Time to Add Baby #2?? - Mountain View,WY

This is a hard age. They are so cute...sleeping though the night....you are feeling better and recovered and hormones. It is normal, but you body needs at LEAST a year after having a baby to heal. My girls are exactly 2 1/2 years apart and LOVE that space. My oldest was old enough to kinda understand and wanted to help out. They are great friends, but yet far enough aprt that they can have their own firends as well. I also had a Surprise baby who is exactly 18 months younger than my 3rd. That was soooo hard. My 3rd didn't understand was constantly trying to pull the baby out of arms so I could hold her, sit on him while I was trying to feed...she just wanted all the attention that I couldn't give her. I have told many people that I would never wish people to have babies this close. While I love my children, it is so hard and I didn't feel like I could bond with either child or give them what they needed. I can't tell you NOT to have a baby, but enjoy the one you have, het to know her and heal yourself.

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Hi R.,
wow so many moms have responded already and lots of various responses as well. I have 5 kids and #s 3 and 4 are closest together at 18mos apart and I think that worked out really well, my farthest are #s 4 and 5 and they are 28months apart and while they get along really well too I will say #4 is always trying to mother #5 almost to the point of bullying. The other spaces are all 22 months apart and I think that was the perfect happy medium for us. I wouldn't get pregnant so early if I were you, your body is still healing, wait at least until your baby has their first birthday and then consider it again but since you're already planning for another one, take the time and prep your body. Get on and/or stay on the prenatals including iron and folic acid. Get your body back into shape and start saving for the double diapers and wipes. Good luck!

C.

1 mom found this helpful

First off: It's totally up to you and your hubby. That being said, I always agreed with the idea of 2-3yr spacing for kiddos...my two boys are 26 months apart, because of how close my brother and I have always been and we're 25 months apart. Now however, my first son will be 3 in december, and my second son is 7 months and on the verge of being mobile, and I'm scared to death!!! The size of toys that my 2 yr old plays with are just small enough that if I'm not there every single second my second son is going to choke on something. Scary right? So as per your question, personally I enjoy the age difference, it's just getting to a scary stage between my boys what with the choking hazards and such. Maybe that hazard would be a little less if my first son was older and could understand the danger to his younger brother. {right now he just understands that he's supposed to share his toys with friends and that in turn means his brother, so I can't exactly punish him ;) } I don't know if it would help or not to have them further apart. Good luck!

I remember when my son was that age, and I also wanted another. I think it is partly hormones, more sleep, and they are really starting to connect to you. I'm not saying don't have another, but do give your body at least a year to rest. I kind of think of that feeling, at that time, as lust for another baby, and now that my son is walking and getting into everything, and I STILL want another, the fact that I want another is love.

Good luck.

I have a 21 month old and an 8 month old, and I also work full-time. I was not expecting to get pregnant so soon after my daughter was born, but I did. It is a pleasure having two little kids, I love them to death, AND things are crazy at our house. All the time. So just know that. It is usually too much for one person to handle, so both my husband and I have to be around for any relative sense of calm in our house. My advice would be to wait just a bit longer until your little girl is at least walking. I would say 2 or 3 years apart is perfect.

First check with your doctor, my doctor always recommed waiting a year or at least until #1 is walking so your not lifting a little one while pregnant. Other than that it is a personal choice on what you want and what you can handle as far as two in diapers, two breast feeding? etc.

I am 59, so you may want to disregard this. :>) But my pediatrician, who wrote columns for one of the leading baby magazines, said that three years apart is ideal. That gives the mother time to recover and the toddler is old enough to understand about the new baby. It worked well for my four children. My mother had my brother and I 10 months apart and she said never do that!

I have a son who is almost two.

I thought it would be nice to have my first two 18 months to two years apart. Then they would be closer as they grew older. We tried, and were pregnant and due a week after the first one would turn two. Miscarrage. Now we are still trying to get pregnant after half a year.

I know that we have to be patient and that God knows better than us what is best. Pray and he can help you have that peace when you find the right answer for you.

