Safe in Bathtub by Himself?

The truth is anyone can drown at any age in as little as 2 inches of water , does someone sit in the bathroom while you take a shower or bath? No! , I have 3 kids aged 7 , 4 1/2 and 2 , I pretty much stay with the 2 yr old , I do go get her PJ's or pop to the kitchen (bathroom , kitchen , her room and living room all on same floor) , the other 2 I leave them , the eldest washes himself now and once the other has been washed I leave her to play for a little while.

I'm thinking that if you're asking this question, then he isn't ready. You'll know. I think I started putting laundry away, etc when my son was about 6. Peg's advice is thoughtful and very logical but I don't think it's smart to decide whether a 3.5 is "aware of the dangers of falling in the tub", etc. That's why WE'RE the parents.....because they CAN'T make those decisions for themselves yet.

Never!!!! I let my kids alone when they took a shower never a bath. Basically would let them swim in a pool without a life jacket?????? A child can drown in an instant, and in a very small amount of water. It's not worth the risk. Put the laundry away later or cut down on his playtime.

At some point, we have to let our kids do things independently. My husband remembers when he was perhaps 4-5 years old, and had the opportunity to ride a ski lift with his older brother. For whatever reason, his parents were following in the next chair. His mom was afraid to let him go without her until the lift operator made the wise observation: "Ma'am, your son doesn't want to fall out of that chair." And it was true. My husb was perfectly capable of figuring out how not to fall out.

Yes, young kids do drown in a couple of inches of water. So do older kids, and even adults. It is a rare, horrible but freakish event. It's more common these days for children to be so carefully guarded by their parents, by helmets and knee pads, by guide ropes and fences, by warnings and restrictions, that there is little risk left in childhood.

Of course that doesn't mean there is no risk, but kids not used to thinking of possible risks probably don't take as many reasonable precautions on their own initiative. Too much parental hovering robs kids of the opportunities to make some common-sense choices, that will inevitably include some reasonable risk. My own belief is that kids need those experiences to grow up into sensible adults.

So, back to the bathtub. Would I leave my (4.5 yo) grandson alone in the tub? I would want to know how he envisions his risks, and what his normal behavior is in the tub – does he know how to hold his breath? Does he know that bathtub falls are dangerous? Does he know to keep the water in the tub, and not all over the room? Does he know not to swallow his rubber ducky? Does he want to get hurt or drown?

And of course I would very much want to take his mom's and dad's needs into account on this. What does your husband have to say on this subject?

You sound like a sensible and attentive mom, L., so I think you will gradually know how much free rein to give your little guy. Sounds like you're getting there on this particular risk. There are other moms who will be too anxious to let that happen for a couple more years, and that's perfectly okay, too.

NO!
Kids can drown in the tub. He is too young.
My daughter is 7, I still stay near.
My son is 3.5, I stay there.
They are both normal kids.
If a kid is drowning, they CANNOT "call" you for help.
If a kid slips and falls and hits his head, then drowns, he can't "call" you. Then it is too late.
You cannot expect, that a child "can" call you, when in trouble in water or the tub.

A child, can drown in 3 inches of water.
Even a child who knows how to swim, can drown.

And NEVER EVER put your oldest child in charge, of your 1 year old, in the tub. Do not EVER leave him in charge to supervise your 1 year old... EVER in or out of the tub. A child this age does NOT have the common sense or brain development to care for another child, nor responsibly.

all the best,
Susan

My daughter is 3 and I would never leave her alone in a tub. I have copied information from an article that you might want to read. It discusses the dangers leaving children under 5 alone in the tub. I know I have seen on the local news about children 4 or 5 drowning in the tub when their parents left them alone for just a minute or two to answer the phone or something of that nature. As with anything, if you feel concerned, which obviously you do to be asking the question, then consult your pediatrician and him or her should be able to tell you whether it is appropriate for you to leave your son in the tub alone at his age.

Here is the information I pulled from the article. It would not let me use the link.

What child doesn't love having a bath? Squishy bathtub toys, bubbles and the green light from mom or dad to splash around a bit all add a fun quality to what is a very necessary chore in the lives of children.

But, according to the World Health Organization, children under the age of five are also the most at risk for drowning.

Read more at Suite101: Keeping Children Safe in the Bathtub: What Parents Need to Know About Tub Safety http://infant-toddler-health.suite101.com/article.cfm/kee...

My daughter is 3.5 y. I don't leave her alone. I stay in the bathroom, or just outside in the hall. Never out of sight. My kids love to try and hold their breath underwater when in a tub, so I don't trust them alone.
A 4y old boy in our area just drowned in his tub when he mom went to help another child.

