Reward Systems?

We have a reward system that works for anything and everything. We have a small jar (pizza sauce I think), that she decorated with stickers, it's her "Good Girl Jar" and a bag of marbles. We have the usual things like staying in her bed at nap time, staying in bed at bed time, going all day without any potty accidents, etc. that she gets to pick a marble and put it in the jar for. But also, if we're going somewhere and I need her to be extra good, I can say "if you do this and this and don't do this, you can add a marble to your jar" and if she cooperates, she gets a marble. Once the jar is full she gets to cash it in for whatever, a movie, small toy, special outing, ice cream, etc. And honestly, just getting to pick a marble out of the bag and put it in the jar is a huge deal for her, so it is immediate, as well as saving up and cashing in. It works great for us and my daughter will be 3 in January...

I use a sticker reward system for my daughter. She is 2 1/2 (32 months) and understands the concept very well. She will tell people "when I do what Mommy tells me, I get a sticker!" And then, when she fills a page, "I get a prize!!"

I take a sheet of paper & draw 6 shapes on it. When all the shapes have stickers, she gets to pick a SMALL prize from a prize box. A couple of times per day, I will say, "you have a chance to earn a sticker right now, this is what you need to do" I do not give multiple warnings, maybe 2, and then she loses the sticker and still has to do what she was told. Other times, when I have not offered a sticker, but she immediately does as directed, I surprise her with one. When she does earn a sticker, we sit down together, she picks one from a sheet and what shape to put it on. Then, I write down what she did to earn that sticker. Later, when the sheet is full, we read through all the things that she has done and she gets to pick her prize (she usually picks a small sheet of stickers!). My goal is to emphasize her positive behaviors over & over!

Another thought that I had for you was to try to give your son an advance warning to diaper changes. At that age, transitioning from playing to diaper change can be hard. Try telling him, "we are going to change your diaper soon. You can stack 2 more blocks & then you need to come here". Or try setting a timer for a minute or two.."when you hear the timer, we will change your diaper." Also, maybe you could give him something to look at during changes to keep him still a little bit, a book or an unusual household item.

Holding hands is a rule for us too. If she tries not to, she just gets carried. And my super independent girl likes to walk on her own! LOL!

Our ECFE teacher suggested picking one behavior that we wanted to change, and reinforce it over & over. Set a realistic goal so he can easily reach it. I hope some of this will help you!

Stickers are great awards. Make a chart listing what it is you want him to do. For example: hold my hand while in the store. Perhaps draw a picture of him holding your hand on the chart. Then give him a sticker to put on the chart. This would mean having a pocket full of stickers so that you can give him a sticker at the time it happens. At two he's not going to be able to remember until he gets home.

I'm not sure such a reward system would work for efficiently at age 2. He has to have immediate feedback and I think the best feedback is verbal at the time it's happening. Also, developmentally he's very much in the moment and not ready to work towards something. He's also impulsive and just learning independence. Being independent may be more important to him than having a sticker, especially when his interest in them lessons over time.

I think the best way to teach at this age is repetition of expectations, words giving directions and praise when directions are followed. I suggest that at 2, expecting him to always want to hold your hand or come to you for a diaper change is unrealistic. Expecting him to hold your hand is necessary. Expecting resistance is a part of the learning process. There has to be an immediate consequence for not complying.

Expecting him to come to you for a diaper change seems unrealistic to me. I suggest that you go to him and change the diaper, making it a fun game. Don't ask him a million times. Take immediate action so that he feels the logical consequences of not willingly coming to you. Let him know that you are changing his diaper now. He doesn't have a choice.

Same with hand holding. Take his hand and hold it. He really doesn't have a choice with either of these tasks. When you teach with rewards you're saying he has a choice. He holds your hand and gets a sticker. IF he chooses to not have a sticker then he doesn't have to hold your hand. These are just ideas that I can't really explain.

When a child is older you can present the idea of rewards as a way of earning a reward, as mom and dad earn a salary for doing their tasks. Two isn't even close to understanding that concept. Two's intellectual development just isn't there yet. I suggest rewards may work for specific tasks that occur in a limited way such as potty training. The learning is focused on a specific task. Holding your hand is a specific task but it's also a part of the much larger task of learning to co-operate. We don't want our children to co-operate just because they get a reward. We want their co-operation to become a part of who they are.

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