Wanting Another Child - Norman,OK

My sister has two kids who are 15 months apart. They are now 6 and 5, and she has had the hardest time with them being so close in age. They constantly fight about everything (the oldest is a girl, the youngest a boy). My sister and I are 3 years apart and we never, ever fought when we were younger. I don't know why, and I know it's normal for siblings to fight, but I really think it's more likely that they'll fight the closer they are together. Or maybe it depends on the personalities of the two, I don't know. But I would wait if I were you. You'll never regret waiting a year or two, but you could regret NOT waiting. Three under 3 years of age is a lot to handle. Maybe it's easier when you're young like you are, though. I was 29 when I had my son (he's now 14) and I thought ONE was hard LOL.

A., I have no perfect answer for you. I have four children who are all fairly close in age. There was 2 1/2 years between my first two, 13 months between the next two and 18 months between the third and fourth child. I can honestly say that I love it. They do really well together...but when they were younger it was overwhelming at times. The youngest is now 3 and able to do most things on his own. I can see reasons for wishing I had waiting longer in-between them too. Overall that is something your husband and you have to decide. If you have a lot of support from friends and family then I think you can hanlde it. But, you may also want to talk to your doctor. I know it was very rough on my body to have children so close together one right after another. Best of wishes. C.

A.-

You should not worry about what other people think. Your family and its size should be a decision made in agreeance between you and your husband. If you both are ready to have more children and are happy with this decision, than I would say good for you! The world definitely needs more (large) families who provide a stable, loving home life for their children!

i would personally wait, my childern are 15 months apart, i love it but it can be overwhelming. Also, your body dose need time to recover, it can put a big strain on your whole body, it takes a lot of engergy. Also, you may want to think of how it may be to take care of a 5 month old and a toddler while being pregnant. I know it wasn't easy with me and my daughter was 8months when i got pregnant with my son. Your question about it being overwhelming on your other kids..
it may be, your toddler will be close to potty training, your 5 month old will crawling/walking/learning to talk. It takes a lot of engergy to be pregnant so the question for you is will you have the energy to be pregnant, and have two young kids to take care of...
best of luck
J.

A.:

That is great that you want more children, but what is the hurry? You are only 22 years old.....enjoy your time with your two little ones, and have more when everyone is ready.

A. L

My kids are 21,17,15,13, and 6. The change from the 1st to 2nd was the hardest for me. The first was 4 when her sister was born. She was used to all the attention and I wasn't used to taking care of a baby.
The middle 3 are all about 2 years apart. Since I was still used to diapers, car seats, etc., adding one more didn't seem like a big deal.
Your oldest may soon be ready to start potty training. My experience in watching my grand children (ages 1 and 3) is that the oldest needs to potty about the same time you get the youngest's dirty diaper off. Sometimes a new baby can disrupt potty training or sleeping in a big girl bed.
One thing you don't mention is whether your baby is on breast or bottle. Since I nursed all of mine, it was good to have them weaned for some time before the next child. Sometimes, if they haven't been weaned long enough, they want to have a bottle at the same time as the new baby.
Children are very resiliant and I'm sure yours will adapt just fine to a new baby. This is a decision that you and your husband need to make, not others. If you both feel that you are ready, and you say that you are able to financially support more children, then I would say to go ahead.

A., is there any reason why you want to have another child right away? Wouldn't you enjoy more children just as much if you waited a little longer? Personally, I would not recommend having any more children while you husand is away so much. It's not that you *couldn't* handle it, but is it really best for each of you - you, your husband, your daughter, your son? Even if you did not actually get pregnant until your youngest is 12 months old, when the next baby is born, you would have 3 children under 3 years old. Yes, it can be done. . . but is there some advantage to planning it so soon and having your children so close together? You are still young. . . you have many childbearing years ahead of you. There is no rush. *Enjoy* the beautiful children you have.

