly twins. Maybe we can help eachother?? Before we both loose our minds!!!!

Jen

Get therapy and get on a medication to help you deal with stress. Parenthood is stressful - period. Don't feel like a failure because you need help and might need medication to help you cope better. There are good options out there. You are not doing yourself or your kids any favors by not addressing this issue head on and seeking help. Prayers to you!

Hi there!
I too have felt that loss of control...you can probably guarantee that every Mother (and Fathers too) share the same issues and if they tell you no, they are delusional! I have a daughter who is nearing 3years and have been mostly a stay at home Mom during that entire time. I think quality time away from your children is good for both you and the child. It doesn't have to mean going to work, maybe a couple hours shopping for yourself or read a book in a quiet spot or whatever interests you. We have travelled and lived away from family for my daughters entire life so far and friends for the majority of the time and that has been tough dealing with the ups and downs of raising a child. My husband has been pretty supportive and makes time for me to enjoy some simple pleasures by myself and it has certainly helped with my seemingly mental breakdowns.
Don't do it alone, talk with your close friends; you'll probably be surprised how they deal with their own mental breakdowns! Sometimes, just knowing others are feeling the same way can help and I bet they have advice how they deal with it too! I know how difficult it is dealing with one child let alone two and the uniqueness of twins on top of that. If you need to take a breather and you feel like snapping, walk away and try to sort it out before you go back to them. And remember, you need a little time off to regenerate yourself without guilt and go back to you children refreshed and ready to take on all the challenges...everyone needs a day off!
Take care of yourself and enjoy your family!

It sounds like you may need a little help. I am not a stay at home mom, but I do have PMS, and this sounds just like me when I am hormonal... I am also an RN. Talk to you doctor about this especially if it happens before your cycle. Most of the time I deal really well with my 6y/o ADHD child, but I have medicine that I take only during PMS if I need it. Hope this helps.

HI B.,

First, may I ask how old you are? Could your hormones be adjusting? Are you on birth control pills or the patch? Are you on any type of medication for ANY medical condition? Many things have side effects. Allergy meds have horrible side effects. Even antidepressants can CAUSE depression. Even small doses. (So stay away from them if you haven't tried them yet!!!) I find it hard to believe that you've internalized rage for 3 and a half years. Something has to have changed in your life.

Personally, I understand what you are going through because I'm moving into that next stage of life and I find that I "react" quicker than I used to. I have found a natural remedy for my hormonal moments so I don't snap. But I do know when I forget to take it, lol!

Take care and don't beat yourself up. Anybody with more than one child (and me with teenage girls :) understands...

Regards,

M.

Hey B.,

I can completely sympathize. I'm a SAHM to twins (nearly 5), a 3 year-old, and a 4 month old. Do not be embarrassed by this. It's common with all parents. We cannot claim to be perfect :)

What you do need is a break, coffee, and space from your children occasionally. It will do you the world of good to do something for yourself. I have been in exactly the same boat. My twins (g/g) are always at one another's throats, and their 3 year-old sister almost always joins in the scrap. And it drives me nuts. My husband goes away to work often, so I spend a lot of time with them alone. When they turned 4, I told my husband that they *needed* a break from me, as I did them. They now go to preschool in the mornings, which gives them a chance to socialize with other children, and gives me a break so that I can feel some what normal. Play dates are a good idea too. Interaction with other kids hasn't made my girls less crazy with one another, but it has given me some space to breathe and collect myself.

The more you talk about your feelings too... About everything, your concerns, your worries, your joys, and your pains, it will help you cope with all that internalized anger. Another way of doing this is to open an online journal, and keep posts private, or "friends only" so that you can express your feelings. Getting it all out will make the world of difference.

I hope this helps, and if you want, you can email me (____@____.com)

xx
S.

wow. dont feel bad. every mom goes through that yelling stage with 3 year olds, mine is four now, but he's getting better. i'm not gonna tell u to put them in daycare, but i do think that u should get someone to watch them every now and then. Does your husband ever stay at home with them???? i think u just need to get out of the house sometimes. my child is in Daycare and the days when i can stay at home with him, he usually drives me crazy, but we love our kids though. i think staying home with them is a good idea, u don't have to pay $200 for someone else to watch them. yes, thats a lot of money per week for 2 kids, but thats about average. talk with u later B.

