Ready for Baby #2...!!!??? - Bondurant,WY

SOunds like you are not ready. I am 38 and am pregant with my second--they will be 21 months apart. It has been very hard to keep up with my busy 19-month-old toddler! I think this would all have been easier if I was 30! Also, if I had more time, I may have waited longer before having a second. I am crazy about my son and feel a little bit like I did not get to do enough with him solo.

I have a two and a half year old and a two month old baby. It has been a little hard, but we didn;t want to wait so long for the second one because we want them to get along. I think we made the right choice. I was terrified to become a SAH mom; and I can tell you it is a big change, but now that I am getting used to it, It is great to be able to be with my kids. It is hard, but it is worth it!
A..

Lots of good advice here...
I can repeat, trying doesn't mean it will happen. Children happen on their own time.
Walking with your husband and child gives you bonding time that can't be beat. Great exercise, too, didja notice? When you get pregnant again, you can keep right on, and it'll help keep you in shape for labor.
The easy exercise will help you sleep, give you energy for dealing with your toddler, and can strengthen your marriage.
I have two sets of children: 20,16,7&6. Whatever spacing you end up with, it will be just right for your family.
God bless you and yours.

Hi Stacy,
Of course I don't have an answer for you...you will have to figure that out. I do have one comment though. This is a decision to be made by both parents, but in as much as I believe that Dads are equal in almost every way, it is the Mom who has to be 100% ready and excited to have a child in order for all of you to have the best possible outcome. There is the old saying, "If Mom is not happy no one is happy."
No matter when you decide to do this, you will be giving something up, but you have to be in a place where you know it will be okay and you are really looking forward to it.
Good luck to you. Take care,
B.

I'm 32 and my husband is 45, so I can understand from that perspective where you/your husband are coming from. My husband was a little freaked about trying for our second soon after our first(he wanted to try when our son turned 1) but in our case I got to surprise my husband for Christmas that we were having #2. Our kids are 2 1/2 years apart, and like most siblings, they are best friends one minute, and fighting the next. My husband has a little bit of gray hair now, but I think the kids keep him feeling young. He has always been a big kid, and the kids keep us active. As one mom put it, one more year of waiting isn't going to make a big difference for your husband as far as age goes. I stopped working the day I went into labor with our first, and never looked back. Although it was scary to give up the second income, I have a wonderful husband who can budget like crazy. We still buy things we want, there is always enough to splurge. We built a daylight basement instead of moving to have extra rooms. I drive a nice little Honda that gets GREAT gas mileage, and is paid off. Sure I would like a bigger car, but all of us fit comfortably in it, and it isn't worth going into debt or getting a PT job and putting my kids in daycare for it. Point being, giving up the second income can be done. However, I wouldn't suggest you having another baby and giving up your job that you love and resenting the new baby for you being unhappy(although in my opinion you should be home now with your baby). That could just turn out ugly all around. I don't know your full financial situation, but if you will be quitting your job when another baby comes, you can always start preparing now for how you and your husband will make ends meet on one income. You could open a savings account, and put all of your earnings in it while you are working, and don't touch it. Figure out how to budget well, get the bills paid, and still have enough left to splurge every now and then for both of you. This way, it won't be such a shock when you do have baby #2. Just a suggestion. By the way, my husband got a vasectomy after #2, but that's not always failsafe, and I know if we were to be expecting #3 now that he is 45, he would be thrilled, shocked, but thrilled.

I wish you and your hubby the best on planning for and trying for #2. For us, we didn't plan #2, he suprised us when our daughter was 10 months old! This was after we had tried for 3 years for our daughter. So, our two are 4 days shy of being exactly 19 months apart. Many times I was told by family, friends, and aven strangers that I must have lost my mind having them so close together. However, many people we knew had them spaced 18-24 months apart. I found my biggest supporters were my boss and his wife because their two are 22 months apart. I guess what I am getting at, is there is no "perfect" time. You may never be at your "ideal" weight to be pregnant again. I always wondered how on earth I could love #2 as much as #1 and give him the same attention, but you figure it out as you go. I love watching them interact. He is my little ham, always quick with a smile. My daughter is my princess. We now say it is twice the love and cuddles we have now. My husband and are are so glad we had them so close together.

If you are not ready to have #2, then wait. Sit and really have a heart to hear with your husband and have both of you lay it out on the table. My husband and I prayed many a night together when trying for our daughter and also when we found out we were pregnant with our son. I do not know what you faith is, but I have found solace in that this is not my timing, it is in His hands.