Hi A.,
I know where you are coming from. I had two kids 13 months apart and another three years later. It was wonderful and I thought I did a great job. Then I had my youngest daughter, she is 6 years younger than my son and 9 and 10 years younger than my other daughters. I am getting to notice and enjoy the smaller things so much more with her. I don't know if I am older and able to apprieciate it more or if I was too busy to sit back and really enjoy all the wonderful things that are part of being a mother. I think that I should have done things differnt and better with my older three, and one thing that you can not do is turn back time. I almost feel as if I am always trying to make things up to them exspecially my oldest two. You are young and you have a time to have more children if that is what you and your husband want to do. I would just take the time to sit back and weigh all the pro's and con's. Best of luck to you and whatever you decide.

S.

If you can handle it, then go for it! I would love to have another one, but I don't think I could handle 2 so young.

You should wait and let your body recover from the last child. Plus, let your baby be the baby for a while. If you rush and have another one, you will lose out on your son's babyhood. You're young; there is plenty of time for more children. It's wonderful that you can provide so much for your children, but the best thing you can give them is your loving attention. Plus, with your husband out of town so much, that will make things that much harder on you.
But good luck however you choose!
J.

Hello, I agree with the other ladies about not letting the baby be the baby long enough. I think they miss out on one on one mommy time when they are that close together. Do you really want another baby or are you wanting more time with your husband? Maybe you are filling a void by having another baby. However, if not and you think you want a baby, nobody knows but you! Have fun with whatever you decide.

My older 2 are 12 years apart, that's too long to wait. My baby is exactly 3 years younger than my middle son, that's just perfect to me although I did have 2 other failed pregnancies between them and 7 failed between the oldest two.

The truth is you mind may be willing but your body may not be. I was told to wait for 6 sucessful periods in a row before trying again after having my first two losses. The fertility specialist suggests the same thing to her patients. My sister and I only see her because we have a syndrome that she's the best in the state in treating and maintaining.

So if you get back to being regular then your body would probably be ready. Sometimes your body develops problems that need to be treated like hormone imbalances before you can get back on the baby making. Plus, well, your husband isn't home that much so you're going to have a harder time concieving. Just make sure you're the healthiest you can be before trying again.

Having children, close together or far apart is your decision! I have a friend who was pregnant with her second when her first was 4 months old, and another who got pregnant after only three months! Now, those were unplanned...but another family I know has 6 children, and she was always pregnant with the next 6-8 months out of the previous pregnancy. It will be a lot of work, but if YOU want it and YOU feel confident that you can handle it, that's all that matters! And if your husband is supportive and you know that financially you're fine (by the way, if you are ok financially, maybe you'd be able to hire a nanny part time to come into your home so that you can focus a couple of hours a day into your job...), then go for it. Just make sure you're taking care of your body. Of all the objections people have to birthing children closer together, health is usually not one of them. But pregnancy and childbirth take a huge toll on the body, so even before you get pregnant take those prenatals (unless you already have been because of breastfeeding) get your water and exercise in, do your kegels!!! I would encourage you too to just make sure you know what your motivation is. I'm not assuming you're having problems in your marriage or anything like that....but just make sure you know why you want more children and that it's a healthy reason. I'm pregnant with my second and mine will be 16 months apart. It wasn't planned, but at the same time, we wanted our kids close together and weren't really using any protection and figured whenever I got pregnant was fine. So I've felt a little stressed out at times knowing I'll have two in diapers and one barely talking and walking...but being a mom is all I've ever wanted to do, and my husband and I want a big family. I also know I have a great support system with my church and family, so I'm confident that we'll be fine. Follow your gut and your heart and tell all the nay sayers where they can put their advice!

Also, I'm 25 and I know I'm young...I look at some other friends who aren't married yet or are married and don't have kids and the freedom they have to go out and do whatever they want....BUT I already have a son, so my life is already altered. I'm already in parenting mode, another baby is not going to change my life THAT much. A third might. But the way I see it, is if you're already in mom mode, then have all your babies and then when you're done, they'll start growing and you'll have more freedom as they're older...

love,
Missy

Hi A..
I'm turning 23 in a couple weeks. My little boy is turning 3 in December. My little girl is turning 2 in December... and I'm due with our third in December. My husband and I want more but can't financially support more than those three right now. I would want a huge family if we could afford it, but after this one comes out we decided it would be best to get on birth control until we can support more financially. :( And I want more so be thankful you have that opportunity.

In your situation, you can afford it so go for it!