Hi B.,
I am a SAHM of 2 and a half year old twin boys and I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I yell at my boys sometimes or pop them on the bottom over things I know they know better than to do. I feel bad sometimes too.
I actually talked to my mom about it, she isn't a mother of twins, but she did reassure me that I am a wonderful mother we all just have our moments. She also told me that if I am feeling really bad after I yell at them or pop them on the bottom I should maybe do something else to let my frustrations out. As crazy as it is sometimes I scream out loud or walk away for a moment remember that they are still little and maybe they don't understand what they just did.
It so hard raising kids much less twins and I am sure your occassional outbursts of yelling don't outweight the sweet and positive moments you have with your boys. Just think positive and if you need to vent again you are more than welcome to send me a personal email.
I hope this helped and I am sure you are a great and strong mother, you have to be you have twins! =)

B.
I totally know where you are coming from. Occasionally I will have moments like that too. I think we all do where we just lose it. Do you get to spend time out with your friends, some down time for you with out kids? If not maybe your husband can take the kids for a little while to give you some me time. How about the gym or the Y? They offer some great child care while you destress & excercise at the same time. & think about signing them up for preshool, both for you (time alone ) & for them to get socialized with other children, maybe they (the twins) need time apart too. Don't dwell on the idea that you are failing as a mom, dwell on the positive aspects of your parenting. Being a stay at home mom can be hard & isolating. Take it one day at a time, celebrate your successes, & give yourself a break. Enlist your husbands help, tell him you need down time too.
Good luck.
A.

I actually did end up going back to work because I felt like I was losing myself and I needed to talk to "adults". Since this is obviously not an option for you, you may want to try joining a gym that has a childcare facility. I found this to be very helpful!! I would let my child play in the 'kiddie gym' while I worked out and then I would take a shower and get dressed (hair, makeup, the whole bit). I was able to have alone time knowing that my child was happy and safe and in the same place I was. I could always walk over and peek in the window to make sure she was ok.
As far as discipline goes, you might want to check out "1, 2, 3 Magic" from the library. It comes in a book and a DVD to watch. I found this to be very helpful and in fact my pediatrician is the one who told me about the program.

You definitely need to talk about this with a professional counselor. The kids are acting out the frustration you are feeling internally, and you are frustrated with their fighting... it is sort of a circle and you are all feeding on each other.

I don't think it's a great idea to ask for help from family and friends, mainly because they are all too close to the situation and tend to give emotional (and judgemental) advice rather than pratical or truly helpful suggestions. That is why it is really imperative that you get with a professional counselor. I would NOT go to a shrink, but rather a good family counselor that will help you to learn new parenting skills and techniques as opposed to someone who will write you a prescription to calm you down or something.

All mothers go through this at some point with their kids. Not all of them might be willing to admit it, but trust me: we all have our Moments.

When you are interviewing each therapist before you settle on one, it is important to be very up-front about your choice to raise your own children (as opposed to putting them in daycare), if you think it might be a concern.

It is vitally important to improve the dynamics of your family now while they are still young rather than waiting until they are "old and set in their ways."

You didn't mention if you are involved with any of the Moms' playgroups that abound in this area -- if you are not, that would be a great help: it gets you out of the house, gets the kids playing with someone besides each other and you, and gives you a little time to talk with other adults besides your husband (which is nice for him AND you). Check with your church!

Also consider your diet. I would be happy to give you more information if you are interested in the area of your hormone levels and food choices. Just by making a few small changes you could literally wake up a new person (and so could your kids). Taking prescription drugs does not have to be the answer! So often psychological issues are actually directly related to one's diet.

Dear B.,
I have/am there.
Have you seen your doctor? You may be suffering from depression. I was and my ob/gyn put me on Zoloft.
I know you feel that it is taboo to discuss this with your friends, but you may find (if they are raising chidren) that they go through the same feelings. I say this from the experience of never telling my friends and later finding out that I was not the only one who would lose her mind at her chidren.
I will keep you in my prayers.
L.