SInce you are the primary caregiver, listen to your intuition. If you do not feel ready wether it is because of your job, your weight, or because you want to spend more time with # 1, talk to your husband about your concerns and explain your issues with not waiting.
We started trying for # 2 when our daughter was about 18 months and are still trying, (so that is something else to keep in mind.) She is now almost 3 and I cherish the time I have been able to spend with just her and am actuallly glad that we will have her out of diapers before # 2 comes along. (God works in mysterious ways!! :) )
Do what is right for you!! and good Luck!!

Ok, so my opinion- no one is ever completely ready for number 2!!!! I felt the same way as you- I worked part time, loved spending time with my ONE daughter and life was GREAT!!! We were in nooooo hurry to have another. well.... SURPRISE, I found out I was pregnant with number 2 the night of my daughters first birthday party. Talk about an emotional weekend!
I am so thankful that we got pregnant by accident, it's HARD, but worth it to have them close and they will be friends and have a playmate. (They are 20 months apart)
Some encouragement though- I still do have my part time job, and it's worked out really well. My job has been supportive of breastfeeding and working things into my kids schedule.
Splitting time between two kids is hard, but when will it ever get easier??? my second daughter is 3 months old and we are getting to a routine of life- it's doable!

You said that you "think it is just an age pressure thing for him"-have you asked him? It sounds like you guys need to sit down and have a heart to heart about the whole thing! Most people are never really ready to have *a* child, let alone another. It's one of those things though that if you wait for the perfect time, it's never going to happen. Also keep in mind that it may take you until NEXT summer to get pregnant, even if you start now! Even if you conceived your first quickly-there is no guarantee it will happen again. My first 3 children were birth control babies (yes, 3 different kinds of bc, yes taken correctly-talk about surprise!), and yet another of my babies took 6 months of trying! And even after you get pregnant, there are still 9 months before baby arrives to adjust to the idea of two. Take into consideration how you would feel if you end up trying to conceive for months and it doesn't happen, or if it does happen and you miscarry and it pushes the spacing out that much more....

It's a great thing that you want to be healthy and in shape before the next baby comes, but also keep in mind that it's ok to be getting in shape when you get pregnant (in fact it will increase your odds of conceiving).

You'll hear from both sides of the spectrum-that it's better to have them closer (my preference, my soon to be 7 range from 16mo-22mo apart), or it's better to put 2-4 or even more yrs between them. But the only one who can decide what's best for your family is you. My advice is that you both sit down and weigh your concerns-find out what his are, make sure he knows what yours are, and decide TOGETHER when will be the best for both of you.

I am in your situation and definitely think you should wait since you will be the primary caregiver. I also don't want this baby weight hanging around for my health (and appearance!) and baby #2. Plus, I do feel like my almost one year old deserves a little more mommy time before we introduce another sibling. She is still a baby to me! One year of waiting won't make much of a difference in how old your hubby is to the kids and since guys don't have a biological clock, definitely wait it out.

Hi Stacy!

Life is an incredible awesome gift. As much as we like to think we are in control of it, it is not totally in our hands. Our culture seems to have forgotten that children are an integral part of the family unit. They are supposed to come naturally.

My suggestion would be to be open to what is perfectly normal and natural in a healthy family - let any future babies come in their own time.

If you do anything to artificially or unnaturally to prevent new life from forming it would be an act against your marriage and your family, and yes, even our society. Think about it.

Stacy-I really think after reading your post that you have answered your own question. You said a lot of things that suggest to me that you are clearly wanting to wait. I do understand your husband wanting another one with the age thing-and of course this is a decision that the two of you should make together but-keeping in mind that you are the one who will be pregnant, gaining weight, sleepless nights, taking care of 2-that puts a lot of pressure on a mother. Yes, motherhood is something I cherish and enjoy (most of the time:) I LOVE having 2 with a 3 year age difference but if we were to have another one-it may be closer in age due to wanting to be done having kids due to our ages. Anyway...good luck with your decision. Enjoy your 1 year old now because you will not get that time back when you have happy little ones running around!

It's YOUR body (sort of:), and you get to decide when you're ready. I strongly encourage you to get into shape before having number two. Every little bit helps.

It was crazy reading your blog because my husband and I are dealing with almost the same thing. Except for the fact that I had twins. But we were discussing getting pregnant again in a couple of months. My girls are 15 months now and think they will be so helpful once I have the next one because they will be over two. If you want to keep working, then I would wait. But I can see why your husband would want to move the process along. My husband is so concerned about how old he will be when our children graduate. But I'm sure when they do graduate, they could probably care less. Enjoy your baby boy, this age is so much fun, isn't it? Good luck.