S.
mother to Kai
www.HomeWithKai.info

I don't think anyone has mentioned this yet, but my biggest concern with your having another baby soon is that you work full-time. Maybe you are thinking about having another baby because you miss being with the baby you have. I would wait until you could be at home with your babies, at least for the first year, but ideally until they are in school. You are more important to your child than to your job. If you and your husband are ready to live on one income, then you might be ready to add another child. I know I might get a lot of flack for these statements, but there are facts to back it up, no matter what society would have us believe about "having it all" as women. I hope you will give it some thought and not take it as a personal attack. Just food for serious thought.

Well, I can't really relate to making the decision to have a second baby, since our second was a surprise, concieved when my first was about 6 1/2 months old. It was a surprise but we are very excited, and for us it turns out we are having another little boy, which makes it easier in a way because we wont have to break the bank buying all new cloths, and they should be best buddies :-) I don't think there is anything wrong with having your kids close together. If I wasnt already pregnant we would have been trying by now anyways, since we wanted to space them between 18 mos and 2 years appart. Our first two will be 15-16 mos appart, so actually not too shy of what we were originally planning. I say go for it, if you feel ready have another baby, then do it! I guarantee you will never regret it!

I'm not sure if it's just a coincidence, but when my oldest was about 6 mos old, I suddenly wanted another baby (after previously only wanting one child). Maybe it's because they are so darn cute at that age. :) DH was not interested though, and eventually I decided against it as well. We did finally add a sibling, but they are 4 years apart ('timed' that way by choice).

If you are pretty certain you'll want more than one child, then I would suggest having them fairly close together (like trying now) or waiting a few years. I'm not a big fan of the 2-3 year age gap. Seems like there's more fighting and resentment from the older child at this age gap. JMO though, and certainly it depends on the child's personality to a large degree.

Having them very close together is a lot of work up front, but then it's over and you can enjoy the 'kid' years sooner. If you wait, it's easier to handle the 2nd child (as your oldest will likely be 'easier' - out of diapers, the crib, etc), but then you have to start all over again. There's certainly advantages and disadvantages. ;)

My GYN recommended that i atleast wait 18mos. before starting again. She stated that it gives your body time to heal.

My kids are 3 years and 10 months apart and I love it. I had lots of time with my son before my daughter came along. I had intially planned for my kids to be 3 years apart, but a miscarriage changed that. As we stand now, my son is in kindergarten and that leaves me time to spend one on one with my daughter. I like that they both have had time with me as babies. I never had 2 kids in diapers at the same time. I have really gotten to enjoy my second baby because I don't have 2 babies at once. I feel like it has extended the time that I've had a baby around in a positive way. Another bonus is that I won't pay for 2 college tuitions at the same time ; ) In the end it is what you choose, but I have a group of friends that all chose the 3-4 year spread and we couldn't be happier!

R.,
The best for a woman's body is to have pregnancies that are 18 months apart, that means that your babies would be 27 months apart. Healthiest spacing for children is 3 years. That being said, no one can tell you what to do, you just have to go with what you feel is the best for your family. Mine are 26months, 27months and 33 months apart. I love how close my girls are, they are still interested in the same things, but far enough apart that they are not too competitive for anything. They get along well sometimes and are still close enough for problem solving practice. The last one, the boy is 33 months part from his sister. That has been great because I was so busy with moving and it was good timing for our family. It was also nice to almost have a three year old that was not so dependent on me for everything, or had jealous feelings over time issues with mom.
My sister and I are 16 months apart. We were best friends growing up (still are). We had a few fights over friends and me wanting independence, (she is older) but other then that we have always been close. My mom worked very hard on helping us not feel threatened if one does something well and the other does not. She helped us feel individual and unique. I think if you do choose to have them close it will be like having twins for a while, but as they get older it will be easier and they will have a constant friend.
So if you think you can handle it, physically and mentally, go for it! I think you will find benefits of closely spaced and farther apart.
Good luck
E.