I wanted to offer you some rescources that might help. ?- Are you plugged into a mom's group with regular playdates? I find as a SAHM myself, If I am isolated I am frustrated and feel overwhelmed. ( I also have 2 kids both under 3)
Moms groups with regular playdates are great for support for you as well as the kids will get to play and learn socialazation skills.
Also, here is a link for a great blog/support group that offers parenting coaches in your area. It is a non profit, and it was started by someone in my moms group. I just looked at the website last night and was blown away as to the mission and very excited to share it with mommies just like you.
Support, Support, Support is key.

http://www.nextgeninstitute.com/index.php?section_url=1

Maybe you need to channel your emotions towards some form of activity. I currently do pilates and it makes me feel rejuvenated and is internally rewarding. Afterwards, I feel like I'm ready to embrace my evening responsibilities (with a dance in my step :). Whether it'd be pilates, kickboxing, yoga, (or even stripper classes- hehehehe), it might be good for you psychologicly to focus your energy on that type of outlet. Granted, I only have one child so this might be easier said than done, but it's just a thought!

As a sidenote: a friend of mine has twins who are about 2.5 yrs and she ALWAYS has that labored look on her face. No clue how y'all do it, but hang in there, mama cause 10 yrs from now they might not want to hang with ya anymore~

Take care and good luck!
E.

B. -

We all go through a time when our kids drive us nuts. And that is normal. what you need is some time out without the kids - a girls night out with friends to eat dinner, laugh and maybe even go to a movie. Do you belong to a mom's group anywhere with other moms of kids? Maybe if not you could find one and join. I have some friends in the Orange Park area that have a mom's club and they get together for playtime and to hang out together. I'd be glad to give you their information and try and hook you up.

Have you ever considered getting out just a night or two a week and working? Not like at a store or anything but maybe by having a home based business? I know I do Pampered Chef and I know lots of people who do it to get out and have adult interaction with adults. It's not you don't love your kids but you need adult time and friendships outside of your house to keep your own identity. If you'd like more information I'd love to share with you but please know I'm not just trying to solicit you but I am trying to let you know it is okay to get out of the house; you'll find it's a great therapy for you!

Hope it helps.

M. K
____@____.com

Good Morning B. E:
First, I want to tell you, you are not going crazy and you are not a "bad" Mom! You are experiencing normal emotions and it is just a part of life that everyone has to learn to get passed. I understand totally where you are at. I did not have twins,but you could say I almost did because my younger two children are only 11 months apart.(I have three teens, two boys and a girl,19, 17, 16). I too, stayed home with the kiddos, but it was because daycare was completly too expensive and if I worked, all my money was going to daycare and not helping at all, so we managed all these 20 years making 17,000-25,000 a year. We are surviving.Now that my kids are teens, I have been pursuing a teaching degree.
Now, back to your situation. I found that a "time out for mommy" was a really good way to help me stop yelling or feeling like I was going insane. It took my kiddos a while to get used to the idea, but once they realized that Mommy needed to "cool down" and she wasn't yelling at every negative thing they did, they were able to get adjusted. the rule was they , too, needed to do something quiet and separate themselves from each other(reading a book, color, rest on their bed alone)while Mommy did what she had to do to get herself back together. Sometimes it was 10 to 30 minutes and it worked. I found that I would write my emotions down in a journal or count to 100, or just do the breathe and clear my head technique to calm me down(yes, I even would cry...it helps release all the uglys in your head). After the "time out" I would make sure we did an activity together to help the children understand Mommy was okay and she was not "Mad" at them. they picked up real quick that mommy is human, not some "super human" .
I noticed you have a fear of talking to your close friends about this due to you don't want them to know you are "weak", B., that is not a good reason to keep your friends out. Friends help one another when they are down andseem "weak" I am sure your friends will not think of you as weak, you need to have a confidant that you can vent on. Keeping all those ugly emotions inside is harmful to you and yours and what do you expect, if you don't release it....It is going to cause you so much explosive, out of control actions that of course you do not mean to do. Please, confide in a friend close to you and let them know you need to vent, I'm sure they will understand.(My best friend is my husband and we have learned through the years to say.... okay, I need to vent, will you listen for awhile, Please.)The rule to that is to allow one to vent. The listener listens openly without emotions involved and needs to realize that none of what is said is directed toward them.. you just need to get it out. then reverse the conversation. allow the listener to vent as well. You will be amazed at how this tecnique makes you feel so much better. the best thing I did was journals. I still keep a journal. After a while, I will go back and re-read what I have written and see "where I am at and where I've been." If you are of any faith, PRAY. sometimes a little prayer asking for guidance, self-control and peace, and then a prayer of Thanksgiving, helps you get back on track emotionally.
Well, I don't know if that helped, but I hope all is well with you and yours and May God Bless you and Keep you and yours.
C. G