M.

I used to do the same thing... until I got an eye opener!!! Check these out... http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=8530154 or http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=9654005 I dont think that I could live with the fact of stepping away for a split second and then something terrible happening! I would never leave them alone again! Even if you are within an area where you can hear if they scream your name, if they are underwater, they cant call for help! Plus say if your 3.5 yr old and your 1 yr old are in the tub and you leave your 3.5 yr old 'in charge' of keeping a close eye on the younger child, think of what they would feel like if the younger child accidentally went under the water... they would blame themselves! I would just stay in the bathroom until they are done... which is more important, your kids or whatever you are doing that gets you out of their safety reach? Good luck! I hope these two stories help!

I have to say I am in shock my many of the responses!!! I mean to me leaving your child in a tub under the age of perhaps 6 is just insane!
Drowing makes no noise at all! And if it goes silent- you might be TOO late!

And to hear other mothers say they even allow a 1 year old to be in the tub (even if it is for a minute or with a sibling) is just uncalled for!
Of course we all make our own choices, but drowning is a huge killer of children under the age of 5 and it isn't just in large swimming pools!

"Children under five and adolescents between the ages of 15-24 have the highest drowning rates."
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

"Of all preschoolers who drown, 70 percent are in the care of one or both parents at the time of the drowning and 75 percent are missing from sight for five minutes or less."
Orange County, CA, Fire Authority

I would say it isn't worth the risk... EVER!

Safe is a relative term. What I consider safe is going to vary widely from my neurotic co-worker. I am the anti-babyproofer...he is Mr. Gallon Jug of Hand Sanitizer.

From the moment we conceive, we have different comfort levels regarding activities, foods, decisions. A healthy homebirth is considered "luck" by the mom who insists that she must be in the hospital "just in case" and vice versa. Disposable diapers are full of chemicals...cloth diapers are messy and unsanitary. Breastfed babies are clingy...formula fed babies are obese.

When you come to a crossroads, ask yourself,

"Can I live with the consequences of my decision?"

If you feel as though he is safe, that you are in ear shot, and not otherwise distracted...it is up to you to determine the possible consequences. There are very few things in life that are absolute. In hindsight, every accident is preventable...but we don't have the benefit of clairvoyance.

My daughter is never completely unsupervised, but I was certainly starting to move around the house and pop in and out by 2-1/2. I also taught her from an early age that standing in the bathtub ends the bath. Now that she is three, she is in charge of getting everything clean but her hair.

All I can say is.......What kind of noise does a drowning baby or kid make?

NOTHING!

I would say stay in the room no matter what.

I would not leave my son alone in the tub until he is old enough to shower. Someone posted this question just about a month ago or so. A mama responded that she knew a 6 yr old that drowned while mom was folding laundry. Mom thought the 6 yr old was playing because she could hear splashing, turns out she was hearing the seizure he was having while he died.

Yes, I am sure that is rare, but slipping is not so hard to do, and if there is any standing water in the tub when they slip, they can drown. I have slipped as an adult. On that other post some mamas said that they would leave their kids when they could swim. I don't think swimming has anything to do with it. You don't swim in a tub, and you wouldn't leave your 6 yr old unattended in a pool either. Basically I just plan to wait til he can shower alone. I'm sure at some point I will feel comfortable leaving the room for 10 seconds, but that is about it.

My 2 1/2 year old sits in our master bath tub while I am in the master bedroom folding laundry or ironing or sometimes even just on the laptop. I can see him the whole time though and am pretty much constantly talking to him.

Actually leaving him out of my sight, I don't know. I know I eventually did it with my older kids (they are now 8 and 6) but I don't remember at what age I actually did it (sorry). I think for me it was just when I felt confident and comfortable. I think the first time I probably just ran to the other room to grab something real quick and then maybe the next time it was a little longer. Honestly it was probably close to age 4 maybe 4 1/2 when I felt comfortable just coming and going without panicking.

Good luck,
K.

When my son was this age I told him that he could have a little privacy in the bathtub if he would sing his ABC's over and over for me. It had to be loud enough for me to hear it. I was never more than a few feet away (just around a corner folding laundry) and I would be right there in a second if he stopped for any reason.

I know it can be difficult to get things done, like laundry. I tend to do this at night after bed time. Have you thought of bathing them at the same time? I don't know how that is perceived today, but my parents did it with me and my brother and we are 2 almost 3 years apart. For some reason with us, we both liked the front, because we like to watch the "tornado" when the water drained, so we took turns. If your 3.5 year old seems opposed to the idea of sharing the tub, you can always tell him he can have the front which is way cooler, or something like that.