Sometimes we aren't fully in control of when #2 comes along... it may take longer than we expect - or not. My advice is if you know that is what you want, then I would start trying. Mine are 17 mos apart, and I also work full-time, and while a challenge in some ways... it was nice to not have to "restart" the baby phase of bottles, diapers etc. In the long run, close in age is also nice for having similar interests etc. You can find some articles on the advantages/disadvantages of different age gaps. They all have their good and bad sides. Good luck and enjoy whatever you decide!

This is a little crazy but I only have one right now (a 10 month old) and when I was breastfeeding, I thought a lot about having a second and probably would have been up for it almost right away if my husband hadn't been the voice of reason. About two days after I stopped breastfeeding (at about 6.5 months), the urge to have another went away. So, just to say, be careful, because it could be the mommy love hormones telling you you'd love a dozen kids right now, and then a few weeks later, it's like, what in the heck was I thinking?!? My son is crawling and getting into everything and always wants his full 24 pounds on my hip and I can't even IMAGINE right now being pregnant with a second.

Give your body time to heal. From my OB/GYN, the ideal spacing for kids (from a physical/your body standpoint) is 2-3 years. Having a baby is hard work and your body needs a chance to get good muscle tone back in all the areas affected by it. I went through the same phase when my first was about this age. Give your first some time to grow up a little so that you won't be overwhelmed with 2 tiny ones. My advice is to start trying in about a year. Mine are almost 3 years apart and I am very glad for the spacing between them.

Wow! They would be really close together. I can actually understand your desire to have another at this point. This is one of the cutest stages of babyhood. However, remember that the toddler years are coming. I would say that the most important question is whether you want another *baby*, or another child. We are debating whether or not to have a 4th. For me, I know I want another baby, but I'm not sure I actually want to raise another child. If you are sure you want another child, then it becomes a question of when.

Physically, you really should give your body at least a year to rest. If you are planning on getting pregnant, now is a great time to start taking extra care of yourself. I started my prenatals several months before I got pregnant with my last one, and it was by far my best pregnancy. Now is a great time to start getting some exercise, taking your vitamins, and trying to improve your diet. If you don't have the energy at this point to take extra care of yourself, it might not be a good time to plan on getting pregnant.

Practically, it is really nice when your older kiddo can walk independently so you can comfortably carry the baby. For that, I would say at least 2 years between kids. There are 2 years 4 months between each set of our kids (we have 3 girls), and that isn't too bad. If we have another, we will wait a little longer. That is mostly because I get VERY sick during pregnancy, so I would like #3 to finish potty training before I get pregnant. This is totally my own opinion, but it's something to think about. I have friends that have kids close together, and they say that it is more challenging when they are little, but they do play well together when they get older.

Cheers,
S. L

I became pregnant with #2 when my #1 was 9 months old. They are EXACTLY a year and a half apart and you know what? While I regretted not having more time with my 1st before his brother came along, my first son got a best friend and a wonderful playmate out of the deal.

They get along famously and are super-protective and loving to each other. They've formed a bond that not even mommy can match. We added #3 2 years after #2 was born and I have a perfect little clan of little boys. The are now 5, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 and I can't imaging having done it any other way!

And while it IS hard work, #2 came into the world while my husband was deployed in Iraq. I managed a 1 1/2 year old and newborn for 8 months by myself. It was tough, but like I said, I couldn't imagine it any other way!

I am going through the same thing! I have a son that is 15 months old now, and I am also getting the same responce from my husband so I know how you are feeling! In fact, my husband even looked at me and SAID he wants another baby, but like you I got an IUD 2 months after Alexavier was born. It is good for 5 years and while I can have it removed at any time, part of me thinks that it would kinda of a waste of money when haveing another baby is expensive in itself! Things I have been thinking about are more home based, you might want to give those a think-through. We have a 3 bedroom home, but I work from home so that leaves only two rooms and we cannot sell/buy a new one right now so we would be looking at the baby sharing his/her room with his/her brother. Also think about money. My parents always said that you will never be financially stable enough to have a baby, you always think you need to make just a bit more to survive, so don’t let that make your decision for you. BUT it is a stressor. My husband has a degree and wants to be a cop, but no one is hiring so he is working in tire and lube until we can find something else. That makes me the main bread winner in the family and really if we have another I would like to be able to quit and stay home. Now, I KNOW we can’t afford that!