Obviously you need a break. What gave you satisfaction in your life before you had children? Maybe you can get some of that back. Do you have an extensive support network you can use to take some pressure off of you? Being a stay at home Mom doesn't mean you never leave your children until they go to school. What about getting a nanny for half a day once or twice a week so you can have some time to yourself? It's perfectly fine to take some time to yourself.
And really, we all yell. Lack of sleep and hormones have a huge role in that though, so check out your physical condition too. But occasional yelling, although we aren't proud of it, does happen. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just take a deep breath, apologize to your kids if you were unreasonable, and start over. Forgive yourself.
And I'm not saying you should go back to work or put your kids in day care, but as a part time professional myself, I will say that if you find a good day care, and I did, it's a fantastic environment for children. I think my daughter is better off for the days she spends there; she is getting social interactions with her peer group that I can't provide for her even with an active moms' group. I can't give her a whole day with other toddlers; I simply don't have that kind of social network developed here.
What is best for your children is having two happy, fulfilled parents. If you are having these blowups fairly often, something is wrong. If you contacted an experienced nanny you might be able to get some tips on managing twins. You could also talk to some child development experts at the university or at a local respected day care. No one expects you to be perfect, the house to be spotless, and everyone to be perfectly clean all of the time, so maybe if you got help with the housecleaning once a week or so that would take some pressure off. How about having your husband watch the kids while you run errands by yourself on the weekends? You can still feel like you are working for your household but you'll also get a break.
Do you live close enough to family to get grandparents to watch the kids once a week? You'll be giving the kids and the grandparents a gift that way.
Just some ideas, but obviously something has to change so good luck.

Many have said just what I would have said. My 3.5 yr old pushes all my buttons most afternoons that I haven't spent good "one-on-one" time with him. Some times we color pictures together, lay out train tracks, plant seeds in the garden, cut with scissors, whatever. But I try to give him my undivided attention for at least a good 20 minutes. This is difficult with his 2 yr old brother who also wants in on all the fun. I can't even imagine the challenges with twins. I know that they should each get special time to spend with Mommy. So, is there a way you can take one with you to run a special errand in the afternoon and the next day the other child gets their special time with Mommy?

I know that some days my husband comes home and I inform him that Mommy needs a "time-out". Sometimes I get in the car and find a shade tree in the neighborhood and park and take a quick nap. I'm only a few minutes from home and doesn't cost me a thing. I come home feeling refreshed.

I also *cheat*. I have a family history of depression and last summer, I couldn't stand the guilt of my daily outbursts to my sons, so I started taking anti-depressants (again). What a huge difference for me. This is my third time on them in the past 13 years. It just takes the edge off so I am not so easily flustered. I am also in therapy and she helps me get in place some coping tools so that I can get back off meds maybe later this year or next year.

Another thing that has helped me a great deal is some parenting techniques from Love and Logic. Many libraries have their books/audio CDs/DVDs. A great source of help.

