Reward System/Chart - Ideas and Suggestions Needed

A friend suggested this reward idea to me and she said it really works and comes suggested from a childhood psychologist:

"We purchased a roll of tickets (big old roll of raffle tickets) and a clear jar for each kiddo. The k...ids get tickets for completing chores and for anything we want to reinforce such as good behavior without being asked. We try very hard to use the tickets to reinforce behavior and very rarely take tickets away. In our house, tickets = .25 each so they save them up for video games, candy, toys, special toys, etc. It's taught the kids about money management and making good choices also so that's been an added bonus. "

Also, here are some good reward chart ideas:
http://busylizzybows.blogspot.com/2010/06/rewardbehavior-...

We have done a couple reward charts with our son. I did not read responses so if i am repeating something someone said sorry. We did a reward chart with him when we were potty training. He was given a star on a giant desk calender for everytime he went in the "big boy potty". Then when he got 20 stars he could cash those in for a prize in the prize bucket (these were things I knew he would like ie coloring books, cars, reading books, action figures from the dollar store or clearance items that were inexpensize) that worked well and slowly he forgot to put up his stars. we then did it again when he getting ready for kindergarten (learning his letters) and he had to correctly identify all the letters in random order twice, he would place a sticker on each one he got right then when he was finished he got to pick from the prize bin. Recently I did this again with him with a sticker chart for good behavior. He gets 1 sticker a day for good behavior ie me not having to repeat myself 100 times before he does something, not whining at the store and after he gets so many sticker he can trade them in for a bigger prize...ie 40 stickers gets him chuck e cheese, 150 stickers takes him to cedar point. He is currently saving for cedar point. It works really well since he got to choose things that he wanted to trade his stickers in for and now he more aware of his behavior so he can get his sticker.

Also he school does something called bulldog bucks....where the kids get bulldog dollars for good behavior, helping each other out, helping the teacher without being asked and twice a month they get to go to the school store and spend thier dollars or they can save them for a big prize. Hopefully this helps and if you have any questions feel free to ask. My babysitter has used the sticker chart with her 4 year old, her neighbor is currently using it with her 7 year old in return for littlest pet shop toys. Reward charts i think are really helpful.

Also if you go to chuckecheese.com they have reward charts that you can print and sign and then you take them to chuck e cheese and the kids get free tokens. They have one for good behavior, brushing your teeth, doing homework. Good luck!!!

Tolken econemy. You might do better with giving her something to hold that she can turn in, instead of a chart. More chips for good works, and not just this one big global thing, would be better. Maybe a chip for brushing, a chip for rinsing out the sink, etc.

Works for some kids, not for others. Some kids cannot put of the impulse of what is going on right now to earn something as far away as the end of the week. If she messes up on Monday, what is the week going to be like? If you are going to be rewarding her, it should be something she can earn and something that keeps in mind her developmental age (not necessarily how old she is.)

Something that may work a little better is to tell her what you want her to do instead of what to stop doing. "use the tooth brush correctly" instead of "don't bite the tooth brush" and "keep your tounge in your mouth" instead of don't lick the butter (just curious, why does she do this at bed time?) Anyway, they are better able to comply if you tell them what to do.

Are you sure that she can do a global task like "get ready for bed?" Some kids need more structure and breakdown off all the tasks to be successful at this age (and beyond.)

M.

Are you sure that all this is deliberate?

I think you are right on target. She is old enough to understand so think of something that she REALLY wants...Make a game out of it. Bring out the charts like a calendar with stars or her favorite stickers. Let her pick out everything from the color of the chart and the stickers. She can get a sticker for anything (brushing her teeth, not hitting etc) She also needs to understand that the stickers can and WILL be taken away for being bad. Then take her shopping and let her pick something cool out (like an outfit or a doll or music cd..whatever she wants) then tell her that will get that reward If she fills her calendar for 3 weeks with no hitting, no pulling no 'dilberatly dissobeying' (BTW LOL that is my dad too)
Try to give her little rewards for each 7 days that she does good....like flavored lip gloss sparkly shoe strings for her favorite pair of sneakers or something she really likes. I wish you luck. take your time though. I know its easier said than done since you only have 4 hours each day. She may feel rushed because you only have X amt of time to get a million things done....and hitting is probably her only way to get you to understand that she isnt digging the current situation.

There is a good book called "Have A New Kid By Friday" by Leman. Its real great, easy to read, and practical. It is not derogatory in approach.

For my kids, who are recently turned 4 and 7.... all these 'reward' type things don't really work.
For my kids, per the way they are, we merely teach them about being a 'TEAM" and what "family" is... and that to "help" each other etc.
Overall, if a kid learns these things when they are young, they will get older and still have these 'values' instilled in them. even without a 'reward' being given them.

To some extent.... 'praise' is just as good as 'rewards.' If given rewards all the time, a child will think that behavior is based on getting something... but yes, it can help... to encourage a child. Teachers use these methods too, in school. And it works, with students. As an 'incentive.' So try it.... it can be anything, that YOUR child will respond to.

Once, I used a paper plate. On one side of it I drew a happy face. On the other side I drew a sad face. And I used that with my daughter.... for her behavior. And for a time, it worked.
You often will have to try different things... because a kid will tend to get desensitized to something....

Also, kids at this age do NOT know what "1 week" is.... they are not aware of time constructs. So telling them in 1 week they can get a reward... may not work, because 1 week is a LONG time for a kid. And by the time the 1 week is concluded, they may get tired of it already or not be able to 'wait' for it... even if they were good.

And also, kids this age do not have totally FULL impulse control yet, developed. So yes, they are always not able to sit still nor to just stop things at will.

You also need to, by this age, is teach them HOW to communicate, the words for feelings (good or bad) and that they can tell you. For example: My son just made 4. But, from the time he was only 2 years old, I taught him the words for HIS feelings. ie: happy, sad, frustrated, mad, grumpy etc. And he at his young age can actually tell me.... what he is feeling and why. He will actually tell me "I am grumpy... I want to be left alone now...." and I respect that. Then when he feels better, HE will come to me and hug me. Or apologize. But I also ALLOW for him to say and feel what he is feeling... or if he needs help, how to ask for help. Or if he does not want help, that he can say that too.
So thus, it 'teaches' a child, how to navigate themselves/their feelings/and problem solving. And at home, is where they need to learn that and to make mistakes along the way, until they get better at it.... they need to be allowed to have a learning curve about it, and practice it.

What I also do is: if my kids on purpose do not cooperate... I tell them "If you don't cooperate, Mommy will not cooperate with you either..." and then I walk away. Period. This, makes the kid 'realize' that it is a 2-way street... and that their cantankerous behavior will NOT make "Mommy" do what they want either.

I also tell my kids if they misbehave "Redo that..." and it means that they have a chance to redo the misbehavior they did. And I tell them that it does not have to be "perfect" but to "try your best..." per their age. Then they will think and do it another way... that is more palatable. Then I praise them for it.
THIS teaches them, that there are more than one way to do something... and HOW TO PROBLEM-SOLVE.... which is a valuable 'skill' for a child to learn. And so that they can gradually learn, how to think on their own... without just fear of a punishment or scolding.

And, definitely, have your girl participate in "chores" already.
Make it fun/easy chores she can do per her age. Do NOT focus on how 'perfect' she does it, but that she 'try her best..." and that it is a PART of her family... and that she is a PART of the family... and that everyone is a TEAM. That is what I do too, with my kids.

just some ideas,
all the best,
Susan