At 3.5 the risk of drowning is still too high and if you don't want to leave either child alone then combining their baths together might be a good idea. They both need baths right?

Just a thought, have you tried letting him sit in a shower instead? I think it is a little risky at 3.5, drowining is a silent event.

M.

You've gotten great answers. My solution.....I clean the bathroom when my kids are in the tub.

He's still too young. I was slacking on this issue where I would leave my 3.5 year old daughter alone for a few seconds. Then it turned into a minute or two. I was slapped back into reality by my husband and haven't left her alone since. Like the others said, if you have to ask this question, you know he's still too young. I think you're just looking for validation. Better to be safe than sorry.

I waited until the kids understood they are never allowed to stand in the tub. I stay in the general area where I can here the splashing and if they get too quiet. I will talk to them while I am sorting alundry or something in the hallway. J is 3.5 and I cannot trust him as far as....well, I would never throw him but you get the idea. K started bathing without me in the bathroom about a year ago and she is 6 now. I will only do quiet things while she is in the tub. Like checking email, the computer is about 15 feet away from the tub. I don't do it when other things are going on at all.

I had a friend fall in his tub right after high school and die so it took me a long time for me to allow myself to give her room to be independant. I kept having nightmares about her drowning when I decided I would try and let her have bath time alone. I had a hard time with it. I can't tell you when your kids will be ready. I still stay in the bathroom with J and would never be more than a few feet away from the door with K.

L.,

I haven't read any of the other posts yet so I hope I'm not repeating something.... :)

You aren't a 'bad' mother. You aren't 'crazy'. Um, you are however trusting a 3.5 year old... Water IS dangerous. Age isn't even a good indicator of safety around water. It is very good that you are close by, however... I wouldn't leave him not for 30 seconds. That is all it takes. One tumble, slip and a bonk and it could get really scary by the time you run back from the laundry room.

Our 8 year old daughter showers by herself. We only started letting her shower and bathe by herself after having passed level 1 of swimming lessons. And even with that, we are in and out of the bathroom when she is bathing AND showering to check on her (and her progress, she is so pokey!)

I just did a search on ksl.com on drowning just to see how many and how often bathtub incidents happen just in our neck of the woods... you'd be so surprised. Don't leave him alone in there. Not yet. Bring the laundry in before you set up the tub, and make sure you've got him within arms reach. It only takes one breath of water. Just one.

V.

I think my littlest was your son's age before we wandered away from tub-side. Out house is small and we didn't go far or for long and we often had shouted conversations so we knew he was OK.

We also have strict bath-time rules. No standing, no big splashing, no climbing out, no touching the faucets, no swimming experiments when we weren't in the bathroom, etc. And he demonstrated a lot of personal responsibility and independence at that age and so he took our cues from him

I believe its when I child can understand what you say and follow through with what you tell them to do. It can be at different ages. Its good that your concerned, and because of that, you probably need to wait until the child is older. I believe the safe age would be around 6 years old, I don't think it's any younger, but I do believe that it can be older. I would ask my doctor.

one slip and a hit on the head and you no longer have your child. not worth leaving to do laundry or anything else you think is important or will only take a "minute". I have a 14, 10 and 7 yo and I check on them still when they are in the tub. I will yell in, "hey, you ok in there?", every few minutes. There is no noise made when you are drowning. Sorry to be so blunt but this is very serious and not something you want to risk. Good luck.

I have read the multitude of answers to this question......firstly, at some point we need to let go and stop being helicopter moms. We are only doing a child a lifelong disservice by hovering over them ad nauseum. We are creating a generation of weak, dependent children who have been scared to death by their parents. (ie don't go outside or you will be kidnapped, dont' run with the yardstick it will go down your throat). There is a point that you must just have faith and know that bad things will happen. leaving them alone and being in the next room is suitable as long as they know not to stand up and keep the water levels low. Our goal as parents are to teach our children life lessons then let them go and succeed without them hovering.

I left my son at that age in the tub. My mother-in-law wasn't crazy about it but after talking to other friends and family they said they did the same thing. However, we are fine as long as he makes noise. If the noise stops we go in and check on him.