To start off you are to be commended on raising twins. Its no easy task to raise 1 baby let alone 2 babies at once! I am a first time mother of a 4 month old little girl, and while she is my world and I love her to death, she takes her toll on me. I am a twin myself, (b/g as well) plus I have a brother who is 3 yrs older then me, and I often ask my mother how she did it, with newborn twins plus a 3 year old. Her advice she always tells me is don't be afraid to walk away and give yourself 5 minutes to calm down. We were colicy babies and that was very stressful on my mom who was raising us by herself. She tells me of this one time where me and my brother would not stop crying for the life of us, we weren't hungry, diapers were good, weren't in any pain, and she just had to put us in our cribs and let us cry and she went out to the living room and put a pillow over her ears. For you to have gotten this far with the twins I think is great. You made it past the terrible twos. You sound like a GREAT mom who cares alot for your family and ya know, no one is perfect. Your going to yell. Your going to lose your temper. My brother and I fought ALL the time, and looking back now I know it made my mom crazy, I remember getting yelled at and my mom losing her temper, do I hold that against her? Not at all. She had alot of responsibility raising us. And I think we turned out ok. Me and my brother couldn't be closer with one another and our mother. We love her and think she did a great job raising us. And when your kids look back they will think the same thing, especially when they have children of there own and realize how hard it is to raise kids. So B. hang in there, your doing a great job. And while I don't have twins myself, my advice is this. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!! I always pray for patience, if you feel like your going to say or do something you may regret, just walk away for a couple minutes. Also when I working, I had a VERY STRESSFUL job, and I used to take this pill called Damiana. Its all natural, and you can find it at a health food store, or a natural food store. If your in my area there is a store called Diane's Natural Food Mart in where Hobby Lobby is. They have it and let me tell you it works wonders. It takes a good week probably to kick in, but Im sure you will see a difference. My mother took it as well when she was going through a stressful situation. It just helps you keep your calm and relax a little more. No side effects either.100% Natural. I hope something I said helped you out, and if not hopefully something someone else said will help you. Your not weak, you are a strong woman who is raising twins and should not feel bad or ashamed that you have "lost it" at some point. No one can understand what you are going through unless they have had twins themselves. I give all the parents out there, including you ALOT of credit for raising twins, triplets, etc. I can't imagine what its like, I just see how hard it is to raise 1 child and am almost in tears myself when I think of what you have to go through. They are a wonderful blessing, but I know its the hardest thing you will ever have to do. So hang in there, your doing great, learn from your mistakes. Your children love you and will always love you.

As I read the other responses, I just have to agree -- we have all been there even if we don't have twins.

I have three children 3,5,7. My husband is out of town more & more. We firmly believe in my staying home & being home once they are all in school. My youngest will start pre-school for two days in the fall. We are living far from family & friends & money is always a concern.

The afternoon time is just not fun. My mom always tells me "enjoy your children -- they grow up so quickly." My 5 & 7 year old want to come home & have my attention and unwind from their school day. My 3 year old wants all the attention. Bickering starts from the moment we open the door at 3 p.m.
(Did I mention I've given up "rest" time for my 3 yr. old?)

Summer is coming & I want to have a fun-filled summer with my children because they do grow up so quickly, and I want to enjoy every age with them and not pack them off to a camp from 9 to 2 every day.

I've read so many articles about bickering & watch Supernanny faithful & I was former school teacher for the gifted.

Children bicker when they want OUR attention; when they are tired of playing with each other; when they are tired period; when they are hungry; when they are mentally bored.

I've read books about misplaced anger as well since I, too, am not happy with how I've yelled in the past & pretty much spanked when I don't believe in spanking at all -- the last straw it seems to me.

Sorry to be long-winded.

Essentially, I know my children's time of the day for "breaking down" is right before lunch & right before dinner -- always right before dinner.

I consciously know this is when all "H*ll" will break out & I am usually in the kitchen trying to prepare a meal.

So I plan for it. I don't like more than one hour
(1 1/2 tops) a day for t.v. -- but I plan on that pre-dinner time for something they could watch -- educational. Sometimes I'll ask each child "separately" to help me with one component of dinner (setting the plates; or putting something on the table).

Also, after staying home for 7 years, and not taking regular showers, and not really "pampering" myself (which isn't really pampering), I've decided for the good of everyone -- mommy needs mommy time. Dad steps up sometimes & I'll just go do something I want to do.....which isn't too exciting -- maybe just reading the newspaper in an empty coffee shop for 30 min. because I really love my family & don't want to spend time away from them -- just that short amount of time changes my frame of mind. I run home & want to be with them all.