I think you have answered your own question --- it sounds like you're not ready, yet. But it is also understandable while your husband IS ready. Can you two compromise? We went through the same thing. My husband wanted our kids 2 years apart and I wanted them 3 years apart. We compromised at 2 1/2. BUT... it took us a year to get pregnant with the 2nd. So our kids are 3 1/2 years apart. You are right about taking care of your health. I wouldn't worry too much about being overweight. You're going to gain it all back with the 2nd. With the job/financial situation. Realize you are going to have to make some sacrifices to be a SAHM. You are removing one whole salary. So you have to look at your budget and cut out the nonessentials. You'd be surprised with what you can do w/o. Oprah's website has financial advice. Also, keep in mind --- the longer you wait to have a baby means the longer you put off your career down the road. I've been a SAHM since 2003. My youngest son won't be school age until 2012. Arrg! That's a long time to put a career on hold. I'm learning to work from home and to join organizations in order to keep my resume, skills, and mind fresh. There are arguments both for and against having children close together or far apart. Ultimately, it's up to you (and your husband, I guess). Like my husband said, the fun part is practicing!

When I talked to my OB about getting pregnant with #2 she told me the best scenario physically is to wait until your first is 2 years old before conceiving #2. That's what ended up happening with us (even though I was the one ready when our first was just one - since I was 32 when we had him). I have to say now that #2 is here having them almost 3 years apart is nice because the 3 yo is emotionally capable of being reasoned with. Enjoy your time with baby #1 -- once baby #2 gets here you'll have to divide your time and attention between two precious angels (not as easy as it sounds!).

It of course has to be a mutual decision. Worrying about it will throw you for a loop though. You have to know in your heart you are truly ready for another baby.
I had my son (my youngest) when his sister was three, they are great in ages apart, my daughter got the best of being an only child and they are now 4 and 7 and though they fight the love each other dearly.
That said, there is no set time with kids in ages and spacing.
Getting your body is shape is a great idea, though harder sometimes with the second baby and you are smart to do it beforehand.
You are still very young. I had my second when I was almost 40. Your husband doesn't have to carry the baby, so it is easy for him to say he is ready. Adding another does change the dynamics and it can either be harder or easier, depending on the babies temperment and the temperment of the first.
I was in a bad marriage and still wanted a second, my daughter was NOT ONLY CHILD material, she needed that support of a sibling and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I understand the pressure of age too.
People work still with two children so don't necessarily worry about giving up your work. If you can work part time even afer the second is old enough that will help you maintain your identity and your sense of self if you are worried.
I knew, I just knew in my heart I wanted another one, when my daughter was 2 we tried and got pregnant right away (which isn't always the case), but I knew I was ready.
You will know too, thinking too much about it or worrying too much is cheating you from just enjoying your first. It is a great age he is at right now and it flies by fast, especially with the second.
Try to just tell your husband to let it go for three to six months and then see how you feel, so you can just concentrate on your son and enjoy this time. Nothing is to say in six months you won't want another, or maybe not.
I think when you see him reach his milestones and he is growing up that pulls at your heartstrings moreso to have a baby!
Hang in there, have a good summer.

I got pregnant with my second when the first was 18 months old. That made them just over 2 years apart. I think that is the most important consideration. Not just when you feel a little baby hungry, or when you feel like you're getting old. How close do you want your kids to be in age? And then consider when you want to have a newborn, and when you want to be pregnant, more than when you want to GET pregnant. I had my first in February, and it was awful with all the RSV considerations. We basically were told not to go anywhere for 3 months! He wasn't a preemie, even, but that's what the hospital told everyone because RSV was so bad.
So the next baby I wanted in the Spring, after RSV was over. Now I'm thinking Fall would be the best, because with my second, nursing was so hot and sticky that it was awful. And it was too hot to go out with him, so we were stuck inside most of the summer (that was in Phoenix). When we did go out, he'd turn red and looked pitiful.
Those are the things that I would consider. Maybe if you discuss all of that with your husband, he'll feel like it's not such a rush.

I just had a baby 4 months ago and I love being a mom. I also am ready to have child number 2 but I just started two new jobs. I have promised both jobs at least 1 year. I just want to tell you that being a stay at home mom is my goal and dream and your kids are only little one time. I would have another baby just watch your diet carefully it is great idea to get pregnant again I just want you to feel healthy. Do you nurse?

a little about me: married 3 years 1 little boy,4 months old want to be a stay at home mom

stacy,

I do believe that there can be a perfect time to have a child.
Perfect for you and your famly. You get to really be ready for the next child. This decision is a huge one and be willing to see it that way.