Hi L., I can think of hundreds of instances that my husband asks me to do something and at the end of the day, all I can say is I was chasing a 4YO and the thought never crossed my mind. Same thing, what if the 3.5YO was in the tub and you are chasing the 1YO and were distracted. Not worth the risk.

honestly, my 3 1/2 year old talks nonstop and i live in a two bedroom apartment, SO the bathroom is literally viewable from about 3/4 of the house! i do not sit there with him every S.. if he stops chattering for more than a moment i call his name and he knows to answer "yes ma'am!" that's IF i go where i can't see him. i also have a non-skid rug in the tub, and a rubber duckie faucet cover. you have to do what you're comfortable with. with a one year old i can totally understand needing to split your attention....

I think a minute or two is one thing, 5 or more is another. I know it seems like they are perfectly fine but honestly anyone really can drown in a couple inches of water. I know the water comes up to his ears laying down, but what if he were face down? Like others have mentioned, they could stand up and slip or have a seizure. I'm not trying to freak you out, but I think the bathtub is dangerous for small children, and just because you have told him not to stand up and he's well behaved, doesn't mean he never will. I have a 2 yo daughter and when she is in the bath, I might run to the closet and grab a towel or my phone if it rings and go back in right away, but that's about it. I have a baby too, if he is crying I yell at my husband to grab him (since he's deaf to children). I only do baths when he is home. It is difficult with 2 kids, I agree, I barely have time to bathe myself. I'm not really sure what age is old enough, it probably depends on the child and your comfort level. Maybe I will feel differently when my daughter is 3.5.

When I first bathed my daughter in the big tub she loved to stand up and jump around, which always gave me a heart attack. One time she stood up and bam went down h*** o* the side of the tub and cut her lip. I was sitting right in front of her and wasn't quick enough to catch her. So you can't prevent every accident even when you're right there. So I guess you should do what's comfortable for you and deal with the consequences, but the fact that you're asking may mean you are not completely comfortable.

I am going to you my 2 cents for what it is worth. I am not bothering to read the other responses, so forgive me if I am duplicating someone elses.

My husband does bath time. He always has. I love that he takes over this chore and gives me that break.
That being said, he leaves the kids alone at times. Right now he throws them both in the tub at the same time, they are 5 and 1. He will leave them to talk to me for a minute or grab a book or something like that. I of course don't worry about my 5 year old, but do get nervous when he leaves the 1 year old in alone. However, I don't want to take over bath time. I love the break. So, I just deal with it.
I think at 3 1/2, with a low amount of water, you are fine. Like you said, you don't go far and you can hear him. You will get people that say it is ok, and others that say it is not. What it boils down to is you. You know yourself/house/ and son. If you are comfortable doing it, then it is fine. Just take precautions to be sure it is still safe.
Good luck to you.

L.,
As a single mother I get the same looks...not sure how else to monitor 2 kids of different ages. My daughter also just over 3 loves to play in the tub where as my 5 yo likes to take showers. I know that it only takes an 1.5 inches of water to drown but at some point you also have to trust (a little) that they also know the rules. No standing in the tub, no touching the nobs etc. I would bet the people who give us looks are the people who would just never admit to turning away for even one second, but do it all the time.

My daughter and son are 4 and 2, and they always take a bath together. They always bathe in the evenings after dinner, so I let them stay in the tub while I clean up the kitchen or do evening chores. However, I always remain within earshot, and if they become quiet I run in. If they are being noisy - talking, singing, etc., then I know they are okay. I will say that I don't think it has anything to do with what age they are, but the maturity level of each individual child. You know your child, go with your instinct!

I was lucky in that my son liked to sing in the tub when he was that age. I stayed within earshot and went in if he quieted down. Convince your child to sing if you need to go out of the room, or get him to talk to you. If he'll do that, 3 and 1/2 is fine to leave for a couple minutes!

There's a lot of responses from people saying they wouldn't leave their child, but honestly I think it depends on the child. If he seems like a mature kid and he is capable of pushing himself up in a slippery tub, it seems like it would be okay.
One relevent question is how does he do in a pool? Perhaps enrolling him in a toddler swim class might help you feel more comfortable.

You don't want to endanger your child, but overprotecting has it's risks too. My DSS was so overprotected by his mother (she wouldn't let him even try the super low to the ground balance beam at the playground, for example) that it's taken a LOT of work to get him to not be afraid of lots of things. For example, his friends were staying home alone at age 10 for short periods of time and we're just getting there at age 13. Likewise with many, many things.

I'm going to disagree with most everyone and say "you're fine!" As long as you can still hear him and continually check in on him, I think it's okay.

The 3.5 year old sounds old enough to be left unattended for a few minutes ONLY, but not the one year old. Either way, keep in mind it only takes a second for an accident to happen. I would make that our playtime together, bring in a book/magazine to browse while they bathe and have them accompany you while you load/unload laundry.