In the house, with my very talkative 3 yr. old all day, I have to get out in the morning & "run" him at the park and try to have playdates most days.

Also, in the afternoon, when all the kids (and the neighbor's little girl who comes over almost every day) -- 4 children under the age of 7, I try to set the ground rules for playing.

If they all seem tired or hungry or in that bickering stage, I set up art time at the kitchen table while I"m cooking dinner. Or something where I can praise them, cook & give them attention.

Moreover, I try to remember that although my children and husband are my world, I cannot deny activities I want to do (read, write, listen to my music, talk to other adults, sometimes even sew -- although that's kinda a necessity more than fun.) Music has calmed me & the whole crew in the afternoon (our bewitching time)-- and I play jazz, classical, the 80's music sometimes. I used to only play kid music & once I started playing music for me -- it opened up a new world for them.

Lastly, I once read that children do listen to us, but more importantly, they WATCH us & how we live our lives (we are the teachers -- they are the students. if the teacher watches the students all the time -- no one is learning anything).
I'm not saying you do this -- but I've learned in my own life: a mom who always denies herself for her children is not showing a proper balance in her life. When I joined a book club, my children were surprised mom was leaving before dinner (it is once every month or a month and a half). But now even my 3 year old sees that I like books & guess what -- he is becoming more interested in books than ever before.

Oh, one more thing, always have a yearly physical -- I get one as a birthday present to myself. Mention to your doctor the yelling times (which I think all moms have sometimes).

Sleep, exercise, & hormones -- all play a part. I strongly recommend the YMCA for you. I would never ever leave my children in a group setting until kindergarten. But check out the YMCA. Some of them have awesome childcare & that gives you two hours of breathing time a day!(sometimes I only use one hour -- mommy guilt:) I work out & sometimes just read a book or magazine & drink a cup of coffee. Think about: children wake up at 6:30 a.m. & with no "rest time" - they do not go to bed until 7 p.m. That's a lot of hours with no mental break & even the children need a break from us too.

I did want to mention that if you hear the bickering or
feel yourself about to explode -- as long as neither child is about to hurt themselves physically -- walk away. I've trained myself (most of the time) to walk to my bedroom and breath. I take a mental break and think about happy moments and breath deep. Then after some time (and you do not have to rush back if they are not physically hurting each other), I get up & try to mediate what just happened -- teaching them -- not screaming at them.

More times than not, one has bopped the other in the head (by accident) and the other (my 3 & 5 year olds) bops the other back & that calls for immediate time outs in their rooms (if they share find two separate far away sitting areas for them) and
then YOU go for your time out. I don't even talk until I breath & relax first.

Now saying all this & giving all this advice, I can say I've improved my behavior when bickering starts, but I am no means "CURED" of yelling first, asking questions later.

One idea that has helped me so much is that I hate yelling & had two parents who yelled so much during my childhood that I cannot believe I talk above a whisper now. So I try to think about what a scared kid I used to be & that stops me almost every time.

But it doesn't happen overnight. You have stress
in your life, the natural anxiety of a mom -- TWINS for goodness sake -- and the stay at home life, although AMAZING & WONDERFUL; however, you have to be really creative most of the time for your children & your sake!

I hope I didn't overwhelm you with my tips.

Remember you are not a nut job -- just first go for that physical, then focus on changing your response to their behavior.

Expect the bickering & imagine your measured response to it.

And plan your daily activities to include those times when you know they are getting tired of each other (or you:).

Most importantly, GIVE time to YOUR spirit, don't forget.

Prayer is really helpful too:)

Hi B.,

I just want to first start off by teling you to STOP beating yourself up. No one said rasing kids was easy, it has it's own set of challenges for each of us & we did not exactly get handed an instruction manual when we left the hospital.

That said, I am going to give you advise my husband gives me all the time. I am a sahm of 13 year old Nick, 10 year old Paige & 5 year old twins Kevin & Madison. I am also OCD. I have had a little trouble adjusting (5 yrs) to not having complete control of at least 1 thing in my life. I use to be able to control things at my job & I had me time (one of the others mom's mentioned this). Then nature of children - escpecially twins is that you can not control what they are going to do. I have had to learn to go long lengths of time without my "ME" time & having zero control over most of my day.