With my whole heart,
C. TLC (Transition Life Coach)
Loving Connections LLC

You just need to decide for yourself but I can say that if you think too hardly about all of it, it will never happen. I had my two exactly 2years apart there are good things and bad things with that. They are close, best friends. They also like the same toys and things and they play together real well. I don't know if it's the closeness or they just get a long well but I know I didn't get along with my siblings as well and we were further apart. I do however remember the first 6 months or so struggling with the 2 yr old missing out on attention and also going through the terrible twos/threes so there were two really needy kids and I couldn't give them all the attention they wanted. I struggled too with having a second child know ing the first would have to share me and I didn't want to hurt the first with a second. I don't know you just get weird thoughts in your head, i think the younger they are the less they care. If you wait too long it's worse because they know more about what is going on. there were five years between me and my little brother and for a long time i was jealous of him and all the attention he got. It was years before I stopped blaming him for it because I didn't understand that he wasn't taking people or love or attention purposely away from me he just got it because he was a cute little needy baby. As far as your job goes my opinion on that is as wonderful as the job and the money may be your kids grow up fast and soon they are off to school all day and they are only with you at night then they get friends and that's gone then they move out and have their own lives so to be home with them during those precious years while you can enjoy all the little funny things they do and say is worth more than any job or money that comes with it. Good luck with your decision but no matter what you do there are pros and cons either way you just need to figure out which ones you would rather have.

it sounds like you know what you want to do. Listen to your heart and body. :)

I think it's really something the two of you have to work out. I understand missing a job. I miss mine incredibly, especially when the kids are driving me crazy. I keep at it on a volunteer basis, and only when I don't have to pay for babysitting. As far as timing, we love our two being 3 years apart. It's been perfect for us. We'll see next week how having them closer together goes (23 mos,) I do understand the age thing. We're wishing we were younger with this last one, but then surprises are always fun, too. I would talk it over between the two of you, and see if you can come to an agreement. He shouldn't want you to resent the decision, either. GL!

My husband and I are both older and he's been pressuring for a second child as well. When my daughter was 12 months old I couldn't imagine handling another one, or sacrificing any of my time with her. Now that she's nearing 18 months it is easier to imagine. If you're not ready, give it a couple months. You might find you feel more easy about it. (Now to go see what to do about my own 20 pounds of extra weight...)

I don't know if you are a person of faith, but I am. I wanted my kids to be two years apart and so we started trying when my first was 15 months old. We tried for TWO YEARS before I finally got pregnant with #2. I had a hard time with it but now I am glad that there is a 4 year gap. My husband is in the military and is currently on deployment. I don't think I could handle three kids right now which makes me think that God knew what was best. My advice: just forget about trying or not trying and trust that you will be given number two when it will work best for you. You might not see it at the time but it will definitely work out for the best. Leave it in God's hands.

you can plan till your hearts content but the fact of the matter is it is not our choice. i am a mom of 4 and i wanted each child two years apart well thay came 4 years one month apart then three years five months apart then three years and three months apart. and so i say what will it hurt to start trying now. it is in the plans. plus why do everything to lose the weight to just put it all back on again. stay active and make wise food choices and you will still be in good shape.

another thing you have already been through it once and the second time is way more enjoyable plus you pretty much know what you are doing. and they will grow with eachother and not so seperate.

godd luck and say a little prayer to get the answer you need.

i had many reasons for waiting to have baby #3 that i thought were very good. my husband had a couple of good reasons for not waiting. we decided to do some praying about several courses of action especially involving my health. i agreed to pray about the option of trying for a baby out of respect for my husband's wishes. sometimes he IS right! :) to my surprise, after praying we both felt strong feelings that we should try for a baby, rather than the other options that i had thought were such good ideas.
i was also 30 lbs overweight before this current pregnancy. but because i craved vegetables so much and had such aversions to meats during the first half of the pregnancy, i haven't gained much weight. you never know what will happen in pregnancy!

My husband went through the same thing when my son was around a year old and I had a lot of confusion. I love being a mom and I thought why not. Then we had a scare a few months later where we thought we had gotten pregnant and my true feelings came. I realized I was just starting to do some of things that I enjoyed and that I wasn't ready to make my son compete with another child. I turned out not to be pregnant but very thankful for the insights. My advice is wait until you have the urge too! And let me tell you my son is two now and I am getting closer and closer to wanting another one. Good luck with whatever you choose.

There is no right or wrong answer, and no matter how far apart, there is adjustment, I have the range in ages, my kids are 17,16 (they just turned those ages)15, 14, 6, 4, & 22 months. So I wouldn't look at the age gap, both sides have up's and downs', although I must admit I like it closer togather!

I can see your husbands POV though, he is getting up there in age and most likely concerned about how old he'll be when they get to such and such age. I had these very conerns with our youngest, and I was only 34 when I was pregnant with him. Even if you tried to get pregnant know you would still have the whole summer to relish in your little guy! You can still work and have 2 kids, it's possible, maybe sit down and you and your husband list your pro's and con's maybe if you can see in writing why each feels this way, you can come to an understanding!

I wished I had some better words of wisdom....GOOD LUCK!