If you are financial stable and want another, have another. I would give yourself the 18 months after your first though, just for your body’s sake. You baby is not yet walking, wait until they hit that stage at least before you make the call because I was quite shocked at how much of my day is spent just keeping my 15 month old away from things! Never under-estimate the power of two children still in diapers! The main reason I wanted to respond to you is because I want you to know that there are others that feel the same way you do. It is a hard decision to make, but in the long run you will make it work if that is what you really want!

I say do it if you are ready. Why wait.

That being said, I thought I would give you a tiny bit of insight. Not sure if it will help you with a decision or not but here it goes. I have three kids, my first is 9, second 3 and third is 16 months. I have 6 years in between the first two which I love because half way through kindergarten #2 came, which gave me several years of just me and #1. On the same token, it worked really well for my second son because I had one on one time with him while his brother was in school. It seemed like the perfect scenario for everyone, both boys got similar, uninterrupted mommy-time.

When I had my third, #2 had not even started preschool yet, so for the first year I had two in diapers and no one on one time with either of them. I was always a tiny bit bummed that I didn't have the one on one with my daughter and that my son (who was used to it) didn't get his one on one time anymore either. It just felt like they were so close in age, they got a bit more of the baby/toddler chaos and less of the fun mommy/child play time.

Now, my #2 has started preschool so my daughter and I have some one on one time which is nice.

All that being said, I have ZERO regrets and am so blessed for each of them, I just preferred the larger age gap. In short, if you are ready, and you are blessed to be able to have children - GO FOR IT. The one thing you can always count on, is you will love them whether they are born today or 3 years from now. ENJOY!

For health reasons it is best to wait at least 12 months to become pregnant again. It take a full 12 months to recover from a pregnancy and birth.

First of all, gow ith your gut and your heart tells you,, espeically if your husband is on board.

But let me tell you, 2 under 2 is HARD. Having babies close together is good, in that I think they tend to get along better... mine are 20 months apart and my oldest has never known well enough to blame her little blother for the change in her life... so she's never taken it out on him (no trying to hit or throw or give the baby away). She also was obsessed with babies at the time so having a baby of our own at home was so fun for her.

But its so hard to have 2 in less than 2 years. That being said, I love my 2 little kiddos. =)

Our kids are now 11,9, and 7. I can only tell you that their age differences have both been a problem and at times the solution. 2 was fun but #3 made life seem much more complicated when they were infants and toddlers. Its waay cool now though! Sports and books and nature walks-museums and field trips, festivals and long talks...cant beat it!

I think that if there are no objections, than there is no decision but to go forward. Kids=fun and hardship as you well know and if that is the life you desire than why wait?

Good luck!

After my first child, I couldn't wait to be pregnant again. We started trying when she was 11 months old and conceived when she was 13 months. Had she been walking, I would have rethought getting pregnant so fast.

I read an article that says to let your body recuperate a few years before putting it through the trauma of being pregnant, but I chose not to follow the advice.

It was hard being pregnant with a new walker and now that my son is the age my daughter was when I had him, I realize I missed out on some of her development with the trials of being pregnant. I suppose that's probably true of any age though.

I'm glad my kids are close - 21 months apart. It was hard at first as the older one was still needy while the baby was a newborn. I have heard comments that having kids close together is hard at first then gets easier later. So far, I can agree with the first part! It is easier now though.

I think only you know when you're ready to have another baby. If your hubby is excited and you are too it may be right. It will be difficult, but I don't know when having a baby is not!

Good luck to you and your decisionmaking.