I was losing this battle with my children & with myself. My husband who is the best kind of guy (Nothing gets to him, patience to spare) reminds me all the time that I need to relax, let things go and remember how much I love being a mom & I get to sah with them. I would hate to find myself away from them for 8 - 10 hours a day at work. I have found that giving the twins & the other children sometimes, a project to do (crafts, games or whatever) and taking 10 min by myself in my bedroom helps me to unwind. He also does encourage "ME" time with my best friend when I feel the walls closing in.

While no one can give you the key to your sanity, or figure out what you should do (we do not know you or your children) we can support you & let you know that you are not alone.

Just find your inner peace (somehow) and let the rest go. Let them fight it out, walk away, we all did it growing up & we are all just fine.

Just remember to love your children & the rest comes in time. I am sure it feels worse to you than it is (I mean your yelling at them). We all do it though. Who said parents do not make mistakes? Do not shut people out that are willing to listen to you & offer any plausable avenue for help & change. That is what friends and family are for (even if they have not been in our situation).

Good Luck & I hope you find our balance.

I have been there and it is is something that can happen often. Here is what helps me... Go out with your best friend. If you don't have one... get one... find one.
On days that I can't handle the kids as well as I usually do, that is when I know I need some me time.
It is important to get out, have fun with a friend, away from hubby, away from loving kids. Give yourself this time. It will make a difference.
It is even more important as a stay at home mother. I am not anymore but when I was... it was necessary!

B.,

I just wanted to share with you that I also have twins and feel the same way. They are almost 3 and fight all the time. And yes I yell at them and get collected and then feel bad. I feel like I am always telling them no and yelling if they don't listen. It is very challenging being a stay at home mom with twins. It is harder to do a lot of things and we as moms feel a lot of pressure. I got a book called parenting by the book by John Rosemond and it really helped me on my outlook on things. I hope this helps and I am sorry that you too are going thru this. Just remember they know you love them and are very forgiving.

If you want to contact me my email is ____@____.com,
J.

You will get a lot of advice that will run the gamut. Here are my suggestions. Some, or all, of these may not be feasible and I hope someone comes up with the right answer for you.
1. Ask your family doctor or pediatrician for the name of a good counselor. Though I think that you are experiencing "normal" situations, a good counselor can help you cope.
2. Find a mother's group that you are comfortable with and join.
3. Find a mother's day out location and join.
4. Go online and find a twins group.
5. Get a hobby, like you have time -right? LOL
6. Try to find a way to have at least 30 minutes to yourself each day - it isn't enough, but it might help.
7. If you come up with a way to stop the children from bickering, write a book!!! It would sell better than "Harry Potter"!
8. Keep a journal and/or scrapbook; it will be priceless to you in the future.
9. The answer is probably NOT to get a job. I found that it only compounded the problem.
10. Try seperating the twins when they are most apt to bicker or you are at your wit's end. Quiet time for 3yo is not easy to accomplish, but it is worth a try.

Maybe one of these suggestions, or more likely someone else's suggestions, will be a starting point for you. It gets easier - and harder - as they get older. These suggestions are in the order that I thought of them. I wish you good luck. Take care of yourself (I know you will take care of the twins) and make it a fun day! :)

Go to therapy. I have been in therapy for the last 8 years. I am also a stay-at-home Mom to 4 kids and the advice I've gotten about ways to adjust a child's behavior, how to react and deal with stress, etc. has been INVALUABLE.

You are obviously angry about something and bottling it all up inside until you snap.

I don't mean to be rude, but at this point all you are teaching your children is that Mommy is unpredictable and out of control, hugging them one minute and screaming at them the next.

And yes, children will remember things from early childhood that will effect them the rest of their lives.