My 4 yr. and 3 mnths old takes baths by himself. He doesn't like a lot of water in the tub.. and he has a mat in the tub. I also set up a timer in the bathroom for 10 mins. that gives him enough time needed to clean himself and play a bit. I'll wash his hair myself, preventing him getting soap in his eyes. I stay near the tub.. and I'll go in and give reminders of how much longer he has in the tub. He does well.. and he loves the privacy. He'll say, " I need privacy mom" He's very independent and mature for his age. I think this rule would of to be considered by how mature your child is. He's taking showers too by himself. If he needs me I'm always there. He doesn't splash or anything like that. As for my 14mnth old.. she's too young to be in a bath by herself.. that's crazy. She can easily go head in .. if water is too high.. or even climb outta the tub and injure herself. There's a chance that the 1 yr. old can attempt to climb out and the 4 yr. old would pull her back in, causing injury. So many chances I don't wanna take. As parents, we need to protect our children.. and my youngest needs that protection until I say different. Even when she's in the bath w/ my oldest son I'm still in the bathroom watching over them. To each their own. If you must fold up the laundry bring it in the bathroom.. I've done that once. Leave the multi-tasking in the bath room w/ a small child (such as 1 yr. like mine). My son respects and obeys rules. His maturity level has reached this milestone. Honestly, I don't care how many people think I'm crazy.. cause it's my decision and I'm comfortable w/ it.

My daughter is 4 now, and we spent better part of the early spring in swimming lessons. Until now I didn't feel comfortable leaving her even for a moment, but now I'm okay with being within earshot for a minute or two. We still try to be in the room with her, she bathes and we read.

It's the swim lessons that made the difference, not the age.
Good job mommin', L.!

After reading some of the answers, I have two concerns. First of all, is laundry that important that you must do it while your son is bathing (and do you truly think you don't have the time to spend with your little guy)? Second, can your children go in the tub together?
I am often confused and saddened that parents feel a need to get so many mundane things done while their children are playing, bathing, and doing other things. This is our only time with our children, so I fully believe we should spend every moment we can with them, especially in dangerous situations. Think about if something were to happen to your son while he is in the tub (a slip, a fall, a bonk on the head, etc), can you imagine how terrifying it would be for him to not have his mom (who cares for him, loves him, and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him) there when he needs her most?
I know as parents we cannot be where our children are at all times, and sometimes, we may think we have better things to do, but I would encourage all parents to take inventory of when the laundry didn't get done (or the dishes, or mopping the floor, or cleaning the bathroom, or any other mundane household chore), and remember that the world did not end, and it got done eventually. Your children are only little for a short amount of time, spend time with them, especially in dangerous situations.

I don't know either! So I prefer my (almost) 6 yr old and 3 yr old take showers. They sit and play until it's time to wash so I don't worry about them falling.

I do give in and let them take baths sometimes when I'm close by but with a 6 yr old, 3 yr old, and 12 week old, it's not feasible for me to sit in the bathroom for half an hour. It's hard to choose between knowing absolutely that they are safe and giving them some room to grow.

It is interesting that mom's will allow their children to be alone in the shower, but not in the bath. I find this especially remarkable when these mom's reference the/their child slipping and hitting their head and drowning in the tub. The shower is also extremely dangerous. A drip of soap on the shower floor can send a child flying, with a hard, and deadly landing...be it on the shower floor, any part of a glass/tile enclosed shower, or entangled in the shower curtain. It is your comfort level that is most important. I leave my boys alone in the tub (they are 2 1/2) but I am in my bedroom (the bathroom is attached) and leave the door open so I know if something is going on.
Just my thought :)

I don't think you are crazy I think if your son knows not to play with the knobs you are fine. Just be sure to not get distracted, talking on the phone etc. As long as you verbally and visually check on him while you are doing something quick I think you are fine.

splashing in water because your face is under and you can't get your bearings to get your head OUT of the water sounds EXACTLY like splashing for fun.

just sayin'.

Didn't you already post this? DIdn't you say you felt silly that you thought thought you were being silly to leave children so young alone?

I stay in earshot when my 6 year old is in the tub. He constantly sings and talks to himself while he is bathing, so that is helpful to me. Usually that is when I fold clothes in the bedroom, right next to the bathroom where he is bathing. He likes to talk to me too while he is taking a bath, but I can still be productive during that time. I wouldn't feel comfortable if I couldn't hear him. It's up to you to determine your comfort level.