I know how you feel.... I too have twins b/b almost 2 1/2 and a 4 year old girl. I am a sahm and they get me to the same point. I hate yelling at them but sometimes we can't help it. Between the 3 of them fighting for toys to who gets to sit on my lap and play on the computer....There are some days where I have to just walk outside and let them fight, eventually it stops but I feel like all I do is yell at them and I had that growing up, and I try soooooooooo hard to not be like that. I think stepping outside and just breathing helps.I know you got alot of advice on here and I will tell you this is a great place to ask questions or just vent if you need to. Alot of people just don't understand that it is hard with twins, It's 2 of everything....the screaming, the crying to the tantrums. I've been there and I feel for you. Let me know if you ever wanna just talk

Hi B.!

Don't stress over this, but do examin the "rage". If it is an uncontrollable "ball of rage" that just has to come out, Seek help. I wish I had when my kids were young. My rage really hurt my youngest. I didn't hit, but words last longer. Homework time was a nightmare and I made it worse. Like one of your other respondants, I was in perimenopause and my moods and behavior got out of my control for brief moments.

I wish you all the best. For me, mothers of girls are on a pedestal, and mothers of multiples are saints.
Please keep us posted.

You need to find a therapist who you are comfortable with and feel like you can talk to. Don't be ashamed. You are doing alot by admitting and asking for help. Everything will be o.k. but please do get counseling.

Okay, so... to me, it sounds like you don't have enough for yourself at this point in time... and as your twins get older (most moms tell me it's easier when they are little, no matter how hard we think that was!)... if you are going to be a 24/7 SHM, you HAVE to nurture yourself and your own spirit as well as theirs. How many banks do you know of that allow unlimited withdrawals with no deposits? Seriously... your heart, your soul, your energy, your will is all the same! You nurtured it when you were single, whether with music, exercise, friends, sex, whatever... and now, you have to do the same.

So... my suggestion... if you feel that much rage... that you have to snap every single day... can you possible try to take them to 1 - and I MEAN ONE only to start, Mommy's Morning Out at your church or wherever one day a week. I promise you that this does not mean you are no longer a Stay at Home Mom who wants to be with her kids... however... you still need time to have a pedicure, shop for groceries without two sets of hands reaching for stuff off the shelves, etc. Are you kidding me? Understand that no other woman will truly be able to teach these kiddos how to take care of THEMSELVES, except you... if you never do that for yourself, how will your children learn that this is valuable?

I hope you can hear me... please write me personally if you'd like to. I am a single Mom by choice, who HAS to work full time to provide for my girl, but who is still incredibly happy and fulfilled, no matter how difficult the struggle day by day, so I think I can help!

Good luck and God bless you!
K.

Hi B.,
Sounds like a great and loving household. But I can totally understand the urge and occassion to snap. Having one child at that 3 + age is hard enough... they are always in motion, and into everything and very often have "selective hearing loss".

My recommendation is to get the children into a pre-school maybe two half days each week. It is good for them, because they get some group play and learning and they have time with other children and other adults.

It is great for you -- even if all you do is go home and nap for 2 hours. It will give you some alone time and some down time from being Mommy to twins. That is a very exhausting job! Everybody needs a break now and then from their job.

I am totally with you on the stay at home Mom. I am a firm believer in having a parent home and doing without some of the 'things' we don't need anyway. I did it with my children, and when my grand-children needed care -- I stayed home with them (at some sacrafice to our income).

That said... YOU need a break! The 3 hours twice a week in a pre-school will not hurt your children. And it might just save them from some unjust reactions on your part. Believe me.. I have been there. They will be harmed much more by your breakdown. So give yourself a break - and give yourself permission to do something just for YOU.

PS.. You might ask the doctor about a very low dose of anti-depressant. I so wish there had been Prozac when my daughters were young. Maybe I would not have gone over the edge so often with them.

God bless! Take care of you!
M.

Hi B.
I've felt those same feelings in the past. One thing that I feel helped me, I found that it was stress/depression. I'm going to guess that you have stress at home or in your life, other than the kids. Only you know, but I did find that being on an antidepressant helped me cope and not yell. Prozac was what I took and still take, just a small dossage. OH, and if you get a chance, watch Super Nanny, she's the best. I'm sure you'll get some answers that will help you, but don't rule this out. You said you would have an open mind. It also helped my ex with his temper. changed his personality big time - only if he would have stayed on it. HA!